Author: rosaliarambles

  • Redundancy Review: Day 4, “Uncertainty”

    (for context on what this series is, please see my Day 1 post here: https://rosaliarambles.wordpress.com/2025/06/11/redundancy-review-day-1-a-new-beginning/)

    Good morning friends and foes, welcome to Day 4 of Rosalia Rambles Redundancy Review.

    Yup, I am going to be writing this even on a weekend, even if I did slip a little bit on my wakeup routine and slept in an extra hour.

    There is not going to be any job search update news on weekends, specifically because I intend to try and keep weekends to myself unless a seriously good role appears that I will make the extra effort for.

    Got plenty of mental state stuff to ramble about though, so I will launch straight into that.

    What is taking its toll the hardest right now is the waiting, or as the title suggests, the uncertainty. Currently I am waiting to hear back from a handful of jobs I am pretty excited about, but also waiting for the government services to get back to me with news of either my redundancy payments or my unemployment benefit.

    I have never been good at waiting personally, the sense of anticipation that builds when I know something is coming usually puts me into a state of limbo until the thing arrives.

    Uncertainty is not just coming into play when it comes to waiting though. In general recently I have had a lot of self-doubt creeping in, both in regards to jobs and my writing. It usually comes as a result of tiredness and my brain becoming overactive in regards to how I perceive my writing.

    In the end, I am doing this for myself more than anything else. Writing is a passion, and one of the best pieces of advice I have ever seen in relation to art in general was “don’t let it die inside your head” – which is my intention as I get back into the groove of things.

    That said, I continue to be available for writing work. If you want fiction, fact, or fun topics covered with my writing style, please do not hesitate to get in touch. I would love to get involved with people’s projects.

    So yesterday I reviewed some local food, and today I will be reviewing another local place but instead covering a cold, refreshing drink.

    During lunchtime yesterday my partner decided to treat me out for a milkshake, and in Shrewsbury there is only one place we go to for it: Simply Sweet.

    It is actually a fairly recent addition to the lineup of independent businesses in town, having only opened a year ago, but in that time it has become a firm favourite place for its varied offerings in terms of both milkshakes and desserts.

    Specifically I usually go for what is known as an “Out of this World” milkshake: Milkyway, Mars, chocolate sauce, and coal dust. This goes down extremely smoothly, the mix of chocolate bars and ice cream blended together make a rich but not stodgy drink – especially welcome as the weather heats up.

    I also have to give a shoutout to the owner as well, he is an incredibly genuine guy who always seems happy to see us as regulars, chatting happily about what we have been up to and how he is going with the business. His attitude about working for himself shows through in the quality of his work.

    In terms of price, Simply Sweet does position itself more at a higher end, with my regular sized milkshake being £6.50, however I feel this price is extremely worth it given the quality of what you receive.

    That covers everything for today, more concise for weekend reading. Thank you for taking the time to read today, and whatever you get up to today I hope you have a good one. 

    For more information on Simply Sweet, visit their website here: https://simplysweetshrews.com/

  • Redundancy Review: Day 3, “Mixed Emotions”

    (for context on what this series is, please see my Day 1 post here: https://rosaliarambles.wordpress.com/2025/06/11/redundancy-review-day-1-a-new-beginning/)

    Good morning alligators and crocodiles, welcome to Day 3 of Rosalia Rambles Redundancy Review.

    Have to admit, waking up today was a struggle. My body felt extremely heavy for some reason and the temperature under my duvet was damn near ideal for me to just go, “screw it”, and sleep in a bit more – but I persevered, so here I am with buttered crumpets and my mug of coffee.

    Something that is keeping me going a lot in recent days is social connection, being able to talk to friends or have unique interactions with random people online. In the leadup to the axe dropping I struggled a fair bit to be around my friends, but now I am striving to hang out more, arranging coffee dates or informal meets with people.

    With regards to the job search I applied to that Jagex role I mentioned yesterday, but shortly after I was scrolling LinkedIn and I saw a post saying that Poncle was hiring a QA engineer.

    For those unfamiliar, Poncle are the developers of Vampire Survivors, and well…

    …I really like that game.

    The application itself was also interesting for one specific question: “What is the most interesting bug you’ve ever found and how did you go about reproducing it?”. It was a difficult question to nail down what I wanted to write.

    Breaking software might be my career, but if I am honest it is also a way of life for me – if just because I am a magnet for bugs even when off shift.

    I eventually settled on a story from my Codemasters days, which ended up being so long I could not send it as a Discord message for my friends to check out, and I will tell that story another time.

    It had the blend of a difficult bug, a consistently inconsistent repro method, collaboration with another person, and a positive knock-on resolution. I was actually somewhat proud of reading the forums after the fact and seeing the chatter around that crash dying down to some degree.

    Forum horror stories on the other hand are for different day though.

    Time to move onto the review, and you might be wondering what topic might be next, considering I went from video game to instant coffee.

    Well, today the topic is food – specifically my lunch from yesterday.

    This is a chicken and coleslaw baguette from a local sandwich shop near to me in Shrewsbury called “Brambles”. I was out doing an errand walk and it was next to me as I started my walk home, so I decided to treat myself.

    In addition to the main fillings I requested the baguette to be buttered and for the sandwich to have salt & pepper applied after it had been made. The chicken was a breast that had been shredded up which did admittedly leave it a little dry if it were to be on its own, but the butter and coleslaw more than helped make up for what it lacked.

    Speaking of, the coleslaw was an absolutely amazing addition to the sandwich. In general I am someone who adores a good homemade coleslaw and this was no exception, the dressing was perfectly creamy whilst not being runny/watery and there were massive pieces of onion and cabbage within the mix, making it the ideal chunky sandwich topping.

    What made it the perfect lunch though was the price. When compared to other chain shops around town who charge extortionate amounts for a subpar sandwich, being able to get a modestly sized meal for the price of £4.10 which goes to support a local business, there is no question I will continue going to Brambles for the foreseeable future.

    That does it for today, a little bit shorter than yesterday but a bit more reflective of my tired state. I hope reading about the stuff I have been up to has been a positive influence on your day, and whatever you get up to today, I hope you have a good day. You deserve it.

    For more information about Brambles, check out their Facebook page here: https://www.facebook.com/Bramblesshrewsbury/

  • Redundancy Review: Day 2, “Adjusting”

    (for context on what this series is, please see my Day 1 post here: Redundancy Review: Day 1, “A New Beginning” – Rosalia’s Rambles)

    Good morning dalies and mentlegen, welcome to Day 2 of Rosalia Rambles Redundancy Review.

    I kept saying to myself yesterday that now the hard part is ahead of me: actually keeping up with writing this every day and maintaining the routine. My therapist has always said to me that it takes 21 days for the brain to start adapting to a change, so I guess that is the informal goal for myself currently.

    Trying to get back into my previous routine is definitely hitting hard as well. In the days before getting the official news of my redundancy I really slipped in getting out of bed at my usual time – got a delicious mocha next to me to help with shaking off the sleepiness.

    The mood has shifted as well. Whilst in the immediate aftermath I felt a lot of relief of finally having the axe come down; I feel a fair bit of melancholy today. 

    All of my colleagues are insanely talented people who were absolute joys to be around, and while we do have a Discord server for us to stay connected there is a twinge of sadness about the lost potential of what we had become capable of as a company, especially as we were on track to do some amazing things.

    In terms of my job search, I am intending to apply for a Producer role at Jagex today, working on their new game in the Runescape universe. Fully remote with travel into the office 4 days a year for team days, which sounds exciting.

    Also sorted out both my redundancy application and Jobseekers’ Allowance application yesterday as well. Filling out government forms can be extremely demoralising and degrading at times if you ask me, especially when it comes to repeating information across both of them, but whatever can help keep me afloat whilst I find my next role.

    That said, I am available for writing work of any variety still. If you need professional copy, script writing, or bespoke fiction I would love to hear from you and discuss your project – any experience would help me round out my portfolio and gain a better understanding of a wide range of clients.

    Now, time for us to move onto the review.

    “But Rosa! How are you going to ensure you have enough things to review for however long this series goes on?”

    I am very glad you asked, strawman representation of my audience that I just made up. There are two main factors that are going to keep this series going as long as it needs to. 

    The first of which being that I enjoy a massively wide variety of different activities like cooking, card games, video games, music, films, and plushies. I often refer to myself as a “collector of fine things”, and these fine things will ensure I do not run out of topics for review any time soon.

    The second factor being that out of all the things I enjoy, I am not above picking an extremely esoteric item to discuss, which segues us nicely into today’s review…

    Yup, I am reviewing a pot of instant coffee today.

    TrueStart is a brand I have only recently taken notice of, but upon searching out their story based upon what is written on the packaging they have quickly become my go-to instant coffee now.

    For a brief background on the company, they are what is known as a “B Corp”, an accreditation designed to offer distinction to for-profit entities that are striving to have a positive impact on people and the environment, maintaining transparency and accountability. Considering the coffee industry is mainly dominated by Nestle, it is refreshing to see a company actively striving for change within that space.

