Rosalia Rambles

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  • Redundancy Review: Day 321, “Career Uncertainty, Part 2

    (for context on what this series is, please see my Day 1 post here: Redundancy Review: Day 1, “A New Beginning” – Rosalia Rambles)

    Good morning admirals and commodores, welcome to Day 321 of Rosalia Rambles Redundancy Review.

    Off the back of getting rejected for a job role I was pretty excited for, I continue to persist in my goal to write a daily series. Heads up that this edition might read a bit more like a rant in some areas, as I am going to be talking about career stuff as I briefly alluded to yesterday.

    About eight years of my life has been spent either aspiring and studying to enter the tech industry, or working in the tech industry itself. As a twenty eight year old, this means approximately one quarter of my life has been spent in the tech space.

    This started with me going to university to study Computer Games Technology, with the hope of becoming a games programmer of some description, either working on my own independent projects or joining some large studio to be a cog in the machine. Admittedly it started well, with both my first and second year having good results in what I was attempting to do with my coursework.

    Not without struggle though. My second year in particular was plagued with a lot of struggle and tense moments as things heated up, particularly in the first semester more than anything else. 

    Third year… was the hardest. The first semester had me navigating a lot of personal issues that impacted my work in a negative way that whilst I was still fulfilling deadlines and getting on with things, I was not pushing myself on working on things that were not coursework, which is definitely one of the things that you need to succeed as a programmer by improving your skills.

    With the gift of hindsight, whilst I knew how to navigate programming, I am not built to be a full-time programmer. The idea of spending a full work day sitting in front of an IDE (or more realistic to the modern day, an agent prompt window) did not appeal to me in the slightest.

    This issue was compounded when my second semester was interrupted by the COVID-19 pandemic, forcing things online, disrupting the deadlines I had and disrupting the flow of the group I was working with at the time, causing things to fall behind.

    I still graduated, with a First class degree no less, specifically because the module I scored highest on, as part of a course dedicated to building me up as a programmer more than anything else, was Consultancy and IT Management, which was around building a case study to upgrade a company’s IT infrastructure… which I feel reflects the current me pretty nicely, but is still funny to look back on.

    As is evident from my many previous stories, I did not in-fact go into programming full time. Whilst someone in my life at the time tried to push me to work on personal projects so I could put together a more proper portfolio, the drive was not there, and I should have admitted that way sooner, both to myself and that person.

    So I spent six months unemployed, trying to work on writing when I can but mainly resolving a bunch of personal issues more than anything else. COVID jobs market sucked, and I did have some interviews, but not much success.

    That was until I interviewed for the position of QA Engineer at Codemasters, which I have talked about at length in my Day 118 Redundancy Review. This set the trajectory for where my career has taken me today, with a year spent in the games industry until I pivoted into working for an XR company that specialised in both bespoke VR content and an educational platform.

    This is where I have spent the majority of my career, building myself up as a QA initially before my mentor Gabi took me under her wing and started to build me up as a producer as well… I should reach out to her again, especially now with shit hitting the fan again. She is one of the reasons I have as much resilience as I do today, and I still try to internalise one of the last things she told me when the company went to shit:

    “You are a person worth knowing.”

    I gave a lot of myself to that XR company, pushing myself beyond my limits and learning as much as I could with each project. I definitely pushed a little too hard in some instances, as I had to have at least two periods of leave that were due to the stress catching up to me… well, the latter one was purely stress, the former was due to me catching COVID and severely underestimating how long it took to recover – I kept coming back to work only to have myself punched back down by how sluggish my body felt, something I still struggle with today as I most definitely have some variety of Long COVID after catching it twice.

    My aim was to make myself indispensable, if a little neurotic in how I approached things. Stubbornness is a genetic trait I fight against every day, and it definitely affected how I communicated with my colleagues at times, both in positive and negative ways. Regardless, I made my mark, and navigated responsibilities I would have never considered in the year prior. 

    But now we get to the hard details, and that is what it is like to work within startup/scaleup culture. I will try to frame this with the positive aspect first followed by why it can cause psychological strain in certain scenarios.

    First off, team size. After coming from Codemasters where a single platform QA team would be around fifteen to twenty people at peak times with the greater QA team easily being one-hundred people and above, going to a company which never went above fifty people at the peak was certainly a cultural difference.

    The primary perk of this was knowing who you worked with well, especially after my part of the company got reorganised into a proper studio team where we would have a general standup and retro alongside project specific meetings. This meant I got to know people on a personal level, learning about their hobbies, how they prefer to work, and who I could ask certain questions of. A lot of my old colleagues were incredibly chill people, and very supportive of me as a trans person – one distinct memory I have is absolutely bawling on the shoulder of one of them after I had to dip from a company dinner because of a murder mystery actor making a rather crass transphobic joke, which I spent a fair bit of time not wanting to ruin his very nice jacket with my snot or tears.

    The main downside of working this way is that responsibilities had to be shared almost all of the time, often leading to moments where my plate would be filled with all different tasks that needed to be balanced or differing deadlines, requiring precision prioritisation in order to get things done, which I managed to do most days, but the stress definitely felt intense on some days, especially while I was working towards being a producer, often having to balance QA responsibilities along with my production responsibilities.

    To bring things back to the positive, this does mean I can prepare, practice, and perform a presentation in a relatively short timescale, something I utilised in a recent interview to do the above in around half an hour. AI might be able to do a similar thing, but I can do it much cheaper with fewer resources, like caffeine and painkillers as opposed to context and tokens.

