This… was not an easy decision to make, but it is something I hope to ultimately be temporary – something that helps ease my pain whilst I navigate a rockier than expected life transition, being able to go off the medication once I return to a greater point of stability.
In addition to sertraline, I have also been prescribed a beta blocker to help with the initial anxiety that comes with going back onto an antidepressant and to hopefully control some of the panic attacks I have been experiencing. The doctor reassured me that taking this step is not a sign of weakness, but one of strength.
Though, as I sit in bed writing this review and contemplating the action I have taken, I find myself being consumed by doubt, possibly because of how late it is, but I want to talk about it all the same.
I have used the phrase “better on the inside, better on the outside” a few times whenever writing a Redundancy Review, in the context of talking about how I want to improve my mental and physical condition as part of a greater plan to be a better person.
But I wonder how much changing my “outside” is going to help me, and whether I need to start looking “inside” more to figure out what exactly I need to do next. Right now I am laser focused on changing my job as that constitutes a major part of my life and finding a career with greater purpose might at least ease some of the immediate stress.
It becomes more of a philosophical question the longer I ponder it: what does it mean to change “inside”?
There are many answers I can provide, but I think the first step needs to be committing to the short-term improvement that I hope the antidepressants will be able to bring. Once I am no longer bogged down in the deepest recesses of my own mind, I should be able to look at everything going on in a more objective sense and make more informed choices.
Hopefully seeing my therapist again helps too, there is a good deal of clarity that an outside lens can reveal on what I am truly feeling, and hopefully she can help me write a solid plan for getting myself back to the person I want to be.
I do not intend to surrender just yet, this is just a stumble on my journey towards who I want to become.
This post serves more as a milestone post for my own journey than anything else, I will hopefully be back to writing proper reviews tomorrow with the somewhat usual VTuesday segment. For now enjoy this picture I took on my trip to Swansea just over a week ago.
That covers everything for now, thank you for reading today’s edition of the Redundancy Review. Wherever you are, I hope you have not had too hard of a Monday and that the rest of the week is shaping up to be a good one for you.
Good morning impressionists and pointillists, welcome to Day 134 of Rosalia Rambles Redundancy Review.
One of the first things to fall for me when I enter into a depressive spike is my outward self-expression. My appearance starts to falter as I neglect doing a proper hair wash and shave to use what little energy I have on not smelling like the dumpster I feel I am, and my choice of clothing goes from the goth-lite style I typically enjoy to simple hoodie and joggers.
It definitely helps me to cope with the depression, I do not need to put much mental effort into deciding what I want to wear and can instead direct that energy into making sure I can do what is absolutely essential for the day.
In a way though, it becomes a self-perpetuating cycle. I find myself falling into a state of depression, which makes my self-expression slip, which worsens my depression because I struggle to feel like myself, which makes it harder to find the time to dress up all cute and fancy without it feeling like an obligation.
Writing definitely helps ease that feeling, or at the very least make me feel as if I am able to keep up with a form of self-expression, even if that mostly boils down to letting the words flow out of my head onto the page to make things more quiet up top – very much needed because of how noisy my brain feels right now.
On the plus side, I know my employment will at least last for the rest of the year, with some amount of uncertainty about what might come next depending on the work output of myself and the people I work with. It provides comfort and anxiety simultaneously, the former from the fact I know I can at least see out the rest of this year working towards a goal, and the latter from once more facing down the barrel of uncertainty in a highly competitive jobs market.
God this is turning into a proper ramble, I am struggling to keep my head focused on the task at hand and I keep veering off topic to talk about everything going on.
I think I am just going to do some affirmations before I head to the review segment, both for myself, and anyone reading who may need it.
It is tough to carry on right now, but I want to keep moving forward.
There is still so much room for me to grow, I can keep growing stronger.
My career has not peaked, I still have so much more to give to my field.
Everything I have been through has helped me become who I am today, I am the net result of every victory and every defeat.
Things feel overwhelming right now, but I will keep going.
There is still so much beauty in this world I am yet to bear witness to, and I want to be able to put my own stories into the world.
I teared up a little bit writing that all down if I am honest.