    That was partially the inspiration for making the switch to TrueStart Instant. I was a prolific drinker of Nescafe Azera specifically, and whilst it went down pretty smooth for an instant coffee I was on the lookout for moving away from the Nestle ecosystem. Cue a trip in Asda where their packaging caught my eye, and I put it in my basket – prompting what is now a permanent change.

    Outside of the care and concern for the environment, TrueStart Barista Grade Instant Coffee is absolutely incredible in terms of taste and strength. As someone who primarily drinks mocha due to the flavour of standalone coffee being a bit too pungent for my taste, I still appreciate a strong hit of coffee within my drink of choice.

    TrueStart definitely delivers this.

    Additionally as well, at least in the Asda where I shop, picking out TrueStart products does not break the bank – especially compared to the prices of other leading brands, letting me enjoy a smooth coffee flavour whilst knowing my money has gone towards a positive cause.

    I think that covers everything I want to talk about today, a bit more of a ramble than what I posted yesterday, but I hope reading it has made your day a bit brighter. Whatever you get up to today, I hope you have a good day. I know you will smash it.

    For more information, and to buy TrueStart coffee, follow this link here: TrueStart Coffee | Feel Good Coffee | B Corp | Carbon Negative

  • Redundancy Review: Day 1, “A New Beginning”

    As of yesterday, 10th June 2025, I am redundant.

    Well, that is a question I have been asking myself for a fair few days after getting the initial news that the company I worked at was in trouble. Even if I saw it coming to some degree it was still a shocking thing to process, but weirdly enough now that I know the outcome I am… relaxed in a way?

    Obviously there is a tonne of stress still to come, from finding a new job to managing finances during this time, though the former is partially why I am writing this.

    One of the things I knew I needed after the axe dropped was a sense of routine, something to keep me getting up in the morning and not just rotting in bed as I would be so inclined to instead.

    That gave birth to this idea: “The Redundancy Review”…

    …I really do like alliteration with R words huh. Anyway, back on track.

    This blog of mine has been dormant for a while, partially because I was busy advancing my primary career of working in production and directing all of my writing energy towards proposals, scripts, and all other sorts of professional copy. Now it is time for me to make a comeback!

    I still have aspirations of being able to work as a copywriter in any industry, so I will be using this blog to build up a new portfolio of work alongside my job search. 

    The Redundancy Review will be a daily article series, written each morning as I eat breakfast and drink a delicious mocha, with the following structure:

    • A brief emotional check-in, talking about how I feel in regards to my situation and any stumbles I have encounter
    • Job search update, any fun roles I have applied for or any opportunities I think are cool
    • Finally, the real “review” part of the article, where I talk about something I enjoy at varying lengths

    I will also be including a call to action in each article, emphasising that I am available for all sorts of work. If you like what you are reading and want to inform me of an opportunity or offer me paid writing work, I would absolutely love to hear from you.

    With the introduction to the series out of the way, let me inaugurate it with the first Redundant Review of something I have been loving to play recently…

    Oh yeah, we are starting strong with this one.

    Beat Saber is a Virtual Reality (VR) rhythm game developed by Beat Games and released in 2019 for Playstation VR and PCVR platforms, and standalone mode for Meta Quest platforms.

    The main objective of the game is to smash blocks with various directional arrows (or dots for hitting them in any direction) in time with a song whilst walls and bombs fly by you, needing to keep your head and sabers away from them respectively.

    I got into it recently as a way of exercising within my home in a way that is more mentally stimulating to me – and it is certainly a workout. 

    Your centre of gravity gets time in by needing to lean your body side-to-side to avoid any walls, whilst your knees get their activity by needing to duck under the same obstacle. Specifically in my case as well, once I really get into a song I can feel my hips swaying and my feet bouncing, dancing along with my lower body whilst my upper body is twisting and turning to hit the blocks.

    My reaction time has also definitely improved from when I started out. Initially I would struggle to keep a good combo going on some “Normal” difficulty songs, even failing a handful of the custom levels I had installed – but now I am able to competently clear a good majority of “Hard” songs and even pushing myself towards “Expert” for some.

    As mentioned above, Beat Saber supports custom levels. These maps are designed by community members and uploaded on various sites, with my site of choice being BeatSaver – Home. My choice primarily includes original songs by Hololive talents and the RWBY OST, with a few mainstream songs in there as well.

    That said, custom levels are not needed to enjoy Beat Saber. Built into the base game is a wide array of original songs, including an entry by legendary power metal band Dragonforce, “Power of the Saber Blade”, one of my personal favourites to play due to its high-intensity note patterns and upbeat energy of the song.

    And even beyond what is already available, as of time of writing, there are 245 DLC songs across a massive range of artists and genres, including:

    • A full Linkin Park pack
    • A full Imagine Dragons pack
    • A full Lady Gaga pack
    • Various iconic internet culture songs, such as Sandstorm by Darude, and Free Bird by Lynyrd Skynyrd

    There is something for everyone in Beat Saber, and with how easy it is to add custom levels on PC I can guarantee if my review has made you interested, something will be out there for you.

    Well, that’s Day 1 of the Redundancy Review in the bag. I hope you have enjoyed reading this today, and whatever you get up to today, I hope you have a good day. You definitely deserve it.

    You can purchase Beat Saber from the following locations:

    Steam: Beat Saber on Steam

    Playstation: Beat Saber – PS VR & PS VR2 Games | PlayStation (UK)

    Meta Quest: Beat Saber on Meta Quest | Quest VR games | Meta Store

  • Generic Year End Ramble Title

    This is for the record…

    …partially because I don’t really post my work to Twitter anymore for a variety of different reasons, including but not limited to:

    • Melon Husk turning it into a hellsite
    • Wanting other voices to shine on Twitter given the current climate
    • And I don’t honestly post enough currently to make a deal of posting new stories there

    So, what’s this for? Well, a year end ramble has become a tradition, and unlike stories which take a fair amount of energy, this is just me vomiting what is on my mind into the WordPress reader as a summary of my year, which has been… full.

    A lot of what I normally write about has changed and shifted around due to developments in my personal life, and whilst a lot of the trauma themes can remain (and let’s face it, trans allegory will always find its way into my writing regardless of what I do), I don’t want to make them the focus of my work anymore.

    Outside of that, I’ve just been fully experiencing transitioning whilst keeping up a healthy social life where possible, which has made writing difficult to discipline myself into when a lot of the time I want to enjoy myself with people creating stories that way rather than writing what’s in my head.

    Not to say I don’t have a lot of the usual WIPs and ideas kicking about on my G-Drive, but a lot of what I want to write are somewhat sweeping epic stories that rival some of my higher word counts which take more effort to finish, about four times as much effort to editing cause goddamnit I hate editing my own work sometimes, and when I go for long periods I end up just blanking out on where to go next.

    The WIPs at least have “Rosa Notes” now, which is my way of telling Future Rosa where the story is prompted next… yeah that probably explains a lot about my chaotic creative process that for the longest time I did not actually plan or write notes, I mainly let the spirit of writing possess me and go from there.

    A friend of mine did say that my writing style would lend itself to some completely original work, rather than being based off my current D&D characters, so that might be an area for exploration next year – or perhaps even revisiting my style of non-fiction writing for different topics.

    Or I could still struggle to write regularly and have a similar vibe to the end of next year’s ramble.

    Oh well, we raise a toast to my writing career nonetheless! To the fact you haven’t needed to support me yet because my current tech career is stable!

  • Kristiana’s Resolve

    (Approximate word count: 2500 words. Estimated reading time: 25 minutes.)

    “1. Being a paladin can be extremely hard, yet in equal measures, extremely fulfilling work!”

    Kristiana Yalanek recalled the words of her paladin primer pamphlet as she lay on the ground, having tried her best to valiantly fight some thieves who had stolen a backpack from a fellow adventurer. The backpack was recovered, and thankfully the victim had some healing skills which eased her pain, but the thieves had landed more hits on her than she had on them.

    Despite having had an incredibly tough fight, Kristiana was still trying to stand up and keep moving on to her destination. “Hey now,” the adventurer said, still applying bandages to the injured half-elf, “you probably shouldn’t be moving in your condition, you had some harsh stuff hit you.”

    The paladin smiled warmly despite her pain, wanting to reassure the adventurer that she was okay, “I appreciate your concern, kind stranger,” Kristiana said, gathering her things despite some few untreated wounds, “but you needn’t worry. I have had a fair few knocks in this journey already, and can treat them adequately myself!”

    Sighing as they knew a determined paladin was a hard force to stop, the adventurer was able to at least convince Kristiana to take some healing supplies for the road as if she were going to insist on treating their own wounds, she should at least not have to use her own equipment.

    The two said goodbye, and went off in their own directions. For Kristiana, this was the mining town of Phandalin.

    “5. The charity of those you help should always be accepted, but do not exert the kindness of strangers!”

    Being the ear to the ground individual she was, Kristiana had heard about the plight of Phandalin whilst she was in Gauntlgrym visiting her half-sister. Seeing this as a prime opportunity to go to a community in need and help out the way a paladin should, she shot off shortly after.

