Kristiana’s Resolve

(Approximate word count: 2500 words. Estimated reading time: 25 minutes.)

“1. Being a paladin can be extremely hard, yet in equal measures, extremely fulfilling work!”

Kristiana Yalanek recalled the words of her paladin primer pamphlet as she lay on the ground, having tried her best to valiantly fight some thieves who had stolen a backpack from a fellow adventurer. The backpack was recovered, and thankfully the victim had some healing skills which eased her pain, but the thieves had landed more hits on her than she had on them.

Despite having had an incredibly tough fight, Kristiana was still trying to stand up and keep moving on to her destination. “Hey now,” the adventurer said, still applying bandages to the injured half-elf, “you probably shouldn’t be moving in your condition, you had some harsh stuff hit you.”

The paladin smiled warmly despite her pain, wanting to reassure the adventurer that she was okay, “I appreciate your concern, kind stranger,” Kristiana said, gathering her things despite some few untreated wounds, “but you needn’t worry. I have had a fair few knocks in this journey already, and can treat them adequately myself!”

Sighing as they knew a determined paladin was a hard force to stop, the adventurer was able to at least convince Kristiana to take some healing supplies for the road as if she were going to insist on treating their own wounds, she should at least not have to use her own equipment.

The two said goodbye, and went off in their own directions. For Kristiana, this was the mining town of Phandalin.

“5. The charity of those you help should always be accepted, but do not exert the kindness of strangers!”

Being the ear to the ground individual she was, Kristiana had heard about the plight of Phandalin whilst she was in Gauntlgrym visiting her half-sister. Seeing this as a prime opportunity to go to a community in need and help out the way a paladin should, she shot off shortly after.

This did not mean she stopped her own heroics. In every town she stopped along the way she tried to find a way to help out wherever she could, be it more direct action like she did with the thieves, performing in whatever tavern she was staying in to entertain other patrons, or something as simple as helping market traders load crates onto carts.

Most of the time these acts went well, and even when they did not, Kristiana was no stranger to encountering difficulties when helping out. One of her very first attempts stands out to her.

“28. Paladins should be strong, but it is not a weakness to admit you lack in certain areas!”

It was on the far north of the Sword Coast, helping out at a small fishing village. Most of the locals were welcoming but a few were distrusting of outsiders, specifically some of the market traders.

During an altercation one day, whilst Kristiana was able to apprehend some troublemakers who were attempting to vandalise various trading stalls, she did so at some collateral. A fair few traders disliked that, and so began to chase her out of town, throwing various objects at her as she ran.

Eventually she made it far from the town borders, and finding a boulder to lean her back against let her finally catch her breath.

Except that she saw a figure coming towards her from the direction of the town. A very tall, imposing, almost intimidating figure – a Goliath. Kristiana sighed, and began preparing a speech.

“Now I understand you are mad sir,” she said, having to catch her breath already, “but I can assure you my intentions were good.”

“I am not from that town, child,” the figure said in a somewhat booming voice, “I saw you run from those fools you just saved, and I want to give you a token of appreciation.”

“Oh, well, I see… uhh… thank you sir!”

“My name is Xonus, no need for formalities.”

Xonus reached into a large satchel and pulled out a fresh side of salmon, handing it to the half-elf. It was incredibly large, almost enough to make a week’s worth of meals.

 “I must say,” Kristiana said, taking in the size of the fish presented to her, “this is awfully generous si-Xonus, are you sure you want to give it to me?”

The goliath had already started walking away as he was asked this question, and had an extremely simple response, “I have bigger quarry to catch now.”

Kristiana waved at her departing helper before she started to break the salmon down into portions for easy storage, feeling positively giddy at having had someone recognise her heroics.

“17. Being recognised for your actions should always feel good, but the act of doing good should always feel great!”

The paladin had come a long way since those moments, and had many more successful ventures. Importantly she had learnt about awareness during combat, to not allow herself to get caught up in the heat of battle, which was what led to the mistake back at the fishing village.

Being from the rather small half-elf side of her family, there was always a feeling of disconnection in Kristiana’s life. Mainly from the parental side of things, as the elven father was cold and aloof to his half children, whilst the human mother was nowhere to be seen.

Regardless of this, she had a good relationship with her fully elven half-sister Eirina. She often took visits to the great dwarven city of Gauntlgrym to go see her, one of these visits came shortly after her problems at the fishing village.

