Rosalia Rambles

Tag: food

  • Redundancy Review: Day 132, “The One Hundredth Post”

    Redundancy Review: Day 132, “The One Hundredth Post”

    (for context on what this series is, please see my Day 1 post here: Redundancy Review: Day 1, “A New Beginning” – Rosalia Rambles)

    Good morning centurions and centenarians, welcome to Day 132 of Rosalia Rambles Redundancy Review.

    While it may be Day 132, this is the one hundredth Redundancy Review I have written since initially losing my job back in June. I could make a jokey comment about being a month out of sync, but I instead want to focus on taking pride in this milestone.

    One hundred posts.

    Across those one hundred posts is a variety of content and stories, building up a living timeline of what it has been like for a suddenly out-of-work technology professional to navigate an AI-driven job market before a miraculous opportunity to return to some of the people she knew landed in her lap, giving her the chance to keep doing what she does best and still learn some new things along the way – only to discover she might not be as fully invested in the sector as she used to be.

    Writing it all out like that makes me reflect on what the purpose of the Redundancy Review is currently, and how the framing of the story has changed as time has gone on. Initially I was telling the story of navigating a tough jobs market along with my aspirations of being a professional writer, telling a human-focused story about the infrequent ups and disturbingly frequent downs of needing to find a new source of income after a sudden.

    Once I had returned to work, the story focused more on my personal struggles, especially as I came to grips with falling out of love with a career I have been in for half a decade. I retired the call-to-action that was commonplace in my early reviews in favour of focusing on looking inwards about what I want to do going forward, talking about the comfort that my review topics brought to me more than anything else.

    I achieved my main goal for the year of attending VExpo around ninety days into the Redundancy Review, getting myself involved in an in-person event for a longstanding hobby of mine and getting away from everything that had been bringing me down at home, focusing on my own joy at being able to meet fellow nerds and talents.

    But VExpo also represented a strange turning point in my recent months, an event that brought me so much joy and reminded me why I kept going, but one I also feel put me on the path towards this spiral of depression I have been experiencing. 

    I know that sounds like a stretch, so let me explain.

    What started as post-con depression evolved into a desire to work harder to chase the feeling once more, disregarding how I might have been feeling in favour of wanting to push myself beyond my limits in the hopes of finding the stability I had when I worked a full-time, permanent job.

    This rightfully worried my friends, who saw me as someone who was already working themselves incredibly hard, and whilst they did not really host an “intervention” for me, one of my closest friends brought up their analysis on why I might have been pushing myself too hard which ended up hitting really close to home, and temporarily put me straight into taking the time to relax.

    Emphasis on the word “temporarily” in that sentence, as new sources of stress were just on the horizon so soon after I had begun reclaiming my peace of mind, leading me into my most recent spiral where all the worries started piling on top of me once more and my paranoia was well-fed in terms of catastrophising the situation.

    Which brings me to today, where I am looking back on everything I have gone through to get to a hundred posts across four months, thinking about my own purpose in this world and what the purpose of the Redundancy Review is.

    The Redundancy Review is about documenting change and progress. It is my creative outlet to tell my story as I go through the imposing and terrifying life transition I find myself in the middle of. But in writing on a somewhat regular schedule, it helps me keep in mind that this current crisis I find myself in is just that: current.

    Ever since 2021 began I have tried to commit myself to a path of continual self-improvement, in both my professional and personal life. In this period of time I have gone through several life changes, including a gender transition, and I have still made it out the other side.

    I will make it through this.

    The affirmation that carries me through all of these difficult times.

    I will make it through this.

    Time to head into the review segment, and this one also comes from my Saturday trip to Swansea, specifically the meal that I went out to with my partner’s parents. They were the ones to pay for this meal, so thank you very much for that!

    The venue chosen for the meal was a restaurant that goes by the name of “Las Iguanas”, a UK chain of restaurants that specialise in Mexican and South American cuisine. It is a place I have frequented with my own family, but neither my partner or their parents had gone to it themselves, making it the perfect opportunity for them to try something new.

    For me however, I pursued dishes that I knew, partly out of comfort, partly because when I am on someone else’s dime I try not to take the piss when it comes to ordering food.

    In that regard, my starter of choice was simple: loaded nachos. There are very few ways to mess up nachos, but so many ways to make them beautiful and this was a beautiful plate of nachos. Topped with both melted cheese & cheese sauce, pickled jalapenos, and the Mexican holy trinity of guacamole, salsa, and sour cream.

    There was the option for additional, more meaty toppings, but this plate did not need it, though I did make one additional due to a bottle of hot sauce on the table. Specifically it was a Carolina Reaper hot sauce with added black garlic, and in my quest for increasing my own spice tolerance, I added some to both my starter and my main.

    Speaking of my main, I ordered a simple burger, the “Gaucho Smash”, containing two smash patties topped with Monterey Jack cheese, bacon, lettuce, and pickled jalapenos. Did I need to add an extremely hot sauce on top of the burger having jalapenos? Nope. Did I do it anyway? Of course.

    Though it might have finally reached the “hot enough” point, especially as I could feel my lips burning shortly after finishing my burger off, desperately reaching for the last sips of my no-alcohol cider to cool it off. 

    The best part about the evening though? The company. There have been small moments of friction between my partner’s parents and myself, but this was an extraordinarily pleasant evening. 

    There once was a time where I thought I would have been able to leave family behind, and focus solely on my friends, but as time has gone on I have found myself maturing a bit more emotionally, recognising that whilst I still carry a lot of trauma for what happened with my own family growing up; anger takes up a lot more emotional bandwidth than joy, which makes my choice of what I want to experience easy.

