Rosalia Rambles

Tag: health

  • Redundancy Review: Day 321, “Career Uncertainty, Part 2

    (for context on what this series is, please see my Day 1 post here: Redundancy Review: Day 1, “A New Beginning” – Rosalia Rambles)

    Good morning admirals and commodores, welcome to Day 321 of Rosalia Rambles Redundancy Review.

    Off the back of getting rejected for a job role I was pretty excited for, I continue to persist in my goal to write a daily series. Heads up that this edition might read a bit more like a rant in some areas, as I am going to be talking about career stuff as I briefly alluded to yesterday.

    About eight years of my life has been spent either aspiring and studying to enter the tech industry, or working in the tech industry itself. As a twenty eight year old, this means approximately one quarter of my life has been spent in the tech space.

    This started with me going to university to study Computer Games Technology, with the hope of becoming a games programmer of some description, either working on my own independent projects or joining some large studio to be a cog in the machine. Admittedly it started well, with both my first and second year having good results in what I was attempting to do with my coursework.

    Not without struggle though. My second year in particular was plagued with a lot of struggle and tense moments as things heated up, particularly in the first semester more than anything else. 

    Third year… was the hardest. The first semester had me navigating a lot of personal issues that impacted my work in a negative way that whilst I was still fulfilling deadlines and getting on with things, I was not pushing myself on working on things that were not coursework, which is definitely one of the things that you need to succeed as a programmer by improving your skills.

    With the gift of hindsight, whilst I knew how to navigate programming, I am not built to be a full-time programmer. The idea of spending a full work day sitting in front of an IDE (or more realistic to the modern day, an agent prompt window) did not appeal to me in the slightest.

    This issue was compounded when my second semester was interrupted by the COVID-19 pandemic, forcing things online, disrupting the deadlines I had and disrupting the flow of the group I was working with at the time, causing things to fall behind.

    I still graduated, with a First class degree no less, specifically because the module I scored highest on, as part of a course dedicated to building me up as a programmer more than anything else, was Consultancy and IT Management, which was around building a case study to upgrade a company’s IT infrastructure… which I feel reflects the current me pretty nicely, but is still funny to look back on.

    As is evident from my many previous stories, I did not in-fact go into programming full time. Whilst someone in my life at the time tried to push me to work on personal projects so I could put together a more proper portfolio, the drive was not there, and I should have admitted that way sooner, both to myself and that person.

    So I spent six months unemployed, trying to work on writing when I can but mainly resolving a bunch of personal issues more than anything else. COVID jobs market sucked, and I did have some interviews, but not much success.

    That was until I interviewed for the position of QA Engineer at Codemasters, which I have talked about at length in my Day 118 Redundancy Review. This set the trajectory for where my career has taken me today, with a year spent in the games industry until I pivoted into working for an XR company that specialised in both bespoke VR content and an educational platform.

    This is where I have spent the majority of my career, building myself up as a QA initially before my mentor Gabi took me under her wing and started to build me up as a producer as well… I should reach out to her again, especially now with shit hitting the fan again. She is one of the reasons I have as much resilience as I do today, and I still try to internalise one of the last things she told me when the company went to shit:

    “You are a person worth knowing.”

    I gave a lot of myself to that XR company, pushing myself beyond my limits and learning as much as I could with each project. I definitely pushed a little too hard in some instances, as I had to have at least two periods of leave that were due to the stress catching up to me… well, the latter one was purely stress, the former was due to me catching COVID and severely underestimating how long it took to recover – I kept coming back to work only to have myself punched back down by how sluggish my body felt, something I still struggle with today as I most definitely have some variety of Long COVID after catching it twice.

    My aim was to make myself indispensable, if a little neurotic in how I approached things. Stubbornness is a genetic trait I fight against every day, and it definitely affected how I communicated with my colleagues at times, both in positive and negative ways. Regardless, I made my mark, and navigated responsibilities I would have never considered in the year prior. 

    But now we get to the hard details, and that is what it is like to work within startup/scaleup culture. I will try to frame this with the positive aspect first followed by why it can cause psychological strain in certain scenarios.

    First off, team size. After coming from Codemasters where a single platform QA team would be around fifteen to twenty people at peak times with the greater QA team easily being one-hundred people and above, going to a company which never went above fifty people at the peak was certainly a cultural difference.

    The primary perk of this was knowing who you worked with well, especially after my part of the company got reorganised into a proper studio team where we would have a general standup and retro alongside project specific meetings. This meant I got to know people on a personal level, learning about their hobbies, how they prefer to work, and who I could ask certain questions of. A lot of my old colleagues were incredibly chill people, and very supportive of me as a trans person – one distinct memory I have is absolutely bawling on the shoulder of one of them after I had to dip from a company dinner because of a murder mystery actor making a rather crass transphobic joke, which I spent a fair bit of time not wanting to ruin his very nice jacket with my snot or tears.

    The main downside of working this way is that responsibilities had to be shared almost all of the time, often leading to moments where my plate would be filled with all different tasks that needed to be balanced or differing deadlines, requiring precision prioritisation in order to get things done, which I managed to do most days, but the stress definitely felt intense on some days, especially while I was working towards being a producer, often having to balance QA responsibilities along with my production responsibilities.

    To bring things back to the positive, this does mean I can prepare, practice, and perform a presentation in a relatively short timescale, something I utilised in a recent interview to do the above in around half an hour. AI might be able to do a similar thing, but I can do it much cheaper with fewer resources, like caffeine and painkillers as opposed to context and tokens.

    Second main perk is being treated like an adult in regards to working patterns. Codemasters offered me flexitime but this was a measured arrangement, where if I signed out early on any given day, I would need to make up that time later on in the week, or vice versa where staying late one night meant I could sign out earlier. Work is hard and intense within startup culture, but so long as the work is being completed by the deadline, I was free to work however I wanted, which is an absolute relief to an ADHDer like myself, as forcing myself to work on a pattern that is not mine does my head in.

    Downside of this all? Overtime was very rarely compensated, partially due to the fact my compensation was already pretty generous, but this meant any time I needed to stay late or start early often resulted in nothing but a congratulations, which was actually less than what I got in the games industry, as I got time-and-a-half for any weekend work and double time for any bank holiday. Flexing my life for the needs of the business was also a requirement, which became particularly annoying on the day after my partner moved in with me, where I was supposed to cook our first proper meal together but ended up needing to stay multiple hours past my usual finishing time to help get something out the door, which ended with no result anyway.

    (small aside: I do not believe in the discussion of wages being taboo. Possibly a Gen Z thing, possibly a leftist thing.)

    And finally, the thing that I cannot highlight any positive for, or even try to talk about in a positive way: layoffs, and funding.

    There is no way for me to discuss this part of working in a startup or scaleup without going overly negative, because this shit absolutely destroys lives, morale, and direction of a company. In my five year career, I have survived three rounds of layoffs, and being laid off twice. Two rounds of those layoffs have been in the XR industry, where I had to watch friends and senior colleagues disappear whilst I was still around, leading to some serious survivor guilt developing which got worse during the second round.

    No one can dodge mortar shells forever, though it seems appropriate that for someone who survived layoffs three times, it would obviously take the nuke of administration/insolvency for me to finally get hit, leading to where we are today with the Redundancy Review and the “season 2” we are currently within due to the second layoff.