    Second main perk is being treated like an adult in regards to working patterns. Codemasters offered me flexitime but this was a measured arrangement, where if I signed out early on any given day, I would need to make up that time later on in the week, or vice versa where staying late one night meant I could sign out earlier. Work is hard and intense within startup culture, but so long as the work is being completed by the deadline, I was free to work however I wanted, which is an absolute relief to an ADHDer like myself, as forcing myself to work on a pattern that is not mine does my head in.

    Downside of this all? Overtime was very rarely compensated, partially due to the fact my compensation was already pretty generous, but this meant any time I needed to stay late or start early often resulted in nothing but a congratulations, which was actually less than what I got in the games industry, as I got time-and-a-half for any weekend work and double time for any bank holiday. Flexing my life for the needs of the business was also a requirement, which became particularly annoying on the day after my partner moved in with me, where I was supposed to cook our first proper meal together but ended up needing to stay multiple hours past my usual finishing time to help get something out the door, which ended with no result anyway.

    (small aside: I do not believe in the discussion of wages being taboo. Possibly a Gen Z thing, possibly a leftist thing.)

    And finally, the thing that I cannot highlight any positive for, or even try to talk about in a positive way: layoffs, and funding.

    There is no way for me to discuss this part of working in a startup or scaleup without going overly negative, because this shit absolutely destroys lives, morale, and direction of a company. In my five year career, I have survived three rounds of layoffs, and being laid off twice. Two rounds of those layoffs have been in the XR industry, where I had to watch friends and senior colleagues disappear whilst I was still around, leading to some serious survivor guilt developing which got worse during the second round.

    No one can dodge mortar shells forever, though it seems appropriate that for someone who survived layoffs three times, it would obviously take the nuke of administration/insolvency for me to finally get hit, leading to where we are today with the Redundancy Review and the “season 2” we are currently within due to the second layoff.

    So, what is the moral of me running through this all?

    Because whilst I can continue on in the tech industry, and there is definitely a real possibility I stick around if a good opportunity arises, everything I have run through has worn me down bit by fucking bit, and I am done. The games industry is undergoing constant shifts with layoffs, closures, and cancellations, the tech industry is going all in on AI which leads to fewer opportunities being created, and pretty much all of my friends have told me to move away from startup culture for the sake of my own health.

    That leaves me contemplating going down the path of the starving artist, which has its own set of pitfalls and would lead to even more career uncertainty than I am facing right now….

    …but when has that ever stopped me?

    The world needs more LGBTQ+ artists making works public, especially trans artists to try show those falling victim to culture war topics that not only are we real people, we are also nothing like what the media portrays – I literally do not like going to the toilet in public at the best of times I am certainly not going to be doing heinous shit in a women’s toilet.

    I did not intend for this to become such a long piece, but the words kept flowing as I kept typing, but now we need to do a review topic. Something shorter than usual, and I have something just for that.

    This is a can of Poppi, a brand of soda that was launched in the US in 2018 as a “gut healthy” soda with it recently launching in the UK in Pret A Manger and Tesco locations. I saw it multiple times in my local Tesco express, but considering it is £2 for an individual can or £4.50 Clubcard Price for a four-pack, I never really had the impetus to try it until today, where I went to grab a meal deal lunch for my partner and decided to include it as the drink as repayment to myself for running this errand.

    And I am very glad it came as the meal deal drink because holy shit I do not consider this worth £2 for a can and I would be at a stretch to pay £1.12~ per can in the four-pack.

    Comparing Poppi to a standard fizzy orange drink in the UK, Tango and/or Fanta, it barely has any orange flavour to it, or even much fizz to it, kind of tasting like a squash made with an extremely flat sparkling water. I am someone who does not even like Fanta, but if I had to take the pick between Fanta or Poppi I would take Fanta every time.

    But it is a healthy soda, so obviously it would not taste as good as a processed and high-sugar drink.

    I will concede that point, but counter with the comparison I made. A glass of orange squash has more orange flavour, but would also have more health benefits in term of hydration and be substantially cheaper than paying £1.12-£2 for a can of supposedly “healthy” soda.

    Note to self, Robinson’s Squash for a future Redundancy Review topic.

    Just about 2300 words for today, the longest I have written in a damn while.

    Thank you for reading today’s edition of the Redundancy Review. Wherever you are, I hope you are able to relax and that the Monday blues are not hitting you too hard.

  • Redundancy Review: Day 289-317, “A New Beginning-wait I already used that title”

    Redundancy Review: Day 289-317, “A New Beginning-wait I already used that title”

    (for context on what this series is, please see my Day 1 post here: Redundancy Review: Day 1, “A New Beginning” – Rosalia Rambles)

    Good morning unemployeds and underemployeds, welcome to Day 289-317 of Rosalia Rambles Redundancy Review.

    The title now makes sense again!

    Though, that is because yesterday, April 22nd 2026, I was told that my role at my current company would be coming to an end May 31st, or more realistically, May 29th will be my last working day. But either way, come the start of June, I am back searching for a job in these crazy market conditions, fighting against AI at every stage and not knowing where my next proper paycheque will be coming from.

    I intend to remain professional, as I am still supposed to be getting paid up until the end of this time period along with finishing up my last few responsibilities. 

    But, being completely honest… it hurts being back in this position. It really does. Ever since being made redundant from the previous company almost a year ago now, I have spent time trying to recover the trauma that redundancy inflicted upon me. Worrying about the future, trying to stay positive even in adverse conditions, and trying my best to make my own way in the world whilst everything feels like it’s collapsing.

    I had started to recover from that, I felt more positive about the future. More often than not my brain was in a relaxed state rather than worrying about stuff, I was going on trips with my partner, enjoying good food with good company, and engaging in my hobbies more thoroughly than ever.

    And even with the knowledge that I have two pay packets still to come, it makes me feel that I am back in that position a year ago, surrounded by the uncertainty of the current UK jobs market whilst the tech industry undergoes rapid change due to the implementation and proliferation of AI.