Anyway, time to go into the review segment for today, which… is less a review, and more just a discussion about my fursona.
Meet Rosa, the Arctic Fox & Phoenix hybrid. She is essentially my “truesona”, being a reflection of myself more than an actual character I would embody, down to her having similar proportions to what my actual body looks like IRL. This reference sheet was drawn by my friend Ely, who I think did a fantastic job with the entire thing.
So, why did I make the design choices that I did with her?
Part of it comes from my background in playing Monster Hunter. In both Rise and World I had armour & weapon setups that focused on the idea of fire (or blast, in this case) and ice, which slowly evolved into becoming my signature loadouts with me even developing lore based around the two Elder Dragons that the weapons were derived from.
This elemental aesthetic inspires not only the animal choices for the fursona itself, but for the colour detailing on her as well, with the orange & blue markings representing her two elemental affinities, the colours being matched in the eyes two.
Fun fact: I have given enough of my characters that are supposed to represent me heterochromia that I have had to write a note down that reminds me which eye is supposed be the chromatic one, as it is always a blue right eye with an unnatural colour for the right eye – orange for the fursona, and pink for any of my Monster Hunter characters.
But I want to dive deeper on why the phoenix was chosen as one half of this hybrid. The arctic fox part is easy enough to explain: it is a creature associated with cold environments and I absolutely love foxes.
The phoenix has a lot of personal connection to me though, and it started long before I became a furry.
Initially, my connection to the mythical creature came through my first D&D character, Marieya Ebontide, someone who I have written a lot of fiction about and still need to give her a proper ending. After coming up with a part of her backstory on the fly for a nothic to dig into, that small fact soon evolved into developing her as a sorcerer suppressing her powers, gifted to her by having the soul of a phoenix.
Over time, I found myself connecting with the concept of the phoenix more. I related it to my own challenges, how each time I got brought down to my lowest point I would always find a way to rekindle myself to come back stronger than I did before.
Fire dims, colour fades, and feathers shed – but nothing lasts forever, and whatever is bringing me down low fades, letting my flames reignite once more to let my true nature shine through.
I will finish up this review by going into the painful and excruciating details as to why my truesona has wings…
…wings are fucking awesome.
Simple as.
While they do a good job at helping hammer home the phoenix aspect of the character, they are mainly there for being damn awesome, even in the small amounts of lore I have written for her I specify that they are not flight-capable wings, primarily there to add lift to jumps or stabilise herself during acrobatic manoeuvres.
That pretty much covers it all for today, thank you for reading today’s edition of the Redundancy Review. Wherever you are I hope you have been able to get past the hump day feelings and are able to look forward to the weekend coming soon.
Good morning humans and monsters, welcome to Day 104 of Rosalia Rambles Redundancy Review.
For someone who consistently wishes that the Monday blues do not hit people too hard whenever she signs off a Sunday article, god damn do I feel like I have been hit by a truck today.
All of a sudden last night my impostor syndrome flared up something fierce, not only making me doubt the efficacy of whatever I am doing on this site, or if I am even worthy enough to hold my current position within QA.
The answer to the latter is simple: yes, yes I am. My brain is just stupid and exhausted from constantly worrying about the situation I am currently in which causes me to ignore my track record as a QA professional and that I would have not sustained a close to five-year career if I did not have some amount of pride or professionalism in my work.
That, and I am a magnet for bugs no matter what I play… though it seems to happen a lot more randomly in EA games which is very thematically appropriate given my history with the company.
One way to prove that taking time to rest is helping my brain redshift on what things mean to me is that my body’s response to these feelings is not feeling the need to push myself further, in fact, it is quite the opposite – I feel myself slowing to a crawl, but still trying my best to move forward.
I think that is all I can really ask for given the year that I have had, that I can keep moving forward and do so with the acknowledgment that I am still here today, even when there was so much that could have brought me down for good, not only in this year, but in so many years prior.
Considering Undertale’s tenth anniversary was over the weekend, I think the image is pretty thematic.
Even though I was never really part of the fandom surrounding Undertale and everything that came with it, it is hard to believe such an impactful game is already ten years old. Ten years ago I was in sixth form (name for British education from 16-18 in some schools), possibly some of the worst years of my life due to academic stress, identity worries, and trying to navigate a much lonelier world than I had before.