“4. A true hero is nothing without a community, so lend a hand whenever you can to build one!”

“Well I’m glad to see you’re okay at least,” Eirina said, walking through the market with her sister, “but I’m also concerned to see you pushing your luck like that.”

“Do not fear, my half-sister dear!”, Kristiana said in response, beaming a smile to her worldly half-sister, “it is the nature of a paladin to-”

“Krissie I love you dearly but please drop the noble paladin routine with me. I’m your sister, not some random brute from a place that can’t tell me what the sun is.”

This blunt response caused Kristiana to pause briefly, before mumbling a response. “…well I’m your half-sister, not full sister.”

“Another thing,” Eirina said, grabbing her sister by the shoulders, “stop with the semantics around our sisterhood. You’re my little sister, end of.”

Kristiana sighed before carrying on walking alongside her sister. “It’s not pushing my luck,” she said, returning to the topic at hand, “it’s finding myself as the hero I want to be.”

“I guess cause of his nature father never gave you the “bravery versus stupidity” talk did he?”

“No, he did give me quite a firm handshake on my twenty-first birthday though!”

Eirina felt her left eye twitch at that statement, having half a mind to go to Neverwinter, specifically to strangle someone, “well to cut out all the useless parts, the main thing is that being brave beyond your limits is usually unwise, and shouldn’t be pursued.”

There was another pause from Kristiana, clearly thinking about this bit of advice, “…I suppose that’s true,” she said, reaching into her bag to pull out the pamphlet that had been guiding her, “but… I don’t want to let the notion of being stupid potentially stop me from doing something good, it goes against so many points of this guide!”

Another eye twitch came from Eirina, this time from the sheer bloody-mindedness of her sister in regards to being a hero off the back of something a potentially hack paladin gave her.

But she did not feel like fighting, especially when the family history was already so fraught with it. Instead she wanted to focus on having an enjoyable market trip with someone she enjoyed the company of.

The two sisters explored the market, with Eirina specifically searching out materials for her next crafting project whilst Kristiana was just happy to get to talk to people, periodically asking if anyone needed any help. Even on “downtime”, she was unable to suppress her desire to help people.

Eventually she came across a stall that was packing up, a cutesy hand painted sign reading “T’halia’s Treasures and Curiosities – find your fortune here!”.

Behind the stall was a fairly short tiefling loading crates onto her cart, struggling with some of the heavier ones. Reassuming her paladin persona, Kristiana went behind the stall and approached the tiefling, the assumed T’halia.

“Good afternoon miss!”, Kristiana said, with all the enthusiasm in the world, “I see you are having some trouble with those crates, would you like some assistance from your friendly local paladin?”

The tiefling jumped slightly in response before turning to Kristiana. “Oh my god hi!”, she said, rushing to shake the hand of her newly found helper, “nice to meet you I’m T’halia, and yeah sure I’d love the help!”.

Kristiana smiled as she began helping T’halia out, the two engaging in friendly conversation as they worked. Kristiana was quite taken aback with how friendly and social they were, especially compared to some of her previous encounters on her adventures.

“So you’re a paladin?”, T’halia said, loading the last crate onto her cart, “that’s so cool! Do you like follow a god or something?”

“Uhm, I have faith in the gods,” Kristiana said, helping her new found friend shut the gate of her cart and lock it, “but I am not currently a paladin of a god. In fact I am yet to even swear an oath.”

“But that’s so cool though that you will! No matter what, I bet you’re gonna be an awesome paladin!”

T’halia pulled Kristiana into a hug, one that the half-elf took a moment to reciprocate, but felt an intense warmth within her once she did. They broke off, and T’halia got her mule to get moving, pulling the cart along to her next destination in search of treasure.

A voice came from behind Kristiana. “Hey, I wondered where you got off to.”

It was her sister Eirina, carrying a fair few bags of crafting supplies, and a delicate box containing an absurdly chocolatey cake, “who was that?”, she said.

Kristiana smiled, feeling an overwhelming sense of contentment within her, “a part of my community…”

“…uh huh. Anyway, let’s get home and eat. Orianna’s probably dancing off the wall with hunger right now.

“25. True heroes should never work hungry, always make sure to find time in your day to eat properly!”

Good deeds always stuck in Kristiana’s mind, especially when they had such positive memories attached to them. It is part of what kept her going on days when her actions did not yield the positive results she wanted, or late at night when her nagging feelings were telling her to give up, that she was not good enough to be a paladin.

