Good morning examiners and invigilators, welcome to Day 130 and 131 of Rosalia Rambles Redundancy Review.
The moment I thought I could return to a reasonable schedule for posting, a short holiday took me out of the rhythm once more – although it was definitely a needed break.
Specifically my partner and I took a whirlwind trip down to Swansea in South Wales, close to where he originally came to me from, with the trip itself having two main purposes:
Visiting a local game shop down south to participate in an Official Hololive Card Game event
Going out for a meal with my partner’s parents
Outside of those two main objectives, having time away from my current situation in a city I have never been to before to try clear my head was my own personal objective. It was not my intention to have a career crisis before this holiday, but it oddly lined up that I needed to take some time away.
Swansea is specifically a coastal city, and it has been an… extremely long time since I have got to see the ocean, to feel the sea breeze push against my face as my nostrils fill with the oddly satisfying scent of salt water. I did not even realise I had been missing it until it hit me once more, and it contributed massively to clearing my head.
Over the last couple of days, I have talked with both my own parents and my partner’s parents about my career situation, explaining what I have been feeling and what I feel like my current options are. The result of these two conversations were largely the same, reminding me that I am extraordinarily lucky to have a job in today’s job market, but understanding that I might want to find more purpose within my life.
My partner’s parents emphasised to me that I have had a lot of lived experience in regards to mental health problems and the awareness that develops from that experience, which I could use in combination with my transferable skills honed within the technology industry to advance into an administration position of sorts within either civil service or the charity sector…
…which, yes, lines up with what I have been talking about in previous editions of the Redundancy Review, helping to cement that my feelings are valid, and that the main task I need to work on now is rounding out my skillset even further to be able to demonstrate I can enter into these roles.
The time away also helped me define the “why” of this line of thinking, and it is a very simple reason: purpose.
I feel I have lost my sense of purpose in life, primarily in the wake of my redundancy. The Redundancy Review has helped me keep a sense of personal purpose in mind, especially as I explore my psyche in each edition, and whilst I really enjoy getting to write these pieces, I have sort of come to accept that this website represents a living portfolio more than something that actually makes me money – which I am okay with, even though I would love to be able to support myself via writing.
But this means I need to do a fair bit of soul-searching in order to find a new professional purpose, something that can pay my bills but also provide me with a good degree of satisfaction. Something that I leave on Friday feeling I have made a positive impact on the world by what I have been doing, and feel excited to wake up for it all again on Monday.
It will take a while to find something like that for me, and there will be even more difficulties along the way, but I know I will make it through… I keep saying that a lot recently, possibly as an affirmation to myself to keep myself going.
I will make it.
One way or another.
Time to get to the review segment, and it is actually going to be a somewhat personal one. As part of my Swansea trip, my partner and I went exploring shortly after arriving to find a cafe or something for lunch. A fair few places my partner wanted to show me had closed down since he moved away but in our search, we came across a small Ukrainian cafe called Ruta.
As a part of personal trivia, my grandad was Ukrainian, specifically from Lviv. He died when I was not even one year old, so I never really knew him, and growing up I never really had much exposure to Ukrainian cuisine, which drew me into wanting to try Ruta out, and specifically going for a traditional Ukrainian dish.
The one I chose to try was called Zrazy, a potato-based dough shaped into a patty before being stuffed with minced chicken and cheese, topped with stewed mushrooms and served with sour cream.
There is a lot I could say here.
I could talk about how the potato dough was perfectly soft, or how the seasoning on the filling was perfect, or how the sour cream was the ideal accompaniment to this dish.
But I want to relate this dish to what I mentioned about never knowing my grandad or having any exposure to Ukrainian cuisine.
Despite that lack of connection, from the first bite I took… this dish tasted like home. It was wholesome, comforting, and filling. It might be a bit dramatic to say each bite healed my soul a little bit; but it genuinely did feel like that, it was a taste of a heritage I never experienced.
And it was extremely reasonably priced at £7.99, so like, even outside of the spiritual experience it was an economical choice for lunch as well. My partner and I intend to return to Swansea to enjoy more of the city, and I want to return to Ruta to explore even more traditional Ukrainian cuisine.
Heck, I even want to learn how to cook Zrazy now to build that spiritual connection even more.
That will do it for today though, thank you for reading today’s edition of the Redundancy Review. Wherever you are I hope you are able to relax before Monday is upon us once more, I know I am nervous to return to work after my stress leave, but I come back with a clearer head and wanting to push myself towards a better tomorrow.
Good morning staircases and escalators, welcome to Day 122 and 123 of Rosalia Rambles Redundancy Review.
Yesterday… was stressful for a lot of reasons. My partner ended up having a rough start to their work day which made them come home early, my old roommate had a bit of a crisis on their hands due to numerous factors, and this was all in addition to managing my contract workload for the day.
Hectic is at least one of the words I would use to describe what went down, and that is without discounting all of the feelings I have been having regarding wanting to change my current position in life.
Job is definitely on the higher end of that priorities list, which I am taking steps in a positive direction to try find myself something new. Surprisingly I have actually been invited for a phone interview on Wednesday for that CEX Store Manager position which is the first interview I have gotten since I was made redundant, so… there is at least some comfort there that I am still able to get interviews.
What I am more optimistic and interested in however is an informal chat with someone within the Care Quality Commission to talk about a role I am going to be applying for there: Application Analyst.
Part of the career chat I had with my friend on Thursday was taking a look at my current skillset and determining what sectors I could find myself thriving in. As someone who has worked in Quality Assurance for five years with production experience sprinkled in for the last two years, the amount of transferable skills I have picked during that time is surprisingly plentiful.
Adaptability is high on that list, especially from having worked in the technology start up space for the last four years. It is an environment that hardens you, one way or another, and requires you to stay adaptable or flexible to the shifting needs of the business. Everyone needed to chip in on different things at varying points – with me usually being one of the first people to say yes to trying something new, becoming familiar with that side of the business fairly quickly.
This is a trait that has carried me throughout my career honestly, as I was always the first to put myself forward for new things at Codemasters, which led me to testing audio, back-end data analysis, and eventually becoming the second-in-command…
…it then got turned up to eleven working at Immerse, and even now working the contract role. Learning new things makes me incredibly happy, and that joy has carried me to a successful career.
All I need now is something a bit more permanent, as I do not think contractor life is entirely for me in the four months or so I have been working in it. I have definitely learnt a lot, but I want to push myself towards a permanent, full-time role in a different industry now.
So… what does this have to do with the title? Well, because that was just a job search update segment, but I have a personal segment I want to write today as well.
Over these last five months, things have been a massive rollercoaster for me. What started as a month long process of limbo wondering what would happen to the company I had called home for just over three years turned into the redundancy announcement that kickstarted this series, and my greater search for a new place to call my own, before I got the contract role that is currently sustaining me.
In this time period, I have experienced great highs, terrifying lows, and almost everything between those two points. My situation is stable right now, remarkably so even given the circumstances, but at the same time I spend a lot of my time paranoid that this might be a turning point in my life where I suddenly am not worthy enough to keep going, that my head will sink below the water at any moment.
This led to me seeking comfort in an unusual source: my brother. We have a good relationship, although we do not talk as often as I feel we should, there is a lot he has helped me out with over the years and I feel incredibly lucky to call him my big brother.
I asked him how he keeps his head above water, and how he perseveres when everything feels against him, with the advice being given being oddly profound:
“The simple answer on how I keep going is that I simply refuse to drown. I have, currently am, and will in future feel like I’m drowning, and that everything and everyone is against me. But I also recognise that if I let the water take me, I’m out the game, I don’t get to play any more. That means no more prizes, and you can’t get back in the game once you’re out. You can always come back from the lows to get to the highs if you’re willing to dig your heels in, but you have to be in the game”
It feels silly to say, but his blunt way of speaking really helped me out and made me reflect on these last five months.
My redundancy was my lowest point, and I genuinely felt like my entire world had collapsed in the wake of it…
…but I kept going.
My life is precious, and there is still so much love I have still yet to give, not just for my life, but for the lives of all of those around me. There is a beautiful network of people around me who support me, and I want to be able to support them through their highs & lows, just like they have done for me.