When one day, I reconnected with a friend on the bus home from school, talking about some of the stuff I had been up to and what he had been up to, with the conversation eventually turning to Undertale. I mentioned I had heard of it but had not really seen anything about it at all.
It was given to me as a Steam gift later that evening from that same person… wherever you are right now Sam, whatever you have been getting up to… I hope you are living a fantastic life, and know that I still treasure the memories of our friendship.
Undertale appeared at one of the lowest points of my life, and even if I only played through it once (neutral route into Pacifist, cause good god I did not have the mental fortitude to do Genocide back then and I certainly do not have the cojones to do it now), the experience still left an impact on me.
I still listen to the music, and those immortal words in that screenshot still stick with me today.
Despite everything, I am still me. I am still keeping on, even if the last ten years have changed me drastically. And that is something that is worthy of celebration.
Not really a review per se, more just a story that still holds significance in my mind and in a way is topically relevant to recent events. Fuck it, I will put the inverted commas on and post this up, cause I appreciate what I wrote today.
And I appreciate you for reading today’s edition of the Redundancy Review. Wherever you are, I hope your Monday blues are not hitting too hard and that you are still able to get things done today.
Good morning playwrights and screenwriters, welcome to… Day 100, of Rosalia Rambles Redundancy Review.
There have been a lot of milestones on this journey, from marking months past the inciting incident, and to celebrating Day 69 the only way I knew how (immaturity), but Day 100 feels incredibly significant to me.
It is difficult to consider how much my life has changed in the hundred days since I was first made redundant, and honestly, I have the Redundancy Review to thank for giving me a timeline to work from because otherwise I would not have kept track of how much time had actually passed, as it feels recent and distant simultaneously.
But for all the hardship, all the good times, and the self-doubt that continues to pervade my system every day… I am still here. The story has not yet ended.
And I want to dedicate today’s Redundancy Review to that topic: stories. It is a word I consistently use on this blog, with “storyteller” being my preferred title to describe what I want to do in life.
Even if the current form of my passion for writing came to me later in life, I have always had a fascination with stories. To my best memory (curse you depression and neurodivergence causing me to forget things), I was always a kid who liked immersing myself in stories, either real or made-up. I remember enjoying creative writing assignments more than most, and even if I was not the best at literature analysis; discovering the story within a piece of writing fascinated me.
Stories are an essential part of human existence – millions are generated every day by people around the world, whether they realise it or not. A lived experience will one day become a story you tell to others, the hardship of today will eventually become something you laugh about in the future, and the missteps you make now form their way into a cautionary tale for the future.
This is the core of the Redundancy Review, the story of one girl trying to navigate her way through an ever-changing world whilst she grapples with her own life being disrupted drastically. Even if the schedule slips and I end up missing out a couple days of a so-called daily series, it still forms a part of the overall story about what I am going through.
There will always be more stories to tell, and be they fact or fiction, I aim to be around to tell them.
In a way that is what the review segment really is as well, a story. I never claim to be and do not want to be seen as a critic, because ultimately whilst I will give my opinions on the topics I talk about, there are far more qualified people than me to give proper critique.
I still aim to provide information for people to make up their own minds, but ultimately what I am doing is telling the story of the experience whatever I am talking about gave to me – hence the esoteric range of topics from music, gaming, and whatever I had for lunch on a given day.
Which, yes, does defeat the purpose of this being called the “Redundancy Review”, but “Jobless Journal” would make less sense considering I am in full-time work currently and “Severance Stories” makes even less sense when you take into account it was the entire company imploding and several other of my colleagues getting caught in the crossfire.
Anyway, back on track.
Initially I was struggling to come up with a review topic for today, but a sudden brainwave gave me the perfect topic for today, given that it is a cover of a very popular Vocaloid song that specifically changes the ending lyrics to be a bit more heartwarming than bleak compared to the original.
The song in question is Rolling Girl, with this cover being by Lollia and RichaadEB specifically.
Content warning ahead: I will be discussing both the cover and the original which cover very bleak themes of failure, depression, and suicide. Read ahead at your own discretion.