    So, what is the moral of me running through this all?

    Because whilst I can continue on in the tech industry, and there is definitely a real possibility I stick around if a good opportunity arises, everything I have run through has worn me down bit by fucking bit, and I am done. The games industry is undergoing constant shifts with layoffs, closures, and cancellations, the tech industry is going all in on AI which leads to fewer opportunities being created, and pretty much all of my friends have told me to move away from startup culture for the sake of my own health.

    That leaves me contemplating going down the path of the starving artist, which has its own set of pitfalls and would lead to even more career uncertainty than I am facing right now….

    …but when has that ever stopped me?

    The world needs more LGBTQ+ artists making works public, especially trans artists to try show those falling victim to culture war topics that not only are we real people, we are also nothing like what the media portrays – I literally do not like going to the toilet in public at the best of times I am certainly not going to be doing heinous shit in a women’s toilet.

    I did not intend for this to become such a long piece, but the words kept flowing as I kept typing, but now we need to do a review topic. Something shorter than usual, and I have something just for that.

    This is a can of Poppi, a brand of soda that was launched in the US in 2018 as a “gut healthy” soda with it recently launching in the UK in Pret A Manger and Tesco locations. I saw it multiple times in my local Tesco express, but considering it is £2 for an individual can or £4.50 Clubcard Price for a four-pack, I never really had the impetus to try it until today, where I went to grab a meal deal lunch for my partner and decided to include it as the drink as repayment to myself for running this errand.

    And I am very glad it came as the meal deal drink because holy shit I do not consider this worth £2 for a can and I would be at a stretch to pay £1.12~ per can in the four-pack.

    Comparing Poppi to a standard fizzy orange drink in the UK, Tango and/or Fanta, it barely has any orange flavour to it, or even much fizz to it, kind of tasting like a squash made with an extremely flat sparkling water. I am someone who does not even like Fanta, but if I had to take the pick between Fanta or Poppi I would take Fanta every time.

    But it is a healthy soda, so obviously it would not taste as good as a processed and high-sugar drink.

    I will concede that point, but counter with the comparison I made. A glass of orange squash has more orange flavour, but would also have more health benefits in term of hydration and be substantially cheaper than paying £1.12-£2 for a can of supposedly “healthy” soda.

    Note to self, Robinson’s Squash for a future Redundancy Review topic.

    Just about 2300 words for today, the longest I have written in a damn while.

    Thank you for reading today’s edition of the Redundancy Review. Wherever you are, I hope you are able to relax and that the Monday blues are not hitting you too hard.

  • Redundancy Review: Day 320, “Calmer than Usual”

    (for context on what this series is, please see my Day 1 post here: Redundancy Review: Day 1, “A New Beginning” – Rosalia Rambles)

    Good morning salarymen and manufacturers, welcome to Day 320 of Rosalia Rambles Redundancy Review.

    Sunday is usually a day I prefer to keep quiet with minimal engagements, partially out of an existential dread that comes from knowing I have to go to work the next day and wondering what the hell is going to come across my desk when I do.

    But now with the bizarre calm I find myself in from knowing my employment with my current company is coming to an end, today has been a mixture of relaxation and letting myself exist rather than worrying about what comes tomorrow.

    It has however been plagued by a pretty annoying headache, so I have not been able to push myself to do the amount of things I have wanted to today. Specifically was wanting to make a roast dinner for myself and my partner but ended up changing plans to a much simpler leftovers meal.

    Despite my pledge to wanting to keep this a daily series again, I find myself struggling to figure out what to write about for the “personal” segment of the review. Partially because whilst there is a lot I want to say about I feel in my current situation, I cannot properly express myself without getting sorely unprofessional in my conduct, and because it feels like very early days in these next steps.

    I am relaxed, which I consider the important thing. I know there is going to come a point where panic will set in once more and I very much will need a source of employment to keep the lights on, but, for now, there is a certain peace in having space to breathe again and not worry about things on Sunday.

    There is a joke to be made here about not worrying on Sunday because all I have now is time to worry about being unemployed, though I am going to remain on the optimistic side whilst focusing on writing, recovery, and slowly tuning up both the tech and the writing portfolio.

    Though if I am honest… I have doubts if I want to carry on in the tech industry after all this.

    If we include my time in university (bit of a stretch but stay with me), the year I worked in the games industry and the four years I have worked in the XR industry, I have an eight year career in tech.

    And outside of the money, which admittedly is very good, there is not much that draws me in anymore, and plenty that is pushing me out.

    I think I will talk more on that tomorrow – not exactly like I have much to do on a work day now.

    Gonna reach into the backlogs for something to review today, which came from the local market about a month back… which means, I can finally do one of these again…

    Rosa Eats Her Way Around Shrewsbury!

    God, I missed doing that one.

    Anyway, at Shrewsbury Market there is a stall simply called “Eat In”. It offers a decent variety of Italian ingredients for making pizza, pasta, or antipasto alongside offering Roman-style sourdough pizza by the slice, topped with your choice of oil or hot honey.

    My usual order is a simple pepperoni slice, but on this day in the past, one pizza caught my eye and I could not resist trying it.

    This is an XL piece of pizza topped with Shropshire ham and mushroom, which was then topped off with Kashmiri chilli oil, also made by a local trader. This cost me £6.80, which is slightly higher than what I would usually pay for my pepperoni sliced topped in a similar way, £4.50, but is also way bigger than that slice.

    Pizza by the slice is something I wish more independent places in the UK would offer. There are not many options outside of Greggs, which is… passable but not really what I would be looking for in terms of a pizza lunch, and I do not exactly want to purchase a pizza from somewhere like Domino’s or otherwise as it is both a bit overkill and would spoil my appetite for dinner.

    Eat In serves my needs exactly, and it helps that each slice of pizza is made with absolute love, having amazingly fluffy dough, a crisp crust on the bottom, and a spicy oil on top to bring out the best of the local ingredients.

    Now I have made myself hungry damnit. 

    Ahh well, I can just go to the market on Tuesday and indulge.

    That will do it for today, I am going to spend the rest of my evening relaxing and maybe jamming some Umamusume in before bed.

    Thank you for reading today’s edition of the Redundancy Review. Wherever you are, I hope you are able to rest easy knowing what approaches tomorrow. I hope that work is easy on you and nothing massively brings you down.

  • Redundancy Review: Day 318, “Season 2”

    Redundancy Review: Day 318, “Season 2”

    (for context on what this series is, please see my Day 1 post here: Redundancy Review: Day 1, “A New Beginning” – Rosalia Rambles)

    Good morning slingers and flingers, welcome to Day 318 of Rosalia Rambles Redundancy Review.

    Two quick points of order before we get into the swing of things.

    First, after a friend in a Discord server pointed it out, yeah, this is essentially Season 2 of the Redundancy Review. Hopefully now that we have been renewed for a new season we develop certain plotlines further and introduce yet more intrigue to the story.

    Second, another friend of mine pointed out there was an amazing gif to use instead of the “what now?” one I used yesterday:

    I think this one helps sum up how I am feeling with the spectre of unemployment this time around. During the initial period of redundancy there were some aspects of gallows humour in how I handled things but I was primarily navigating the difficult aspects with a heavy heart.