    I think that covers everything for today, I am looking forward to providing another one hundred posts in the near future. Thank you for reading today’s edition of the Redundancy Review, wherever you are I hope you are able to relax and not let the Monday blues take you over too much.

    For more information on Las Iguanas, visit their website here: The Best Mexican Restaurant & Cocktail Bar | Las Iguanas | Las Iguanas

  • Redundancy Review: Day 130-131, “Clarity From Separation”

    Redundancy Review: Day 130-131, “Clarity From Separation”

    (for context on what this series is, please see my Day 1 post here: Redundancy Review: Day 1, “A New Beginning” – Rosalia Rambles)

    Good morning examiners and invigilators, welcome to Day 130 and 131 of Rosalia Rambles Redundancy Review.

    The moment I thought I could return to a reasonable schedule for posting, a short holiday took me out of the rhythm once more – although it was definitely a needed break.

    Specifically my partner and I took a whirlwind trip down to Swansea in South Wales, close to where he originally came to me from, with the trip itself having two main purposes:

    1. Visiting a local game shop down south to participate in an Official Hololive Card Game event
    2. Going out for a meal with my partner’s parents

    Outside of those two main objectives, having time away from my current situation in a city I have never been to before to try clear my head was my own personal objective. It was not my intention to have a career crisis before this holiday, but it oddly lined up that I needed to take some time away.

    Swansea is specifically a coastal city, and it has been an… extremely long time since I have got to see the ocean, to feel the sea breeze push against my face as my nostrils fill with the oddly satisfying scent of salt water. I did not even realise I had been missing it until it hit me once more, and it contributed massively to clearing my head.

    Over the last couple of days, I have talked with both my own parents and my partner’s parents about my career situation, explaining what I have been feeling and what I feel like my current options are. The result of these two conversations were largely the same, reminding me that I am extraordinarily lucky to have a job in today’s job market, but understanding that I might want to find more purpose within my life.

    My partner’s parents emphasised to me that I have had a lot of lived experience in regards to mental health problems and the awareness that develops from that experience, which I could use in combination with my transferable skills honed within the technology industry to advance into an administration position of sorts within either civil service or the charity sector…

    …which, yes, lines up with what I have been talking about in previous editions of the Redundancy Review, helping to cement that my feelings are valid, and that the main task I need to work on now is rounding out my skillset even further to be able to demonstrate I can enter into these roles.

    The time away also helped me define the “why” of this line of thinking, and it is a very simple reason: purpose.

    I feel I have lost my sense of purpose in life, primarily in the wake of my redundancy. The Redundancy Review has helped me keep a sense of personal purpose in mind, especially as I explore my psyche in each edition, and whilst I really enjoy getting to write these pieces, I have sort of come to accept that this website represents a living portfolio more than something that actually makes me money – which I am okay with, even though I would love to be able to support myself via writing.

    But this means I need to do a fair bit of soul-searching in order to find a new professional purpose, something that can pay my bills but also provide me with a good degree of satisfaction. Something that I leave on Friday feeling I have made a positive impact on the world by what I have been doing, and feel excited to wake up for it all again on Monday.

    It will take a while to find something like that for me, and there will be even more difficulties along the way, but I know I will make it through… I keep saying that a lot recently, possibly as an affirmation to myself to keep myself going.

    I will make it. 

    One way or another.

    Time to get to the review segment, and it is actually going to be a somewhat personal one. As part of my Swansea trip, my partner and I went exploring shortly after arriving to find a cafe or something for lunch. A fair few places my partner wanted to show me had closed down since he moved away but in our search, we came across a small Ukrainian cafe called Ruta.

    As a part of personal trivia, my grandad was Ukrainian, specifically from Lviv. He died when I was not even one year old, so I never really knew him, and growing up I never really had much exposure to Ukrainian cuisine, which drew me into wanting to try Ruta out, and specifically going for a traditional Ukrainian dish.

    The one I chose to try was called Zrazy, a potato-based dough shaped into a patty before being stuffed with minced chicken and cheese, topped with stewed mushrooms and served with sour cream.

    There is a lot I could say here.

    I could talk about how the potato dough was perfectly soft, or how the seasoning on the filling was perfect, or how the sour cream was the ideal accompaniment to this dish.

    But I want to relate this dish to what I mentioned about never knowing my grandad or having any exposure to Ukrainian cuisine.

    Despite that lack of connection, from the first bite I took… this dish tasted like home. It was wholesome, comforting, and filling. It might be a bit dramatic to say each bite healed my soul a little bit; but it genuinely did feel like that, it was a taste of a heritage I never experienced. 

    And it was extremely reasonably priced at £7.99, so like, even outside of the spiritual experience it was an economical choice for lunch as well. My partner and I intend to return to Swansea to enjoy more of the city, and I want to return to Ruta to explore even more traditional Ukrainian cuisine.

    Heck, I even want to learn how to cook Zrazy now to build that spiritual connection even more.

    That will do it for today though, thank you for reading today’s edition of the Redundancy Review. Wherever you are I hope you are able to relax before Monday is upon us once more, I know I am nervous to return to work after my stress leave, but I come back with a clearer head and wanting to push myself towards a better tomorrow.

  • Redundancy ‘Review’: Day 122-123, “Life is Precious”

    (for context on what this series is, please see my Day 1 post here: Redundancy Review: Day 1, “A New Beginning” – Rosalia Rambles)

    Good morning staircases and escalators, welcome to Day 122 and 123 of Rosalia Rambles Redundancy Review.

    Yesterday… was stressful for a lot of reasons. My partner ended up having a rough start to their work day which made them come home early, my old roommate had a bit of a crisis on their hands due to numerous factors, and this was all in addition to managing my contract workload for the day.