Things feel hard right now, but I want to keep going. Even when my paranoia presents the worst case scenarios for me, I will keep fighting through.
I guess I need to try write a review segment now. It has honestly been hard to keep up with doing them in recent days due to everything going on in my life…
…no, I am sorry, but I do not think I can today. Too much has been going on, and whilst I still want to put my writing out there for those who may need it, I cannot bring myself to focus on a ‘review’ type segment right now.
Have a picture of this big, beautiful, and badass pizza I made last night. Homemade dough and all. It is taking me a while to get the proper formula down, in that I am aiming for a New York-style thin crust and am usually ending up with a Sicilian-style thick-yet-airy crust, which is still plenty delicious but not the effect I am ultimately wanting.
Baking in general has brought great comfort to me ever since my redundancy, not only as a way of learning something new but to work to create something that I can use to bring joy to others, be it through bread, cake, or to make the usual Friday night pizza my partner and I share all the more loving by the homemade touch.
If you have made it to the end of today’s Redundancy Review, thank you for reading. Wherever you are, I hope you are safe, happy, and comfortable, able to enjoy the weekend. If not, then I hope you can try find comfort when it is possible, and I am glad you are still around.
Good morning clerics and healers, welcome to Day 120 of Rosalia Rambles Redundancy Review.
120 days since I was first made redundant. Four months worth of thinking, reflection, and trying to figure out where to do next. In terms of actual posts, this is the 92nd Redundancy Review since this all kicked off, so only off by a factor of about thirty days due to holidays, breaks, or just not feeling the flow.
In those four months I have fought the government for what is rightfully mine, waded through job boards in the hope of finding something new, expanded my horizons beyond QA to see what I might be good at, and have now found myself back in the life of a SaaS QA tester within the greater technology industry… for better or worse.
Part of what drove me to start writing a career retrospective at the start of this week is the fact I am growing incredibly weary with the tech industry as a whole. The start up culture, the grindset mindset, the need to build & scale fast with less… all of it has started to wear me down.
If we include my time at Codemasters, I am coming up on having worked for half a decade in the technology industry as a QA, with some production on the side. This comes back to something I said I need to keep in mind off the back of my redundancy, that it was a traumatic event, and it is okay to let it change me.
And one of those things that might need to change is my career as a whole.
I have already started to explore other options in addition to balancing my contract work… on top of balancing maintaining a good posting schedule… on top of trying to maintain an amount of social life and relaxation time…
Being real, things feel hard for me right now. Over the last couple of days I have found myself crying at my desk more often, with even the most routine of work tasks overwhelming me. In between uploads, downloads, or waiting for processes to finish, I take moments to let out little sobs, which shows to me that it is not the challenges of the work getting to me, it is just the nature of the work itself.
And the mental separation I try to impose on myself that this is a holdover contract role, that it will not be forever is slowly starting to break down as I realise I have fallen out of love with the greater industry as a whole, and to ensure longevity in my future; I need to make a change to one of the biggest parts of my life.
Saying goodbye to an industry that has honed me, hardened me, and shaped me into the person I am today.
This is not to say I am going to move away from technology as a whole, because I am perfectly willing to do a job that mostly revolves around a computer, and there is no denying I have made a good career in QA with how long I have survived in such a competitive industry, especially in the recent years of a turbulent job market.
It is just a matter of deciding where to go, with my current avenues for exploration being in insurance, civil service, and I have also signed up for a charity jobs board – both for QA and writing roles.
There is a part of me that thinks I am “limiting my potential” by choosing to walk away from tech, that if I committed the energy I am using to look elsewhere to doubling my effort into the tech industry, I could stand to make a lot of money by pursuing even more elite roles within the startup space.
But the redundancy has changed me. I am distrustful of investor groups, the primary way such companies would be funded. The need to keep scaling up and making things even bigger rather than focusing on steady outcomes is incompatible with my current life philosophy.
I need to move away from what has been a significant part of my life and enabled my growth into who I am today, to heal from the pain that growth has been accompanied by, and start a new chapter of my life.
Ultimately, I am still quite young, having not even hit my thirties yet. In a way my professional life has only just begun, with the role I was made redundant from being only my second job ever.
There is so much I can do, I just need to find myself to find out what I want to do.
In the meantime, my contract can hold me over, and whilst I do not want to maintain the grindset mindset, I am also not someone who can half-arse a job. My safety net is actually stronger than it was before my redundancy too, so I am in an extremely lucky position to not be pressed against the wall.
Ideally I do not want to eat into the safety net and I can transition from my contract into a new role, but I am prepared for any eventuality.
No matter what, I will continue to write. This story still has several chapters to write, and the stories inside my head still need to be told.
Time to get into the review, and I think it is time to introduce a somewhat new topic to the Redundancy Review: hot sauce.
For those who have been around for the somewhat regular food reviews, you will know I am a little bit of a spicehead, and this definitely extends into my home life as I have a very decent collection of hot sauces within my fridge. Today’s hot sauce is made from one of the spiciest peppers in the world: Bhut Jolokia, more commonly known as the Ghost Pepper.
This specific sauce is from a small UK brand called Mahi, and this was one of the three hot sauces in their “Discovery Pack”, a bundle offer for those wanting to explore more options in hot sauce outside of the main brands in the UK.
With it being such a spice forward sauce, there is actually a pleasing acidic bite that announces itself first before the heat ramps up, though it is actually variable how much heat will be delivered with each taste.
Sometimes it will be a pleasant warmth that accompanies the acidity.
And sometimes it will be a deliverance of heat worthy of the nickname my partner gave to this sauce after one accidentally trying it: “Death Sauce”.
£7.50 plus shipping was the price for the pack of three sauces, and it came in a very attractive box which included a catalogue of Mahi’s other products, most of which I will definitely want to try in future because of how nice everything included in the box was.
This does however include a Trinidad Scorpion sauce, which is supposedly even hotter than the Ghost Pepper…
…oh well, as I often yell before doing anything stupid, DEATH OR GLORY!
That should do it for today. Thank you for reading today’s edition of the Redundancy Review. Wherever you are I hope you are able to relax and that your path ahead in life is clear, if not, then there is nothing to fear. You are in good company with that, and as we all know, not all who wander are lost.
For more information on Mahi’s products, visit their website here: https://saucymahi.co/
Good morning illusionists and conjurers, welcome to Day 107 to 109 of Rosalia Rambles Redundancy Review.
Been a few days since posting something, and that mainly is because my day job ramped up massively in the two days I had left of the working week. Usually I am able to write the majority of a day’s article during my lunch along with bits here and there as downtime between things loading or processing, but things got so hectic that I had no time during my rest periods, which led into wanting to prioritise rest after work.
But now it is Saturday, and after a long period of sleeping in this morning, I feel considerably better in the energy department…
…the mental department is a different story.
The title of today’s review reflects how I am feeling in recent days, though I was also considering the title “Broken Reverie” to describe my feelings in a more accurate way. Much like previous posts, it is hard for me to fully nail down how I am feeling on a given day leading to me using my almost-daily writing practice as a rubber-ducking exercise on myself.
Disillusionment sums up a lot of this year for me, in both my career and, given some of the events of last night, my hobbies as well.
For my career, it is obvious. The collapse of my previous company almost right from under me shattered a lot of how I felt towards my relationship with work, even persisting into my current contract work. I still come in every day, and I am not half-assing what I do to keep my skills sharp… along with the fact I bleed QA even outside of work, finding bugs comes as naturally to me as breathing.
Though something has changed, a very multifaceted change mind, but I will try break it down as best as possible.
There is the loss of community. I loved the team I worked with prior to things falling apart, they were genuinely some of the most skilled individuals I had the pleasure of working with each morning, and the fact we could come together each day to make beautiful applications, striving for new advancements with each project, meant a lot to me.
There is the change in structure. Whilst my career is advancing within this new-but-similar venture, specifically in that I have ownership over a key part of the pipeline within the business model, the smaller structure is still something to get used to. This is not to say I do not get on with my current colleagues, in fact I like to consider myself fairly easy to work alongside – even with my somewhat neurotic approach to quality.