    This did not mean she stopped her own heroics. In every town she stopped along the way she tried to find a way to help out wherever she could, be it more direct action like she did with the thieves, performing in whatever tavern she was staying in to entertain other patrons, or something as simple as helping market traders load crates onto carts.

    Most of the time these acts went well, and even when they did not, Kristiana was no stranger to encountering difficulties when helping out. One of her very first attempts stands out to her.

    “28. Paladins should be strong, but it is not a weakness to admit you lack in certain areas!”

    It was on the far north of the Sword Coast, helping out at a small fishing village. Most of the locals were welcoming but a few were distrusting of outsiders, specifically some of the market traders.

    During an altercation one day, whilst Kristiana was able to apprehend some troublemakers who were attempting to vandalise various trading stalls, she did so at some collateral. A fair few traders disliked that, and so began to chase her out of town, throwing various objects at her as she ran.

    Eventually she made it far from the town borders, and finding a boulder to lean her back against let her finally catch her breath.

    Except that she saw a figure coming towards her from the direction of the town. A very tall, imposing, almost intimidating figure – a Goliath. Kristiana sighed, and began preparing a speech.

    “Now I understand you are mad sir,” she said, having to catch her breath already, “but I can assure you my intentions were good.”

    “I am not from that town, child,” the figure said in a somewhat booming voice, “I saw you run from those fools you just saved, and I want to give you a token of appreciation.”

    “Oh, well, I see… uhh… thank you sir!”

    “My name is Xonus, no need for formalities.”

    Xonus reached into a large satchel and pulled out a fresh side of salmon, handing it to the half-elf. It was incredibly large, almost enough to make a week’s worth of meals.

     “I must say,” Kristiana said, taking in the size of the fish presented to her, “this is awfully generous si-Xonus, are you sure you want to give it to me?”

    The goliath had already started walking away as he was asked this question, and had an extremely simple response, “I have bigger quarry to catch now.”

    Kristiana waved at her departing helper before she started to break the salmon down into portions for easy storage, feeling positively giddy at having had someone recognise her heroics.

    “17. Being recognised for your actions should always feel good, but the act of doing good should always feel great!”

    The paladin had come a long way since those moments, and had many more successful ventures. Importantly she had learnt about awareness during combat, to not allow herself to get caught up in the heat of battle, which was what led to the mistake back at the fishing village.

    Being from the rather small half-elf side of her family, there was always a feeling of disconnection in Kristiana’s life. Mainly from the parental side of things, as the elven father was cold and aloof to his half children, whilst the human mother was nowhere to be seen.

    Regardless of this, she had a good relationship with her fully elven half-sister Eirina. She often took visits to the great dwarven city of Gauntlgrym to go see her, one of these visits came shortly after her problems at the fishing village.

    “4. A true hero is nothing without a community, so lend a hand whenever you can to build one!”

    “Well I’m glad to see you’re okay at least,” Eirina said, walking through the market with her sister, “but I’m also concerned to see you pushing your luck like that.”

    “Do not fear, my half-sister dear!”, Kristiana said in response, beaming a smile to her worldly half-sister, “it is the nature of a paladin to-”

    “Krissie I love you dearly but please drop the noble paladin routine with me. I’m your sister, not some random brute from a place that can’t tell me what the sun is.”

    This blunt response caused Kristiana to pause briefly, before mumbling a response. “…well I’m your half-sister, not full sister.”

    “Another thing,” Eirina said, grabbing her sister by the shoulders, “stop with the semantics around our sisterhood. You’re my little sister, end of.”

    Kristiana sighed before carrying on walking alongside her sister. “It’s not pushing my luck,” she said, returning to the topic at hand, “it’s finding myself as the hero I want to be.”

    “I guess cause of his nature father never gave you the “bravery versus stupidity” talk did he?”

    “No, he did give me quite a firm handshake on my twenty-first birthday though!”

    Eirina felt her left eye twitch at that statement, having half a mind to go to Neverwinter, specifically to strangle someone, “well to cut out all the useless parts, the main thing is that being brave beyond your limits is usually unwise, and shouldn’t be pursued.”

    There was another pause from Kristiana, clearly thinking about this bit of advice, “…I suppose that’s true,” she said, reaching into her bag to pull out the pamphlet that had been guiding her, “but… I don’t want to let the notion of being stupid potentially stop me from doing something good, it goes against so many points of this guide!”

    Another eye twitch came from Eirina, this time from the sheer bloody-mindedness of her sister in regards to being a hero off the back of something a potentially hack paladin gave her.

    But she did not feel like fighting, especially when the family history was already so fraught with it. Instead she wanted to focus on having an enjoyable market trip with someone she enjoyed the company of.

    The two sisters explored the market, with Eirina specifically searching out materials for her next crafting project whilst Kristiana was just happy to get to talk to people, periodically asking if anyone needed any help. Even on “downtime”, she was unable to suppress her desire to help people.

    Eventually she came across a stall that was packing up, a cutesy hand painted sign reading “T’halia’s Treasures and Curiosities – find your fortune here!”.

    Behind the stall was a fairly short tiefling loading crates onto her cart, struggling with some of the heavier ones. Reassuming her paladin persona, Kristiana went behind the stall and approached the tiefling, the assumed T’halia.

    “Good afternoon miss!”, Kristiana said, with all the enthusiasm in the world, “I see you are having some trouble with those crates, would you like some assistance from your friendly local paladin?”

    The tiefling jumped slightly in response before turning to Kristiana. “Oh my god hi!”, she said, rushing to shake the hand of her newly found helper, “nice to meet you I’m T’halia, and yeah sure I’d love the help!”.

    Kristiana smiled as she began helping T’halia out, the two engaging in friendly conversation as they worked. Kristiana was quite taken aback with how friendly and social they were, especially compared to some of her previous encounters on her adventures.

    “So you’re a paladin?”, T’halia said, loading the last crate onto her cart, “that’s so cool! Do you like follow a god or something?”

    “Uhm, I have faith in the gods,” Kristiana said, helping her new found friend shut the gate of her cart and lock it, “but I am not currently a paladin of a god. In fact I am yet to even swear an oath.”

    “But that’s so cool though that you will! No matter what, I bet you’re gonna be an awesome paladin!”

    T’halia pulled Kristiana into a hug, one that the half-elf took a moment to reciprocate, but felt an intense warmth within her once she did. They broke off, and T’halia got her mule to get moving, pulling the cart along to her next destination in search of treasure.

    A voice came from behind Kristiana. “Hey, I wondered where you got off to.”

    It was her sister Eirina, carrying a fair few bags of crafting supplies, and a delicate box containing an absurdly chocolatey cake, “who was that?”, she said.

    Kristiana smiled, feeling an overwhelming sense of contentment within her, “a part of my community…”

    “…uh huh. Anyway, let’s get home and eat. Orianna’s probably dancing off the wall with hunger right now.

    “25. True heroes should never work hungry, always make sure to find time in your day to eat properly!”

    Good deeds always stuck in Kristiana’s mind, especially when they had such positive memories attached to them. It is part of what kept her going on days when her actions did not yield the positive results she wanted, or late at night when her nagging feelings were telling her to give up, that she was not good enough to be a paladin.

    Doubt about that often crept in during those hours, and tonight was no different. She was about two days away from Phandalin, the anxiety about going to a new town with unknown people with unknown reactions to her heroism had re-emerged, along with concerns about maintaining her eventual oath.

    In times like these, she tried to focus on times she has helped out, even if it was not her leading the effort.

    “13. A paladin should be a pillar, but they need not stand alone. Take direction from those in charge when necessary!”

    It was when she had heard of a natural disaster that had swept through a village close to Neverwinter Wood – several houses were destroyed and vital supplies had been ruined.

    Wanting to simultaneously prove her worth and lend a helping hand, Kristiana embarked on the journey, only taking a day’s travel to reach her destination. The sight she was greeted with hurt and warmed her heart in equal measures.

    The disaster was as bad as all the rumours she had heard before setting off. Support pillars of houses and businesses had been ripped from the ground to be displaced metres away from their original positions, fields of crops left bare and several people injured.

    Normally Kristiana would be the first to start leading the effort, but she was late to the scene and so a disaster-relief druid had started coordinating people.

    She was pointing at different people assembled around her and barking orders with confidence.

    “Tall farmer, start gathering what little supplies remain!”

    “Innkeeper, accompany him and work on a rationing plan!”

    “Half-elf paladin, go around clearing debris and aiding survivors!”

    Kristiana stood confused for a moment, not realising she had just been given an order. “Who, me?”, she said, pointing at herself.

    “Yes you!”, the druid said in response, seeming a little bewildered she had to clarify, “You’re a paladin, yes? Then you’re here to help, so get to it!”

    Suddenly overwhelmed with her sense of duty coming from a superior individual, Kristiana gave a salute to this druid, saying, “yes ma’am, right away!”, before running off to go carry out her assigned task.

    She did so very absent-mindedly though, as she kept catching herself looking back at how this druid was acting, and feeling in awe of how put together she came off. Kristiana often tried to project an aura of confidence in accordance with the advice in her pamphlet, but she worried it was a disingenuous one.