    Now?

    The idea of being unemployed still does not appeal to me, but if I have to be real, there is a certain sense of relief that comes this time around, leading to more gallows humour – I even pulled the sarcastic “What are you gonna do? Fire me?” on my boss when we were talking about my last few light duties until my time is up.

    It feels weird to call this being “laid off” as well, cause I was a contractor, meaning my time could have been up at any moment due to the nature of the role – though I was under the impression that the ball could have kept rolling just a little bit longer.

    But, the weekend is upon us, and I intend to spend it in the company of good people, enjoying good times, and eating good food.

    Speaking of good food, it seems appropriate to christen the new season of the Redundancy Review with a food review, although not from my adoptive home of Shrewsbury this time so I do not get to do my usual intro.

    Instead this review comes from Telford, a short hop on the train, taking us to a wide array of eating establishments including the subject of today’s review: Wingers.

    Wingers is a chain of fast food chicken restaurants in the UK, and this was my first time trying it out, having caught both mine and my partner’s eye multiple times whenever we chose to go out shopping around Telford.

    Now, even though the UK has a good chicken shop culture, I unfortunately did not have the blessings to grow up in an area with many of them, meaning all I really had to make do with growing up was KFC on the off chance I got to go to one. This influenced my outlook going into this as I assumed it was going to be quite similar to KFC.

    It was not.

    And I mean that in the best way possible.

    My choice of meal was a four-piece chicken tender meal, which comes with fries and a drink, which I paid £2.50 to upgrade that to a ridiculously thicc Biscoff milkshake, topping things off with a dip pot of garlic parmesan sauce for £1. In total, combining my add-ons with the base meal’s price of £9.75, this came to £12.25. My usual KFC order of either a Zinger Stacker or a Boneless Banquet would come to around the £10-11 mark, making this just a hair above what I would pay there.

    This was worth the small price increase.

    First off, the chicken, which came drenched in Frank’s Red Hot Buffalo sauce. These tenders were absolutely massive compared to the mini-fillets you would get at KFC, they were incredibly juicy on the inside, with a deliciously crisp crust on the outside, even as the spicy sauce seeped in. Four of these tenders were more than enough to start filling me up on what was a somewhat indulgent lunch.

    And then came the skin-on fries. I am used to KFC giving you a middling amount of fries as an accompaniment to a meal, hence why I was fully unprepared for the surprisingly large portion size that Wingers provided. I even commented as I worked my way through them that I felt it was almost too many fries to go with a lunch meal, but I persevered as they were absolutely delicious, if just a very bog standard fry.

    The garlic parmesan sauce was… alright. It definitely tasted both like garlic and like parmesan but it did not feel particularly special, at £1 though it is hard not to complain, and it definitely added some complexity to the standard fries.

    However, the true star of the show was my milkshake. I am somewhat of a milkshake connoisseur, self-described obviously, but I have tried multiple different shakes across many different fast-food establishments.

    This was, hands down, one of the best I have ever tasted.

    The Biscoff flavour was extremely pronounced, the shake itself was straw-standingly thick requiring several gulps of air to even get it to come up the straw, and considering I had picked the spicy sauce to go on my tenders, it was the perfect accompaniment to cool my mouth down.

    Definitely want to return to Wingers if given the chance, especially considering with the portion sizes on the fries and how well four tenders filled me up, I feel it could make a surprisingly economical treat lunch for my partner and myself if we split a £13.75 eight tender meal between ourselves with only needing to add an additional drink.

    This is… the first time since January that I have actually managed to post a Redundancy Review back-to-back. That is something to be proud of given the circumstances.

    But that does it for today. Thank you for reading this edition of Redundancy Review Season 2. Wherever you are, I hope you have satisfying weekend plans put together. If not, and you are simply using the time to recover from whatever the week brought upon you, I wish you a restful time to forget the burdens of the world.


  • Redundancy Review: Day 218-258, “Inspiration, or lack thereof”

    (for context on what this series is, please see my Day 1 post here: Redundancy Review: Day 1, “A New Beginning” – Rosalia Rambles)

    Good morning cadavers and corpses, welcome to quite frankly an absurd amount of days between my last Redundancy Review and today of Rosalia Rambles Redundancy Review.

    And now, a silly bit.

    Charging to twenty days.

    Clear!

    Still not enough motivation, charging to forty days.

    Clear!

    Right, that should have injected enough life into things to write for a bit.

    So… why the long unintended hiatus? Whilst I am no stranger to them, this is definitely up there for the longest one taken of this so called daily series. 

    In short: depression.

    In slightly longer: depression plus inspiration.

    In full long form: well, keep reading and I will get there.

    Seasonal depression kicked my ass hard, as is noticeable from some Redundancy Reviews before my long break, which led to a lot of days blurring together as I tried to navigate through the wet haze of greyness that is the UK in winter.

    And when I was in that mental state, I did not particularly want to write. Not because of lacking ideas to talk about, but more because I did not want to only talk about my sadness or mental condition, because I want to try focus on the positives rather than the negatives.

    Which, yes, I know is a pretty shitty attitude to take towards myself. All of my feelings are valid, but, there was a certain guilt that I felt whenever I would open a document and start trying to write what my view on the world was at that given time when everything in my mind was just doom and gloom.

    But, as much as I want to keep things positive and write Redundancy Reviews based on what good has occurred in my life recently, that does not mean I should suppress any inkling of negative emotion just to make “good content”.

    Things have been tough lately, with my day job especially putting some strain on me for the bigger push to use AI tools in our workflows to try make things more efficient/productive – a total misrepresentation of the facts considering I feel what the tool is doing is neither of those things and just adds layers of complication that waste time in the fixes that need applying where we could have just made base level improvements to the current processes instead of introducing a hallucination layer instead.

    There is a certain pressure from within my own psyche to be “grateful” for the fact I have a job currently, especially in the job market of today – and do not get me wrong, I do fully appreciate how lucky I am to have a job in the wake of a layoff when so many of my contemporaries in the industry do not, but “grateful” is not a term I would really use.

    It gets me by, and I do at least learn new things even if I do not put much value on the skills I learn in navigating AI slop, but currently that is all I feel to my job: a means to an end.

    The end in question is just getting to live my life as I want to, although with everything going on lately it has been hard to do that, with just surviving each day and getting to the weekend feeling like an accomplishment.

    That is not to say that things are all bad. There is plenty I am actually finding enjoyment in outside of work, work is just this malaise over my brain that depletes what little energy I can muster.

    I have got back into building Warhammer 40k models, admittedly an expensive hobby to undertake, but as I was looking at the various offerings of plastic crack that is available to purchase my conclusion was that I was fucked no matter what route I took and at least I had some familiarity with 40k from my past experiences. Built a full box of models over the last couple weeks with another one to start work on soon, not to mention painting which was one of my goals for this year.

    My gaming life continues to be plentiful, having recently 100%ed the first Hades game before moving on to Mewgenics, with Umamusme sprinkled in and Monster Hunter Wilds returning for another round of buffet selections with how many new quests are being added in as part of the final update before the expansion drops at an indeterminate time in the future.