This song has appeared on a previous Redundancy Review back on Day 28, but did not give it the level of coverage it deserves due to feeling a bit shit at the time. Time to make this right.
For background information, Rolling Girl was released in 2010 and was composed by famed Vocaloid producer wowaka, who sadly passed away in 2019 from heart failure at the extremely young age of 31. Rest in peace dude, and know your art is still being appreciated a decade and a half later.
When it comes to the main bits of lyrical analysis, I will be using Lollia’s cover since that is the version I want to focus on, however I will link a version of the original PV here and a link to the Vocaloid wiki with approved English lyrics here for people to get the full picture of what Rolling Girl is as a song, along with using those approved lyrics for comparison.
There is a certain sense of hesitation I get talking about this song, due to the themes it contains and how I relate to them, so I will try my best to do it justice.
At its core, Rolling Girl is a song about someone who is failing over & over again, with these repeated instances eating away at them until it becomes far too overwhelming:
“All the noise
Slicing layers in her heard
Has her screaming away
Has her screaming away”
This is a feeling I can relate to a lot with the song, when my brain gets full of negativity it feels like a massive cloud of noise that just eats away at me inside, though it often gets to the point where I cannot say anything at all due loud everything is to me.
Throughout the song there are instances, mostly during the chorus, where the protagonist (Miku/Lollia) is talking to a figure. It is during one of these instances where I want to highlight a difference in the approved English lyrics to Lollia’s lyrics and how her creative input makes the song far more devastating.
In the original version, the first chorus ends with the lines:
“‘How about now?’ ‘Not yet, we still can’t see what’s ahead yet. Hold your breath now.’”
I interpret this as Miku talking to an embodiment of her depression, though I cannot decide what exactly I think the topic at hand here is:
Is her depression asking her if she wants to end her life, and she wants to hold on because she does not yet know what is coming?
Is her depression asking her if she wants to carry on, but she is too far in her own mind to see what is ahead so cannot provide an answer?
I personally lead towards the latter, as I feel the original Rolling Girl works better with its ending to look at the earlier parts in a more hopeful manner to give the finale even more impact, but we will get to that soon enough.
Lollia’s version leaves very little to interpretation, but I love how brutal and raw these lyrics are:
“‘Are you better now?’
‘No, I don’t know how!’
What’s the point in living if pain’s never ending?
Please just let me stop my breath right now.”
Holy fuck the content warning was definitely needed. The first time I heard these lyrics with this cover I had to pause because they are so insanely hard-hitting for someone who has struggled with depression, but they show the creative power of interpreting Vocaloid songs into another language to give them even more impact.
There is very little room for interpretation here, and I absolutely love that.
Going to skip ahead a bit, not only because I feel myself quivering a bit talking about these topics, but so I can get to the bit I truly want to talk about: the ending.
This will start with me talking about the approved English lyrics version on the Vocaloid wiki:
“’How about now?’
‘Just a little more, we should see something soon. Hold your breath, now.’
One more time, one more time
‘I’ll roll along again today’
The girl said, the girl said
Breathing laughter into the words!
‘How about now? OK, you can look. You must be exhausted too, right?’
Stop breathing, now.”
When combined with the PV, the most common interpretation of these last lyrics are that Miku has finally decided to end it all, with her embodiment of her depression comforting her in her last moments, commenting that she must be exhausted from failing so often, and finally telling her to stop breathing. A tragic end to a song that has hope spots earlier on.
But… Lollia’s cover takes a different approach, one that gives an initially tragic song a far more hopeful ending compared to the original, though starting off in a similar way:
“‘Are you better now?’
‘No, I don’t know how!’
Maybe one day you’ll see how well I’m improving
Please just let me stop my breath”
Before erupting into something beautiful:
“Not now.
Just once more, just once more
I will roll again today, I know for sure
Oh that girl said, what she said
Playing every word and playing to pretend
‘Just once more?’
‘No, no more!’
‘Take my hand and come with me’
‘Tell me your story’
‘Please just let me hold your breath for now.’”
Over four years later, the way this version of the song ends has stuck with me, and how it completely changes the interpretation of the figure the protagonist is talking to. In the original, it is an embodiment of depression, waiting for them to give up but also providing comfort to them in their final moments.