    Whoever this druid was – she did not catch her name due to the urgency of the situation, in addition to not asking for the names of those around her – she gave Kristiana incredible inspiration and aspiration, to be a leader like that in a time of crisis and do so with a solid projection of self-assurance.

    “18. Keep your eyes and ears open at all times. Not only is situational awareness important, but it could also lead to opportunities to help out!”

    These good memories helped Kristiana sleep, leaving her incredibly well rested once morning came properly. It was another two days of travel to Phandalin and not only did she feel less nervous about the opportunity in front of her, she was almost excited.

    There had been many opportunities in the past where she was able to prove her hero credentials, but this was her first chance to start building what she had always wanted from the start: a community. A group of people that she would be able to help get back on their feet long term, to see them grow, and to grow herself alongside them.

    Donning her armour, sheathing her sword and equipping a smile, Kristiana set off, ready to do her best.

    “9. Forgiveness is a key tenet for any Paladin. Even if you might struggle to forgive others, always remember to forgive yourself for any mistakes!”

    Inspiration

    Been a while hasn’t it?

    This is my first full piece in 2023, and it has honestly been a year of a lot of difficulty for me. Various personal issues coming to the surface, a work life of similar (if not greater) intensity, and just… not having the desire to express myself creatively.

    Which y’know, one of my goals this year was to write at a more sustainable pace to me rather than the previous year where I would sometimes have stories scheduled for most of a month, though, ten months gone without anything is definitely a bit of a severe break.

    Not as long as my general hiatus from D&D though, which actually ended with this character. A friend of mine started running her first game and asked if I wanted to be involved, which I was tentatively enthusiastic for. How the game is scheduled is definitely helping my prospects for it, as the usual schedule my group runs at became slightly unviable for me due to energy levels and life commitments.

    Initially, Kristiana was supposed to be a fairly simple character, just sort of greenhorn vibes, wanting to do the right thing. This then evolved into her being a “paint-by-numbers” paladin with the joke being she received a pamphlet from a random paladin she admired at a tavern she performed at.

    And then because I seemingly can’t fucking help myself sometimes, she has family trauma and transgender undertones… which makes sense for a half-elf paladin but seriously. With Kristiana at least the family trauma is not going to be a focal point of her character, partially because I want her arc to focus more on becoming the hero she wants to be than anything else…

    …which yes is leaning more into the trans side of her character. It’s something though.

    I’m making no promises on future writings, but this felt good to write, and any constructive feedback would be appreciated.

  • One story ends, another begins

    Another year has gone by, meaning it’s another year where I ramble aimlessly into the WordPress editor to sum up my experiences in this year. Admittedly that’s pretty on brand, considering the title of my blog, and I feel there is actually a lot more to say than my last one of these posts.

    2022 was an absolutely jam-packed year for me, in that I decided fairly early on in the year to place a brick on top of the accelerator and then decided to not take that brick off at any point. In this year I have:

    • Moved out of the family home and into my own, independent space
    • Left my old gaming quality assurance job and moved into a very exciting field with an amazing company
    • Took major medical steps in my transition, to the point that at the end of the year my hormone levels are where they’re supposed to be 7 months into my treatment
    • Simultaneously made great advances in my social transition, experimenting with feminine things I had never considered prior to this year
    • Realised I had someone to love incredibly close to me, and despite many fears and paranoias, work to develop a relationship with them
    • Had my most successful year to date with Rosalia’s Rambles, putting out 13 stories, some of which I would consider my best work

    However, for all these massive achievements, I have also had my fair share of troubles this year:

    • During the middle of summer this year I finally succumbed to COVID-19 and got hit hard by it, to the point I was struggling with long COVID for the better part of two months after finally testing negative
    • My hormone treatment, whilst beneficial, has completely turned my energy levels and emotional capacity onto its head, leading to days where I’m scrambling to find energy or sobbing over nothing
    • Asserting myself as the transgender woman I want to be has placed strain on some of my interpersonal relationships, the effects of which I will likely be navigating through all of 2023
    • And whilst this has been my most successful year of Rambles, including taking two paid commissions for the first time, I end this year having suffered a major creative burnout and loss of engagement with my main source of inspiration

    Despite this though? I keep moving forward. There’s no way I can be stopped now, I’ve come so far and done so much to not give up now. I’ve fought for my place in this world and have waived my right to be forgotten, because living as myself for the majority of this year has shown me how beautiful life is.

    I said in last year’s post that I wanted Rambles to become a celebration of who I am, about being a trans woman who wants to inspire others. My stories and personal writings reflect this, and every triumph and every setback is part of my personal story collection now.

    And as one story ends in 2022, another story begins in 2023.

    I will continue to create, my desire to tell stories might be smouldering, but like the phoenix it will always come back, however long it takes.

    Every new achievement, and every new hurdle will become a part of this story, letting me continue to write my place in this world and provoke inspiration through my writing.

    What will I write about? Who knows! My primary inspiration might have flickered, but there are always stories that need telling. And I’ll be here to tell them as and when they come to me.

    Thanks for sticking by me through this year, see you all in the next ❤

  • Rosalia’s Journey

    (Approximate story word count: 1400 words. Estimated reading time: 14 minutes)

    Late at night, a girl lies back in bed, closing her eyes gently. A substantial pile of duvets weighs her down as a soft mattress comforts her back, flanked by plush toys either side, letting a cocoon of warmth entice her into sleep and bring her into a deep dream.

    She opens her eyes to find herself standing upon a small island, a wooden footbridge floating in water in front of her. This platform opened up to a vast horizon of fog shrouded islands, all situated in the ocean of her mind, the water reflecting the cooler colours of night rather than the warm colours of day.

    Feeling a deep rooted desire drawing her forward, she took steps across the footbridge, which soon sank as she reached the first island.

    The fog lifted to reveal a wide-sprawling island, filled with various flowers displaying blurred pictures. Vague memories of how life started out, certain key events where a specific detail can be recalled, but no context is granted outside of that.

    Some pictures were cracked, a painful memory perhaps, or just a recollection of something that hurt in hindsight. It did not matter. It was all distant and out of focus now, even if a spectre of sadness still lingered. The girl walked forward, observing various monuments built to the interests of old. 

    Assorted toys, games, and objects formed support pillars to the foundations of the future. Some were solid, a lifelong interest building towards an in-depth understanding and passion. Others were more haphazardly constructed, fascinations thrown together in the hope of finding purpose, only to collapse when pressure was applied.

    It was unknown to the girl, but as she walked forward her footsteps left small shoots growing where her foot had imprinted the ground. They were unnoticeable unless you were looking for them intently, but nonetheless they were there, small green shoots that bloomed small blue, pink, and white flowers.

    As the girl approached the other end of the island, butterflies surrounded her. Fluttering about, keeping her company at any given moment. An active group, filling her with joy and contentment with life. But as she got closer to a set of footbridges leading to other islands, they started to disperse, until only a few lone butterflies were with her, perched upon her shoulder.

    There were three bridges, all of them leading to more fog-covered islands. The girl attempted to go left, but found the fog too dense to even see where she was placing her feet. She tried to go right, and somehow the fog obscuring her path could not even be walked through. She had no choice but to move forward.

    Upon arriving at the next island, the bridge the girl had walked upon collapsed into the water, and with it the few remaining butterflies left her too. This island was darker, with familiar but changed surroundings. 

    The monuments of interest were still standing, if in need of some loving restoration. Certain pillars found themselves neglected yet strong, a part hidden away to find acceptance but not something that can ever truly go away. Others had started to compress under the pressures of academia, once passionate interests starting to become more like chores than anything else.

    As the girl studied each monument, she was joined by a variety of ethereal creatures. A firefly illuminated the area in front of her, a bird perched upon her shoulders, and a lizard kept watch from atop her head. An odd mix of creatures, but ones that stood by her regardless of what was going on around her.

    What were once shoots in her wake had now become permanent gardens upon this island. A beautiful array of blue, pink, and white flowers arranged neatly into planting boxes, providing assurance that these were not meant to be fleeting. Each of the boxes had a plaque attached to it, but it was blank. A permanent fixture, but one not yet understood.

    The surroundings became more crumbled as the girl reached the end of this island, with multiple bridges now in front of her. There seemed to be no limit on the options she could have taken here, but most of the bridges here were incomplete or in disrepair. 

    Again, she could only move forward. And again as she reached a new island, the bridge behind her collapsed.

    Her animal companions had disappeared, and this island was in a much worse condition, disguised by the bright conditions surrounding it. Shoots and small gardens were no more, this entire island was covered in all manner of plants in those same three colours. It was completely unavoidable, even if that meant a long period of thinking.

    Despite the bright colours of the flora, a lot of it was unhealthy. Dehydrated, smelling weird, not getting the right nutrients from the soil – it was still able to live, but it was not a life that could last. Things had to change, but with everything going else on the island, it had to wait.

    Storms had done significant damage to the monuments. Interests that had formed career paths were decimated, only the pieces remaining. The girl saw shapes that potentially connected and tried to build a new structure back up, but the foundations were not there, and they crumbled back to the ground. 