    So, I ask myself the question that I asked right as the Redundancy Review started…

    First, acknowledge that whilst it very much feels like the world has come to an end, it has not. Life will still move forward, and I knew that this was not going to last forever, even as much as I hoped that the business could continue with me for the foreseeable future. With that in mind, I planned for something like this happening, with contingency plans for finances in place to keep myself sustained during a long job search alongside whatever comes next.

    Which brings me nicely onto the second point: what does come next?

    Well for a start, I need to get back into the habit of writing daily Redundancy Reviews. They fell by the wayside as I navigated stressful work situations but now that those are seemingly behind me, I need to push myself to get back into that groove both for writing practice and to keep myself engaged on a day-to-day basis.

    Alongside that, I need to take the plunge back into fiction writing. One of my goals this year was to write a semi-fictionalised story about my experience being a transgender woman, and I need to decide what shape and form that story will take. The general goal is a story that helps reassure trans people in my age bracket (the weird inbetween space of Gen Z and Millenial) that it is never too late to start, and that experimenting is how you get to become who you want to be. Aside from that, getting back into short, character-focused stories would also be fun.

    Reminder that I am available for commissions still, if you look at the top navigation bar there is a “Commissions” tab that highlights the work I have done for others… I think I still have one I need to post too. Writing commissions are a good way for me to keep busy whilst earning some extra cash to help keep things ticking along. Get in touch if you want fiction, or even a Redundancy Review on something you are curious about.

    But the main priority?

    Healing, and deciding what to do next.

    The tech industry I worked towards joining, the XR industry I have found myself a home in, and the startup culture I developed my edge in have all helped me advance my lifestyle and career, though it has come at an intense mental cost that comes with being a part of it.

    Whilst I have the skills to pay the bills within that space, I need to seriously take stock of where I am in my life with perennial burnout alongside what career I can see myself being happy in for however long it would accept me. At this present moment, my thought is to just go all in on being an artist or entertainer, as several tweets I have seen throughout my time have said:

    “Job market is shit one way or the other, so why not follow your dreams?”

    I have nothing to really lose. If I end up facing down the barrel of a long unemployment period, I may as well put as much energy as I can into the creation of what I want my artistic legacy to be.

    As many trans people have been told when considering a major life change: “Do not die wondering”, which ties nicely into the philosophy I used when starting out under the Redundancy Review banner: “Do not let it die in your head”.

    Well, here’s to the new beginning. I hope you will join me for the ride.

    Thank you for reading the inaugural edition of the second evolution of the Redundancy Review. Wherever you are I hope you are navigating this crazy world as best you can, and if you are like me and also dealing with the spectre of the job search: we are in this together. You are not alone, and even when it seems darkest, we are going to make it.

  • Redundancy Review: Day 218-258, “Inspiration, or lack thereof”

    (for context on what this series is, please see my Day 1 post here: Redundancy Review: Day 1, “A New Beginning” – Rosalia Rambles)

    Good morning cadavers and corpses, welcome to quite frankly an absurd amount of days between my last Redundancy Review and today of Rosalia Rambles Redundancy Review.

    And now, a silly bit.

    Charging to twenty days.

    Clear!

    Still not enough motivation, charging to forty days.

    Clear!

    Right, that should have injected enough life into things to write for a bit.

    So… why the long unintended hiatus? Whilst I am no stranger to them, this is definitely up there for the longest one taken of this so called daily series. 

    In short: depression.

    In slightly longer: depression plus inspiration.

    In full long form: well, keep reading and I will get there.

    Seasonal depression kicked my ass hard, as is noticeable from some Redundancy Reviews before my long break, which led to a lot of days blurring together as I tried to navigate through the wet haze of greyness that is the UK in winter.

    And when I was in that mental state, I did not particularly want to write. Not because of lacking ideas to talk about, but more because I did not want to only talk about my sadness or mental condition, because I want to try focus on the positives rather than the negatives.

    Which, yes, I know is a pretty shitty attitude to take towards myself. All of my feelings are valid, but, there was a certain guilt that I felt whenever I would open a document and start trying to write what my view on the world was at that given time when everything in my mind was just doom and gloom.

    But, as much as I want to keep things positive and write Redundancy Reviews based on what good has occurred in my life recently, that does not mean I should suppress any inkling of negative emotion just to make “good content”.

    Things have been tough lately, with my day job especially putting some strain on me for the bigger push to use AI tools in our workflows to try make things more efficient/productive – a total misrepresentation of the facts considering I feel what the tool is doing is neither of those things and just adds layers of complication that waste time in the fixes that need applying where we could have just made base level improvements to the current processes instead of introducing a hallucination layer instead.

    There is a certain pressure from within my own psyche to be “grateful” for the fact I have a job currently, especially in the job market of today – and do not get me wrong, I do fully appreciate how lucky I am to have a job in the wake of a layoff when so many of my contemporaries in the industry do not, but “grateful” is not a term I would really use.

    It gets me by, and I do at least learn new things even if I do not put much value on the skills I learn in navigating AI slop, but currently that is all I feel to my job: a means to an end.

    The end in question is just getting to live my life as I want to, although with everything going on lately it has been hard to do that, with just surviving each day and getting to the weekend feeling like an accomplishment.

    That is not to say that things are all bad. There is plenty I am actually finding enjoyment in outside of work, work is just this malaise over my brain that depletes what little energy I can muster.

    I have got back into building Warhammer 40k models, admittedly an expensive hobby to undertake, but as I was looking at the various offerings of plastic crack that is available to purchase my conclusion was that I was fucked no matter what route I took and at least I had some familiarity with 40k from my past experiences. Built a full box of models over the last couple weeks with another one to start work on soon, not to mention painting which was one of my goals for this year.

