(for context on what this series is, please see my Day 1 post here: Redundancy Review: Day 1, “A New Beginning” – Rosalia Rambles)
Good morning witches and warlocks, welcome to Day 124 and 125 of Rosalia Rambles Redundancy Review.
It has been… very hard for me over the last couple days to find the energy to write.
The constant story that the Redundancy Review represents is hard to tell when the path ahead feels so unclear, and things feel so damn heavy on top of me.
Just today I got a seemingly instant rejection from a job I was incredibly excited for, the moment I sent off my application was the same moment I got a rejection back, some unseen automated system deciding I was not good enough off the back of the contents of my application, no chance to prove myself in an interview.
And that makes me feel scared.
I have the relative security of my contract right now, but that work no longer brings me joy like it used to.
I want to push forward into other industries, but know there might be few people who want to take a chance on my transferable skills.
And I want to write, god do I want to keep writing and telling my silly stories.
But those silly stories do not keep a roof over my head. I find myself worrying about draining my savings to sustain myself and my partner, about having crises show up and not having the safety of a future payday ahead of me, and that the last five years of my professional life might have been for nothing if I cannot find myself a permanent job again.
It is a worst case scenario, and I know a lot has to come to pass for it to become reality, but as the winter months roll in to make the nights darker, bringing about my SAD once more, I find the shaky-but-stable grasp I once held my life in start to slowly slip away, giving way to the frequent panic attacks, crying at my desk, and overall feeling hopeless about the future.
I know life will continue on nonetheless, that brighter days will come, and this review will serve as a record that I made it past my darkest days.
Right now though, it feels as if the darkness surrounds me at every turn. That no matter what I do, each day is going to feel harder than the last as I strive to simply make it through each day without crying my eyes out.
But I know I am not alone.
Even at my worst moments.
I have people surrounding me who love me.
I have skills that are worthwhile for people who hire me.
I have things to give this world that need to be given.
But I need to figure out what recovery looks like for me, so I can commit to a recovery plan that gets me back on track and living life to the fullest once more.
No review segment, as I just want to get a post out for today.
If you are reading this, and you have any advice for me, any spiritual guidance, or anything that can help me out of this current situation – please get in touch. I will take on whatever advice I need right now.
Going to use a photo of Dottie as the thumbnail, but that will do it for today.
Thank you for reading the Redundancy Review.
Wherever you are, whoever you are, I wish you happiness and safety.
Rosalia Rambles 
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