In Lollia’s version, it very much seems to be a close friend, not wanting the protagonist to suffer any longer, but also refusing to let them go through with suicide. Letting them stop “rolling”/failing, and asking to be told their story, saying that they will hold their breath for now, a line that can be interpreted as this person wanting to keep their friend holding for as long as possible.
Quick picture for the thumbnail, with the touching tribute to wowaka at the end of Lollia’s video serving nicely.
And we come back round to how today’s edition started: stories.
Everyone has a story, through highs and lows, through happiness and sadness, through joy and sorrow. Everyone’s story deserves to be heard, and I want to continue telling mine through the medium I have chosen, for as long as I can be allowed to.
For anyone reading today’s edition, thank you.
For anyone who has been a long time reader, thank you.
For anyone who has only just discovered me, thank you.
Good morning homebodies and wanderers, welcome to Day 78 of Rosalia Rambles Redundancy Review.
So with me putting together a cosplay at almost the last minute given my initial plans fell through, what I am technically going through is my first experience of con crunch.
I do not know how cosplayers can do this on the regular. My head is in near constant pain due to worrying about needing to put things together and the stress of having things continue to go wrong even up until today is really taking its toll on me – not to mention this is compounding on top of work and personal stress leaving me paranoid about a lot of different things.
But I carry on, I persist.
Part of the Redundancy Review is recording how I feel on a daily basis, sometimes through the lens of an annoyed rant, sometimes through rambling self reflection. Today we are going for the latter, talking about what I have decided to title the review today.
When it comes to improving myself, I simultaneously want to be healthier in body and mind. Over the years I have put on a significant amount of weight due to various coping mechanisms I engaged with both previously and persisting in to today, with the usual reasoning of everything that happened during COVID not helping the situation either.
To put it in more practical terms, since 2017 I have added on about 30cm/12 inches to my waistline. My goal with slimming my body back down is to fit in to my oldest cosplay, Junko Enoshima from Danganronpa, and that goal stays in my mind when it comes to losing weight, even though getting back down to that point would bring a multitude of other benefits – the only one in sight is being able to fit into old clothes once more.
I had committed to Beat Saber as part of a workout routine, but that fell off once heatwaves had started setting in along with getting ill again, and I keep thinking about restarting, which will probably be a post-convention activity at this point.
But when it comes to being better on the inside… that has been a long time journey, and I am not really any closer to figuring out how to be so. My awareness of my own mental health stretches over twelve plus years now, and whilst I can definitely say I am in a far better place today than I have been at any other points in my life; the challenges that define my mental health have also switched drastically during that time.
Academics, friendships, transitioning, career changes: all of these have shifted what battles I fight on a daily basis, and being real for a moment… I do not think I am winning any of them right now.
I carry on, I persist, but ultimately I feel as if I am drowning most days.
I have always had a difficult relationship with my depression, especially as someone who experiences, for all intents and purposes, a life of relative comfort. On paper I very rarely have reasons to be sad, and yet the sadness remains, feeding into my stress & paranoia to make me feel I am in danger of losing everything that keeps me together right now.
My hard work does not feel like enough some days, constantly feeling as if the immense pressure is going to crush me at any moment and I will find myself in a dark place very quickly.
I am terrified of being alone again, but some days I feel like I am closer to that pain than ever before. I know it is ultimately all inside my head, but for all the therapy, medication, and healing I have tried through this long journey of having a shit brain, sometimes the hardest part is leaving my head for a short while to see that things are not so bad.
It might just be the last three months talking in all this, even though I have said I might finally feel like I am healing from the initial hit of redundancy a few weeks back. Maybe recovery is a lifelong journey for me, or maybe I will never truly be the same again, building upon scarred tissue a new life with the pain of the past still prominently present even today.
Or maybe I am just tired, in desperate need of a break I cannot take.
Regardless, I will be here. A record of my every day uploaded for the world to see, a slice of vulnerability in the landscape of cultivated profiles.
…feels a bit weird to go in to a review about shoes after baring my heart out about self-improvement, but that is the way we roll around here.