    Hectic is at least one of the words I would use to describe what went down, and that is without discounting all of the feelings I have been having regarding wanting to change my current position in life.

    Job is definitely on the higher end of that priorities list, which I am taking steps in a positive direction to try find myself something new. Surprisingly I have actually been invited for a phone interview on Wednesday for that CEX Store Manager position which is the first interview I have gotten since I was made redundant, so… there is at least some comfort there that I am still able to get interviews.

    What I am more optimistic and interested in however is an informal chat with someone within the Care Quality Commission to talk about a role I am going to be applying for there: Application Analyst.

    Part of the career chat I had with my friend on Thursday was taking a look at my current skillset and determining what sectors I could find myself thriving in. As someone who has worked in Quality Assurance for five years with production experience sprinkled in for the last two years, the amount of transferable skills I have picked during that time is surprisingly plentiful.

    Adaptability is high on that list, especially from having worked in the technology start up space for the last four years. It is an environment that hardens you, one way or another, and requires you to stay adaptable or flexible to the shifting needs of the business. Everyone needed to chip in on different things at varying points – with me usually being one of the first people to say yes to trying something new, becoming familiar with that side of the business fairly quickly.

    This is a trait that has carried me throughout my career honestly, as I was always the first to put myself forward for new things at Codemasters, which led me to testing audio, back-end data analysis, and eventually becoming the second-in-command…

    …it then got turned up to eleven working at Immerse, and even now working the contract role. Learning new things makes me incredibly happy, and that joy has carried me to a successful career.

    All I need now is something a bit more permanent, as I do not think contractor life is entirely for me in the four months or so I have been working in it. I have definitely learnt a lot, but I want to push myself towards a permanent, full-time role in a different industry now.

    So… what does this have to do with the title? Well, because that was just a job search update segment, but I have a personal segment I want to write today as well.

    Over these last five months, things have been a massive rollercoaster for me. What started as a month long process of limbo wondering what would happen to the company I had called home for just over three years turned into the redundancy announcement that kickstarted this series, and my greater search for a new place to call my own, before I got the contract role that is currently sustaining me.

    In this time period, I have experienced great highs, terrifying lows, and almost everything between those two points. My situation is stable right now, remarkably so even given the circumstances, but at the same time I spend a lot of my time paranoid that this might be a turning point in my life where I suddenly am not worthy enough to keep going, that my head will sink below the water at any moment.

    This led to me seeking comfort in an unusual source: my brother. We have a good relationship, although we do not talk as often as I feel we should, there is a lot he has helped me out with over the years and I feel incredibly lucky to call him my big brother.

    I asked him how he keeps his head above water, and how he perseveres when everything feels against him, with the advice being given being oddly profound:

    “The simple answer on how I keep going is that I simply refuse to drown. I have, currently am, and will in future feel like I’m drowning, and that everything and everyone is against me. But I also recognise that if I let the water take me, I’m out the game, I don’t get to play any more. That means no more prizes, and you can’t get back in the game once you’re out. You can always come back from the lows to get to the highs if you’re willing to dig your heels in, but you have to be in the game”

    It feels silly to say, but his blunt way of speaking really helped me out and made me reflect on these last five months.

    My redundancy was my lowest point, and I genuinely felt like my entire world had collapsed in the wake of it…

    …but I kept going.

    My life is precious, and there is still so much love I have still yet to give, not just for my life, but for the lives of all of those around me. There is a beautiful network of people around me who support me, and I want to be able to support them through their highs & lows, just like they have done for me.

    Things feel hard right now, but I want to keep going. Even when my paranoia presents the worst case scenarios for me, I will keep fighting through.

    I guess I need to try write a review segment now. It has honestly been hard to keep up with doing them in recent days due to everything going on in my life…

    …no, I am sorry, but I do not think I can today. Too much has been going on, and whilst I still want to put my writing out there for those who may need it, I cannot bring myself to focus on a ‘review’ type segment right now.

    Have a picture of this big, beautiful, and badass pizza I made last night. Homemade dough and all. It is taking me a while to get the proper formula down, in that I am aiming for a New York-style thin crust and am usually ending up with a Sicilian-style thick-yet-airy crust, which is still plenty delicious but not the effect I am ultimately wanting.

    Baking in general has brought great comfort to me ever since my redundancy, not only as a way of learning something new but to work to create something that I can use to bring joy to others, be it through bread, cake, or to make the usual Friday night pizza my partner and I share all the more loving by the homemade touch.

    If you have made it to the end of today’s Redundancy Review, thank you for reading. Wherever you are, I hope you are safe, happy, and comfortable, able to enjoy the weekend. If not, then I hope you can try find comfort when it is possible, and I am glad you are still around. 

    Keep on keeping on, I will if you will.

  • Redundancy Review: Day 120, “Four Month Reflection”

    (for context on what this series is, please see my Day 1 post here: Redundancy Review: Day 1, “A New Beginning” – Rosalia Rambles)

    Good morning clerics and healers, welcome to Day 120 of Rosalia Rambles Redundancy Review.

    120 days since I was first made redundant. Four months worth of thinking, reflection, and trying to figure out where to do next. In terms of actual posts, this is the 92nd Redundancy Review since this all kicked off, so only off by a factor of about thirty days due to holidays, breaks, or just not feeling the flow.

    In those four months I have fought the government for what is rightfully mine, waded through job boards in the hope of finding something new, expanded my horizons beyond QA to see what I might be good at, and have now found myself back in the life of a SaaS QA tester within the greater technology industry… for better or worse.

    Part of what drove me to start writing a career retrospective at the start of this week is the fact I am growing incredibly weary with the tech industry as a whole. The start up culture, the grindset mindset, the need to build & scale fast with less… all of it has started to wear me down.