And finally, there is the fact that redundancy/being laid off is a massive psychological wound that influences how I see the world of work now, especially during this time of trying to add AI into everything before the bubble bursts.
Part of why I write the Redundancy Review is because I would not mind finding a career away from the tech industry as a whole. This is not to say I want to leave behind the industry entirely, as I do indeed have the skills to pay the bills when considering my half a decade in quality assurance right now, and there is no denying that manual, human QA will still have its place in the industry even with the prevalence of AI right now.
But I know I can do things outside of the greater tech space, and as much as it feels like a pipe dream, I want to find something where I am not ultimately just doing it for the money. Something that I believe in, and feel comfortable putting my heart & soul into on a day-to-day basis, to try make my career make a difference to the world.
For now, I can keep things going under the current status quo, but I know I can make things change in my future – for the better.
That part of today’s story went a little longer than I anticipated, especially because I have not told the second part about disillusionment with hobbies yet.
Specifically, Magic: the Gathering had their big MagicCon Atlanta event yesterday, which included a lot of reveals and previews of stuff coming in the next year, including more “Universes Beyond” content than initially stated.
For context, Universes Beyond is MTGs name for when they introduce crossover content into the game, and for the first few instances of it I was either completely indifferent or actually excited for the product they were bringing out. Warhammer 40K & Fallout Commander decks specifically were two products I actually really liked and still appreciate today.
But, over time they have been introducing more Universe Beyond content into the release schedule, with this current year having three Standard-legal sets and next year having four Standard-legal sets… and with each reveal, I found myself disconnecting further, my indifference turning into outright exhaustion over the properties being introduced.
The Hobbit, Marvel Super Heroes (they are not even having the decency to port a full comic arc over as a proper story, just a collection of characters thrown into a set) and Star Trek, along with an unannounced set that is theorised to be the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.
This is not including what was announced as part of Secret Lair, Wizards’ limited run set of cards with exclusive art, including crossovers with Iron Maiden, Jaws, The Office, FURBY. All of which has got their selection of fans to be excited, and I am glad for them to be excited by these things.
But I do not feel good about the direction this game is going now. There are so many products all coming out at once, so many properties being slammed into the game in the hope of making the line go up even further.
It says something that after all the reveals were said and done, one of the first things out of my mouth was:
“Well, at least it will be easier to save money next year.”
I have genuinely started to fall out of love with a game that I have been engaging with regularly for over eight years now, and… whilst that genuinely sucks hard, I am trying to maintain some level of optimism.
The first set of the year, Lorwyn Eclipsed, looks genuinely beautiful, and given the history of the plane it will likely feature my favourite creature type. I still intend to play the game with my small group as well, but next year I want to try use the reduced focus on MTG to try other things out.
I want to engage with the Hololive TCG community in the UK, playing in more events and getting more to grips with the game on a serious level. Additionally I am considering making more investments into my food production-related hobbies, increasing my amount of baking equipment along with getting stuffed that will let me explore pickling, preserves, and more.
Disillusionment can suck, especially when it shakes the very core of what we know is familiar. But it can also open doors, as once you snap out of the reverie, things appear more clearly before you, allowing new opportunities to be visible when they might not have been before.
…surprisingly profound statement to end the story today, even more so when I consider I am currently sitting in a dressing gown having done nothing today but vibe, play games, and write.
I am actually going to post this one wholesale, as I think it deserves to stand on its own, and totally not because I have nothing to review because I am skint slash running out of ideas some days, nope, not at all.
That said, I do need a thumbnail…
…yeah, that will do. I guess.
Anyway, thank you for reading today’s edition of the Redundancy Review. I am actually extremely proud in how this one turned out, so I hope you enjoyed reading it. Wherever you are I hope you are able to have an easy Saturday and can relax before the spectre of Monday looms once more.
Good morning gardeners and farmers, welcome to Day 106 of Rosalia Rambles Redundancy Review.
Possibly going to be a shorter one today, as I was once more on axolotl duty for my parents, which is one of my favourite times if just because it gives me an excuse to both take a bunch of photos of Dottie and post those photos on the blog.
He was actually very hungry today, which makes a difference from how he has usually been when I have come to feed him. I gave him a couple of cubes which he ate before heading off to continue packing my bag with the stuff I needed to bring home, only to return with him giving a very hard stare out of the tank to say he wanted more food.
Axolotls supposedly have very bad eyesight, but both Cedric and Dottie make me doubt that statement due to how very clearly they look out of the tank when food is around. Cedric was often calm in staring out, being more like “Can I have some food please?” whereas Dottie very much has a “I did not say to stop feeding me” stare.
An axolotl’s personality is always surprising to see manifest, and it is one of the things I would love people to know more about axolotls is that they can have surprising amounts of personality. Dottie definitely seems to be more reserved, enjoying his hiding spots of the log and the cave until it is time to be fed where he will then make his presence more known.
But as usual when it came to visiting my parent’s place to do errands whilst they are away, a local takeaway for lunch was on the agenda, and given how regular I eat at Birches Bridge Fish Bar along with how disappointing the Papa John’s was last time, I decided to go a similar but different route by heading to Codsall Fish Bar instead.
There is a certain level of spoiled to be had growing up with two fantastic fish & chip shops within walking distance of where I lived, though I have to admit that Birches was always my favourite growing up, and well…
…my meal from Codsall today kind of proved that.
In a way I went in mentally ready to compare it to my usual order from Birches, as I ordered a quarterpounder cheese burger with chips, topping that with mayo, lettuce, and onions. For context, my standard order at Birches is a double-stacked cheeseburger with chips, topped with garlic mayo, cabbage, onions, and jalapenos.
To start, rather than being cooked on a griddle or flattop of some sort, the patty was put into the fryer. Whilst the staff at Codsall did a great job of making sure this was not overcooked; deep-fried burgers always come out tasting vaguely like a hockey puck, and sadly this was no exception.
That said, the fact this was a floury bap rather than a seeded bun helped to mitigate some of this, and I have to compliment it not being a seeded bun because I have never been a massive fan of them myself.
I also need to compliment the chips, because whilst the burger fell below my expectations, the chips smashed them completely. So perfectly soft & fluffy on the inside with the right amount of crunch on the outside along with having the perfect amount of salt on them.
For this burger meal plus two cans of Fanta (as I was really thirsty after the travel) cost me a very modest sum of £10, being £7.20 for the burger meal and £1.40 each per can. Despite the burger not meeting my, admittedly self-imposed, expectations, it was honestly a nice change from going to Birches and still filled me up extremely well – even struggled as I got to the last few chips in the tray.
Plus, the fact the staff laughed at my terrible joke after I paid made the experience all the better:
“Do you need a receipt?” “Nah, I don’t think I’ll be able to return this anyway”
Managed to write a standard length review, which is pretty good going for a small evening of writing as I relax in bed, but that will do it for today. Thank you for reading this edition of the Redundancy Review, wherever you are I hope you are able to take it easy and eat some good food.
Good morning humans and monsters, welcome to Day 104 of Rosalia Rambles Redundancy Review.
For someone who consistently wishes that the Monday blues do not hit people too hard whenever she signs off a Sunday article, god damn do I feel like I have been hit by a truck today.
All of a sudden last night my impostor syndrome flared up something fierce, not only making me doubt the efficacy of whatever I am doing on this site, or if I am even worthy enough to hold my current position within QA.
The answer to the latter is simple: yes, yes I am. My brain is just stupid and exhausted from constantly worrying about the situation I am currently in which causes me to ignore my track record as a QA professional and that I would have not sustained a close to five-year career if I did not have some amount of pride or professionalism in my work.
That, and I am a magnet for bugs no matter what I play… though it seems to happen a lot more randomly in EA games which is very thematically appropriate given my history with the company.
One way to prove that taking time to rest is helping my brain redshift on what things mean to me is that my body’s response to these feelings is not feeling the need to push myself further, in fact, it is quite the opposite – I feel myself slowing to a crawl, but still trying my best to move forward.
I think that is all I can really ask for given the year that I have had, that I can keep moving forward and do so with the acknowledgment that I am still here today, even when there was so much that could have brought me down for good, not only in this year, but in so many years prior.