    My gaming life continues to be plentiful, having recently 100%ed the first Hades game before moving on to Mewgenics, with Umamusme sprinkled in and Monster Hunter Wilds returning for another round of buffet selections with how many new quests are being added in as part of the final update before the expansion drops at an indeterminate time in the future.

    Finally had my first consultation for voice training, which should give me a boost in confidence and let me explore my identity a bit more. 

    Writing just… kind of falls by the wayside when things get intense and I want to focus on living. I suppose it is the dichotomy of being a writer in my current situation: my main body of work revolves around making “content” that takes inspiration from my daily life, but when my energy levels are low, I want to focus that energy on living rather than writing about life.

    And if I do not have energy to write about life, that usually means I do not have the energy to write whimsical fiction of any description.

    If anything, I just need to find a new source of whimsy for myself to latch onto, to hold tight in the darker moments.

    Have a picture of some ducks that I took when I was out shopping with my partner over the weekend, they were pretty cute.

    Think that will cover everything for the meantime, hopefully I can get back into some kind of groove after finally sitting down to write a piece and not let my true emotions get filtered out. 

    Regardless, thank you for reading today’s edition of the Redundancy Review. Wherever you are, I hope you are safe, happy, and comfortable. Times like these are hard on everyone, and finding whatever small bits of hope we can hold onto can help make life feel that much more worth it.

    (and thanks to my friend Rhys for checking in on me after noticing I had not written one of these in a while. Thanks man, it actually did kind of spur me to write again.)

  • Redundancy Review: Day 176-201, “Been a While”

    (for context on what this series is, please see my Day 1 post here: Redundancy Review: Day 1, “A New Beginning” – Rosalia Rambles)

    Good morning snorers and dozers, welcome to… basically a catchup post for all of December covering day 176 all the way to 201 of Rosalia Rambles Redundancy Review.

    I really hope I have calculated that day right, I am like ninety-percent sure that is the right number after checking the calendar several times.

    So, I basically wrote for none of December, which is funny, considering I initially was thinking I would be able to write through all of December with things calming down at work as they usually do in the last month of the year…

    …wishful fucking thinking looking back at this month.

    In a way this period of not writing has been both a blessing and a curse. A blessing in that considering I was ill, without internet, and continuing to have my body collapse under the stress of navigating the insane year that 2025 has been, not writing let me focus on rest and recreation more than anything else. I did not need to put myself in a reflective or articulate mood after going through a day of coughing so much I felt I was going to vomit, and could just lie down while letting my brain shut off.

    But it has been a curse because the window where my internet was switched off was the ideal time to do a lot of writing, especially given opening Google Docs is one of the few things my hotspot could do with some reliability. Even if it was just rambling into the void about feeling frustrated by failing health and lack of action on getting my internet restored, though I doubt how productive that would have ultimately been when I was already in a rough mood from the illness itself.

    There is little point in dwelling on what could have been, the main thing is now trying to get myself back in the saddle for semi-regular writing once more to keep my skills sharp, and the story told.

    Speaking of, there are a good handful of story beats I need to catch up on writing down, so I will try my best to recall the last three plus weeks.

    Two major events in close proximity to each other: my birthday which coincided with me doing a fucking job interview at the local council that I did not expect in the slightest. It was a brutal interview, especially since it was my first in-person interview as a working professional in… well, ever. I think I did well, especially given the practical task was something I felt I smashed due to my background, I did stumble and trip over some questions, with my ADHD kicking in for one or two of them where I would forget the latter half of a question requiring me to try recover a coherent answer rapidly.

    Unfortunately I did not get the job, which definitely sent me into a funk for a day or two after getting the news. I had high hopes for myself in my performance and what I had accomplished, along with knowing that getting a full-time job in a local government organisation would greatly re-stabilise my current situation in regards to employment. I can still hold my head up high with what I did, but the disappointment was strong in the moment.

    My current job situation is… ticking on? I am at least not out in the cold before Christmas like so many of my contemporaries in the games industry have found themselves in, which is such a fucking dick move to make someone redundant right before Christmas that it could only be thought up in the mess that is the modern day gaming industry. I have work to be done, and I have built up a wide array of experience as part of being a contractor, so if my situation dictates that I need to become a professional nomad for a bit, then so be it.

    Christmas has come and gone, with the holiday period being surprisingly relaxing for me – something which I have honestly needed. Before finishing (mostly) finishing work for the year I was being plagued with illness like no tomorrow, simultaneously dealing with the remnants of my flu and suddenly picking up a stomach bug as well, leading to awkward days of finding various ways to put my guts under strain. Spending my days sitting on my sofa doing nothing much except playing video games, watching anime, and eating various indulgent bits of food has done wonders for both my mental and physical health, a period of recovery which I am extraordinarily privileged to have.

    I have a lot to say that will probably suit my year end ramble a bit more, for once having a place to put it that is not just throwing it out into the void, and I will be trying to make an effort to finish the year off strong in terms of writing, but no guarantees.

    Right now the story is in a calm before the storm when a new year begins, and a new brand of chaos is ushered in.

    That said, there is one thing in my life that always helps me make sense of the chaos. Something that I can rely on at all times, or rather, someone.

    This is my partner, or rather, it is a VRChat model of his fursona. This is my favourite picture he has ever taken of it due to how memeable the expression is.

    In the past he and I have discussed the notion of me “reviewing” him on the Redundancy Review, but given the events of recent days, I think now is a good time to do something of the sorts.

    We have known each other five years now, been in a relationship for coming up to four years of that time, and have been living together for a year and a half now. There have been challenges, ups and downs, and times where we have needed space from each other, but honestly?