    If we include my time at Codemasters, I am coming up on having worked for half a decade in the technology industry as a QA, with some production on the side. This comes back to something I said I need to keep in mind off the back of my redundancy, that it was a traumatic event, and it is okay to let it change me. 

    And one of those things that might need to change is my career as a whole.

    I have already started to explore other options in addition to balancing my contract work… on top of balancing maintaining a good posting schedule… on top of trying to maintain an amount of social life and relaxation time…

    Being real, things feel hard for me right now. Over the last couple of days I have found myself crying at my desk more often, with even the most routine of work tasks overwhelming me. In between uploads, downloads, or waiting for processes to finish, I take moments to let out little sobs, which shows to me that it is not the challenges of the work getting to me, it is just the nature of the work itself.

    And the mental separation I try to impose on myself that this is a holdover contract role, that it will not be forever is slowly starting to break down as I realise I have fallen out of love with the greater industry as a whole, and to ensure longevity in my future; I need to make a change to one of the biggest parts of my life.

    Saying goodbye to an industry that has honed me, hardened me, and shaped me into the person I am today.

    This is not to say I am going to move away from technology as a whole, because I am perfectly willing to do a job that mostly revolves around a computer, and there is no denying I have made a good career in QA with how long I have survived in such a competitive industry, especially in the recent years of a turbulent job market.

    It is just a matter of deciding where to go, with my current avenues for exploration being in insurance, civil service, and I have also signed up for a charity jobs board – both for QA and writing roles.

    There is a part of me that thinks I am “limiting my potential” by choosing to walk away from tech, that if I committed the energy I am using to look elsewhere to doubling my effort into the tech industry, I could stand to make a lot of money by pursuing even more elite roles within the startup space.

    But the redundancy has changed me. I am distrustful of investor groups, the primary way such companies would be funded. The need to keep scaling up and making things even bigger rather than focusing on steady outcomes is incompatible with my current life philosophy.

    I need to move away from what has been a significant part of my life and enabled my growth into who I am today, to heal from the pain that growth has been accompanied by, and start a new chapter of my life.

    Ultimately, I am still quite young, having not even hit my thirties yet. In a way my professional life has only just begun, with the role I was made redundant from being only my second job ever. 

    There is so much I can do, I just need to find myself to find out what I want to do.

    In the meantime, my contract can hold me over, and whilst I do not want to maintain the grindset mindset, I am also not someone who can half-arse a job. My safety net is actually stronger than it was before my redundancy too, so I am in an extremely lucky position to not be pressed against the wall.

    Ideally I do not want to eat into the safety net and I can transition from my contract into a new role, but I am prepared for any eventuality.

    No matter what, I will continue to write. This story still has several chapters to write, and the stories inside my head still need to be told. 

    Time to get into the review, and I think it is time to introduce a somewhat new topic to the Redundancy Review: hot sauce.

    For those who have been around for the somewhat regular food reviews, you will know I am a little bit of a spicehead, and this definitely extends into my home life as I have a very decent collection of hot sauces within my fridge. Today’s hot sauce is made from one of the spiciest peppers in the world: Bhut Jolokia, more commonly known as the Ghost Pepper.

    This specific sauce is from a small UK brand called Mahi, and this was one of the three hot sauces in their “Discovery Pack”, a bundle offer for those wanting to explore more options in hot sauce outside of the main brands in the UK. 

    With it being such a spice forward sauce, there is actually a pleasing acidic bite that announces itself first before the heat ramps up, though it is actually variable how much heat will be delivered with each taste.

    Sometimes it will be a pleasant warmth that accompanies the acidity.

    And sometimes it will be a deliverance of heat worthy of the nickname my partner gave to this sauce after one accidentally trying it: “Death Sauce”.

    £7.50 plus shipping was the price for the pack of three sauces, and it came in a very attractive box which included a catalogue of Mahi’s other products, most of which I will definitely want to try in future because of how nice everything included in the box was.

    This does however include a Trinidad Scorpion sauce, which is supposedly even hotter than the Ghost Pepper…

    …oh well, as I often yell before doing anything stupid, DEATH OR GLORY!

    That should do it for today. Thank you for reading today’s edition of the Redundancy Review. Wherever you are I hope you are able to relax and that your path ahead in life is clear, if not, then there is nothing to fear. You are in good company with that, and as we all know, not all who wander are lost.

    For more information on Mahi’s products, visit their website here: https://saucymahi.co/ 

  • Redundancy Review: Day 107-109, “Disillusionment”

    (for context on what this series is, please see my Day 1 post here: Redundancy Review: Day 1, “A New Beginning” – Rosalia Rambles)

    Good morning illusionists and conjurers, welcome to Day 107 to 109 of Rosalia Rambles Redundancy Review.

    Been a few days since posting something, and that mainly is because my day job ramped up massively in the two days I had left of the working week. Usually I am able to write the majority of a day’s article during my lunch along with bits here and there as downtime between things loading or processing, but things got so hectic that I had no time during my rest periods, which led into wanting to prioritise rest after work.

    But now it is Saturday, and after a long period of sleeping in this morning, I feel considerably better in the energy department…

    …the mental department is a different story.

    The title of today’s review reflects how I am feeling in recent days, though I was also considering the title “Broken Reverie” to describe my feelings in a more accurate way. Much like previous posts, it is hard for me to fully nail down how I am feeling on a given day leading to me using my almost-daily writing practice as a rubber-ducking exercise on myself.

    Disillusionment sums up a lot of this year for me, in both my career and, given some of the events of last night, my hobbies as well.

