Rosalia’s Journey

(Approximate story word count: 1400 words. Estimated reading time: 14 minutes)

Late at night, a girl lies back in bed, closing her eyes gently. A substantial pile of duvets weighs her down as a soft mattress comforts her back, flanked by plush toys either side, letting a cocoon of warmth entice her into sleep and bring her into a deep dream.

She opens her eyes to find herself standing upon a small island, a wooden footbridge floating in water in front of her. This platform opened up to a vast horizon of fog shrouded islands, all situated in the ocean of her mind, the water reflecting the cooler colours of night rather than the warm colours of day.

Feeling a deep rooted desire drawing her forward, she took steps across the footbridge, which soon sank as she reached the first island.

The fog lifted to reveal a wide-sprawling island, filled with various flowers displaying blurred pictures. Vague memories of how life started out, certain key events where a specific detail can be recalled, but no context is granted outside of that.

Some pictures were cracked, a painful memory perhaps, or just a recollection of something that hurt in hindsight. It did not matter. It was all distant and out of focus now, even if a spectre of sadness still lingered. The girl walked forward, observing various monuments built to the interests of old. 

Assorted toys, games, and objects formed support pillars to the foundations of the future. Some were solid, a lifelong interest building towards an in-depth understanding and passion. Others were more haphazardly constructed, fascinations thrown together in the hope of finding purpose, only to collapse when pressure was applied.

It was unknown to the girl, but as she walked forward her footsteps left small shoots growing where her foot had imprinted the ground. They were unnoticeable unless you were looking for them intently, but nonetheless they were there, small green shoots that bloomed small blue, pink, and white flowers.

As the girl approached the other end of the island, butterflies surrounded her. Fluttering about, keeping her company at any given moment. An active group, filling her with joy and contentment with life. But as she got closer to a set of footbridges leading to other islands, they started to disperse, until only a few lone butterflies were with her, perched upon her shoulder.

There were three bridges, all of them leading to more fog-covered islands. The girl attempted to go left, but found the fog too dense to even see where she was placing her feet. She tried to go right, and somehow the fog obscuring her path could not even be walked through. She had no choice but to move forward.

Upon arriving at the next island, the bridge the girl had walked upon collapsed into the water, and with it the few remaining butterflies left her too. This island was darker, with familiar but changed surroundings. 

The monuments of interest were still standing, if in need of some loving restoration. Certain pillars found themselves neglected yet strong, a part hidden away to find acceptance but not something that can ever truly go away. Others had started to compress under the pressures of academia, once passionate interests starting to become more like chores than anything else.

As the girl studied each monument, she was joined by a variety of ethereal creatures. A firefly illuminated the area in front of her, a bird perched upon her shoulders, and a lizard kept watch from atop her head. An odd mix of creatures, but ones that stood by her regardless of what was going on around her.

What were once shoots in her wake had now become permanent gardens upon this island. A beautiful array of blue, pink, and white flowers arranged neatly into planting boxes, providing assurance that these were not meant to be fleeting. Each of the boxes had a plaque attached to it, but it was blank. A permanent fixture, but one not yet understood.

The surroundings became more crumbled as the girl reached the end of this island, with multiple bridges now in front of her. There seemed to be no limit on the options she could have taken here, but most of the bridges here were incomplete or in disrepair. 

Again, she could only move forward. And again as she reached a new island, the bridge behind her collapsed.

Her animal companions had disappeared, and this island was in a much worse condition, disguised by the bright conditions surrounding it. Shoots and small gardens were no more, this entire island was covered in all manner of plants in those same three colours. It was completely unavoidable, even if that meant a long period of thinking.

Despite the bright colours of the flora, a lot of it was unhealthy. Dehydrated, smelling weird, not getting the right nutrients from the soil – it was still able to live, but it was not a life that could last. Things had to change, but with everything going else on the island, it had to wait.