Considering Undertale’s tenth anniversary was over the weekend, I think the image is pretty thematic.
Even though I was never really part of the fandom surrounding Undertale and everything that came with it, it is hard to believe such an impactful game is already ten years old. Ten years ago I was in sixth form (name for British education from 16-18 in some schools), possibly some of the worst years of my life due to academic stress, identity worries, and trying to navigate a much lonelier world than I had before.
When one day, I reconnected with a friend on the bus home from school, talking about some of the stuff I had been up to and what he had been up to, with the conversation eventually turning to Undertale. I mentioned I had heard of it but had not really seen anything about it at all.
It was given to me as a Steam gift later that evening from that same person… wherever you are right now Sam, whatever you have been getting up to… I hope you are living a fantastic life, and know that I still treasure the memories of our friendship.
Undertale appeared at one of the lowest points of my life, and even if I only played through it once (neutral route into Pacifist, cause good god I did not have the mental fortitude to do Genocide back then and I certainly do not have the cojones to do it now), the experience still left an impact on me.
I still listen to the music, and those immortal words in that screenshot still stick with me today.
Despite everything, I am still me. I am still keeping on, even if the last ten years have changed me drastically. And that is something that is worthy of celebration.
Not really a review per se, more just a story that still holds significance in my mind and in a way is topically relevant to recent events. Fuck it, I will put the inverted commas on and post this up, cause I appreciate what I wrote today.
And I appreciate you for reading today’s edition of the Redundancy Review. Wherever you are, I hope your Monday blues are not hitting too hard and that you are still able to get things done today.
Good morning slackers and underachievers, welcome to Days 101 to 103 of Rosalia Rambles Redundancy Review.
Yeah, I have been resting.
Crazy.
A schedule slip that has come from deliberate, intentional, and honestly, needed rest.
And it has felt weird honestly, to wake up on a weekend to find myself sleeping in on Saturday rather than rushing out the door to do errands or start working on something around the flat. Instead I chilled in bed for almost three hours past when I woke up, letting myself feel relaxed and trying not to worry about things.
Even when I did head out with my partner when he was going to work, I only went to do minor things, such as having some lunch and buying a small amount of food to do dinner that night.
Today has been no different… minus getting woken up by another false alarm fire alarm going off, that was not a fun start to today – though once my day had started I found myself taking things incredibly easy still. I hung out with a friend and all we really did was sit on the sofa for near three hours before heading out to a simple lunch combined with some shopping.
It feels weird, to be willingly relaxing to this degree, for two main reasons:
A good portion of my mind still feels I am not entitled to relax, that I still need to be pushing myself in every moment
Outside of the usual paranoia issues that persist in my brain, I have not felt the resting anxiety that is present in my mind particularly hard
Organising my time still feels difficult though, as there is a lot I want to do during my downtime but the most rewarding thing right is just doing not a whole lot of anything.
I think that might be the key to letting myself heal here, in that I can spend my future time to do various other activities, but right now my weekends need to be lowkey affairs where I do very little, so that when I enter my usual winter hibernation time around Christmas; my time can be used to enjoy what I want to do, and not solely on recovering my energy.
The one downside to this is that I feel some social time will fall by the wayside because as much as I love all my friends, in-person socialisation can take a lot more of my energy than I often anticipate. Simultaneously though I can find energy by hanging out with people, so it depends on my mood on the day…
…in short I am a fustercluck of mental contradictions, which makes it hard to figure out where I need to direct myself sometimes.
That said, there is one constant in my life: good food. Oh yeah, we are back in action, a long-time coming next edition of:
Rosa Eats Her Way Around Shrewsbury!
God it has been a while I have got to type that title, and it makes me so happy to write it out again.
As part of my hangout today, my friend and I went to a venue called Floro Lounge on Shrewsbury High Street. “Lounges” is actually a chain of casual dining venues across the UK, being a bit more upmarket/expensive than somewhere like Wetherspoons but offering more esoteric options in exchange.
Specifically, I did not want something heavy from Floro today. Usually when I go in I get myself a bacon cheeseburger which I then add an egg on top of to make a sort-of breakfast burger – this normally fills me up for an entire day and was my traditional pre-D&D meal for the longest time.
So instead of going for a burger, I instead went for a tapas board, where three small plates could be ordered as part of an offer, which netted me:
Louisiana Chicken with Chipotle Mayo
Korean King Prawns
Guacamole with tortilla chips
The king prawns were the only thing I had ordered before, loving the flavour of the ssamjang-based marinade with a squeeze of the lime bringing a perfect savoury bite with a hit of acid.
The guacamole was good as well, but at the same time it did not hit the spot I was looking for. It was perfectly creamy and not overly stiff like supermarket guacamole can be like, but I think part of my brain is craving a giant plate of nachos from somewhere right now. No complaints though, was a nice lighter bite compared to what I might have been craving.
My main highlight though would be the Louisiana Chicken though, two thick chicken breast tenders in a lightly spiced batter served with an incredibly smooth chipotle mayo. It was absolutely fantastic, and I feel I could have devoured an entire board of the chicken with the other dips that were available (Maple BBQ and Sriracha with honey) easily.
For the price of £13.50 for the combined offer of the three plates, it makes for a perfectly passable lunch, especially if you are wanting to try new things.
Anyway, that will cover it for today, I want to get back to relaxing. Thank you for reading today’s edition of the Redundancy Review, wherever you are I hope you are also able to relax and that the Monday blues are not approaching you too hard. I appreciate you being here.
Good morning Gregorians and Julians, welcome to Day 99 of Rosalia Rambles Redundancy Review.
No matter what I write today, this post is going out. There is no way in hell I am missing the day 100 milestone tomorrow by making a combined post, so whatever comes out of my head through my hands will be published today even if it is the most random tripe I can think of…
…that felt oddly good to write.
Main thing I want to talk about today is how it feels currently to try navigate each day at a time in an effort to treat my burnout. In short: it is tough.
The reason I am adopting a day-by-day approach is because my energy reserves to navigate each day feel exceptionally low, and most of that reserve is used to trying to stay focused, nourished, and not like I want to put my head into a shredder – which inevitably leaves me with very little strength after work to do things I enjoy or do the things I want to.
In that regard, plans need to stay flexible. Tonight I feel like I have enough energy to actually cook something, and try something new that I have been wanting to do, but yesterday I had no strength at all whilst desperately craving comfort, so pizza did the job nicely.
And because I have no idea how I will be feeling tomorrow, I do not feel comfortable making a plan for food tomorrow without knowing how my body is going to hold up… and that is okay.
If I can make it through each day relatively unscathed, then I will take that as a victory until I can get better.
There is no shame in taking things day-by-day, especially when things feel tough right now. I am in a position that is sustainable so long as I keep things measured, and I do not need to go beyond my limits unless the situation truly calls for it.
Plus after having to deal with prescription-related drama over the last two days, actually being able to take it easy some nights has really helped with my stress levels. I love what the NHS represents but goddamn if years of underfunding has not taken away a lot of its shine… come to think of it, it has been a while since I have had a left-wing rant on the review… should fix that soon…
Anyway, back on track, and running right into the review segment.
Several hours and one gashed knuckle later (damn knife sharpeners), I was finally able to try what I wanted to review: a low-alcohol cider from Marks & Spencer (M&S)
For newer readers, I am not someone who can enjoy full alcoholic drinks due to a mixture of tasting the underlying alcohol in most things hard and being a lightweight, so my primary way of enjoying drinks like cider is through low/no alcohol variants.
This particular variant is the one I have the easiest access to, with the M&S being fairly local to me – only a ten minute walk there and back at most compared to a near forty minute round trip to get to Asda.
Even for being low alcohol, translating to 0.5% by volume rather than the usual 4-5% that cider normally is, it goes down pretty smoothly. I have an incredibly soft spot for apple cider in particular and this had the perfect blend of sweet & tart flavours for a wind down after the day I have had.
A short review, but I want to get this out today so I can have Day 100 stand alone tomorrow. Thank you for reading this edition of the Redundancy Review, wherever you are I hope you can find the time to relax and enjoy the comforts of your favourite drink.