    For my career, it is obvious. The collapse of my previous company almost right from under me shattered a lot of how I felt towards my relationship with work, even persisting into my current contract work. I still come in every day, and I am not half-assing what I do to keep my skills sharp… along with the fact I bleed QA even outside of work, finding bugs comes as naturally to me as breathing.

    Though something has changed, a very multifaceted change mind, but I will try break it down as best as possible.

    There is the loss of community. I loved the team I worked with prior to things falling apart, they were genuinely some of the most skilled individuals I had the pleasure of working with each morning, and the fact we could come together each day to make beautiful applications, striving for new advancements with each project, meant a lot to me. 

    There is the change in structure. Whilst my career is advancing within this new-but-similar venture, specifically in that I have ownership over a key part of the pipeline within the business model, the smaller structure is still something to get used to. This is not to say I do not get on with my current colleagues, in fact I like to consider myself fairly easy to work alongside – even with my somewhat neurotic approach to quality.

    And finally, there is the fact that redundancy/being laid off is a massive psychological wound that influences how I see the world of work now, especially during this time of trying to add AI into everything before the bubble bursts.

    Part of why I write the Redundancy Review is because I would not mind finding a career away from the tech industry as a whole. This is not to say I want to leave behind the industry entirely, as I do indeed have the skills to pay the bills when considering my half a decade in quality assurance right now, and there is no denying that manual, human QA will still have its place in the industry even with the prevalence of AI right now.

    But I know I can do things outside of the greater tech space, and as much as it feels like a pipe dream, I want to find something where I am not ultimately just doing it for the money. Something that I believe in, and feel comfortable putting my heart & soul into on a day-to-day basis, to try make my career make a difference to the world.

    For now, I can keep things going under the current status quo, but I know I can make things change in my future – for the better.

    That part of today’s story went a little longer than I anticipated, especially because I have not told the second part about disillusionment with hobbies yet.

    Specifically, Magic: the Gathering had their big MagicCon Atlanta event yesterday, which included a lot of reveals and previews of stuff coming in the next year, including more “Universes Beyond” content than initially stated.

    For context, Universes Beyond is MTGs name for when they introduce crossover content into the game, and for the first few instances of it I was either completely indifferent or actually excited for the product they were bringing out. Warhammer 40K & Fallout Commander decks specifically were two products I actually really liked and still appreciate today.

    But, over time they have been introducing more Universe Beyond content into the release schedule, with this current year having three Standard-legal sets and next year having four Standard-legal sets… and with each reveal, I found myself disconnecting further, my indifference turning into outright exhaustion over the properties being introduced.

    The Hobbit, Marvel Super Heroes (they are not even having the decency to port a full comic arc over as a proper story, just a collection of characters thrown into a set) and Star Trek, along with an unannounced set that is theorised to be the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. 

    This is not including what was announced as part of Secret Lair, Wizards’ limited run set of cards with exclusive art, including crossovers with Iron Maiden, Jaws, The Office, FURBY. All of which has got their selection of fans to be excited, and I am glad for them to be excited by these things.

    But I do not feel good about the direction this game is going now. There are so many products all coming out at once, so many properties being slammed into the game in the hope of making the line go up even further.

    It says something that after all the reveals were said and done, one of the first things out of my mouth was:

    “Well, at least it will be easier to save money next year.”

    I have genuinely started to fall out of love with a game that I have been engaging with regularly for over eight years now, and… whilst that genuinely sucks hard, I am trying to maintain some level of optimism.

    The first set of the year, Lorwyn Eclipsed, looks genuinely beautiful, and given the history of the plane it will likely feature my favourite creature type. I still intend to play the game with my small group as well, but next year I want to try use the reduced focus on MTG to try other things out.

    I want to engage with the Hololive TCG community in the UK, playing in more events and getting more to grips with the game on a serious level. Additionally I am considering making more investments into my food production-related hobbies, increasing my amount of baking equipment along with getting stuffed that will let me explore pickling, preserves, and more.

    Disillusionment can suck, especially when it shakes the very core of what we know is familiar. But it can also open doors, as once you snap out of the reverie, things appear more clearly before you, allowing new opportunities to be visible when they might not have been before. 

    …surprisingly profound statement to end the story today, even more so when I consider I am currently sitting in a dressing gown having done nothing today but vibe, play games, and write.

    I am actually going to post this one wholesale, as I think it deserves to stand on its own, and totally not because I have nothing to review because I am skint slash running out of ideas some days, nope, not at all.

    That said, I do need a thumbnail…

    …yeah, that will do. I guess. 

    Anyway, thank you for reading today’s edition of the Redundancy Review. I am actually extremely proud in how this one turned out, so I hope you enjoyed reading it. Wherever you are I hope you are able to have an easy Saturday and can relax before the spectre of Monday looms once more.

  • Redundancy Review: Day 106, “Axolotl Duty”

    Redundancy Review: Day 106, “Axolotl Duty”

    (for context on what this series is, please see my Day 1 post here: Redundancy Review: Day 1, “A New Beginning” – Rosalia Rambles)

    Good morning gardeners and farmers, welcome to Day 106 of Rosalia Rambles Redundancy Review.

    Possibly going to be a shorter one today, as I was once more on axolotl duty for my parents, which is one of my favourite times if just because it gives me an excuse to both take a bunch of photos of Dottie and post those photos on the blog.

    He was actually very hungry today, which makes a difference from how he has usually been when I have come to feed him. I gave him a couple of cubes which he ate before heading off to continue packing my bag with the stuff I needed to bring home, only to return with him giving a very hard stare out of the tank to say he wanted more food.

    Axolotls supposedly have very bad eyesight, but both Cedric and Dottie make me doubt that statement due to how very clearly they look out of the tank when food is around. Cedric was often calm in staring out, being more like “Can I have some food please?” whereas Dottie very much has a “I did not say to stop feeding me” stare.