    In the distance the girl could see floating lights, faint words coming from them but inaudible with everything happening on the island. There was too much noise, an overwhelming amount almost, causing everything to feel out of focus and fuzzy.

    The girl did not want to stay here any longer, and unlike the previous islands, there was only one bridge, only one way to move forward.

    She charged down the bridge, into the fog, hoping her feet would find solid ground as she ran forward. Faint voices and shouts came from within the fog, telling her to find herself, to get herself on the right path, to become a better person. Apparitions formed before her before fading, events and memories racing by.

    It was all too much.

    Falling to her knees, the girl started to cry softly, speaking out loud to herself. “I can’t do this… I’m not strong enough… I’m all alone…”. The fog thickened around her, obscuring where she had come from, and leaving no idea where she was going.

    A ball of light appeared to her side, a vibrant green orb speaking to her.

    “You’re not alone.”

    Another one appeared, this time a soothing lavender.

    “You never have been.”

    Another, a calming blue.

    “We’re all here for you.”

    A glowing orange.

    “Even when everything feels lonely.”

    A deep yellow.

    “And you don’t think you’re good enough.”

    A mysterious purple.

    “We’ll shine a light.”

    Finally, a bright pink orb, right in front of her eyes.

    “To guide you back home.”

    The glowing balls of light orbited around the girl, piercing through the fog and illuminating the way forward. It took some effort to stand back up, wiping her eyes clear of tears as she did, before she continued walking forward on the bridge, reaching another island.

    Unlike all the others, this one was devoid of any structures or landmarks. To the side were piles of materials, flowers, items with which to build new things. As the girl inspected them, she noticed the bridge she walked across collapse, and the fog that was behind her cleared up.

    All the previous islands were revealed. The ones she visited, and the ones she was unable to. Any path divergence had been accounted for as an island, a physical landmark of what could have been.

    But visiting it was fruitless, as had it not happened. It might be in view, but all it should be is seen. For if a different path had been walked, the overall journey would have changed, and the girl would not be where she is today without everything that had come before.

    And equally, as all the potential paths were laid out, the bridges that linked to previous events collapsed. The past should be in view, but walking back to it serves no purpose. The girl was not heading backwards, she was always moving forward. 

    For now though, she could build the island she was currently on, joined by even more glowing orbs of light. Each one represented a soul she kept close to her own, a guiding light in the dark times, piercing through the fog and letting the future be visible.

    Who knows what shape this island could take, and when the next island could appear.

    The girl was not afraid.

    Her journey would never be walked alone.

    Inspiration

    Upfront, this one was personal for me, and what I want to end 2022 on.

    A lot has happened this year, the majority of which will be covered in my year’s end ramble, but I want to briefly go over my thoughts with this one.

    In a year of great changes, I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about what happened previously in my life, what stages of the journey had happened previously and what they represent. The three major stages I covered in this story were childhood, secondary school, and university, reason being these are chapters I firmly consider closed in my life, so they felt best to turn into “islands”, as I could establish what would be on each one.

    My current stage of my life, or the island with nothing on it but materials, is probably one I’d call “learning to be Rosa”. I’m coming up to three years being out as a girl, and whilst I learnt a lot about myself in that time, there’s a lot I’m still getting to grips with, especially as I’m firmly within the grip of second puberty (also known as HRT).

    Unsurprisingly, the balls of light represent the group of people I have been closest with this year, and I really fucking hope I remembered all of you otherwise I’m gonna feel bad. During my roughest moments I have had my friends by my side to reassure me of the path I’m walking, to provide guidance when I struggle to see what’s ahead of me.

    And to make sure that no matter how I feel, I am never truly alone.

    This one was written for me, as a way of closing off my year as a fiction writer, and also this marks my thirteenth story in 2022, which was my goal when starting out this year. I hope you enjoyed reading, I most certainly enjoyed writing this one.

  • Honesty’s Wakeup Call

    Gems, jewels, and crystals are sought after in the world for many different reasons. Those of the magical arts sometimes require them to cast their most potent spells, nobles desire them in order to display their status above all others, and if worst comes to worst, they make excellent trading fodder.

    For Har Vetro, the sight of gems gave him inspiration. He heard almost a calling from gems, a want to be in with the finer things in life, and working with gems was sure to be the path to getting what he wanted. 

    But for the longest time, he did not know how exactly he could use gems. He only knew what his gut told him. That was until he reached the age where he had become more aware of the world, and started seeing the merchants that his clan did business with.

    They came from all over, and came in many different shapes, sizes, and colours. Tall with slender features, pale skin, and horns of all different magnitudes. Closer to kobold height but with the faces of birds and rats. Amongst all of them though, they shared one common trait.

    Stories.

    Every merchant Har came into contact with told the most fantastical stories, of worlds beyond dark portals, lands where dragons ruled above all else, and forests full of mysterious items just waiting to be plundered.

    One day the young kobold tugged on an errant bit of fur on a coat to get the attention of a Northlands merchant, who had been selling various pelts from his homeland. “Aye lad, can I help you?”, he said, confused at the kobold getting his attention in such an odd way, but smiling warmly all the same.

    “Yes I uh…”, Har Vetro trailed off, nerves setting in at speaking to a merchant properly for the first time, “I… want to be like you…”.

    “Oh? You wanna be a merchant?”

    “Yes! Uhm… gems…?”

    “You want to trade in gems?”

    Har Vetro nodded enthusiastically, and the merchant rubbed his thick, greying beard, feeling a little perplexed at the nature of this kobold compared to the rest of his clan. Whilst most kobolds had a cunning intellect and fierce engineering prowess, it was a bit unusual to meet one so interested in such an intricate art such as gems.

    “Hmm… best bet would be heading east from here,” the merchant said, taking out a hand-drawn map, showing various towns and cities with small icons next to them, pointing to one with a gem, a stick figure, and a fencepost, “this town is called Menlo, it has a handful of respected jewellers who might be interested in taking an apprentice on. Plenty of other ventures if gems don’t work out.”

    The kobold’s eyes gleamed like the object of his fascination. This was his chance to break out into the world beyond the clan and find his life’s greater purpose. The Northlands merchant had offered to take him, but Har wanted a day or two to get his affairs in order before leaving. They exchanged names properly before parting ways, with the Northlander giving his name as Valtteron.

    When the day finally came, there was no real fanfare or solemn goodbye from the rest of the clan, just a mere “safe travels” from many. It did not bother the kobold much, as he knew he was going to be able to do great things in the wider world.

    Travelling to Menlo was mostly uneventful, a few wandering adventuring parties were found along the way, whose stories Har also listened to. Whilst the life of an adventurer sounded exciting, he knew the dangers would far exceed any of his tolerances for what he was willing to put up with.

    After approximately three days worth of travel, he had arrived, and was almost immediately shocked by the new environment before him. Merchants and other traders bustled through busy streets as all sorts of customers haggled for different wares – all of them much taller than the kobold, leading to some feeling of intimidation.

    Nonetheless, he carried on through the crowds of people, looking to whatever stands he came across hoping he could find a jeweller. It took some time, but eventually they reached a fairly shabby looking stand, with wooden crates filled with gems of all different cuts.

    Their short stature meant they only came eye level to the hand-painted sign hanging beneath the stand, reading “Gems! I got them! You probably want them!”. To a lot of others in the market, such an unprofessional sign meant business was usually lacking. To Har, this triggered his fixation, leading to him jumping up and down to get the proprietor’s attention.

    “Huh… what… kobold?”, the somewhat sleepy stall owner said as they saw Har jumping in front of their eyes, “what are you looking for little guy?”. 

    Har stopped jumping and walked round the side of the stall in order to have a proper conversation. “My name is Har Vetro,” he began, puffing out his chest slightly to appear more confident, “and I am looking to travel the world as a merchant in search of stories and gems!”

    “Uh huh…”, the stall owner nodded slowly, not really being all there themselves, “and you came to me because…?”

    “Uhm, well, I was told the great town of Menlo had many respected jewellers looking for apprentices, and your professional stand made me decide to approach you!”

    “Right… not exactly hiring an apprentice per say, but I do got a lot of gems that need refinement… suppose I could put you to work with the cutting tools…”

    The lack of enthusiasm in the merchant’s voice would be apparent to almost any discerning individual.

    Har Vetro did not know the meaning of the word.

    To him, this felt like a real chance to get the experience, and funds, he needed to break free into the world. Without taking much time to deliberate, Har agreed to the offer and once more exchanged names, learning this merchant was called Cozbi.

    Work was as described. Everyday Har would come to the stand and take position behind Cozbi, being handed various unprocessed stones with instructions on how they were to be cut. Business was slow but consistent, with customers of all colours coming to purchase gems, some respectable looking types, some much shadier.

    However, despite how much money Cozbi was taking in, Har very rarely saw a major cut of the profits, barely making enough to support their lodgings and lifestyle leading to not being able to save towards their goal of travelling the continents.

    This continued for a couple of months, until finally Har was informed that the stall would be closing. Cozbi had made enough money to comfortably retire to somewhere in the Southlands, and that Har’s services would no longer be required, he was free to keep the jeweller’s tools though as Cozbi had no use of them.