    Finally had my first consultation for voice training, which should give me a boost in confidence and let me explore my identity a bit more. 

    Writing just… kind of falls by the wayside when things get intense and I want to focus on living. I suppose it is the dichotomy of being a writer in my current situation: my main body of work revolves around making “content” that takes inspiration from my daily life, but when my energy levels are low, I want to focus that energy on living rather than writing about life.

    And if I do not have energy to write about life, that usually means I do not have the energy to write whimsical fiction of any description.

    If anything, I just need to find a new source of whimsy for myself to latch onto, to hold tight in the darker moments.

    Have a picture of some ducks that I took when I was out shopping with my partner over the weekend, they were pretty cute.

    Think that will cover everything for the meantime, hopefully I can get back into some kind of groove after finally sitting down to write a piece and not let my true emotions get filtered out. 

    Regardless, thank you for reading today’s edition of the Redundancy Review. Wherever you are, I hope you are safe, happy, and comfortable. Times like these are hard on everyone, and finding whatever small bits of hope we can hold onto can help make life feel that much more worth it.

    (and thanks to my friend Rhys for checking in on me after noticing I had not written one of these in a while. Thanks man, it actually did kind of spur me to write again.)

  • Redundancy Review: Day 211-212, “Deep Sleprived”

    (for context on what this series is, please see my Day 1 post here: Redundancy Review: Day 1, “A New Beginning” – Rosalia Rambles)

    Good morning nocturnals and diurnals, welcome to Day 211 and 212 of Rosalia Rambles Redundancy Review. 

    Missed yesterday due to being severely sleep deprived, and it is extremely late where I am as I attempt to write this so to keep a modicum of my streak up, should manage at least something.

    Not having enough sleep is ass, especially when you are someone like me who tosses and turns a lot in the lead up to falling asleep and has a resistance to traditional sleeping aids, leading to me turning to CBD gummies to help lull me into relaxation enough so that I can start to get some proper shut eye in.

    The downside to this is knowing when I should indulge in a cube of gelatinised weed or hold off and potentially suffer through the night so not to build up a resistance to one of the few things that can actually help me in case of actual emergencies – such as needing to get up early in the morning for travel or needing a proper night’s sleep before a big event the next day.

    It also has a knock-on effect to my plans after navigating the main bulk of my day. I drift through work like a zombie due to my brain not even responding properly to caffeine in that state, and once that is over with I find myself with no notable mood or energy improvements, leading me to engage in solo activities rather than enjoy my time with friends due to how irritable lack of sleep can make me.

    And finally, after navigating a day with poor sleep, I finally get ready for bed of the evening time, having dodged the dangerous trap that is an afternoon nap which could have jeopardised my schedule even further, and I fall into a deep & dreamless sleep for the required amount of hours… only to wake up the next morning feeling better but still like I am dragging a massive tire behind me for the day after.

    Moral of this short story? Sleep well… easier said than done for many people.

    But that short tale will cover for today, and help maintain my streak. Thank you for reading today’s edition of the Redundancy Review. Wherever you are I hope you are able to relax in this cold weather and are able to find comfort in your own sleep.

    Need a thumbnail, have this picture I took of a light snowfall as my partner and I were going for a lunch walk around Shrewsbury.

  • Redundancy Review: Day 209, “Flipping Freezing”

    Redundancy Review: Day 209, “Flipping Freezing”

    (for context on what this series is, please see my Day 1 post here: Redundancy Review: Day 1, “A New Beginning” – Rosalia Rambles)

    Good morning hyperboreans and cryomancers, welcome to Day 209 of Rosalia Rambles Redundancy Review.

    As per the title, it is flipping freezing, one might even say fucking freezing… one is me, I think it is fucking freezing, I just do not like to put swears directly in the titles of articles.

    Swearing within the body? Will do so to my heart’s content, but profane titles are off limits.

    I guess I can use today to talk about my relationship with swearing. If you read enough Redundancy Reviews or know me in-person you know I am no stranger to flowery language, dropping “fuck” in every second sentence and having a love of a good “shit”, but where did my sailor mouth come from?

    In a few short points:

    • Family
    • Work
    • ADHD

    The first one is pretty obvious, whilst they started off pretty well with not swearing in front of myself or my brother, things eventually turned to infrequent swearing in front of us yet at the same time not wanting us to swear, before all pretense was dropped and swearing once more became a common feature in our household. 

    This alone was not enough though to get me to the level of swearing I am today, which is where work comes in, specifically, my old platform lead when I worked at Codemasters who went by the name of “Rye”. Was a lovely guy, really helped me out in the early days of me working there and was generally understanding when I messed things up or needed additional guidance.

    Being from Coventry however, he was someone who dropped swears like they were treat-size chocolate bars on Halloween, and considering after a period of time I was working with him quite closely due to the Live Ops team being a smaller group, it was only a matter of time until I picked up his habit of profane language.

    That said, he was not entirely responsible for me picking up that habit, and if anything, the line of work we both found ourselves in almost necessitated swearing as a coping mechanism for dealing with the deluge of shit we encountered on a near-daily basis. It was a running joke in our Teams chat that if it were not for the security locks holding our devkit consoles to our desks, they would have been thrown out the window long ago.

    Quality Assurance is a field of expertise that requires a steady mind to stay focused on getting a bug replicated or an issue to occur on a long playthrough – cussing out whatever you are testing is a good way of stopping your brain from shutting off during the necessary repetition that this brings, which is where the final point of ADHD comes in.

    It might seem confusing for me to correlate neurodivergence with swearing, but bear with me for a bit. My area of specialisation is within the Extended Reality (XR) industry as a QA tester, this often means I have a moderately heavy lump of circuitry and screens strapped to me head with a non-breathable cushion of foam pressed right against my face, leaving only a small gap where my nose is for moist air to escape.

    Given that sometimes the experiences I am required to test will last me up to forty minutes at a time with very repetitive tasks or a large number of tasks, the only thing that can keep my focus is muttering swears under my breath or, as is often the case, venting my frustrations at the virtual avatars around me to once more stop my brain from turning off.

    These mid-test vents eventually became a source of comedy when it came to watching back my test footage, as my creative application of language would often get caught by the Slack auto-transcriber, leading to questions about the suitability of the content if it featured such harsh language… before they realise that, no, the experience itself did not have swearing, the idiot behind the headset was the source of all that.

    A lot of people consider swearing a dirty habit to have, especially in a professional context, but to me swearing comes part and parcel with the stresses that any job can bring, be it retail or corporate. The important distinction is knowing when it is the appropriate time to use curse words and when they should not be said under any circumstance. To reiterate a piece of advice I was once given and have brought up in a previous review:

    “Professionalism is delivering your points clearly and not saying fuck.”

    The line has often blurred for me given the fact I have been working remotely for so long, which I do worry has negatively impacted my socialisation skills for the day I might have to return to being in an office full time, but for now I enjoy the benefits of being a remote worker whose line of work allows her to curse to her heart’s content – which is a lot.

    I did not plan at all to launch into an unscripted diatribe about the origins of my swearing habit along with defending the character of those who do swear in professional scenarios, but that is the beauty of the Redundancy Review. We have random topics at all times and sometimes they take on a life of their own.