Doubt about that often crept in during those hours, and tonight was no different. She was about two days away from Phandalin, the anxiety about going to a new town with unknown people with unknown reactions to her heroism had re-emerged, along with concerns about maintaining her eventual oath.

In times like these, she tried to focus on times she has helped out, even if it was not her leading the effort.

“13. A paladin should be a pillar, but they need not stand alone. Take direction from those in charge when necessary!”

It was when she had heard of a natural disaster that had swept through a village close to Neverwinter Wood – several houses were destroyed and vital supplies had been ruined.

Wanting to simultaneously prove her worth and lend a helping hand, Kristiana embarked on the journey, only taking a day’s travel to reach her destination. The sight she was greeted with hurt and warmed her heart in equal measures.

The disaster was as bad as all the rumours she had heard before setting off. Support pillars of houses and businesses had been ripped from the ground to be displaced metres away from their original positions, fields of crops left bare and several people injured.

Normally Kristiana would be the first to start leading the effort, but she was late to the scene and so a disaster-relief druid had started coordinating people.

She was pointing at different people assembled around her and barking orders with confidence.

“Tall farmer, start gathering what little supplies remain!”

“Innkeeper, accompany him and work on a rationing plan!”

“Half-elf paladin, go around clearing debris and aiding survivors!”

Kristiana stood confused for a moment, not realising she had just been given an order. “Who, me?”, she said, pointing at herself.

“Yes you!”, the druid said in response, seeming a little bewildered she had to clarify, “You’re a paladin, yes? Then you’re here to help, so get to it!”

Suddenly overwhelmed with her sense of duty coming from a superior individual, Kristiana gave a salute to this druid, saying, “yes ma’am, right away!”, before running off to go carry out her assigned task.

She did so very absent-mindedly though, as she kept catching herself looking back at how this druid was acting, and feeling in awe of how put together she came off. Kristiana often tried to project an aura of confidence in accordance with the advice in her pamphlet, but she worried it was a disingenuous one.

Whoever this druid was – she did not catch her name due to the urgency of the situation, in addition to not asking for the names of those around her – she gave Kristiana incredible inspiration and aspiration, to be a leader like that in a time of crisis and do so with a solid projection of self-assurance.

“18. Keep your eyes and ears open at all times. Not only is situational awareness important, but it could also lead to opportunities to help out!”

These good memories helped Kristiana sleep, leaving her incredibly well rested once morning came properly. It was another two days of travel to Phandalin and not only did she feel less nervous about the opportunity in front of her, she was almost excited.

There had been many opportunities in the past where she was able to prove her hero credentials, but this was her first chance to start building what she had always wanted from the start: a community. A group of people that she would be able to help get back on their feet long term, to see them grow, and to grow herself alongside them.

Donning her armour, sheathing her sword and equipping a smile, Kristiana set off, ready to do her best.

“9. Forgiveness is a key tenet for any Paladin. Even if you might struggle to forgive others, always remember to forgive yourself for any mistakes!”

Inspiration

Been a while hasn’t it?

This is my first full piece in 2023, and it has honestly been a year of a lot of difficulty for me. Various personal issues coming to the surface, a work life of similar (if not greater) intensity, and just… not having the desire to express myself creatively.

Which y’know, one of my goals this year was to write at a more sustainable pace to me rather than the previous year where I would sometimes have stories scheduled for most of a month, though, ten months gone without anything is definitely a bit of a severe break.

Not as long as my general hiatus from D&D though, which actually ended with this character. A friend of mine started running her first game and asked if I wanted to be involved, which I was tentatively enthusiastic for. How the game is scheduled is definitely helping my prospects for it, as the usual schedule my group runs at became slightly unviable for me due to energy levels and life commitments.

Initially, Kristiana was supposed to be a fairly simple character, just sort of greenhorn vibes, wanting to do the right thing. This then evolved into her being a “paint-by-numbers” paladin with the joke being she received a pamphlet from a random paladin she admired at a tavern she performed at.

And then because I seemingly can’t fucking help myself sometimes, she has family trauma and transgender undertones… which makes sense for a half-elf paladin but seriously. With Kristiana at least the family trauma is not going to be a focal point of her character, partially because I want her arc to focus more on becoming the hero she wants to be than anything else…

…which yes is leaning more into the trans side of her character. It’s something though.

I’m making no promises on future writings, but this felt good to write, and any constructive feedback would be appreciated.