Storms had done significant damage to the monuments. Interests that had formed career paths were decimated, only the pieces remaining. The girl saw shapes that potentially connected and tried to build a new structure back up, but the foundations were not there, and they crumbled back to the ground. 

In the distance the girl could see floating lights, faint words coming from them but inaudible with everything happening on the island. There was too much noise, an overwhelming amount almost, causing everything to feel out of focus and fuzzy.

The girl did not want to stay here any longer, and unlike the previous islands, there was only one bridge, only one way to move forward.

She charged down the bridge, into the fog, hoping her feet would find solid ground as she ran forward. Faint voices and shouts came from within the fog, telling her to find herself, to get herself on the right path, to become a better person. Apparitions formed before her before fading, events and memories racing by.

It was all too much.

Falling to her knees, the girl started to cry softly, speaking out loud to herself. “I can’t do this… I’m not strong enough… I’m all alone…”. The fog thickened around her, obscuring where she had come from, and leaving no idea where she was going.

A ball of light appeared to her side, a vibrant green orb speaking to her.

“You’re not alone.”

Another one appeared, this time a soothing lavender.

“You never have been.”

Another, a calming blue.

“We’re all here for you.”

A glowing orange.

“Even when everything feels lonely.”

A deep yellow.

“And you don’t think you’re good enough.”

A mysterious purple.

“We’ll shine a light.”

Finally, a bright pink orb, right in front of her eyes.

“To guide you back home.”

The glowing balls of light orbited around the girl, piercing through the fog and illuminating the way forward. It took some effort to stand back up, wiping her eyes clear of tears as she did, before she continued walking forward on the bridge, reaching another island.

Unlike all the others, this one was devoid of any structures or landmarks. To the side were piles of materials, flowers, items with which to build new things. As the girl inspected them, she noticed the bridge she walked across collapse, and the fog that was behind her cleared up.

All the previous islands were revealed. The ones she visited, and the ones she was unable to. Any path divergence had been accounted for as an island, a physical landmark of what could have been.

But visiting it was fruitless, as had it not happened. It might be in view, but all it should be is seen. For if a different path had been walked, the overall journey would have changed, and the girl would not be where she is today without everything that had come before.

And equally, as all the potential paths were laid out, the bridges that linked to previous events collapsed. The past should be in view, but walking back to it serves no purpose. The girl was not heading backwards, she was always moving forward. 

For now though, she could build the island she was currently on, joined by even more glowing orbs of light. Each one represented a soul she kept close to her own, a guiding light in the dark times, piercing through the fog and letting the future be visible.

Who knows what shape this island could take, and when the next island could appear.

The girl was not afraid.

Her journey would never be walked alone.

Inspiration

Upfront, this one was personal for me, and what I want to end 2022 on.

A lot has happened this year, the majority of which will be covered in my year’s end ramble, but I want to briefly go over my thoughts with this one.

In a year of great changes, I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about what happened previously in my life, what stages of the journey had happened previously and what they represent. The three major stages I covered in this story were childhood, secondary school, and university, reason being these are chapters I firmly consider closed in my life, so they felt best to turn into “islands”, as I could establish what would be on each one.

My current stage of my life, or the island with nothing on it but materials, is probably one I’d call “learning to be Rosa”. I’m coming up to three years being out as a girl, and whilst I learnt a lot about myself in that time, there’s a lot I’m still getting to grips with, especially as I’m firmly within the grip of second puberty (also known as HRT).

Unsurprisingly, the balls of light represent the group of people I have been closest with this year, and I really fucking hope I remembered all of you otherwise I’m gonna feel bad. During my roughest moments I have had my friends by my side to reassure me of the path I’m walking, to provide guidance when I struggle to see what’s ahead of me.

And to make sure that no matter how I feel, I am never truly alone.

This one was written for me, as a way of closing off my year as a fiction writer, and also this marks my thirteenth story in 2022, which was my goal when starting out this year. I hope you enjoyed reading, I most certainly enjoyed writing this one.