    Nothing has ever got to the point where it is like: “this is the true test of our relationship”. Honestly we are not the kind of people to see things in such an absolute way, nothing is ever so severe that we think our love is being put to the test and that whatever situation we are in will “make or break” our feelings for each other.

    Are there tough moments? Absolutely, I would be doing a disservice to our story to try paint everything as rosy and perfect, but simultaneously, we have never really had any major arguments over anything and have never found ourselves to be angry at each other. Our love is just that strong that anything that could blow up into that for another couple is a simple hurdle for us – we get each other on a deeply emotional level and that has helped our relationship go far.

    He is extraordinarily patient with me as well, helping me to navigate through my various neurotic moments and easing me through panic attacks, working to make me comfortable afterwards so I can recover my strength and get back to being the Rosa I want to be. 

    There is nothing I would not do for him in return, and wanting to give us both a good life is one of my driving forces. We have worked hard to get where we are, and there is very little I would not do for him when the moment comes… genuinely, I waged a one woman war on a group of smug elitist pricks from an online fashion community because they made him cry. 

    If you are from that community and are reading my posts because you also feel the need to cyberstalk me in addition to him: I hope your conscience eats you alive one day, I hope one day the weight of the world collapses in on you, and you realise the error of your ways by assuming guilt rather than innocence.

    It took a while for me to find someone who gets me the way my partner gets me, but I am so happy I found him, and there is nothing in my life I am more thankful for.

    That about covers all of the major events that have happened in the past three weeks since I have not been writing. Here’s to ending off 2025 stronger than it started… not a difficult goal all things considered.

    Thank you for reading today’s edition of the Redundancy Review. Wherever you are, I hope the holiday season has been good to you. This time of the year can be tough for many, either missing family they loved or enduring family who do not love the real them. Cherish the ones who cherish you, and shield yourself from the pain that those who neglect you inflict.

  • Redundancy Review: Day 172-174: “Showing Up”

    (for context on what this series is, please see my Day 1 post here: Redundancy Review: Day 1, “A New Beginning” – Rosalia Rambles)

    Good morning absentees and truants, welcome to Day 172-174 of Rosalia Rambles Redundancy Review.

    It finally looks as though I am heading out the other end of everything that kicked off last week. My pestilence symptoms have mostly abated aside from a particularly persistent cough that really does not want to go away, and after much pestering of my internet service provider, there is a… sort of resolution to the whole “internet line being cut” thing.

    Put simply, they have to go through a much longer process to reconnect us to the internet due to being on copper lines. Copper lines are being phased out in the UK in favour of fibre, rightfully so mind given how behind some infrastructure is in this country, but it means that old copper lines that get cut off without replacement have a layer of bureaucracy to them.

    On the plus side, the call I had to do this morning was with customer retention who managed to get me a lovely deal together to reduce my monthly payments as part of getting me back online, which I definitely cannot complain about – especially given as the guy I talked to was lovely.

    For now though I find myself working off my phone’s hotspot data, which I thankfully upgraded for this month with the hunch that it would still take a while for my situation to resolve itself. Unlimited data for working and scrolling, lets me keep busy this month at least.

    My hotspot does sort of lead into the topic I wanted to write about today, and ties into me jumping around all last week to co-working spaces and libraries in order to get my work done. It traces back to one of my qualities of “this is really good on paper but I somewhat resent having it”: no matter the hardship, I try my best to show up.

    World collapsing? Trauma resurfacing? Period pains? Does not matter, I will push myself to show face at work and do what I can on a given day. Does this usually lead to me being way below where I would normally be in terms of productivity? Obviously, but I still believe that any progress is good progress, even if it takes an hour to do a test run because of a hacking cough that gets irritated by moving about in VR too much.

    It is what marked me as someone reliable, and that reliability is what people came to appreciate about me. Even as I find myself doubting what this means for me as a professional in the current world, the fact I try to keep up an output of any sorts even when under stress or strain is something that can be considered admirable about me.

    Something to consider when I inevitably end up redrafting my CV after the end of this contract, trying to spin a more consistent story about myself as an individual and selling myself that way. Part of me worries that this site will put me at a disadvantage when it comes to applying to jobs in future given I quite literally wear my heart on my sleeve in these pieces, but, I would rather die honest than live any more days with my mind caged up…

    …that got needlessly dramatic, but hey ho.

    Anyway, as expected for this end of year period, I have not got much to explicitly review, but I do have a screenshot from my latest Stardew session played with only a minor amount of scuff due to the hotspot which I want to talk about.

    This is the inside of my house on my main Stardew playthrough with a friend of mine, and whilst the farm is gradually approaching its final form; the interior decorating side of things is taking up a bit more time.

    The main achievement from this latest play session is down in the bottom-left corner, where a retro-styled cafe has started to take shape next to my kitchen in the dining room extension, something which was added in the most recent 1.6 update. Outside of that I have a fish tank going on with the majority of the legendary fish in there, though there is a lot of empty space to still fill up.

    In Stardew at least, I like using my in-game houses as museums to my achievements, collecting every sort of unique reward or challenging collectibles, as you can probably tell from all the paintings on the wall that I have gathered throughout the game.

    Considering there is still much more to do in this playthrough, I am almost certain I will be able to show a better version of this house in the near future.

    That will cover everything for today, a short journal updating where I am, rambling about something in my head, and talking about something I have done recently. A pretty formulaic article, but thank you all the same for reading today’s edition of the Redundancy Review. Wherever you are, I hope you have a wonderful December to finish out your year, and that the season does not bring you too much chaos.