    It probably does not help my current situation that I am quite attentively playing through Nier Replicant “Ver 1.22474487139…”, speech marks added so as not to confuse the ellipsis that is actually part of the title with my habit of adding ellipses when a thought needs dramatic impact.

    Through playing Replicant, I have once more come face to face with one of my favourite characters in gaming, a lovely, wholesome individual that goes by the name of Kainé…

    …who has some of my favourite profane dialogue in all of gaming.

    She is a character you encounter fairly early on in the course of the story, who eventually joins with your party after defeating a boss she wanted revenge on. Her NPC AI matches similar to what the player character is intended to be, a spellsword brawler who can dish out a good amount of physical damage whilst also using magic spells to support longer combos or enable quick executions.

    True to form with any Yoko Taro game though, she has hidden depths that come to light as part of the multiple playthroughs required to fully understand the story, with her even getting an extended story in “Ver 1.22…” after completing the entirety of the original game. 

    Fun fact, this game is the sole reason that “hussy” features so prominently in my lexicon, due to the acidic banter that exists between Kainé and Grimoire Weiss, your floating magical book that is the source of all your spells.

    This does remind me I should take more screenshots of the game after I make it through my first playthrough so I can have some material ready to use when I eventually want to talk about this game after 100%ing it, but at least I can use this review to post another one of my favourite lines from Kainé.

    There is one more line that I consider my absolute favourite, but I will wait until the proper review to share that one.

    I think that covers it for today, thank you for reading this surprise discussion of swearing in real life and swearing in video games style Redundancy Review. Wherever you are, I hope the Monday blues of the first working day back of the year have not brought you down too much, and if they have, try turning the air blue with a bunch of swearing, that always makes me feel better.

  • Redundancy Review: Day 208, “Back Two Reality”

    (for context on what this series is, please see my Day 1 post here: Redundancy Review: Day 1, “A New Beginning” – Rosalia Rambles)

    Good morning workers and parasites, welcome to Day 208 of Rosalia Rambles Redundancy Review.

    Tomorrow, I return to work.

    Wah.

    I cannot be entirely upset, there are several things that benefit from me having something to wake up to in the morning: taking my medication more regularly and at regular hours rather than whenever I wake up, the ability to groggily drag myself over to the kettle in order to make a lovely cup of “wake the fuck up” juice, also known as coffee, and getting the opportunity to technically have a longer day by being out of bed at a more reasonable hour.

    Of course, there is still the main benefit of “they pay me for something I am rather good at”, which considering my invoice pay should hit sometime this week, I have even more reasons to keep myself going.

    There is a harshness, though, of returning to reality once more, especially having been off since the 23rd sans for coming in on the 29th and 31st to help out some old colleagues who are working on a project. During my time off I have indulged in a lot of good food, a number of fun games, and somehow too much yet not enough sleep, it was everything I could have asked for and more.

    But now I need to bring myself back down from my peaceful cloud and get back into the work mindset, however hard that may be. One of my goals this year is to find a new permanent and full-time job, be that in my current lane of QA or continuing the push to be employed in some formal capacity for creative writing or digital content creation.

    Part of me wonders if I can achieve the high I have experienced through this time off in more frequent periods than just at the end of the year with the obligatory Christmas break, though I feel I am asking for the impossible without a sheer amount of socioeconomic changes in the world… it is too late for me to start getting political I am so tired and under several duvets right now.

    Something I have started saying to myself recently is that my biggest strength and my most fatal flaw is that I am capable of being very lazy. It is something that enhances my point-of-view on a piece of software I need to test, having a similar amount of patience as a standard user who would get frustrated at the smallest inconvenience to their user experience, along with finding my own version of the golden path that might influence the overall design or expose edge-cases that could become serious issues later on down the line.

    On the flipside, unless I am in the exact perfect mood to get something productive done, there is very little that can compel me to move other than a set deadline to get something done or the spectre of an extremely imminent deadline to light a fire underneath my ass. This is possibly what helped me in my interview a month or so ago, the practical task was to create a presentation for a solution to a set problem within half an hour – something that could be intimidating to others, but for me and my ability to rapidly produce presentations on the fly in my old role, it felt like second nature.

    There is a certain amount of ADHD that contributes to that part of me, and given my dad has talked about these exact traits in himself from time-to-time combined with certain things my mother has said about her behaviour that I can see in myself, it is almost certain that my family is riddled with neurodivergence that has never been diagnosed up until now.

    I hold a certain amount of pride in how I hold it all together as someone with a very much non-functional brain, addled even further by female hormones that make me happier than I ever have been but also completely destroy my ability to function sometimes. Given the several directions I could have gone, it is incredibly lucky I found myself in places where the weird ways in which my brain work not only benefit me, but also I have had the pleasure to work with people who have known how to direct my energy in the correct directions.

    “I know you are an overthinker, that is why I do not give you an opportunity to think”

    The above is a quote from my old mentor, who said that in response to when I mentioned I had caught myself overthinking on a task she had given me, accurately surmising something about me that I had not yet seen at that point. 

    Part of me feels I should write more, but another part of me is enjoying the comfort and security of my current situation, layered under three duvets, and wanting to make the most of a quiet brain before the storm inevitably kicks off again tomorrow.

    Need an appropriate thumbnail though, and this image I have swiped off Twitter definitely seems to match the current theme.

    That should cover everything for today, thank you for reading today’s edition of the Redundancy Review. Wherever you are, I hope you are able to reach a similar level of relaxation to myself currently and that the impending Monday blues do not bring you down too much.

  • Redundancy Review: Day 205-206, “New Year, New Bingo”

    (for context on what this series is, please see my Day 1 post here: Redundancy Review: Day 1, “A New Beginning” – Rosalia Rambles)

    Good morning starters and appetisers, welcome to Day 205 and 206 of Rosalia Rambles Redundancy Review.

    So starting my year off with period cramps was fun, and led to me using the first day of a year to just rest, relax, and partake in recreation. Sleeping in, followed by a shit tonne of gaming, capped off with a takeaway pizza and even more gaming – what is not to like?

    But now, things are slowly starting to return to some kind of routine. My partner has received a new work schedule so we have a clearer idea of what kind of days off/holidays we can take in the near future, and I return to work in three days time to see out whatever might be left of my current contract.

    I could spend more time relaxing, but I feel getting myself back into a writing rhythm is the best idea, especially considering one of my new bingo card goals.

    Did one of these last year with my friends, and considering how well it went we have decided to do another round. I feel my card this year is a bit more toned down compared to the goals I set last year, there are some new ones entirely, some based around travel, and a couple of returning goals that I would definitely love to see.

    So, I figured for the first post of the year it would be a fun idea to go through all of the goals, explain the logic behind them a little bit, and explore any challenges/obstacles I think I will encounter with them.

    Starting from the top left, we have:

    Set up spare room properly for friends who want to stay: Pretty self-explanatory, my partner’s gaming room currently contains a very nice bed frame we need to get a mattress for. Once that is sorted we can host friends travelling from abroad who need a place to rest or for anyone to stay over if they need space away from their current situation for a night or two.