Good morning scribes and ghostwriters, welcome to a double feature for Day 92 & 93 of Rosalia Rambles Redundancy Review.
Feels weird to say but even after returning to normality today by getting back to work, my mind is still dwelling on VExpo and everything I got up to during that time. I find it funny, that even though there was a lot of organisational scuff and my energy did not sustain me as long as I wanted it to; I would still do it all again this weekend.
In a way I am trying to ride the high while attempting to convert post-con depression into post-con motivation. I returned to playing Beat Saber yesterday as a form of exercise and, whilst I am most certainly out of practice, half an hour let me work up a good sweat which should hopefully build into doing more exercise like that in future weeks.
I also find myself being a little bit more aware of my diet, committing to smaller scale lunches than what I would normally eat in the hopes of slowly but surely slimming down my waistline. Whilst I still feel I will not be able to fit into the majority of off-the-shelf cosplays, there will still be some benefit in feeling better in my body wearing whatever custom creations I end up getting, along with fitting into my current wardrobe better.
The main two things I need to keep in mind are:
Progress is slow
Progress is not linear
Or, to borrow a very impactful quote from Bojack Horseman (great series, do not think I can ever rewatch the whole thing):
“It gets easier. Every day it gets a little easier. But you gotta do it every day, that’s the hard part. But it does get easier.”
So long as I can try commit to doing some small amount of exercise each day, I can push myself to being in a better position a few months from now, which should hopefully put me in the best position possible by the time the next VExpo comes around.
Do not think there is much to say beyond what I have said, my mind feels oddly foggy over the last two days and whilst I keep myself moving, I find it hard to write about the last couple of days emotionally – so I am going to jump into the review segment and do a… sort of song review, it is hard to sum up what exactly this classes as.
When I did my initial Helldivers 2 review, I focused primarily on the gameplay loop rather than any of the narrative theming as I wanted to explain the core game succinctly.
Reviewing the Super Earth National Anthem is my way of making up for not talking about the narrative, because the satire of militaristic fascism and how consistent Arrowhead are with making bombastic propaganda is one of the main draws of the game in my opinion.
And “bombastic propaganda” is exactly how I would describe the National Anthem, right from the start it launches into justifying Super Earth’s campaign of liberation:
“Freedom must reign over every last star. Through citizen’s blood spilled in our righteous wars. Honor their deaths, do your part for the cause.”
It is a hilarious juxtaposition within the world, as it acknowledges that the “freedom” that Super Earth brings comes with an inordinate amount of civilian casualties, to the point that accidental civilian deaths in game only account to small fines to the basic currency acquired for completing objectives.
There have been several points in game where a minefield I have placed down has absolutely destroyed a group of civilians and all I get is some requisitions docked and a small reprimand from my Democracy Officer… yes, Democracy Officer, again, this game oozes political satire from every orifice.
And it ramps up even further within the next verses after these ones, but I want to in particular highlight:
“No questions or doubts shall be allowed Traitors will all be disavowed”
Not even just doubts, merely questioning Super Earth is enough to make you a traitor.
Kill a bunch of civilians with a napalm barrage? Slap on the wrist.
Ask why Super Earth’s elite have access to napalm barrages? Face the wall.
I could honestly go through each verse of the anthem and explain the brilliance behind the satire, but I think I can sum up the entire song briefly: it works.
As a piece of propaganda, the Super Earth National Anthem works because, despite the horror of the lyrics, it makes me feel patriotic to Super Earth and makes me want to dive on the fascist bugs, the socialist bots, and the xenophobic squids…
…I initially did have a screengrab from the video itself prepared as the thumbnail, as I usually do, but I had a brainwave as I was writing that previous paragraph and, as the song says, anything less will not suffice.
I am most certainly not immune to propaganda, but so long as it is only fictional nations that I am falling under the sway of, I think I should be fine.
That will do it all for today, thank you for reading this, as usual, emotionally confusing edition of the Redundancy Review. Wherever you are I hope you can find some time to relax, the weekend is not that far away so I know you can make it.
Good morning collies and sheep, welcome to a megapost covering several days of VExpo for the Redundancy Review.
My arse is now firmly planted back down on my sofa which means one thing only: I have returned from my convention trip at VExpo, and in short…
Holy shit I had the best time of my life I want to do this again and interact with way more people it felt so fucking good to actually leave my hole to talk to others in this setting again.
So yeah, I had a great time, and I want to write a full recap of everything I got up to because there were memorable experiences, amazing artists & cosplayers, and unsurprisingly for a convention all about VTubers, a fair amount of scuff when it came to organisation.
Little bit of expectation setting to help contextualise my review, recap, and thoughts before we get into it:
This is my first convention in six years, so I am a little unfamiliar with how the circuit works nowadays
This is my first in-person VTuber event ever, so whilst I read a lot about other cons online, my IRL perspective is entirely fresh
I am one socially awkward fucker, so when it came to taking pictures with people I might have forgotten to ask their name/handle… or even tell them mine in some instances. I am adding tags when I can but no guarantees
I did not eat entirely right during the duration of this trip, which definitely made my experience worse in some regards but is entirely my fault
Time to start, let us leave no stone unturned as we head straight into:
Thursday, which was Day -1, I guess
My convention weekend started on the Thursday, with me working briefly in the morning before heading on to the train with my partner to head over to the NEC. Fun tidbit, my partner has never actually been to the whole NEC complex before while I am quite familiar from previous convention trips, so it was quite cute seeing him be in awe of the scale of the place.
Once I had whipped him around the centre, we went to our hotel which was conveniently located a stone’s throw away from the piazza entrance: Moxy.
I had booked this all the way back in February, knowing that VExpo was going to be my one big trip this year and I wanted a hotel close to the convention grounds, with Moxy definitely fulfilling the criteria. It was definitely a little on the pricey side for four nights, the rate being about £116 a night for the Thursday/Friday and about £140 a night for the Saturday/Sunday, coming to a total of £617.08 for the entire stay.
The most expensive part of the weekend as a whole, but considering how much my partner and I ended up going to/from the hotel over the weekend, having that as convenience was more than worth the price.
Plus as the photo dump is going to show, we had a great view of Pendigo Lake from our window.
After taking some time to rest and unpack our stuff, we went over to Resorts World, as I had only been once and my partner had never been. As we entered we were both taken aback by the scale of things, going up to the first floor where we noticed a guy from a distance wearing a Ceres Fauna bag.
I was a bit nervous to approach, but that is why I have my partner as the extrovert who adopted me, so he went up to initiate the conversation. Started talking about the merch he had on and it was only after he showed the Gigi Murin plush in the bag that things started to click in my brain.
“Wait a minute… you’re Aaron from HUKEC right?” (HUKEC stands for “Hololive UK Enthusiasts Community”, I am going to be using this acronym a lot)
It was, and we shared an amazing sort of manly handshake. The con had not even started properly, and I had already met someone new that I was familiar with. Thank you Aaron (@musclesap on Twitter) and your friend Alex for being the first conversation we had and for being the first of many to listen to my cosplay horror story.
Parting ways with those awesome people, we continued to wander around Resorts World, coming across the Hollywood Bowl arcade where we could have spent an inordinate amount of time and money, especially given the fact there was a Halo: Fireteam Raven arcade booth.
I played one quick round with a stray pound coin I found in a change giver that had seemingly been abandoned and got a decent distance, but considering some of the other booths here, this is definitely a place I want to return to.
When it came to food, I had one place fixated on my mind. A place I had not been to in over a year and one I regard as an old friend, even if the quality is not that great: Five Guys.
Are there way better options for burgers in this world? Yes
Were there way better options for burgers within Resorts World itself? Definitely
But something hits different about the foil wrapped delights of a Five Guys, plus I am extremely glad to see that they are still using fresh jalapenos whenever those are placed on to a burger, something that delivers a deliciously spicy kick with each bite. It is also good to see you still get an inordinate amount of fries with each order. Between two burgers, two “little” fries, and two freestyle drinks (of which I had like four), the total came to £42.90. Not terrible all things considered, and actually the cheapest evening meal of the weekend.