    An axolotl’s personality is always surprising to see manifest, and it is one of the things I would love people to know more about axolotls is that they can have surprising amounts of personality. Dottie definitely seems to be more reserved, enjoying his hiding spots of the log and the cave until it is time to be fed where he will then make his presence more known.

    But as usual when it came to visiting my parent’s place to do errands whilst they are away, a local takeaway for lunch was on the agenda, and given how regular I eat at Birches Bridge Fish Bar along with how disappointing the Papa John’s was last time, I decided to go a similar but different route by heading to Codsall Fish Bar instead.

    There is a certain level of spoiled to be had growing up with two fantastic fish & chip shops within walking distance of where I lived, though I have to admit that Birches was always my favourite growing up, and well…

    …my meal from Codsall today kind of proved that.

    In a way I went in mentally ready to compare it to my usual order from Birches, as I ordered a quarterpounder cheese burger with chips, topping that with mayo, lettuce, and onions. For context, my standard order at Birches is a double-stacked cheeseburger with chips, topped with garlic mayo, cabbage, onions, and jalapenos.

    To start, rather than being cooked on a griddle or flattop of some sort, the patty was put into the fryer. Whilst the staff at Codsall did a great job of making sure this was not overcooked; deep-fried burgers always come out tasting vaguely like a hockey puck, and sadly this was no exception.

    That said, the fact this was a floury bap rather than a seeded bun helped to mitigate some of this, and I have to compliment it not being a seeded bun because I have never been a massive fan of them myself. 

    I also need to compliment the chips, because whilst the burger fell below my expectations, the chips smashed them completely. So perfectly soft & fluffy on the inside with the right amount of crunch on the outside along with having the perfect amount of salt on them.

    For this burger meal plus two cans of Fanta (as I was really thirsty after the travel) cost me a very modest sum of £10, being £7.20 for the burger meal and £1.40 each per can. Despite the burger not meeting my, admittedly self-imposed, expectations, it was honestly a nice change from going to Birches and still filled me up extremely well – even struggled as I got to the last few chips in the tray.

    Plus, the fact the staff laughed at my terrible joke after I paid made the experience all the better:

    “Do you need a receipt?”
    “Nah, I don’t think I’ll be able to return this anyway”

    Managed to write a standard length review, which is pretty good going for a small evening of writing as I relax in bed, but that will do it for today. Thank you for reading this edition of the Redundancy Review, wherever you are I hope you are able to take it easy and eat some good food.

  • Redundancy ‘Review’, Day 104: “Despite Everything

    (for context on what this series is, please see my Day 1 post here: Redundancy Review: Day 1, “A New Beginning” – Rosalia Rambles)

    Good morning humans and monsters, welcome to Day 104 of Rosalia Rambles Redundancy Review.

    For someone who consistently wishes that the Monday blues do not hit people too hard whenever she signs off a Sunday article, god damn do I feel like I have been hit by a truck today.

    All of a sudden last night my impostor syndrome flared up something fierce, not only making me doubt the efficacy of whatever I am doing on this site, or if I am even worthy enough to hold my current position within QA.

    The answer to the latter is simple: yes, yes I am. My brain is just stupid and exhausted from constantly worrying about the situation I am currently in which causes me to ignore my track record as a QA professional and that I would have not sustained a close to five-year career if I did not have some amount of pride or professionalism in my work.

    That, and I am a magnet for bugs no matter what I play… though it seems to happen a lot more randomly in EA games which is very thematically appropriate given my history with the company.

    One way to prove that taking time to rest is helping my brain redshift on what things mean to me is that my body’s response to these feelings is not feeling the need to push myself further, in fact, it is quite the opposite – I feel myself slowing to a crawl, but still trying my best to move forward.

    I think that is all I can really ask for given the year that I have had, that I can keep moving forward and do so with the acknowledgment that I am still here today, even when there was so much that could have brought me down for good, not only in this year, but in so many years prior.

    Considering Undertale’s tenth anniversary was over the weekend, I think the image is pretty thematic.

    Even though I was never really part of the fandom surrounding Undertale and everything that came with it, it is hard to believe such an impactful game is already ten years old. Ten years ago I was in sixth form (name for British education from 16-18 in some schools), possibly some of the worst years of my life due to academic stress, identity worries, and trying to navigate a much lonelier world than I had before.

    When one day, I reconnected with a friend on the bus home from school, talking about some of the stuff I had been up to and what he had been up to, with the conversation eventually turning to Undertale. I mentioned I had heard of it but had not really seen anything about it at all.

    It was given to me as a Steam gift later that evening from that same person… wherever you are right now Sam, whatever you have been getting up to… I hope you are living a fantastic life, and know that I still treasure the memories of our friendship.

    Undertale appeared at one of the lowest points of my life, and even if I only played through it once (neutral route into Pacifist, cause good god I did not have the mental fortitude to do Genocide back then and I certainly do not have the cojones to do it now), the experience still left an impact on me. 

    I still listen to the music, and those immortal words in that screenshot still stick with me today.

    Despite everything, I am still me. I am still keeping on, even if the last ten years have changed me drastically. And that is something that is worthy of celebration.

    Not really a review per se, more just a story that still holds significance in my mind and in a way is topically relevant to recent events. Fuck it, I will put the inverted commas on and post this up, cause I appreciate what I wrote today.

    And I appreciate you for reading today’s edition of the Redundancy Review. Wherever you are, I hope your Monday blues are not hitting too hard and that you are still able to get things done today.