Specifically these shoes are New Rock M-WALL373-S11 platform boots. I bought these ages ago back in March specifically to act as part of my cosplay for my upcoming convention whilst also finally getting a real proper pair of stompers that were not from AliExpress.
Sizing was the primary reason I decided to purchase from New Rock, as an extremely tall trans girl my feet are absolutely massive and were even classed as wide when picking up male shoes back in the day, meaning it is extraordinarily difficult to find cute & stylish shoes that fit me – so you could imagine my relief when I found that New Rock not only included my size, it went beyond my size too.
The boots are extremely comfortable, having plenty of space around my toes to ensure nothing feels pinched when I am walking around. The platform itself feels extremely solid too, and the bolts embedded into the side walls of it give the perfect industrial gothic look that I was looking for.
And in terms of high-quality footwear that fits my feet, the price point of New Rock was not actually that bad, being €257.62 or around £222, a reasonable price for larger than normal shoes and with such good design.
However.
I live in the UK, and if you have paid attention to any UK politics within the last decade then A. I am very sorry for your loss and B. Brexit is a thing, which meant that, as New Rock is a Spanish company, I had to pay import tax on these, adding a lovely £54.30 on to the bill.
But hey, taking back control am I right?*
*this statement is a joke, if you have not already guessed that my politics are extremely left-leaning then I am clearly not doing a good enough job here.
Think that covers everything I wanted to talk about today, thank you for reading this confusingly honest edition of the Redundancy Review. I hope getting past hump day has been easy enough for you, and that the weekend is not too far away for you.
Good morning phantoms and spirits, welcome to Day 43 of Rosalia Rambles Redundancy Review.
So the anxiety from yesterday has gone down, but in its place comes a resurgence of my depression – ended up needing a good cry over lunch in place of my usual walk to help things feel somewhat stable again.
I am still here though, and honestly, that is one of the best things I can say in regards to my depression. Been suffering with it for over a decade at this point with me being able to definitively say that the worst of it is still behind me, even with everything that has gone on in the last few months.
Transitioning helped ease a lot of the pain for sure, but also being able to do more things in my life that made me happy and building on the friendships I had let me move on from the moments in my past I am not massively proud of. I am thankful every day for the people who helped me through those days, whether I express it or not, because without them I would not have survived.
But right now it feels like all I am doing is surviving, and not thriving. I mentioned yesterday that my position is “stable” right now, in terms of finances and continuation of my living situation, but at the same time, that stability feels like stagnation as well.
In a way doing this contract role is me attempting to return to my comfort zone, that instead of soul-searching and feeling the pain of redundancy; I took the first opportunity out to return to some sense of normality. It provides continuity, but it does not entirely feel like I am satisfying the part of my brain that wants something new.
I will persist though, at least for the time being. If I am smart with the pay this role is providing, my already robust safety net is built up further which would allow me to pursue potential projects that bring joy to my life, and embrace the lifestyle of an artist that I seem to crave on a spiritual level.
Today’s review topic is actually one that has been requested of me by a friend. This is not a sponsored review as I paid out of pocket to review these two items, but Aaron, this one is for you. I am adding this to your tab of writing work you owe me for though.
KFC have recently added two temporary items to their menu as part of a limited summer promotion: the Zinger Drip burger, and Zinger Drip wings, building on their “zinger” range of items that are supposed to be more spicy than usual. In my opinion the Zinger fillets have no real spice to them at all with the Supercharger sauce being what carries the heat, but the Zinger sauce is a new menu addition entirely.
For this review I purchased a standalone Zinger Drip burger (without my usual addition of a hashbrown for “integrity”, I guess) and a portion of Zinger Drip wings which was a portion of three wings. Normally I would order a meal but my local KFC was out of Tango and there is no way in hell I am risking 7Up roulette.
The items come in unique packaging as well, being a deep black with red accents to highlight the spicier than usual sauce the chicken comes in, though I have issues with the packaging the wings came in, along with the overall presentation of the wings themselves.
Now, admittedly, I messed up the photo I took of the wings and it is out of focus – it still works for demonstrative purposes though as the sauce does not fully cover the wings here, in fact it kind of looks like the KFC staff member threw some hot wings into the box, poured the sauce over the top and called it a day rather than the wings getting tossed in the sauce.