    VExpo 2026: Mentioned in my year-end ramble as one of my main highlights of last year, this year I definitely want to attend VExpo again and make it another weekend to remember. Financials and job situation might influence how it takes shape later on in the year, but I know I want to make it

    Write semi-fictional story about being transgender: My mentor Gabi always told me to “write the bloody book already” whenever we talked about writing, and I definitely have the idea in mind for one. My goal is to write a story that can help those transitioning later on in life, creating something that helps those who start their transition past their mid-twenties or even later on than that, something that says “you do not have to have your shit together to make a change for your own happiness”. It is a story idea that has stayed in my mind, and it would be great to bring it to life this year.

    100% Ace Combat 8: Ace Combat 8: Wings of Theve comes out this year at some point, and given how much I absolutely love the franchise along with my goal to generally 100% more games this year, it would mean a lot to me to push for 100%ing the latest entry soon after it comes out… provided it does not get delayed for any reason.

    Get VTuber reference sheet drawn up (Phox, Hina, Axolotl): It should come as no surprise that I have aspirations to be a VTuber myself, though I recognise it is a long journey to get to that point, hence why the goal for this year is set at a more reasonable level of just getting the reference sheet together. Additionally, I have not yet settled on what concept I would want to pursue properly, having the options of my phoenix-fox (phox) fursona, a character I lovingly title “Hina Relucta”, or some nebulous concept involving one of my other favourite creatures, the axolotl. Hopefully I can develop any of these out over the course of the year.

    Write 180 Redundancy Review posts: Had to include my rambles as a goal this year, and considering I managed 120 posts last year, figured I would up the milestone a bit to make it 180, just under half the year worth of posts or averaging about one every two days. Of course it seems a bit silly to say “I will write a daily post about every two days”, but I want to be realistic and consider that the schedule will almost certainly slip throughout the course of the year due to any number of external stimuli.

    Get a Switch 2: Simple and to the point, I would not be opposed to upgrading my Switch hardware to enable myself to not only play new releases that catch my eye, but to also enjoy previous entries in the Switch catalogue without dealing with the persistent performance problems that plagued the original hardware… looking squarely at you Pokemon Scarlet and Violet.

    Visit Swansea again: Near to the end of last year my partner and I took a trip to Swansea for a Hololive Card Game tournament where we were the only two participants. This was a fun time not only for engaging in the event but also for exploring the town and spending time with my partner’s family, a fun weekend trip I would definitely like to repeat at some point this year.

    Get back into miniature painting: The title is vague but make no mistake, this is me relapsing into Warhammer. I would like to actually make this relapse productive though rather than just chasing the need to build something with my hands again, hence why I have been building up a modest collection of old rulebooks from my glory days of playing the tabletop and would be looking to paint my armies properly as well. Fourteen year old me may have been onto something back in the day, so may as well see if she really did have the right idea.

    Acquire clothing made out of exotic materials: What exotic materials you may ask? I am afraid that is for me to know and for you to guess fruitlessly… but considering I am already engaging in innuendo you can probably guess it is something that would not be leaving the house. 

    Start to declutter the flat/find homes for things on the walls: An extension to a goal last year to get more picture frames and hang cool stuff around the flat, this is to reduce the amount of general clutter around the flat by placing things in dedicated homes or by getting more wall mounted hooks to display things properly – specifically foam dart blasters, and potentially looking at downsizing the collection if space starts to become limited.

    Host three board game/cheese board/cheese game/board board parties: Having a stroke near to the end aside, I mentioned that I wanted to spend more time with friends this year, and having made myself a modest cheeseboard at the start of the week has inspired me to host friends to play board games, eat cheese, or do both at the same time. For additional clarification: playing MTG Commander with my usual group does not count toward this goal, it has to be non-MTG games played for it to count towards the party goals.

    Free Space: You have a free space in your bingo board that you do not know what to fill with? Why not Wynaut Zoidberg?

    Go to Glasgow twice to see family: In the wake of my redundancy last year I resolved that I would spend a bit of time up north in Scotland with my brother, sister-in-law, and nephew. It was an extremely fun time, and, finances permitting, I would love to spend more time up there with them, especially as my nephew is growing up extremely fast and it would be nice to be around more with him.

    Go back to a full blonde dye job: Another returning goal, and one that is more personal to my look. Ever since dying my hair fully blonde mid-way through 2023 and feeling how much euphoria it gave me, I want to go back to it. This can be done at home or in salon, but given how much hair I have and how much of a nightmare it is to take care of on its own, I would rather leave this one to professionals even though the price increases dramatically for that.

    Do my full write up on Expedition 33: Even when the dust settles after the new update, even when the conflict that the Game Awards inevitably brought is forgotten, and even when discussion of the game has likely petered out entirely, tomorrow comes. Expedition 33 was a major part of my gaming journey towards the end of 2025, and I still want to share my experience with it as part of my blog.

    100% Nier Replicant and Nier Automata: Hideo Kojima is not the only Japanese game director I have a fascination with, as I also hold a considerable amount of fondness for the works of Yoko Taro, the creative mind behind the Drakengard and Nier franchises. 100%ing both Nier titles on PC is definitely an interesting undertaking, especially given the man’s fondness for insisting on collecting all weapons and playing the game multiple times to see everything in the story, but I want to push myself to experience both games – pain of poor game design choices included.

    Acquire more houseplants: Green is good. Houseplants are good. I want to fill more of my living space with green plants and continue to let new life grow within the boundaries of this flat.

    Find a new full time, permanent job: A goal that is at odds with one another, as fulfilling this sometime within the next six months would almost certainly kill the goal of writing 180 Redundancy Review posts this year, but getting myself back into full time and permanent work would do wonders for both my self-esteem and general situational stability that would enable me to continue living the life I want to.

    Get down to a sub 100cm waistline: Yet another returning goal, but one I hold a fair bit of pessimism for. I definitely want to get my figure down to where it has been in the past, where I was able to fit into a large-size off the shelf cosplay back in my early university days. Simultaneously though, I know my love of food and treats will get in the way of that one massively without major life changes in terms of activity, but we will see how things go.

    Visit Bristol: Bristol was a city I absolutely loved getting the opportunity to visit growing up, either going to a gig for one of my favourite bands growing up or passing through on the way home from a family holiday. Being able to return to the city as an adult and exploring the surrounding area with the resources I currently find at my disposal would be a fun weekend away, and one I know my partner would appreciate for other reasons as well.

    Don’t be so hard on myself when things go awry: Nebulous? Yes. Difficult to measure? Yes. Something I want to try improve on nonetheless? Yes. When things go wrong my lack of self-esteem can and will punch me down severely if given the chance, and this year I would like to try hold myself higher when plans go off the rails or I need to adjust my approach based on changing circumstances.

    Custom cosplay (Hololive? Umamsume? Rosalina?): The penultimate returning goal from last year, now with a bit of added flavour text. Previously I attempted to get a custom cosplay of Shiori Novella from Hololive English Advent which did not end well, but it has not disheartened me. I would still love to get a custom cosplay, though my options have expanded. Hololive is still included, but given my current addiction problem hyperfixation of Umamusme: Pretty Derby, there are definitely options I can take from horse girls. And of course, there is always the goal that would make my childhood self happy, cosplaying as Rosalina from Mario Galaxy – an oddly thematic one given the release of the Mario Galaxy movie coming this year.