  • Redundancy Review: Day 167-170, “What Can Go Wrong Has Gone Wrong”

    (for context on what this series is, please see my Day 1 post here: Redundancy Review: Day 1, “A New Beginning” – Rosalia Rambles)

    Good morning disaster bisexuals and chaotic lesbians, welcome to Day 167 to 170 of Rosalia Rambles Redundancy Review.

    So, I said in my previous article that I had mostly managed to avoid going down too hard with the pestilence my partner had been afflicted with…

    …yeah I spoke way too soon, got hit hard on Monday & Tuesday to the point I had to take time off work to recover, something I am usually very loathe to do for physical conditions as I can usually just persevere through them with the power of Lucozade and high-strength painkillers to keep my energy up and the discomfort down respectively.

    But getting tonsillitis as a fucking twenty-seven year old woman was not on my bingo card, having only had the disease once before when I was a child which now makes me regret not having the bastard things out while I could have.

    Though, given my younger self was absolutely terrified at the idea of surgery, I cannot exactly blame her for not going along with that idea and taking the antibiotic route instead, however disgusting it tasted. 

    The week started off rough, but by Wednesday I was… mostly… ready to bring myself to my desk one way or another to get back into the flow of things and let myself focus on something productive during the day which was not sleeping or seven hour Youtube videos of Metal Gear Solid playthroughs.

    Or rather, that is what I would have done, if not for my internet line being disconnected during the night.

    Somehow, someone accidentally put in my address for usage as part of an internet contract, and rather than the infrastructure company doing any amount of due diligence or even sending an engineer round to the flat to confirm that the work needed doing, they put an “unsolicited cease” on my line at three in the goddamn morning.

    This led to me putting in a very snotty, very stressed out call to my ISP who, to their immense credit, has been patient and understanding with my frustrations around this issue, answering any of my questions to their best ability even when the answer is “I do not really know”.

    Though good quality customer service does not reduce the annoyance that comes from having a vital service cut off, not just for mine and my partner’s relaxation time, but for my actual fucking livelihood too. I am a remote worker working for an organisation which has no head office for me to go into instead whilst I wait for my internet issues to be resolved, leading to me draining both mine and my partner’s hotspot on the Wednesday before booking myself into a local co-working space today.

    On top of all this, my partner is still suffering hard from their own illness as well, with the both of us feeling incredibly nauseous after eating pizza on the Monday before giving in and resorting back to the classic sick person comfort food of tomato soup on the Tuesday. Being ill is hard enough, but not being able to indulge in food that normally brings us both comfort has made navigating this period of illness even more difficult.

    Hence the title, cause with the way this week has been, it genuinely does feel like at every turn, I have been met with stone walls and road blocks.

    But I am still going.

    Somehow.

    I am going to be honest, I do not really know how I am still going after the week I have had. Regular readers will know I aim to deliver a positive message when it comes to me telling this story, about persevering even when the odds are against me, about keeping going even if the cards dealt are not what I was anticipating.

    And for the most part, that is still happening. Even if the timelines are not yet clear, I know everything I am suffering through right now will pass, and there are still spots of hope beyond the horizon.

    Right now though?

    Credit to @Basil_Mage on Twitter for this beautiful image, certainly captures the mood I am in right now.

    Hopefully the weekend calms down for me a little bit, if just to let myself vegetate in bed for a couple hours if the internet stays off. Should be getting an upgraded data contract sometime over the weekend though, set that in motion as a contingency in case what is currently happening to me happened and I had no clear idea when my internet was going to come back, small benefit of the current phone plan I have, I can actually flex what I pay and get varying amounts of data in return.

    That is about all the writing energy my body can provide me today, but at least this means I have written something mid-week rather than waiting till the weekend, which I am definitely taking as a plus. Thank you for reading this edition of the Redundancy Review, wherever you are I hope you are dealing with less shit than I am, and that the weekend on the horizon looks to be a relaxing one for you.

  • Redundancy Review: Day 152-158, “A Not So Good Writing Week”

    (for context on what this series is, please see my Day 1 post here: Redundancy Review: Day 1, “A New Beginning” – Rosalia Rambles)

    Good morning puppies and kittens, welcome to me trying to catch up for a week of not writing in a post that covers day 152 to 158 of Rosalia Rambles Redundancy Review.

    Yup.

    This week has not been a productive week at all for writing. Taking into account work stress, personal stress, regular depression, seasonal depression, adjusting to my antidepressant medication,  and somehow getting a migraine even though I am not prone to them, there was very little time to sit down and write after completing daily activities alongside decompression time.

    And I feel perfectly okay with this.

    In the past I would have experienced an extreme amount of guilt over this fact, feeling as if I had failed as a writer due to not being able to keep to a regular posting schedule which forms the basis of my writing practice, working towards my goal of being able to make a living out of this passion.

    But I feel good, possibly down to the sertraline kicking in properly removing the sluggishness I had been experiencing as part of the adjustment period, leaving me feeling less physically tired today than I have been during the week. There is still a degree of “existential tiredness” as I call it, less a physical state of exhaustion and more feeling worn out by my current routine.

    That said, yesterday was actually one of my best work days in a while. I was actually able to find my rhythm in my tasks and get a substantial chunk of work done in a day, something I had found a great deal of struggle in earlier in the week. Stuff would get chunked down throughout the week as I was still on shift, but I ended the day feeling behind the curve on what I had set out to do.

    I am still taking steps to change my current situation, there are a handful of jobs I need to apply for over the weekend that sound right up my alley, and even outside of that the fact I have found my rhythm in working again should mean that the days go by quicker than before, pushing me towards more exciting events in my life such as my birthday, Christmas, and the obligatory Christmas break where I can find time to indulge in all sorts of gaming activities as I finally have proper, uninterrupted rest.