  • Redundancy Review: Day 101-103, “It Feels Weird To Rest”

    (for context on what this series is, please see my Day 1 post here: Redundancy Review: Day 1, “A New Beginning” – Rosalia Rambles)

    Good morning slackers and underachievers, welcome to Days 101 to 103 of Rosalia Rambles Redundancy Review.

    Yeah, I have been resting.

    Crazy.

    A schedule slip that has come from deliberate, intentional, and honestly, needed rest.

    And it has felt weird honestly, to wake up on a weekend to find myself sleeping in on Saturday rather than rushing out the door to do errands or start working on something around the flat. Instead I chilled in bed for almost three hours past when I woke up, letting myself feel relaxed and trying not to worry about things.

    Even when I did head out with my partner when he was going to work, I only went to do minor things, such as having some lunch and buying a small amount of food to do dinner that night.

    Today has been no different… minus getting woken up by another false alarm fire alarm going off, that was not a fun start to today – though once my day had started I found myself taking things incredibly easy still. I hung out with a friend and all we really did was sit on the sofa for near three hours before heading out to a simple lunch combined with some shopping.

    It feels weird, to be willingly relaxing to this degree, for two main reasons:

    1. A good portion of my mind still feels I am not entitled to relax, that I still need to be pushing myself in every moment
    2. Outside of the usual paranoia issues that persist in my brain, I have not felt the resting anxiety that is present in my mind particularly hard

    Organising my time still feels difficult though, as there is a lot I want to do during my downtime but the most rewarding thing right is just doing not a whole lot of anything. 

    I think that might be the key to letting myself heal here, in that I can spend my future time to do various other activities, but right now my weekends need to be lowkey affairs where I do very little, so that when I enter my usual winter hibernation time around Christmas; my time can be used to enjoy what I want to do, and not solely on recovering my energy.

    The one downside to this is that I feel some social time will fall by the wayside because as much as I love all my friends, in-person socialisation can take a lot more of my energy than I often anticipate. Simultaneously though I can find energy by hanging out with people, so it depends on my mood on the day…

    …in short I am a fustercluck of mental contradictions, which makes it hard to figure out where I need to direct myself sometimes.

    That said, there is one constant in my life: good food. Oh yeah, we are back in action, a long-time coming next edition of:

    Rosa Eats Her Way Around Shrewsbury!

    God it has been a while I have got to type that title, and it makes me so happy to write it out again.

    As part of my hangout today, my friend and I went to a venue called Floro Lounge on Shrewsbury High Street. “Lounges” is actually a chain of casual dining venues across the UK, being a bit more upmarket/expensive than somewhere like Wetherspoons but offering more esoteric options in exchange.

    Specifically, I did not want something heavy from Floro today. Usually when I go in I get myself a bacon cheeseburger which I then add an egg on top of to make a sort-of breakfast burger – this normally fills me up for an entire day and was my traditional pre-D&D meal for the longest time.

    So instead of going for a burger, I instead went for a tapas board, where three small plates could be ordered as part of an offer, which netted me:

    • Louisiana Chicken with Chipotle Mayo
    • Korean King Prawns
    • Guacamole with tortilla chips

    The king prawns were the only thing I had ordered before, loving the flavour of the ssamjang-based marinade with a squeeze of the lime bringing a perfect savoury bite with a hit of acid.

    The guacamole was good as well, but at the same time it did not hit the spot I was looking for. It was perfectly creamy and not overly stiff like supermarket guacamole can be like, but I think part of my brain is craving a giant plate of nachos from somewhere right now. No complaints though, was a nice lighter bite compared to what I might have been craving.

    My main highlight though would be the Louisiana Chicken though, two thick chicken breast tenders in a lightly spiced batter served with an incredibly smooth chipotle mayo. It was absolutely fantastic, and I feel I could have devoured an entire board of the chicken with the other dips that were available (Maple BBQ and Sriracha with honey) easily.  

    For the price of £13.50 for the combined offer of the three plates, it makes for a perfectly passable lunch, especially if you are wanting to try new things.

    Anyway, that will cover it for today, I want to get back to relaxing. Thank you for reading today’s edition of the Redundancy Review, wherever you are I hope you are also able to relax and that the Monday blues are not approaching you too hard. I appreciate you being here.

  • Redundancy Review: Day 99, “Day-by-Day”

    (for context on what this series is, please see my Day 1 post here: Redundancy Review: Day 1, “A New Beginning” – Rosalia Rambles)

    Good morning Gregorians and Julians, welcome to Day 99 of Rosalia Rambles Redundancy Review.

    No matter what I write today, this post is going out. There is no way in hell I am missing the day 100 milestone tomorrow by making a combined post, so whatever comes out of my head through my hands will be published today even if it is the most random tripe I can think of…

    …that felt oddly good to write.

    Main thing I want to talk about today is how it feels currently to try navigate each day at a time in an effort to treat my burnout. In short: it is tough.

    The reason I am adopting a day-by-day approach is because my energy reserves to navigate each day feel exceptionally low, and most of that reserve is used to trying to stay focused, nourished, and not like I want to put my head into a shredder – which inevitably leaves me with very little strength after work to do things I enjoy or do the things I want to.

    In that regard, plans need to stay flexible. Tonight I feel like I have enough energy to actually cook something, and try something new that I have been wanting to do, but yesterday I had no strength at all whilst desperately craving comfort, so pizza did the job nicely.

    And because I have no idea how I will be feeling tomorrow, I do not feel comfortable making a plan for food tomorrow without knowing how my body is going to hold up… and that is okay.

    If I can make it through each day relatively unscathed, then I will take that as a victory until I can get better.

    There is no shame in taking things day-by-day, especially when things feel tough right now. I am in a position that is sustainable so long as I keep things measured, and I do not need to go beyond my limits unless the situation truly calls for it.