    Disheartened, but with moderate experience under his belt, Har took the journey back to his clan. They had not given him much fanfare on departure, but he knew they would welcome him back, after all he now had the knowledge that could help the clan’s spoils from the mine.

    This was most certainly not the case, as they were stopped by two watchmen as they attempted to enter back into the clan.

    “But… but I can help the clan! I went off and learnt gem cutting under an expert merchant!”, Har said, feeling hurt at the actions of his once clutchmates.

    “You could have learnt that here,” one watchman said, snarling slightly as he did.

    “But you were too good for us, you had to go off to a big city and leave us behind,” the other watchman said, matching the snarl with a growl of his own before the two spoke in unison.

    “By order of the King, Har Vetro is hereby banished from the clan. They are persona non grata, and their name is taboo. Any attempt by the banished to re-enter the clan will be met with deadly force.”

    Har wanted to argue his case.

    Har wanted to buy his way back into the clan’s good graces.

    In the end, Har walked away. Alone, cut off, lost.

    Knowing nowhere else within the vicinity, he decided to head back to Menlo. Despite being left high and dry by their previous employer, they did still have some savings with which to support a meagre lifestyle whilst they tried to find another source of revenue within town.

    For tonight though, he was going to drown their sorrows at the inn he was staying at. It was a fairly busy night, with different groups all doing their own thing. Har sat alone, with a bevy of drinks they pre-bought to avoid having to get up from their table, preferring to just sit and stew for a moment.

    “Psst…”, came a voice from behind Har, startling him slightly before turning around to find its owner, a hooded gnoll, “hey, kobold, come over here for a moment.”

    Har stood up from their table, taking one of the larger bottles of spirit with them as the gnoll guided him into a darker part of the inn to speak quietly, but not before grabbing his maw and looking closely at his eyes. The kobold attempted to protest but was quickly let go, “good, you’re not too drunk yet,” said the gnoll.

    “And what exactly can I do for you, my good sir?”, Har said, brushing themselves down before taking a swig.

    “Bastard behind the bar took my blades in a card game. And I want them back.”

    “My apologies, I am not one to bet or one to be good at card games.”

    “Don’t need you to be,” the gnoll said, gesturing down to a broken space in between boards leading to the backrooms, “I’ll cause a distraction up front, you crawl through and grab my swords. They’re in burgundy sheaths so should be easy to spot.”

    This request gave Har pause. He was not a criminal, he did not have the minerals within him to commit such acts. 

    “Get it done quick and quiet, once you get my beauties back to me I’ll pay you ten gold.”

    How much?

    That was a lot of money. That would allow Har to support themselves for some time yet as they tried to find honest work in town. It was just one slightly dishonest job, how bad could it be? 

    He gave the gnoll a confident nod, crouching down to the space before watching them go off and launch into an angry tirade at a random patron.

    “AND ABOUT HOW MUCH OF A SLUT YOU WERE BACK THEN!”

    A number of people jumped into action to try to break up this seemingly random fight, including several of the bartenders. Crawling through the boards, Har got into the backroom and scanned the area. There were a lot of barrels, some crates of dried food, some fresh from the market.

    There.

    Right at the back.

    A rapier and a dagger, both encased in custom burgundy sheaths. Har danced along the floor, as the argument seemed to reach its conclusion with the gnoll being asked politely to leave, or else there would be further problems. Har did not have much time, they grabbed the swords, but froze as soon as they heard the door open.

    “Bloody furry bastard… glad I took his fucking swords…”

    This was bad. Har was about to get caught, and considering what he was holding, he would most definitely be seen as an accomplice to what just took place. In a moment of equal parts cunning and panic, he grabbed an apple and tossed it against a far wall, splattering into pieces as it impacted.

    “What was that?!”

    The person who had entered the backroom went to go investigate the sound. Quickly scanning his surroundings Har saw an opening onto the streets through another broken wall and dashed out of it, sliding underneath and making a beeline to front of the inn. 

    The gnoll stood grumbling outside, lamenting that they might never get to see their precious weapons again, until Har came up to them and presented them.

    “Well I’ll be…”, they said with a toothy smile, taking their weapons and securing them back on their person, “my distraction plan went wrong and you still got these out without a fuss.”

    Har smiled weakly, his heart beating incredibly fast from the adrenaline of such a close call. The gnoll leaned down and handed him the promised sack of gold, “I’ll also be letting some of the undesirables in town know of your services,” they said, walking off into the night, “friends of mine could use a guy like you.”

    Har tried to protest, but the gnoll was already far gone. The weight of the sack of gold reassured him somewhat, but uncertainty gripped him about being asked to do more work for “undesirables”, whatever that meant exactly. For now, they were tired, and very much needed a long rest.

    Morning came, and Har awoke to a selection of notes having been pushed under his door. All of them were written in thieves’ cant, but he had a basic enough understanding to know what was being asked of him.

    Informant duties. Asset recovery. Fence services. All manner of illicit acts and deeds that Har would have never considered before today. He was in need of reliable income though, and if this was needed to fund a more honourable merchant career, what was the harm?

    This cycle continued for a while, the nights would be spent fulfilling requests and handling the needs of all manner of customers, with new notes being left under the door each morning. With such steady work, Har was able to afford a more modest lifestyle, and save towards their merchant career.

    However it was still seemingly not enough to fund a journey across the continents, it would not even have been enough to buy a bag of gems at Cozbi’s old stall. 

    This led to Har hatching an idea, he would start bigging himself up more on certain jobs, embellishing his achievements and hinting that he has taken on much more dangerous jobs than he is already taking. This would surely lead to better things, right?

    It only took a couple of days for these rumours to take root, news travels fast in underground communities. Now Har was receiving more difficult and dangerous duties. Complex heists. Poisoning politicians. Smuggling things in and out of Menlo.

    These jobs were completed and the money started rolling in more. Soon enough all Har needed to do was one last job before having everything they needed to start their journey as an honest merchant. 

    And as if by magic, one final lucrative opportunity came up in the form of a box filled with bags of platinum and instructions.

    “Scales. Rendezvous at town’s edge at midnight. Live cargo requiring delivery to the local academy. Bring included payment to Boreas. Anything left is yours.”

    From what he could interpret, Har figured this was some kind of monster being smuggled into the local arcane academy which needed discretion and caution to avoid startling the townsfolk. With one large sack of platinum and one smaller sack, Har knew this would be more than enough to start life anew.

    The arranged time came closer, and Har approached the designated meeting point. Once they got there they heard a familiar voice call out to them.

    It was Valtteron. The merchant who had inspired them to go on their journey to Menlo. Behind them they were pulling a large metal cage cart, full of…

    Humanoids.

    In chains.

    This was not a monster delivery job.

    This was slave transportation.

    “B-Boreas?”, Har said, stuttering their words in disbelief at the merchant they looked up to initially carrying such an immoral cargo.

    “Aye, it means “northern wind”… local abbess is fond of specific nicknames for who she works with.”

    “Abbess? I thought this was going to the magic school…”

    “Ahh, your thieves’ cant must need some work. Academy means “brothel”, and abbess is the mistress of said brothel. Needs new stock so I brought some in.”

    “You… you trade in slaves?!”

    “Aye, you saw my map right? Menlo is good for gems, fences, and slaves, as noted by my icons.”

    In that short moment, Har’s world shattered completely. The person who had been the impetus for him starting this journey was completely amoral to the deeds he was committing, seeing them simply as ‘stock’ rather than real people who had been forced into this.

    Har looked deep within himself, and realised that this was the level he had brought himself to through his deeds. This was the natural consequence of his actions, dealing with slavers and the moral weight that came with it.

    He had set out to become a merchant, but instead had become not even a common criminal, but a professional one, taking on duties they never expected to because of the lies he told.

    The kobold silently walked over to Valtteron and handed him the large bag of platinum. “I’ll get the job done,” he said, trying his best to put on a salesman’s smile, “you go get yourself some rest.”

    “You sure lad?”, Valtteron said, “usually I handle jobs like these with both myself and the bag man.”

    “Positive, they’re all chained up so I should have no issue sneaking them across town.”

    The Northlander gave a nod before taking the sack, handing over the keys, and whistling away into the night. Har waited until the sound had fully disappeared before opening up the cage doors.

    All of the humanoids cowered in fear as he went near them, but relaxed their posture as Har went around and unlocked their manacles. Thinking this was their chance for freedom, once all of them were out of their chains they jumped on Har, attempting to beat him down so they had a clear break at an escape.

    Whilst he realised he most certainly deserved this, for a multitude of reasons, he spoke his case as well as he could. “Stop, please!”, he said, jostling himself away from the angry former slaves, “I’m not taking you to the brothel… I’m setting you free…”

    All of the slaves stopped in that moment.

    All bar one, who already had the momentum going for a stomach kick and followed through with it, knocking the wind out of Har.

    “Okay… still definitely deserved that… even if it hurt…”

    “I got into a criminal lifestyle to try to fund a more honourable career, but it was a fool’s errand… please, let me help you start new lives, as penance.”