    There is still much on the horizon that I could worry about, but, I find myself oddly at peace right now…

    …god antidepressants are great, it has actually been so damn long since I have had this level of stability. 

    Suppose I should actually do a proper review segment today as well to make the most of this energy, and there has been something in the back of my mind I have wanted to discuss on the Redundancy Review ever since my partner and I watched it together on the sofa, the final race of Umamusume: Pretty Derby Season 2.

    Spoilers ahead for Umamusume: Pretty Derby Season 2, so uh, look away if you care about horse girls

    Still with me? Rad, time to embed the clip in.

    Small bit of admin before I get into this, I do not endorse Crunchyroll as a service, especially after they have swapped their subtitle company to one that heavily advertises the use of AI in their transcription services. Localisation is an art form that is extremely underappreciated and the use of AI in this area leaves a lot of nuance to be lost from the delicate fine tuning a skilled human localisation specialist can provide.

    However, this is the best clip I could find on Youtube of the “Miracle Run” as it is called, Tokai Teio’s final race after a series of injuries, hurdles, and setbacks. Throughout this season there are several moments where Teio is told she will not be able to race the same way as she used to, and whilst she has moments of victory, there is still a lot of difficulty in trying to run to the standard she wants to be.

    This is likened and contrasted with the struggles of her friend, Mejiro McQueen, who has developed a muscular disorder that also threatens to end her career as a professional racer for fear of losing her mobility entirely. Teio uses this as fuel on her journey to win the Arima Kinen, a race where fans vote on the participants.

    What the clip does not show is the preamble before the final stretch, Teio is close to the rear of the pack, not being able to make up positions as her trainer, teammates, and fans all wonder if she is now truly past her prime as an elite horse girl…

    …right up until the moment where she starts zooming through the competition, moving up several positions as the commentator says:

    “Tokai Teio is moving up!”

    And pauses.

    “Tokai Teio is moving up?!”

    Everyone was surprised by Teio being able to run like she used to, taking over several similarly skilled competitors, right up until she gets behind Biwa Hayahide, acknowledging the amount of strain her body is under as she flashes back to the challenges she has faced over the season, several moments where she could have quit for good.

    And as she builds up for the final spurt, McQueen, her trainer, and her idol Symboli Rudolf all egg her on to give it her all. Several other fans all encourage her, including the doctor who told her she might never be able to run the same way again,  seeing a legend be made in real time in front of them, as Tokai Teio, someone who has not step foot on a racetrack in over a year, wins the Arima Kinen.

    Being real, the entire Season 2 of Umamusume made both me and my partner cry at a lot of different moments – especially when being presented with Teio’s struggles. There is a moment in the tenth episode where footage is shown of Twin Turbo winning a race for her to dedicate it to Teio in the hopes she would run again, which is followed by all of Teio’s friends encouraging her not to quit as well, eventually leading to the events of the miracle run.

    We bawled our eyes out at that scene, as we both found relatedness in Teio’s struggles of feeling like she was not good enough no matter how hard she tried to overcome her challenges. In general watching Umamusume is way more emotional that either of us realised, we got super invested in all of the character’s arcs across all three seasons currently released in a way that caught us completely off guard. There is a surprising amount of emotion in an anime about reincarnated horse girls racing together.

    As always, need a thumbnail when I am talking about a video, and got this pretty decent screengrab from the clip above of Team Spica and their trainer cheering on Teio. 

    My favourite out of the bunch is Daiwa Scarlet, which is the orange-haired one with the tiara. She has such a cool design and I always find her rivalry with Vodka to be entertaining.

    Good to see I can still write after being out of practice for so long, and that will do it all for today’s edition of the Redundancy Review. Thank you very much for reading. Wherever you are I hope you are able to enjoy the weekend and recover from whatever might have brought you down during the week.

    Go watch Umamusume: Pretty Derby through your streaming method of choice.

  • Redundancy Review: Day 147, “Dreams”

    (for context on what this series is, please see my Day 1 post here: Redundancy Review: Day 1, “A New Beginning” – Rosalia Rambles)

    Good morning dreamers and nappers, welcome to Day 147 of Rosalia Rambles Redundancy Review.

    Something I miss a lot from my recent experiences with stress is that I have not been having any dreams lately, which makes me a bit sad honestly – not that I can really remember most of what happens in my dreams anyway due to not keeping a dream journal, but the ability to go inside of my mind for a sensory experience before my alarm goes off to rouse me out of sleep is something I oddly enjoy.

    Still capable of having nightmares though, though admittedly they are as infrequent as my dreams right now which is relieving. Specifically when it comes to having nightmares I can struggle to differentiate between what happened in the dream and what happened in real life, something that has actually led me to believing what happened in the nightmare before I snap myself out of it.

    My fascination with dreaming most likely comes from my love of stories, the idea that I can go to sleep with the ability to experience an almost nonsensical story produced by the random thoughts my sleeping brain comes up with has a strange appeal to it.

    But, as usual with me being a writer, the title has a double meaning, as I want to ramble about what my dreams are in an aspirational sense, and why despite the fact they feel so far away right now, I want to keep working towards them. This is partially inspired by a conversation I had with a friend over lunch about my current situation in relation to job searching, personal pursuits, and life in general.

    Let me start with the obvious one: writing. I would love to be able to make it as a writer somehow, either as a freelancer with reliably stable regular gigs with clients who love what I do or as an in-house dedicated copywriter for some kind of digital agency, though I know in this current economy that is one hell of an ask, especially given my minimal experience as a formal copywriter. Plenty of examples and instances throughout my career, just harder to sell than someone who has been doing it a lot longer than I.