    Plus after having to deal with prescription-related drama over the last two days, actually being able to take it easy some nights has really helped with my stress levels. I love what the NHS represents but goddamn if years of underfunding has not taken away a lot of its shine… come to think of it, it has been a while since I have had a left-wing rant on the review… should fix that soon…

    Anyway, back on track, and running right into the review segment.

    Several hours and one gashed knuckle later (damn knife sharpeners), I was finally able to try what I wanted to review: a low-alcohol cider from Marks & Spencer (M&S)

    For newer readers, I am not someone who can enjoy full alcoholic drinks due to a mixture of tasting the underlying alcohol in most things hard and being a lightweight, so my primary way of enjoying drinks like cider is through low/no alcohol variants.

    This particular variant is the one I have the easiest access to, with the M&S being fairly local to me – only a ten minute walk there and back at most compared to a near forty minute round trip to get to Asda.

    Even for being low alcohol, translating to 0.5% by volume rather than the usual 4-5% that cider normally is, it goes down pretty smoothly. I have an incredibly soft spot for apple cider in particular and this had the perfect blend of sweet & tart flavours for a wind down after the day I have had.

    A short review, but I want to get this out today so I can have Day 100 stand alone tomorrow. Thank you for reading this edition of the Redundancy Review, wherever you are I hope you can find the time to relax and enjoy the comforts of your favourite drink.

  • Redundancy Review: Day 92 & 93, “Still Processing The Con”

    (for context on what this series is, please see my Day 1 post here: Redundancy Review: Day 1, “A New Beginning” – Rosalia Rambles)

    Good morning scribes and ghostwriters, welcome to a double feature for Day 92 & 93 of Rosalia Rambles Redundancy Review.

    Feels weird to say but even after returning to normality today by getting back to work, my mind is still dwelling on VExpo and everything I got up to during that time. I find it funny, that even though there was a lot of organisational scuff and my energy did not sustain me as long as I wanted it to; I would still do it all again this weekend.

    In a way I am trying to ride the high while attempting to convert post-con depression into post-con motivation. I returned to playing Beat Saber yesterday as a form of exercise and, whilst I am most certainly out of practice, half an hour let me work up a good sweat which should hopefully build into doing more exercise like that in future weeks.

    I also find myself being a little bit more aware of my diet, committing to smaller scale lunches than what I would normally eat in the hopes of slowly but surely slimming down my waistline. Whilst I still feel I will not be able to fit into the majority of off-the-shelf cosplays, there will still be some benefit in feeling better in my body wearing whatever custom creations I end up getting, along with fitting into my current wardrobe better.

    The main two things I need to keep in mind are:

    1. Progress is slow
    2. Progress is not linear

    Or, to borrow a very impactful quote from Bojack Horseman (great series, do not think I can ever rewatch the whole thing):

    “It gets easier. Every day it gets a little easier. But you gotta do it every day, that’s the hard part. But it does get easier.”

    So long as I can try commit to doing some small amount of exercise each day, I can push myself to being in a better position a few months from now, which should hopefully put me in the best position possible by the time the next VExpo comes around.

    Do not think there is much to say beyond what I have said, my mind feels oddly foggy over the last two days and whilst I keep myself moving, I find it hard to write about the last couple of days emotionally – so I am going to jump into the review segment and do a… sort of song review, it is hard to sum up what exactly this classes as.

    When I did my initial Helldivers 2 review, I focused primarily on the gameplay loop rather than any of the narrative theming as I wanted to explain the core game succinctly.

    Reviewing the Super Earth National Anthem is my way of making up for not talking about the narrative, because the satire of militaristic fascism and how consistent Arrowhead are with making bombastic propaganda is one of the main draws of the game in my opinion.

    And “bombastic propaganda” is exactly how I would describe the National Anthem, right from the start it launches into justifying Super Earth’s campaign of liberation:

    “Freedom must reign over every last star.
    Through citizen’s blood spilled in our righteous wars.
    Honor their deaths, do your part for the cause.”

    It is a hilarious juxtaposition within the world, as it acknowledges that the “freedom” that Super Earth brings comes with an inordinate amount of civilian casualties, to the point that accidental civilian deaths in game only account to small fines to the basic currency acquired for completing objectives. 

    There have been several points in game where a minefield I have placed down has absolutely destroyed a group of civilians and all I get is some requisitions docked and a small reprimand from my Democracy Officer… yes, Democracy Officer, again, this game oozes political satire from every orifice.

    And it ramps up even further within the next verses after these ones, but I want to in particular highlight:

    “No questions or doubts shall be allowed
    Traitors will all be disavowed”

    Not even just doubts, merely questioning Super Earth is enough to make you a traitor. 

    Kill a bunch of civilians with a napalm barrage? Slap on the wrist.

    Ask why Super Earth’s elite have access to napalm barrages? Face the wall.

    I could honestly go through each verse of the anthem and explain the brilliance behind the satire, but I think I can sum up the entire song briefly: it works.

    As a piece of propaganda, the Super Earth National Anthem works because, despite the horror of the lyrics, it makes me feel patriotic to Super Earth and makes me want to dive on the fascist bugs, the socialist bots, and the xenophobic squids…

    …I initially did have a screengrab from the video itself prepared as the thumbnail, as I usually do, but I had a brainwave as I was writing that previous paragraph and, as the song says, anything less will not suffice.

    I am most certainly not immune to propaganda, but so long as it is only fictional nations that I am falling under the sway of, I think I should be fine.

    That will do it all for today, thank you for reading this, as usual, emotionally confusing edition of the Redundancy Review. Wherever you are I hope you can find some time to relax, the weekend is not that far away so I know you can make it.