    Go to a furmeet: The final returning goal, and a simple one. For someone who is part of the furry community, I do not engage in as many IRL events as I would like to, which is something I definitely want to change in the coming year.

    100% Armoured Core 6: And now the true final goal, a gaming related one to 100% Armoured Core 6: Fires of Rubicon. A series I have not engaged in before but has caught my eye solely for it being a mecha game and me having an absolute love of anything mecha, mechanical, or heavy weapons related.

    That covers every goal, and that covers everything for the first Redundancy Review of 2026. Thank you for reading this edition, wherever you are I hope you have had a relaxing start to the year and that you have set yourself goals that are reasonable, achievable, and help to make you the person you want to become.

  • Redundancy Review: Day 202-204, “The Patent Pending Year End Ramble”

    (for context on what this series is, please see my Day 1 post here: Redundancy Review: Day 1, “A New Beginning” – Rosalia Rambles)

    Good morning closers and finishers, welcome to Day 202, 203, and 204 of Rosalia Rambles Redundancy Review.

    I’m waiting in my cold flat when the bell begins to chime
    Reflecting on this past year as it doesn’t have much time
    ‘Cause at twelve o’clock, they take me to the New Year’s Dawn
    The sands of time for me are running low…

    Bit of an Iron Maiden reference to end the year off. Was sitting here trying to think how to write an opening to the year end ramble and Hallowed Be Thy Name just got right into my head.

    2025 is almost over, and for a lot of us it has been one right stinker of a year. There have been plenty of high points throughout the year where the light of hope shined brightly to break through the darkness, but true to the sequence of days this year started with, it really was a “WThF” kind of year.

    Not sure what a “ThFS” year looks like, but I am ninety-percent convinced it cannot be worse than what this year was.

    I am going to get all the negatives out of the way first, because there is:

    1. A lot of them
    2. I do not want the positives being buried by the negatives
    3. Holy shit this year went so wrong in so many ways

    Going to start with the elephant in the room: redundancy. The whole reason I am sitting here writing a series with that word in the title. Working in the tech industry often means that you await news of your next funding round or new business arriving in with bated breath, desperately yearning for a job where you work on a ThinkPad instead, but when the reality hits that you really do not have a job anymore, it hits like a truck.

    For me, I was anticipating it, and had begun job searching anyway… though I was not anticipating it so soon in the year, I was at least expecting to see 2025 in my previous role, so getting sideswiped in May was not fun in the slightest.

    In the wake of being laid off, the lingering resentment I hold towards the UK government came right to the forefront as I navigated the Insolvency Service, Universal Credit/Jobseekers Allowance, and then setting up as a sole trader with HMRC, fighting through bureaucracy at every moment in the short month I was unemployed. 

    Which, yeah, I was only actually unemployed for a month after officially being made redundant. I cannot imagine how some of my former colleagues feel struggling to find work several months after the fact, because that month felt simultaneously long and slow to me.

    Even with the future still uncertain, I do feel I have developed a fair bit due to doing this contract role. Has it been challenging in its own way? Of course it has, I still struggle to reconcile who I want to be with who I currently am, which has been the source of several mental challenges over the course of the end of the year, not helped by seasonal depression being an absolute monster this time around due to how grey and wet the end of the year has been.

    I do feel hardened by everything I have gone through, and not necessarily in the cold & cynical way I was initially on the path of earlier in the year. I still put too much of myself into things that will likely not return the same love and care, leading to me overusing my energy during the day leaving very little in the tank for the evenings and making it so my weekends are more focused on recovery than actually enjoying myself. 

    But I feel myself slowly gaining an acceptance of the future holding whatever it has for me, as much as I feel a latent desire to be in control of my fate. There is very little I can do to change things other than stay the path I am on and wait for opportunities to arise, which this year has definitely had a lot of good ones.

    That is enough about job stuff, time to move on to some minor negative things.

    First off: a custom cosplay going awry two weeks before my big convention holiday to VExpo. That really sucked, even though the resolution to it was an overall positive due to me getting a full refund for shoddy work. It has at least taught me to be extremely anally retentive and specific when it comes time to define the specifications for a new custom cosplay in the new year, a goal I definitely want to try again with, though maybe not entirely with Hololive this time around.

    Secondly, and I mentioned this in the last Redundancy Review: having to fight an online fashion community for besmirching my partner’s honour, another event that came with a lot of negatives, but has some positive linings.

    Was it a traumatic ordeal for the both of us to navigate false and inflated accusations from a bunch of elitist randoms online? Yes

    Did it take away three precious days of our life navigating the ever changing goalposts those upjumped Discord mods enforced upon us? Yes

    Was our privacy violated by the amount of guilty until proven innocent assumptions a group of sad, lonely, and bored timewasters inflicted upon us? Yes

    Did I get a fucking thrill from taking their arguments apart piece-by-piece in an extensive Google Dockey and having a grudge to hold on to in order to live a beautiful life for both me and my partner out of sheer spite? You bet your arse I do.

    And again, if anyone from that fashion community is reading this post because you still feel the need to cyberstalk us, read my words carefully. I am more than capable of holding this grudge until the two year waiting period is up, and then holding it beyond that point to fuel the spite even further.

    God that feels good to get out of my system.

    And finally: not spending enough time with friends, something I have been working on fixing in the last months of the year and want to work on more in the early months of 2026. From pulling out of social engagements at the last minute, having clashing plans that prevent me from making the most of my time with people, or just simply having my mental demons catch up with me at the worst times, there has been less time I have spent with the people I care about most in my life.

    Think that covers every major bit of negativity this year, time to move onto the way more positive aspects of the year.

    Starting with another elephant in the room: VExpo, the absolute highlight of my year, and focus of the best & biggest piece of writing I did this year what do you mean this was almost four months ago now what the fuck it was day 90 I wrote that and we’re on day 204 now.

    VExpo gave me a taste of a life I did not actually think I would have again. One of going out to conventions, meeting like-minded individuals who enjoy the same hobbies that I do, spending time engaging in all my silly hobbies and coming back feeling both the lows of post-con depression and the absolute high of experiencing such a wonderful event with so many memories made.

    It is my goal to return for VExpo 2026, and I want to make next year’s trip even better than the one this year, with hopefully the convention itself stepping up their game to put on an even better show.

    Next up, it has actually been a great year for me in terms of gaming and pushing myself to 100% complete various games, the proudest of which I definitely think is either Monster Hunter Wilds for the surprising reward of the size grind in that game due to how investigations work and how my friends and I were able to share investigations with one another, or Death Stranding Director’s Cut, for the fairly straightforward nature of all its achievements and the fact it is a Kojima game, so I was absolutely enthralled the entire time.

    It is something I would like to bring forward into 2026, picking up previous projects to finally finish off like Mass Effect Legendary Collection and finding new ones like Space Marine 2. Achievements are always special to me, and pushing myself to 100% games is something I seriously enjoy.

    One part of this year that has ended up surprisingly well for me is actually my financial situation. Without going into too much detail and oversharing sensitive information, for someone who lost their job in the middle of the year I actually end this year off with a stronger savings position than what I started in, almost doubling what I had at the beginning. Of course I still have to worry about taxes in a couple months time which will take a decent chunk back out of that savings cushion, but the fact I can be in a position to not be overly worried about that time is incredibly reassuring.