After eating we explored Resorts World a little bit longer, reuniting with Alex and Aaron to finish off our exploration with a short chat as we walked back to our respective hotels before my partner and I retreated to our hotel room to relax for the evening.
This version of events does not include the several people we ran into as we explored around and chatted to about VTubers and life, including one guy who I now know to be @Nostroscythe on Twitter giving us a great conversation with a beautiful message of “Live Hard, Love Hard”. I do not think we gave you our names properly dude, but you left an impact on myself and my partner.
(also I am like 90% convinced Obkatiekat was in the mix of that group as well and I only twigged that upon seeing a picture of them later, inches away from greatness without even realising)
The rest of the evening was uneventful, with me casting my phone to the hotel TV to watch Hololive VODs and clips whilst my partner went out to meet other HUKEC people at Karaage in Resorts World – thanks for taking care of him everyone.
So yeah, Day -1 of VExpo was eventful as hell and we have not even hit the main meat of the event and I have already written close to 1300 words this is going to be a long-ass writeup.
With that, we move into:
Friday, Dawn of Day 0
Friday came around, and after much needed warm showers & shaves, we headed out to the Wetherspoons in the piazza where we linked up with people from HUKEC having breakfast, I ordered a simple sausage butty which I added mustard to, though this was the most substantial breakfast I ate all weekend.
We talked about all manner of different things, our oshi, card games of all descriptions, F1, told my cosplay horror story once more – that last one did lead to a wonderful-if-maybe-unintentional compliment from a guy named Wes (@RacingGuyRyS on Twitter) when I double-checked with people that they knew what Shiori Novella looks like.
“Yeah she kind of dresses like you but different”
It was so off-the-cuff but so sweet, thank you dude for hanging with me and my partner.
After sitting and chatting for a bit we went back to the hotel to rest before going out to explore once more, eventually being merged into a large blob of other congoers going towards badge pickup, where I met a fellow Takodachi who complimented my Ina bag… before raising the stakes by showing me both his Takodachi tattoo and his Ina Ita Flag. I am so sorry I never got your name properly friend, but you were one of the (many) highlights of my weekend.
We arrived at badge pickup early, and waited around for a short bit for the queue to open, during which we met a wonderful Coco cosplayer (who I am really sorry I did not get your name) who I took a photo with and told my cosplay horror story, starting a wonderful trend over the weekend that whenever I showed a cosplayer the pictures, they went through the five stages of grief in rapid succession.
Badge pickup was also where we made another friend for the weekend, MurasakiTheGreat (same name on Twitch), due to the blahaj sticking out of their bag. They ended up becoming a recurring fixture in our weekend and were great company for me during the opening concert.
However, once badge pickup started, that is where the dreaded scuff started to creep in.
For the queue myself, Murasaki, and my partner were in for general entry, it moved pretty smoothly, and we ended up getting our badges & tickets relatively smoothly within half an hour… this was not the case for the Akasupa line, who were experiencing two hour waits as standard, due to scanner issues requiring manual data entry.
On top of this, there was additional scuff in the form of opening concert tickets initially not being given out as part of badge pickup, requiring myself to go back to pick them up from a different queue… where the badge pickup queue itself was massive due to the scanner issue.
Technical difficulties are a given, and as a QA I can relate to equipment failure, but communication on this issue could definitely be improved, especially as poor Mimi’s voice was definitely difficult to hear over the commotion sometimes. I am not sure if the NEC staff would have allowed a megaphone, but the addition of one would definitely have helped crowd control to a degree.
And on top of all this, there was additional scuff when it came about that they had run out of physical opening concert tickets to give to attendees, leading to them writing on “O.C.” on badges. This is definitely something I think needs to be fixed for next year, it is a nice touch to give out physical tickets as a souvenir but requiring the physical ticket for entry when it should also be tied to the badge I feel caused a fair bit of friction.
Anyway, doing a photo dump of all my badge related photos before we get into talking about the opening concert.
And can’t forget Pizza Express dinner even though I almost did:
Once 8pm came around, we were allowed into the opening concert and took our seats, my company for the evening being my new friend Murasaki. And for all the issues I personally had with badge pickup and all the issues I saw with Akasupas… this was an amazing opening show, and for someone who has been craving a return to live music, I could not have asked for a better show that relates to my interest.
(concert photos I took are definitely scuffed, and it does not seem like there is a VOD available on their channel, so hopefully I can recount the story well enough)
It started off with a wotagei performance by Aniwaza Team, who opened with Connect the World by HololiveEN… a damn surefire way to get my hype up for certain as I was singing along to every word and having the time of my life. Wotagei performances have definitely interested me, and this team being the opening act was a great introduction – the energy was fantastic.
After that, we had a full setlist from Phoebe Chan, the 2.5D idol, who did a frankly inspired performance of her “splitting” between a 2D model and her… 3D(?) person with them singing together for a good few songs. We actually talked to her about this performance at her meet & greet and she said it took a lot of rehearsal.
In general her performance was extremely meaningful to me, speaking a lot to the journey I have been on myself this year, and I am not ashamed to admit I nearly cried during some of the songs. It was absolutely fantastic, and I am so glad this show introduced me to Phoebe Chan.
I have to give a shout out to her performance of Renai Circulation though, it was an absolutely fantastic rendition of a well-known song within nerd communities as a whole but including both Space Jam and All Star in the middle of it was absolutely hilarious, catching me off guard and putting the biggest dumbest smile on my face.
Following Phoebe, we had a VTuber named Hiwamari on stage, performing a short setlist of three songs including one entirely in French which I think she said was from Genshin Impact around Fontaine? I will admit now to not really taking notes during the performance, only taking photos of talents before going back to enjoying the music.
Not much to say about her, but I definitely enjoyed the performance even if I was not massively following what was going on.
Up next, we had two performers from Phase Connect: Jelly Hoshiumi and Komachi Panko. I honestly cannot remember what they sang but I still remember enjoying it. I think that is the true joy of the opening concert for me and what I missed a lot about live music, because I used to find a lot of cool bands through support acts back in the day, and even if I do not fully know who people are, I will still vibe and sing along to my best ability.
After the Phase Connect people, we had Miori Celesta on stage, doing a short but sweet setlist of bardcore-inspired songs, which included a beautiful version of Scarborough Fair which she asked people to check out on Youtube, so I will include the link to that video as well.
Following her, there was a performance from three members of V4Mirai: Kou Mariya, REM Kanashibari, and someone who might be on her way to becoming a favourite of mine purely on aesthetics alone, Dr.NOVA(e). Unfortunately I also cannot fully remember what each individual member sang, but I do remember what the three of them sang together at the end…
…I do not recall the last time I sang along to Baby One More Time by Britney Spears but goddamnit if singing along to that with three beautiful VTubers performing it on stage was not one of the main highlights of my weekend. I will definitely be trying to find some time to see what the good doctor is up to in the future.
Moving on, after that we had Bonnie Barkswell and Reina Ronronea from Globie, with one song from Bonnie specifically staying in my mind because it was “Ahoy!!” by Houshou Marine, one of my all time favourite HoloJP originals and my first time ever doing the call & response section with a live crowd.
Holy crap what an experience. It felt so fucking cool to be cheering along with a song I have known for so long with a crowd cheering with me.
And finally, we have the final act, and the performer I was most looking forward to seeing perform given she had promised non-stop dad rock: the independent and resilient Matara Kan.
Even outside of my admiration for the giant cockroach, her setlist aligned perfectly with a good deal of my own musical taste. Green Day, Blink-182, Nickleback, My Chemical Romance, Linkin Park – she was going through all the hits of classic Guitar Hero and despite the butterflies in her stomach, I loved every minute of her performance and sang along with everything I knew.
Plus it was really sweet of her to dedicate her final song to her favourite, now-graduated, VTuber. I am sure wherever Nina Kosaka is now she would have loved that performance.
And with that, the opening concert came to a close. My arms were dead, my legs were dead, but surprisingly my voice was still holding up. Upon returning to the hotel and consuming a CBD gummy, it apparently took all of five minutes for me to go to sleep, giving me plenty of rest for…
Saturday: The Main Event
We woke up relatively early for a Saturday and started to get ready. Unrelated to anything in the convention, god it feels nice to not have to worry about hot water running out with a hotel shower so I could take extremely long showers compared to what I do at home.