    The humanoids looked among themselves, trying to communicate through facial expressions and body language alone. After a brief non-verbal deliberation, they all nodded, following Har off of the cart and tailing him to the inn he had been staying at.

    Upon seeing all of these people so late the landlord tried to kick up a fuss, but the other bag of platinum Har had acquired as part of this job shut him up very quickly. The kobold worked tirelessly to set up each former slave with clothes, supplies, a destination, and most importantly, gold, from his own personal stash no less.

    By the early hours of dawn, each one of them was ready to start a new life, as Har guided them through a smuggling route only he knew about, leading them out of the city and far away from the life they were going to be forced to.

    After the last one had disappeared out of sight, Har looked over at the town before making his own disappearing act. Setting up all of the former slaves with enough money to make it somewhere had massively depleted his own resources, leaving him with only a few gold pieces.

    He wandered the plains for a week or two, trying to find any semblance of civilization for him to try to embed himself in, ideally far away from anything criminal.

    Eventually, the wanderings of Har Vetro brought him to the great city of Zobeck, a major trading hub within the world. A fine place to learn to become a more honest merchant, and for Har to maybe find a new kobold family.

    The streets were busy, far more busy than Menlo ever was. Traders of all kinds bartered and bargained with customers of all types. Har thought back to when he approached Cozbi, wondering if he should do that here, but paranoia prevailed and he kept on walking until he reached a more kobold centric area of the city.

    Various doors of different clans came into sight. One with pickaxes, but Har was not one for the mines. Another with swords, but Har was not an aggressive type.

    One door stood out to him, one with an elaborate cog design engraved into it. He recognised it from one of his previous jobs, a kobold king from Zobeck named Vantar had asked for some important components to be retrieved for them. Har figured since they had rapport, they would have a better chance at finding asylum here.

    He knocked the door, and it opened gently to a moderately armoured kobold guardsman. Despite their appearance, they were remarkably friendly, “hello there, how are you doing?”

    Har was upfront about his intentions, “I seek an audience with King Vantar.”

    The guardsman remained friendly, but was now wary of the kobold before them, “that’s a bit of a bold request from a stranger,” they said, holding the door slightly ajar, “may I ask who you are?”

    “My name is Har Vetro, I was asked to do a job for your clan back in Menlo, recovering components of some kind.”

    A gasp escaped from the guardsman’s maw as he flung the door wide open and invited Har inside, muttering rapidly about “the one who saved the king”, bringing him deep within the warren to eventually reach the king’s chambers.

    What Har was expecting was a kobold.

    They were not expecting this kobold to be a Gearforged.

    A Gearforged is created when a soul is transplanted into a soul gem, which is then placed inside a body of metal and cogs, effectively granting the individual eternal life. Replacement components for Gearforged can sometimes be tricky to find, but this bit of information gave Har more context on why the job initially came through.

    “Your excellency, I present Har Vetro,” the guardsman said, announcing the arrival of the so-called saviour, “he is the one who gathered parts for your repair!”

    Vantar whirred into life, standing from his throne and approaching Har. A normal kobold stood around three-feet, but due to his mechanical body, Vantar stood almost double that height. “You did me a great service,” he said, a synthetic yet melodic voice ringing out, “ask anything of me, and I shall do my best to give it.”

    Har stood for a moment, pondering what he should say. He could lie about why he came here and play the situation into his hands, or he could twist the truth to achieve a similar goal.

    Not today, Har thought. Both routes were how he got himself into this mess, the truth would better serve his intentions here.

    “I seek asylum under your leadership. Back in Menlo I was involved in all sorts of criminal activity, none of which I ever wanted to be a part of. My breaking point came when I was asked to transport slaves to a brothel, instead I set them free and left the town behind, eventually coming to your door with this humble request.”

    Gears and pistons whirred and pushed as Vantar considered this request, before giving a nod paired with a bow. “I shall honour your request,” he said, looking his new subject up and down, “you have both asylum and a new name under my protection.”

    “New name?”, Har said, curious but mildly concerned.

    “Yes, the criminal known as Har Vetro is no more. The kobold merchant known as “Honesty” will serve this clan better.”

    Honesty was filled with all different emotions, but all of them were positive. He had been given a new start and a new chance at realising his dreams. 

    This kobold clan was friendlier than his initial one as well. They gave him the rundown on how Zobeck works, the different kinds of people within it, along with the latest murmurings from the Shadow Realm. Shadow fey were a key part of Zobeck’s economy, with a lot of them speaking in hushed whispers about an incident involving a phoenix sorcerer a couple weeks back.

    Nonetheless, Honesty had found a new home, a new life, and a new chance to be who they wanted to be.

    Inspiration

    Commission number two done, and it is entirely fitting that it fits into the Marieyaverse.

    Patent pending, that stupid name is mine.

    The person who plays Honesty had their backstory written down in note form for the longest time, and upon learning that I was now accepting commissions, asked me to translate these notes into a proper story.

    Working from notes with creative freedom in how to interpret them was incredibly fun, because normally I do not work from notes in my own work. For backstory pieces I have plot beats in mind and general story progression but I tend to go with my own flow, and for session-inspired stories I normally reconstruct them from the chat logs in the server.

    Having that creative freedom led to some interesting story moments. There was nothing specific in Honesty’s backstory about where they did most of their crimes, and who exactly was selling slaves, which led to me developing Valtteron as this almost amoral sort of character who changed Honesty’s path multiple times, for better or worse.

    Random side tangent: there’s two themes I always seem to put into my stories one way or another, usually entirely subconsciously. They are the themes of “being transgender”, and “being lonely”. Now, the loneliness theme should be apparent, Honesty being left alone because of their actions multiple times.

    But as I was going over this story during the editing phase, I had a realisation that made me swear quite loudly once I had realised the trans theme had snuck in. Honesty is a new name, given to someone who wants to leave their old life behind…

    “Har Vetro” is Honesty’s deadname.

    I said when I started this year I wanted to write stories “sharing joy about being trans”, I was not expecting that theme to insert itself even into my commissions.

    So… hire me if you want trans fiction no matter the scenario?

    As usual, any and all feedback is appreciated.

  • Vincent’s Expertise

    (Approximate story word count: 2300 words. Estimated reading time: 23 minutes.)

    Engineering requires a specialised mindset. Technical acumen is only a fraction of the needed skills, an engineer must be efficient, determined, but most of all they must embrace their creative side when solving problems.

    Aboard the space station Mosaic VI, one such engineer was waiting for their chance to shine, blissfully unaware that the winds of fate were in their favour.

    Vincent hunched over their desk, focusing intensely on some technical blueprints they were drawing up. A long time ago the young man had thought of ways to improve the spacecraft repair pipeline, with an emphasis on utilising emerging exo-suit technology to be able to achieve this goal.

    However, due to their inexperience within the engineering discipline mixed with a higher class background than other colleagues, these ideas were often dismissed as the ramblings of a madman. Despite this, Vincent still considered a lot of other engineers his friends, if just to try to develop personal connections more easily.

    The disregard for his ideas did not dissuade him from working as hard as possible when something comes to mind, or from pursuing his passion. Despite the lodgings aboard the space station being temporary, the engineer had taken the time to decorate his room with his primary passion in his field of work: wrenches.

    Wrenches held a certain fascination for Vincent. Whilst other engineers valued an equipment loadout with a tool for every eventuality, Vincent focused more on having a wrench for each possible situation, even if the situation did not call for one. 

    To this end there were posters of various types of wrenches stuck onto the walls. Wrench identification charts outlining the use case for each type (which Vincent often ignored, he just liked the pictures), abstract wrench art found from various markets, and motivational images featuring wrench puns.

    Finishing off his last technical sketch, Vincent sighed softly and reclined in his modest desk chair. The exo-suit idea had been in development for almost three years at this point, and he had yet to find anyone willing to take it seriously. Maybe no one does want to take him seriously…

    This train of thought was quickly interrupted by a station-wide alarm going off.

    “All hands! All hands! A ship is coming into the station in urgent need of repairs! Any off-shift engineers report to Bay C!”

    No time to think. Now was another time to shine. Vincent stood up, refitted his overalls and grabbed his tools before jogging down the station corridors. He was a tall man, standing at around five-foot-ten with a somewhat stocky build, as befitting someone who did a lot of work with their hands and heavy tools.

    As standard with engineers he wore light brown overalls, though he had customised his with various embroidered patches, some of them were more wrenches, but some of them were more personal, one of them reading “Certified Weasel Basher”, given to him by a friend after an incident involving a pipe wrench and a furry creature.

    Moving further through the station, other engineers convened into the corridors and followed behind him… before barging him out of the way without much care for his personal space. “H-h-hey! What was-was that f-for?”, he said. Vincent had issues with stuttering and stammering his words, sometimes making it even harder to communicate his ideas to the other engineers.

    Said engineers completely ignored his protests about being pushed out of the way, continuing on to the hangar bay they had been asked to report to. About eight engineers had gathered, the head engineer included. His presence induced a long, frustrated sigh from Vincent as he stood in line next to the other engineers, knowing he was about to be sidelined again.