There is a way to improve this though without needing to add additional steps in my opinion: package the wings in a box similar to the burger box. This would allow the wings to be placed in the box comfortably, with the sauce poured over top giving decent coverage to the wings and forming a more even pool of sauce for the underside of the wing to soak up.
The burger is pretty standard by all measures, it is a chicken fillet with lettuce and processed cheese in a surprisingly non-seeded bun. It hits the spot in all the right ways.
But what of the headline addition? The all-new “Zinger” sauce that absolutely coats my burger in a way it does not for the wings? Well, I will tell you… it basically tastes like Buffalo wing sauce.
It is equal measures sweet and spicy, and as someone who is a self-proclaimed spicehead, the sauce scratched my itch for the good stuff to a surprising degree. Long after I had finished my food and embarked on my walk home I could feel the tingle in my mouth, bringing a pleasant burn to my tongue that satisfied my synapses perfectly.
The spiciness may catch some people off guard, I even had a hiccup escape partway through my burger due to it which very rarely happens to me – and I have had ghost pepper sauce before.
In terms of price, the burger cost me £6.99 for a standalone burger with no fries, drink, or side, and the wings cost me £2.99.
For the burger, I think this is an acceptable price to pay and is in line with other KFC burgers, especially if you are craving something spicy but not wanting the glorious mess that is a Zinger Stacker.
However, for the wings… no, I can not recommend them at that price point. Three Hot Wings on their own cost £1.99, so for a whole extra £1 you are paying for the same wings to have a spicy sauce haphazardly drizzled on top with most of it sinking to the bottom of the ill-designed packaging.
That does it for the first requested Redundancy Review segment. Thank you for reading today, I hope you have an easy hump day and can find some relaxation wherever you find it.
Good morning spectres and enigmas, welcome to Day 42 of Rosalia Rambles Redundancy Review.
Six weeks huh? I would say this is the longest I have committed to writing something every day but we hit that point about five weeks ago. It still makes for good daily writing practice, and having somewhere I can keep my thoughts and feelings written down does help unfuck my brain a fair bit.
Which is why today’s topic is: anxiety!
Started off the week with a rant against the government, now I am talking about a debilitating mental health condition – this ramble train has no brakes baby!
Due to ongoing roadworks outside my flat, I found it difficult to sleep in the late hours of night into the early hours of the morning, and during this time I felt a massive spike of anxiety within my system for seemingly no reason at all. What is even more confusing is the cause behind it.
For some reason, I became incredibly worried about money and the viability of my current situation, which, on paper, makes logical sense. Money and upkeep are perfectly reasonable things to worry about at any given time.
But, in the grand scheme of things, I am in a stable situation right now. I might be a contractor but I still have a form of regular income, my partner is in work for the foreseeable future, and as part of the whole redundancy process I reinforced my nest egg by a very healthy amount.
That said, I am someone who just… worries a lot. I worry about my partner, I worry about my former colleagues, and I worry about my friends. It is in my blood to worry… possibly a residual side effect from how much caffeine I imbibe on the daily but that is neither here nor there.
It will probably fade in time, and I at least have a weekend away to look forward to right now. Having some time away from home and a long coach ride to let my brain unwind should be fun, plus being in Glasgow is going to give me plenty of new topics to explore for Redundancy Reviews.
Speaking of, it is Tuesday, which normally means I would be spotlighting something from the Hololive space of Vtubing… but given the events of last night given VShojo utterly imploding on itself, I am instead going to give the spotlight to Ironmouse, talking about a song she has covered in the past and highlighting her current fundraising drive with the Immune Deficiency Foundation.
KING is a song by Vocaloid producer Kanaria, initially brought to life by Vocaloid GUMI but has since taken on a role of being a Vtuber right of passage almost to make a cover of it, with everyone adding their own unique vocal style and flair to make it their own.
With Ironmouse though, she does not do anything by the half-measure, bringing on shirobeats and Sleeping Forest to make a beautiful rendition of the iconic beat mixed with Mouse’s vocal chops and giggles to make an almost addicting sound.