I am actually very proud of my Saturday fit in all honesty, the stompers were a vibe as always, and the fact I was able to hook some of my plushies on small chains onto the corset D-rings of my dress let me represent some of my favourites without cosplaying – plus this outfit definitely has the vibes of Shiori’s detective outfit which is great.
My partner and I walked over to the convention to get let in shortly after we arrived, before instantly splitting up. He wanted to explore around, and I wanted to hit Artist Alley where I almost instantly bought two A4 prints from an artist called SnipSnip Studio… it kind of helped they were cosplaying Shiori so I was able to tell them my story, thanks for listening!
But then I instantly got distracted as I had noticed a Helldiver cosplay, and I knew I wanted to get a photo… not before engaging in a silly bit of roleplay though, because as soon as I got his attention I gave him the casual salute, and he reciprocated near instantly. I am so sorry I did not get your name, but thanks for taking a photo with me.
After leaving artist alley there was the Baka Itasha display with three gorgeous cars on display, one representing IRyS of HoloEN, one representing Dokibird of Independent, and the one I took… basically all of my photos of, representing Ninomae Ina’nis of HoloEN. I definitely regret not getting proper photos taken of all of them, and not taking photos of me with them.
I also took in the scale of the event after these photos. It has been an extremely long time since I have done anything like that, and the fact I was able to even stand in the hall after the shit year I have had made me so extremely happy… if a touch overwhelmed at times… okay I was a touch overwhelmed for the entire event but I still made the most of it!
Reunited with my partner near the entrance, I encountered someone I had in my mind that I wanted to meet: a cosplayer called Julibee I follow on Twitter. I told her my cosplay story and watched her process what I had just showed her along with the price I had paid before talking about if she knew any seamstress and finishing things off with a photo. Thank you so much for taking the time to talk with me, you looked amazing in your Marine cosplay and I hope we get to meet again some day.
My partner and I went for a wander afterwards, only to run into Merryweather walking around in his suit and fursuit head. I imagined it would be quite sweltering for him but as we were talking he was actively needing to air out the head and put a fan next to his mouth to help keep him cool. I did not get to say as much as I wanted to say to him, especially as a fellow writer, but thank you for taking a photo with me. I hope to see you again soon.
We continued to wander around taking in the sights and sound of the convention until I noticed a pair of cosplayers I had also wanted to say hi to, CloverClub and Nocte. I was admittedly a little awkward talking to them cause Clover did ask me to repeat myself when I was recounting my cosplay story, but thank you both for taking a photo with me. You looked amazing and, like with so many other cosplayers I took photos with, I hope to see you again some day.
After this, we decided to kill time until one of the few things my partner wanted to do came up, which was Phoebe Chan doing her meet & greet to the side of the main meeting space. We actually arrived as her and her manager Steiner were setting up her table, so we chatted briefly as that went on where I got to compliment her set. My partner bought one of her penlights whilst I bought her album and got it signed.
Especially with what you wrote Phoebe, I want to meet you again. It was an amazing time getting to talk to you and the words you said to my partner were inspiring.
With that wrapped up, we decided to return to the hotel for a short bit where any reasonable personwould have chosen to have a proper lunch in that moment especially considering there was the HUKEC meetup and my meet & greet with Matara coming up in the afternoon, but nope, Huel and a few doritos it was… next time definitely need to bring some proper snacks.
We rested for around three-quarters of an hour before heading back out towards the HUKEC meetup just outside the atrium, and… there is so much to talk about here so I will try my best to keep it concise holy shit I am writing so much I need to go on convention trips more often.
Across the near hour I was at the meetup for, I:
Talked to a bunch of new people I had never properly met before, including the Supreme Leader Boyfriend John
Took part in the HUKEC group photo
Gave a try at the HUKEC beanbag toss
Wrote a message for the HUKEC chain (I wish I got a picture of what I wrote, but I will explain it after)
Took photos with a bunch of cool cosplayers who I only got the name of one of
Got given a bunch of Hololive Card Game cards by a guy called Archie thank you so much again dude that was fucking insane and they will be put to good use
I will admit there was a time I was on the sidelines and I came close to crying, not from sadness or feeling overwhelmed (much), but just from sheer… positivity and inclusiveness, which got reflected in the message I wrote for the chain.
“Thank you for making my world less lonely – Rosa”
In general, I think those words sum up how the VTubing world as a whole makes me feel, especially with post-VExpo emotions. It was so amazing to meet so many independent VTubers along with fans of corpo VTubers, and I felt like I belonged regardless of who I was.
Anyway, HUKEC photo dump incoming. The Nakiri Ayame cosplayer is called Kat, but I did not get the names of the Gigi, Nimi, or Dr Fubuki cosplayers – my apologies to all.
My partner was pretty exhausted afterwards, so we did one more quick whip around the convention hall before I was going to walk him home. As we did so, we saw someone who I now know is called The Memestar queueing for a meet & greet carrying a 3D printed replica of the WunderWaffe from Call of Duty: World At War.
So we obviously had to get photos of him, and he very graciously let my partner who was leading the conversation hold it too. Very lovely to talk to you dude, especially as you were queueing at the time.
We walked back to the hotel, where I left my partner to rest whilst I returned for my meet & greet with Matara.
Now.
ANY REASONABLE PERSON would have changed out of the big heavy stompers she had been wearing for seven hours at this point and change into more comfortable shoes, especially as she was aware of the blisters forming on the back of her feet, but nope, I walked back to the hall in the stompers and queued for nearly two hours in them as well.
Thankfully I did have a nice distraction whilst queueing in the form of brilliant conversation with someone called ShizukaSilent and someone else who I once again did not get the name of, but thank you both for talking with me in the queue, and extra thanks to Shizuka for letting me take a 3D printed desk buddy mascot.
The queue came and went, and soon I was getting ready to meet Matara. I had in my mind what I was going to ask and talk about: considering her opening concert set was essentially a greatest hits of Guitar Hero, I wanted to ask her about if she considered adding Dragonforce into the mix.
That said, all composure went straight out the window the moment I walked in to the booth and the first words out of her mouth were:
“Ooo, you’re stylish”.
And followed up with:
“Rosa, oh that’s a beautiful name”.
I became a spluttering mess after that point, this beautiful and resilient person who I had just spent two hours queueing for complimented me incredibly sincerely and whilst I did get my question out and we chatted about Guitar Hero, I was so overwhelmed with happiness of getting to talk to her and say how inspiring she was to me.
I am holding a plushie up cause I got a little self-conscious about my smile by this point in the weekend, but I hope my cheeks show that I am absolutely over the moon right now. After finishing up I went to get my pen plotter gift as part of this meet, and was incredibly surprised with how the system worked… that said, there was a fair bit of scuff surrounding that too, but I will not dwell on it here because of the positive vibes.
By the way, your handwriting is beautiful Matara, and I am so happy to have this as a memory of our meeting.
Now, it was close to 8pm by the time I had finished my meet & greet and got my pen plotter gift, I had been in stompers for close to nine hours, and I was in abject agony. This presented a small problem, as I had booked a ticket to go see Idol Anarchy, the premium rock concert as part of the convention.
But I was tired, hungry, and in a lot of pain, so as we were leaving I asked a staff member if it was possible to give away my ticket. They came back and said it was, we just had to find someone…
…and there was a convenient Murasaki by the entrance who was happy to accept the ticket. Again, it was great meeting you friendo, and I hope you enjoyed the concert.
Free of responsibility and able to take the evening a bit more easy, my partner and I went to TGIFridays for a fantastic meal to finish off the day, an experience made even better with the energy of our waiter Dan that night. An absolute delight to be around which made the first solid food I hate eaten in almost eleven hours taste so much better.
We walk back to the hotel, and get into the lift with two other people from the convention. We strike up a conversation, and I think I am just chatting with two other attendees so I start talking about my meet with Matara.
And then I get hit with a bombshell.
“I’m Dokibird’s manager”
You’re fucking who?!