    “Alright men listen up!”, the head engineer said, pacing in front of the gathered company, “all we know about what is coming in is that it has had an engine failure of some kind. Our job here is twofold, diagnose and resolve ASAP!”

    “We’ve also been told that they are on a critical mission right now, so speed is of the essence, I only want the best taking to this task!”

    Vincent winced softly, knowing what was about to come next.

    “Vincent, take a break for a while, I’ll let you know if you’re needed.”

    Not again.

    The engineers were split into groups of two, with the head engineer taking supervision duty over the job. If one group were unable to fix the issue, another would take their place, hopefully being able to resolve the issue within the allotted time frame, everyone confident of the task at hand.

    That was until the ship actually came into the bay.

    It was an unusual design. The outward appearance made it look like a standard passenger ship, one that might be used for commercial space travel, but the equipment it was carrying almost made it appear as a military vessel. Not to mention the exhausts of the engine were a completely different design to what many had come to expect.

    Nonetheless, once it had properly landed, the first team jumped into action. Opening up panels and extracting components in the hopes of finding whatever might be faulty, few indicators appearing thus far.

    In the meantime the head engineer had gone to the airlock side of the ship, waiting to greet the travellers who had come to dock. Some time passed, and the door had not opened. The engineer knocked, and there was no response. Whatever these people were doing, they did not want to be seen by lowly grunts.

    Which would have come as a relief for the first engineering team, as after an intense twenty minute period of trying different fixes and remedies, the engine was still in a sorry sounding state.

    The second engineering team did not have much luck either, adding in various parts and bypasses to the systems in the hope of isolating the issue in order to repair it. All this really achieved was making it more difficult for the third engineering team when they took over. 

    Outside of the airlock door, the head engineer was raising their voice, hoping to get the attention of whoever might be inside. “Y’know, things would go a lot easier if you just gave us your manuals!”, he said, getting very irritated that three teams of engineers had not been able to resolve the issue, and that the clients were being incredibly uncooperative.

    A team meeting was called when the third team had finally given up, with everyone reporting their findings on the exact specifications of the engine… or they would, if anyone had a true idea of what it was. The head engineer called a drinks break and sat down at his table with a mug of tea.

    “B-b-boss,” Vincent said, approaching the head engineer, bouncing in anticipation slightly, “I think I h-h-have an idea of how to fix-fix-fix things!”.

    This was met with a long, exasperated sigh. “Vincent, if six of our best men can’t find a solution, I doubt you have one right now.”

    “But-but-but it must be worth a t-t-try right!”

    “Not with the tools we have on hand. Sit down, shut up, let us try to find the manuals and procedures for this thing.”

    Vincent shuffled away with their head hanging low at being rejected once more. He wanted to help, but he knew the moment he tried the head engineer would drag him off and throw him in the brig. That point about tools on hand was rubbish too, they had all the tools they needed!

    Wait a minute.

    Tools… on… hand…

    Oh that was a brilliant idea, but it needed the right execution. The young engineer went to their toolbox and grabbed a standard size pipe wrench, crouching down to shuffle back over to the head engineer, who was very engrossed in their cup of tea right now.

    Perfect then, for Vincent to clamp down their hand with the pipe wrench, hands shaking slightly as they adjusted to down, worried that they were about to be shouted at. The head engineer did not notice a thing though, allowing them to be restrained to their table.

    With the one person who would be willing to stop him now out of order, Vincent grabbed his toolbox of wrenches and ran over to the ship. The head engineer noticed this instantly, and tried to stand up in order to give pursuit, instead they attempted to stand before promptly dragging the table with them due to their hand being pinned against it. Their momentum from standing up and accelerating essentially threw the table over them, throwing them to the ground with a heavy object weighing them down.

    This allowed Vincent to work in peace, as none of the engineers really cared enough about his work process to try to intervene, and none of them had the chain of command in order to reprimand him anyway.

    Out came another pipe wrench, which was clamped to hold a fuel line in place. Then an oil filter wrench was secured around the pump to ensure cleaner flow. A few socket wrenches of various diameters were fidgeted with and tightened around various bolts. To the outside world, this all looked like nonsense, but to Vincent’s mind, this was all just part of the process.

    A process that seemed to be working, as the engine started to sound healthier with each new wrench introduced to the system. With one final turn of an allen key on a small control panel, the once unwieldy component roared into life, fully fixed by the seemingly esoteric steps undertaken.

    Vincent smiled as he looked upon his work, reaching down for the engine cover panel and re-securing it with his favourite monkey wrench before packing all of his tools away, including going to rescue the one he had pinned the head engineer with.

    As he did so though, there was a loud hiss from behind him. The airlock door of the ship had opened, and out came two people dressed in extremely fine clothes, flanked by two guards in heavy combat armour, carrying equally threatening weapons.

    “Are you the one that fixed our vessel?”, asked one of the two people. She was tall, blonde, and carried an air of reassuring refinement, her voice soft yet powerful.

    “Y-y-yes ma’am, it was r-r-r-really easy once I actually had a look at it,” Vincent said, slightly bowing his head in respect.

    “You certainly did better than a lot of those other dolts,” said the other person. He was shorter, with dark black hair perfectly trimmed, a voice of power with a hint of derision as he commented on the other engineers.

    “S-sometimes people here d-d-don’t see things like I-I-I do.”

    “We did notice,” said the blonde one, “though we did notice you only used wrenches to fix our ship.”

    “Not that it matters,” said the black-haired one, “but I am curious why you only use a single kind of tool.”

    “W-w-wrenches are a vers-versatile set of t-tools that be b-b-be arranged neatly i-in a toolbox, and, w-w-with the right m-ind, they can do any-any-anything!”

    The two individuals looked at each other briefly, sharing a knowing glance before looking back at Vincent with a question, “you are aware of ‘the last generation’ phenomena, correct?”, to which Vincent gave a nod.

    “We are looking for certain individuals to undertake an intense programme of training and preparation, to go out into the wider universe to discover more about this strange occurrence, and maybe find a cure or remedy.”

    Vincent tried to stutter out some words but was stopped by the black-haired on.  “We do not require an answer right away,” he said, handing over a datapad, “this contains all the information you need, along with coordinates for travel if you decide to take us up on our offer.”

    With that, the two of them and the two guards walked back into the ship, ready to depart. Before the door closed the blonde one turned around and smiled, “you are destined for great things Vincent,” the airlock closing behind them.

    “O-o-odd…”, Vincent said to himself, “I d-d-d-didn’t actually give them my name…”

    As quickly as the strange ship had arrived, it had departed. During the course of the conversation that had taken place, the head engineer managed to free themselves and went to confront Vincent.

    SIlence existed between the two of them for a bit, before the head engineer finally spoke, “…even if you did a good job fixing that weird thing, you broke protocol and were a general nuisance. Go back to your room and we’ll talk later.”

    And once again, despite showing his technical prowess in the face of adversity, bureaucracy had brought Vincent down once more. He did not even have the energy to sigh, he just shuffled back to his room, at least there he would be able to continue work on the exo-suit designs.

    Except he would not, as upon returning to his room, he found the place trashed. Everything was scattered around and everything was not where it was supposed to be.

    What was more disturbing was that when he had finished cleaning up the place and taking stock of his sketches, all of the ones relating to the exo-suit were missing. He saw two people walking by his door and leaned out to ask them, “d-d-did you see a-anyone come in or out of m-my r-room?”

    This was met with a scoff, “why should we care? You never leave that room anyway”, the two people carrying on their way without even checking if Vincent themselves is okay. He sat down on his now remade bed and thought for a moment, before going to browse the datapad further.

    Keeping things within the chain of command was going to limit their potential forever, maybe this opportunity would give them the chance to actually excel at what they want to do.

    Inspiration

    Well, this is definitely an interesting one, as this is my first commissioned piece of writing.

    Someone close to me wanted me to help them write a backstory for their character in a tabletop game they are currently in, which presented… all number of challenges.

    For a start, the absolute fear that comes with having to work with someone else’s creations and worrying about screwing up their characterisation. Thankfully I think I had the right approach by having a detailed conversation about who the character is, and the system this character is in actually helped a lot as it outlined drives, goals, flaws in a pretty simple way.

    Another is worrying about the world, as other than general sci-fi vibes I have no idea what is truly going on here. This led to worries about my usual backstory technique of “creating my own staging ground with what I know” potentially backfiring with a lack of knowledge. Addressed this issue in conversations as well, making sure everything runs smoothly.

    Vincent was both challenging to write and ended up being pretty straightforward. Obviously with all of my own characters they are, in varying measures, extensions of myself, meaning all I need to do is go inside my own headspace in order to flesh them out. With Vincent I couldn’t exactly do that, but as I wrote more I started to see some similarities between issues I had faced and what I was planning with Vincent.

    Especially with wanting to go into your own space in order to fully flesh out what your ideas can do, without the fear of bureaucracy or the narrow views of others getting in the way…

    …I’ve written another trans allegory again completely by mistake.

    Oh well, that tends to happen more than it doesn’t nowadays. Anyway, Joe, I hope you enjoyed this, and thank you so much for commissioning me again. It was super appreciated.