As simple as the techniques used in editing are as well, they help provide an extra amount of impact on certain lines – from turning the screen greyscale to darkening it entirely outside of Mouse’s mesmerising glowing pink eyes.
It is actually one of my favourite versions of KING due to these additional little details, and every person who works on this video deserves full credit for making it that way.
Cheeky thumbnail picture incoming…
And additionally, I am going to be providing a link to Ironmouse’s current campaign on Tiltify for the Immune Deficiency Foundation: https://tiltify.com/@ironmouse/ironmouse
VShojo have been revealed as completely fucking over their talents, and this is a small positive light in the wake of so much darkness coming out of their collapse.
Thank you for reading today’s Redundancy Review, bit of a disjointed one as I wrote it in two different halves of the day, but it fits the bit. I hope you have an easy day and can find some relaxation whenever it comes along.
Good morning spirits and geists, welcome to Day 35 of Rosalia Rambles Redundancy Review.
It was a fairly standard work day for me yesterday, got onboarded, started breaking things as is my want, and started to fight with the HMRC Self-Employment registration form which will probably also form a good chunk of my work today in between breaking things, needing to be set up as a sole trader in order to report my income.
I can not tell if what I am suffering from right now is impostor syndrome or not. My brain tends to be a catastrophising one anyway so I need to give myself time to settle down into a routine, but part of me feels almost inappropriate where I am right now.
My heart still lies with my art, and whilst I feel comfortable viewing working in tech as a means to an end, there is definitely some part of me that feels that I should have left this life behind and kept walking in my own direction. I was not making any money in that direction but I felt a peace I had not experienced for a long time as I found my redundant rhythm.
Admittedly, I did avoid doing some soul searching after I had been made redundant, choosing to focus on enjoying myself rather than thinking about what I want to do moving forward – which helped start to remedy my burnout, but did not end up addressing the root cause.
If we consider my degree, the last eight years of my life have been in some form of hands-on role in the tech industry. I abandoned the idea of becoming a game developer shortly after my degree finished as I realised far too late that programming did not bring me any tangible joy, which led me into my current path as a QA where I have been for four years now.
And there is no denying I am good at what I do. Even if I have moments of panic some days and have some fumbles, I am a bug finding machine with the ability to write clear & concise reports with appropriate supporting evidence…
…I am just not sure I want to be that person anymore.
Stay tuned as I slowly try to unfuck my brain over the course of the coming weeks, but in the meantime, time for the review – and it is Tuesday with me feeling a lot better, so it is time to review the Hololive song review!
IRyS is a HololiveEN member initially debuting in July 2021 as part of a ‘group’ known as “Project: HOPE” before eventually joining the reformed Promise unit as their fifth member, having always been adopted by previous Council members for the purposes of collabs anyway.
Project: HOPE initially started as a music-focused group and even after becoming a member of Promise IRyS has continued to focus on making incredibly good music across a range of genres, though one I find myself returning to often is the focus today: Gravity.
A sombre song that speaks to me as someone who has had several experiences with depression, anxiety, and figuring out my identity, ones that persist to this day if my initial ramble is anything to go by.
The lyrics give me the impression of what it feels like to be stuck in a rut as well, with the second verse really standing out to me:
“Aim, somewhere along I lost my aim
Thoughtlessly counting up my days
I don’t know, I don’t know, it’s really tough to say
I’ll probably be stuck here anyway”
Ruts can often feel comfortable, and even if you are aware of the fact you have found yourself in one, it can feel almost impossible to pull out of it. But what overpowers both ruts and the theming of ruts in the song is that no one is truly alone – especially not in feeling stuck, with the bridge before the final chorus going:
“Bet somebody’s out there, just like me
Feeling all the same things
I don’t know what I should do
At least, though, you’re like this too
I’ve found a bit of comfort”
With the way the world is right now, with everyone going through degrees of their own shit, finding comfort in each other can be the difference between surviving and thriving, even when circumstances are not ideal.
Also, obligatory screen grab for the thumbnail
That covers everything for today, thank you for reading today’s Redundancy Review. You are not alone, there are those around you who can help, and the world is a better place with you in it.
Rosalia Rambles 