    And finally, I want to end this post off with what I think is definitely one of the biggest positives of this year.

    This.

    The Redundancy Review.

    A series born out of an unfortunate event, turning into my biggest writing project of my life, with several ups and downs and a lot of missed days, I still end this year off with:

    • 120 posts covering 204 days
    • Approximately 120,000 words across those posts, averaging about 1000 words per post and 584 words per day
    • 54 total food and drink reviews
    • 16 posts about VTubers and VTuber related content
    • 1044 views since kicking off the Redundancy Review

    All of which are insane milestones to consider when 2024 was one of my worst years for writing, and 2025, through a shit circumstance, ended up being one of my best.

    The year ends with a certain amount of uncertainty over my future still, but even in the face of adversity, I made the most of this year with amazing goals achieved nonetheless. For the thumbnail, I am going to post the bingo card I made at the start of the year alongside a group of friends in lieu of standard “resolutions”, which turned into a much more fun way to track the year gone by.

    And that does it for the Year End Ramble, and for the year. Thank you for reading this edition of the Redundancy Review, wherever you are, be it in the past or in the future, I hope you are doing well, and that life is on a steady path for you.

    2025 is ending, let us hope 2026 is a year of far simpler times.

  • Redundancy Review: Day 176-201, “Been a While”

    (for context on what this series is, please see my Day 1 post here: Redundancy Review: Day 1, “A New Beginning” – Rosalia Rambles)

    Good morning snorers and dozers, welcome to… basically a catchup post for all of December covering day 176 all the way to 201 of Rosalia Rambles Redundancy Review.

    I really hope I have calculated that day right, I am like ninety-percent sure that is the right number after checking the calendar several times.

    So, I basically wrote for none of December, which is funny, considering I initially was thinking I would be able to write through all of December with things calming down at work as they usually do in the last month of the year…

    …wishful fucking thinking looking back at this month.

    In a way this period of not writing has been both a blessing and a curse. A blessing in that considering I was ill, without internet, and continuing to have my body collapse under the stress of navigating the insane year that 2025 has been, not writing let me focus on rest and recreation more than anything else. I did not need to put myself in a reflective or articulate mood after going through a day of coughing so much I felt I was going to vomit, and could just lie down while letting my brain shut off.

    But it has been a curse because the window where my internet was switched off was the ideal time to do a lot of writing, especially given opening Google Docs is one of the few things my hotspot could do with some reliability. Even if it was just rambling into the void about feeling frustrated by failing health and lack of action on getting my internet restored, though I doubt how productive that would have ultimately been when I was already in a rough mood from the illness itself.

    There is little point in dwelling on what could have been, the main thing is now trying to get myself back in the saddle for semi-regular writing once more to keep my skills sharp, and the story told.

    Speaking of, there are a good handful of story beats I need to catch up on writing down, so I will try my best to recall the last three plus weeks.

    Two major events in close proximity to each other: my birthday which coincided with me doing a fucking job interview at the local council that I did not expect in the slightest. It was a brutal interview, especially since it was my first in-person interview as a working professional in… well, ever. I think I did well, especially given the practical task was something I felt I smashed due to my background, I did stumble and trip over some questions, with my ADHD kicking in for one or two of them where I would forget the latter half of a question requiring me to try recover a coherent answer rapidly.

    Unfortunately I did not get the job, which definitely sent me into a funk for a day or two after getting the news. I had high hopes for myself in my performance and what I had accomplished, along with knowing that getting a full-time job in a local government organisation would greatly re-stabilise my current situation in regards to employment. I can still hold my head up high with what I did, but the disappointment was strong in the moment.

    My current job situation is… ticking on? I am at least not out in the cold before Christmas like so many of my contemporaries in the games industry have found themselves in, which is such a fucking dick move to make someone redundant right before Christmas that it could only be thought up in the mess that is the modern day gaming industry. I have work to be done, and I have built up a wide array of experience as part of being a contractor, so if my situation dictates that I need to become a professional nomad for a bit, then so be it.

    Christmas has come and gone, with the holiday period being surprisingly relaxing for me – something which I have honestly needed. Before finishing (mostly) finishing work for the year I was being plagued with illness like no tomorrow, simultaneously dealing with the remnants of my flu and suddenly picking up a stomach bug as well, leading to awkward days of finding various ways to put my guts under strain. Spending my days sitting on my sofa doing nothing much except playing video games, watching anime, and eating various indulgent bits of food has done wonders for both my mental and physical health, a period of recovery which I am extraordinarily privileged to have.

    I have a lot to say that will probably suit my year end ramble a bit more, for once having a place to put it that is not just throwing it out into the void, and I will be trying to make an effort to finish the year off strong in terms of writing, but no guarantees.

    Right now the story is in a calm before the storm when a new year begins, and a new brand of chaos is ushered in.

    That said, there is one thing in my life that always helps me make sense of the chaos. Something that I can rely on at all times, or rather, someone.

    This is my partner, or rather, it is a VRChat model of his fursona. This is my favourite picture he has ever taken of it due to how memeable the expression is.

    In the past he and I have discussed the notion of me “reviewing” him on the Redundancy Review, but given the events of recent days, I think now is a good time to do something of the sorts.

    We have known each other five years now, been in a relationship for coming up to four years of that time, and have been living together for a year and a half now. There have been challenges, ups and downs, and times where we have needed space from each other, but honestly?

    Nothing has ever got to the point where it is like: “this is the true test of our relationship”. Honestly we are not the kind of people to see things in such an absolute way, nothing is ever so severe that we think our love is being put to the test and that whatever situation we are in will “make or break” our feelings for each other.

    Are there tough moments? Absolutely, I would be doing a disservice to our story to try paint everything as rosy and perfect, but simultaneously, we have never really had any major arguments over anything and have never found ourselves to be angry at each other. Our love is just that strong that anything that could blow up into that for another couple is a simple hurdle for us – we get each other on a deeply emotional level and that has helped our relationship go far.

    He is extraordinarily patient with me as well, helping me to navigate through my various neurotic moments and easing me through panic attacks, working to make me comfortable afterwards so I can recover my strength and get back to being the Rosa I want to be. 

    There is nothing I would not do for him in return, and wanting to give us both a good life is one of my driving forces. We have worked hard to get where we are, and there is very little I would not do for him when the moment comes… genuinely, I waged a one woman war on a group of smug elitist pricks from an online fashion community because they made him cry. 

    If you are from that community and are reading my posts because you also feel the need to cyberstalk me in addition to him: I hope your conscience eats you alive one day, I hope one day the weight of the world collapses in on you, and you realise the error of your ways by assuming guilt rather than innocence.

    It took a while for me to find someone who gets me the way my partner gets me, but I am so happy I found him, and there is nothing in my life I am more thankful for.

    That about covers all of the major events that have happened in the past three weeks since I have not been writing. Here’s to ending off 2025 stronger than it started… not a difficult goal all things considered.

    Thank you for reading today’s edition of the Redundancy Review. Wherever you are, I hope the holiday season has been good to you. This time of the year can be tough for many, either missing family they loved or enduring family who do not love the real them. Cherish the ones who cherish you, and shield yourself from the pain that those who neglect you inflict.