I might not have been able to win tickets for Doki’s meet & greet, but honestly, I think I got the next best thing in getting to meet Doki’s manager. We did get a photo together and whilst he did say that Doki technically doxxed him that day, I am not going to post it here. It is a little scuffed and I kind of want to keep this fun little memory to myself.
He did give me his card though, and this is a perfect physical reminder of that beautiful, random meeting after a long exhausting convention day.
Did not take long for me to get back to sleep, which leads us into…
Sunday Sunday Sunday
Sunday was a much calmer day, if by force because of how much physical pain I was in due to my own stupidity being in stomper boots for nine hours, and I had two meet & greets booked almost back to back with Elia Stellaria and Rin Penrose. Did not get a proper fit picture this day but it was a simple affair of representing two of my HoloJP oshi with a Shirakami Fubuki t-shirt and Shishiro Botan hoodie.
Unrelated, there was also a test of the UK emergency alert system happening at 3pm the same day, and the running joke throughout the day was calling it the “tea alarm”. Thankfully I was not a meet & greet by the time the alarm went off, but it was fun to discuss it whilst in the queue.
My partner went to a panel talking about the initial VTuber boom of 2020, whilst I was taking things a bit easier just wandering around both the regular and 18+ artist alley before finding a quiet spot to rest outside the convention… which did mean missing the absolutely hilarity of Merryweather coming over the tannoy which was apparently broadcast to every security personnel in the NEC.
I was given permission to announce me and Lumi's vtuber quiz, but due to a miscommunication it went through the emergency broadcast system. Apparently we deafened the entire vtuber concert hall, peaked every microphone on site, and blasted through the headphones of every security… pic.twitter.com/MV0TUUiKhO
It was so fucking funny to see if hindsight, especially with him coming on a second time to say he was not allowed to swear, so I am very glad it is immortalised on Twitter.
Once it came close to my meet & greet times, I decided to queue for Elia first and then loop round to Rin, which was definitely the right decision as I was able to double stack them near perfectly. I do have some issues with how the queue system was handled once again, but I will keep it to an ending scuff recap.
I will admit to only being a recent fan of Elia, mainly loving her aesthetic leading into researching her, and applying for her meet & greet on the off chance I got it… and I did, and it was actually one of the sweetest experiences I had over the weekend.
The moment I walked in she highlighted the fact I was carrying a plushie – a blahaj no less as I wanted to bring one of mine to meet Rin, and I just went with it, holding it up in front of me and waving with its fin. I talked about being a new fan and then led in with my question I wanted to ask her: what is her favourite cozy snack?
She went into full detail of whether we were going sweet or savoury, and it was absolutely adorable seeing her giving me every bit of info, where I eventually settled that I was going to get cookies after the convention as part of my wind-down, leading to the message she wrote on my pen plotter gift.
“You can have all my cookies”.
It is such a personal message, and combined with the fact she gave out little gift bags with her meet as well has cemented me as a firm Elia fan for the future.
I left Elia’s booth and instantly joined the queue for Rin Penrose, unsurprisingly I was not the only person carrying a blahaj with me. That said, it was certainly not seen as a detriment, as the friend to all plushies commented on it instantly as I walked in, saying “I see a shark”, which led nicely into my explaining that I had brought him for a blessing… leading to this wonderful exchange between us.
Me: “His name is Oculus”
Rin: “HIS NAME IS OCULUS!”
Me: “He lives on my work background”
Rin: “HE LIVES ON YOUR WORK BACKGROUND”
And that silly little guy energy carried throughout the entire meet, especially as they talked about rickrolling the Big British Concert audience before laughing maniacally, refuting my claim with “I’m just a little guy”, leading us to debate whether one can be both a little guy and evil before finishing off with a photo. I gave a bow to my prince before leaving to join the pen plotter line.
It took another three-quarters of an hour after queueing for almost two hours to get my final two pen plotters, but with that, my convention weekend was over. I left the hall to go find a quiet place to sit whilst my partner queued up to claim their pen plotter from Limealicious.
I initially did almost go back in to impulse buy some final merch from artist alley, but at a few minutes past five they told me the hall was closed to new entry – which was fully understandable, but it would have been nice to have this advertised on the Discord or Twitter in advance.
Once we had both finished our day, we went back to the hotel and decided: fuck it, we wanted to come home. We checked out of our hotel early and made the trek to the station home, with it only taking just over an hour to get back to comfy beds, familiar territory, and a greasy ass takeaway.
Before I get into discussing what was scuffed in terms of organisation, I want to preface: this was one of the best experiences I had in my life, especially after the year I have had. To hang around with VTuber fans and VTubers, to share my story with people, and to enjoy a wonderful weekend away, I could not have asked for a better time.
And I will be returning next year, as I want to continue being involved with the VTuber community as a whole within the UK and EU, but there are definitely some things I would want to see fixed/adjusted for next year.
Scuff
The main thing I would like to see adjusted for next year is better utilisation of the hall space along with implementing strong crowd control measures for queues across the venue. Initially I was floating the idea of suggesting that VExpo branch out across two halls but I think that would be a little excessive… unless the internal data suggests they could fill two halls in which case I am happy to be wrong.
But in general, I feel the meet & greet space could have been better spread out. Queues got extremely long, winding, and cramped throughout the weekend and having more distinct space for people to queue in would be helpful – this was especially prevalent queueing for Elia’s meet as we were within hugging distance of Vexoria’s meet.
Great for conversation, but it definitely made things feel extremely cramped at points.
Additionally, and it seems there is a lot of discussion in the Discord about this anyway, but the system for retrieving the pen plotter gifts was extremely flawed as it was stacking queues on top of queues, made worse so by the fact that only two pen plotters were running across the weekend. In VExpo’s defense, this is the first year they are running this system, so having the capacity and scale right first time was never going to happen, but if this system returns next year, they either need to massively scale up how many are running at any given time, or as they are discussing right now in the Discord, sending out pen plotters at a later date.
I am also not entirely sure if I want to call this next point “scuff” given it can very much be seen as a skill issue, but the necessity to queue for me – especially on the Sunday – made it hard to enjoy other programming at the convention, and I know I am not entirely alone in that feeling, especially considering some of the main stage panels on Sunday got knock on delayed because of issues over in the meet & greets.
It definitely would be nice to have experienced more of the convention, especially as I was initially very excited to try do the Balatro event on the activity stage but it clashed with both my meet & greet times, definitely some amount of skill issue at play there but still a bit of feedback to give.
If the internal data does show a second hall being viable, having the gaming area being expanded would be quite nice as well, along with having some dedicated events at the convention. With Hololive Card Game taking off in the UK quite well I can foresee a tournament taking place, plus if there were casual commander pods going on for Magic: the Gathering and I… somehow had a calm schedule, I could see myself jamming a game or two in.
TL;DR in case anyone from VExpo is actually reading (in which case holy shit I have made it): logistics and organisation were my main issue, there is only so much that Mimi shouting is able to do especially when technology is failing, communication and crowd control would very much be appreciated to keep things running smoothly next time.
Conclusion
This is the longest thing I have written in years goddamn. VExpo was a hell of a time for me, and that is with missing out on a lot of other small details such as being given business cards by so many indie VTubers who told me what their niche is, and the fun random conversations about video/card games I had every day.
Next year I definitely want to be better. I most definitely want to cosplay next year as well, and not having to deal with getting fucked around with commissions, and I want to push myself to be involved in more of the events as well…
…plus Hololive maybe I do not know maybe you could convince Liz to come along but that is wishful thinking. If VExpo 2026 was just more of 2025 with better organisation then I think I will still have a wonderful time.
Anyway, time to post just a small snapshot of my merch haul from the weekend, there is a lot of other stuff off to the side as well but this is the main bulk of what came from the artists.
Close to seven-thousand words in four hours… I think that is a record for me in terms of writing, and I feel I am still missing a bunch of stuff.
But I feel I should wrap up, if just because finishing off this recap will put a full stop on my weekend and I can start processing the post-con depression because I definitely feel that is going to hit hard.
If you have read all this way, then thank you. This is a long ass piece to read and I do not blame you if you needed to read it in bursts. The Redundancy Review should return to some kind of scheduled normality, and my written journey shall continue for the foreseeable future.
Rosalia Rambles 