    It would also be nice if I could monetise Rambles in some way, which I sort of already do with commissions (contact me for commission rates, I would be happy to work on anything you like (yes anything)), but that is also a similarly tall task to make it support all of my expenses.

    For now though, Rambles is my creative outlet, something to keep my mind active and my skills honed against the tide of AI-generated content. Hopefully when my life calms down a bit I will be able to write more fiction and get to some of the more in-depth pieces I always promised myself I would create.

    My dreams are not limited to writing though, some of them are logical, some of them are… a little more esoteric.

    I would love to make my own card game one day. I have grown up playing all sorts of tabletop games, from starting out with Warhammer 40k in my local library, to being introduced to the GOATed deckbuilder that is Star Realms, before I was finally brought down to the gutter when I got into Magic: the Gathering back in 2017. Like most people who spent their time playing those sorts of games, I have ideas and concepts I would love to bring to life one day, from translating the concept of a fighting game to cardboard to making my own deckbuilder themed around aerial combat.

    There is also the concept of “dream cosplays” I would love to do. Obviously Shiori Novella from Hololive English is still right up there, especially given the events of this year where a commissioner severely let me down, but there is also Princess Rosalina from Super Mario Galaxy, the character who (sort of) gave me my name and acted as one of my first egg-cracking moments. So many amazing outfits I would love to wear and goof around in, making both my current self and my inner child extremely happy.

    And finally, the more esoteric one, well, at least it feels esoteric to me.

    I would love to learn how to dance.

    Not just any style of dance – I would love to learn how to dance like my idols in Hololive.

    Whenever a concert comes around, whenever one of the Holomems has a chance to perform live on stage, I watch their dances with fascination and glee, hoping one day I could learn to dance like that myself. Admittedly this did not start with Hololive, as this fascination dates all the way back to when I listened to Luka Luka Night Fever for the first time, but the interest in idol dances definitely ramped up with discovering Hololive.

    Which perfectly leads into what I want to discuss for today’s VTuesday, the first ever full cross-generation Hololive song: Shiny Smily Story, specifically the “call & response practice” version the main channel posted before 4th fes.

    The description does not lie. This is the idol song that represents Hololive, and even as new anthems for different fes and events come along, there will always be something incredibly special about what this song represents, either it be the highs of talents coming together to spread the joy of Hololive, or the inevitable lows that come alongside a graduation where a music box version of this song is used as backing over clips of significant moments.

    Reason I chose this version specifically as this is the most recent posting of the full version with subtitled lyrics, there is a version from when the song was first released back in 2020 but I have always felt a greater resonance with the translated lyrics in this version, so it is the interpretation I want to use for analysis.

    One of the first thing that catches me attention with these lyrics is the use of digital terminology as part of some of the verses, really playing with the fact that Hololive is an agency of virtual idols, examples including:

    “I tweaked the settings of my quivering heart

    So that I wouldn’t feel scared”

    “As I go, I’ll hit delete

    On any thoughts of giving up”

    I always love when Hololive, and hell VTubers in general, really lean into the digital space they occupy, utilising the unique nature of the medium to do interesting things, and small, cute little references to their own digital medium are very sweet.

    The next part I want to talk about is the bridge before the final chorus, and the other main inspiration behind the subject of today’s article. When I first read these lyrics all the way back in 2023, I felt myself tear up a little bit at their meaning, and honestly even two years later I still get misty eyed reading them:

    “I wanna take the stage I’ve dreamed of at last

    Shine with colors no one else has

    Cry my eyes out once in a while

    Get back up again with a smile

    Share the futures that we can see

    Make our dreams a reality

    It’s make or break

    Come on and take a leap of faith”

    There is so much meaning to me in these lyrics, both for what I see in my oshi Holomems and what I can see in myself. 

    For the former meaning, being able to perform on stage can be the realisation of a long-standing dream, with the bright & bold colours of their idol outfit on full display. It can be a long journey, one that will be marked with sadness and hardship, but should never be given up on, because there is a future where that journey pays off, and all the previous hard times show that you have made it, whatever leaps of faith taken paid off in the end.

    And as for the latter meaning?

    Well, I think I ended up summarising what it means for me when I talked about the idol journey above, with just a few context tweaks it becomes more personal to me.

    I know my long-term future is good, because I have the drive and work ethic to deliver what my future needs. There will be hurdles, roadblocks, and stumbles galore, but so long as I can roll with the punches and trust where my feet will land with each step, I am certain I will make it.

    There is not actually much else I want to say about SSS, that bridge covers practically everything else I could say about the song. Through highs, lows, positives, negatives, the dream will always be there.

    Do need a thumbnail though…

    Yeah, best fox friend will work.

    That will cover everything for today, and good timing cause it is almost 10pm here – damn work schedule. Thank you for reading today’s edition of the Redundancy Review. Wherever you are I hope you are able to relax and look forward to the rest of your week. 

  • Redundancy Review: Day 144, “Been in worse beds”

    (for context on what this series is, please see my Day 1 post here: Redundancy Review: Day 1, “A New Beginning” – Rosalia Rambles)

    Good morning bed bugs and dust mites, welcome to Day 144 of Rosalia Rambles Redundancy Review.

    Sleep was a rough time for me last night, the hotel bed is comfy enough for sitting up in to write and watch TV but was lacking when it came to actually settle down. The pillows did not offer much support, the mattress is too firm for my tastes, and I forgot to bring a plushie with me to cuddle as I slept.

    It was at least a single bed, meaning I did not have to sleep in a space larger than what I needed, which would make me miss my partner more than I already do.

    Silly, in a way. We spend so much time together that it should, in theory, be easy for me to be away for a couple days – especially considering we were long distance for two and a half years with very infrequent visits for the majority of that time period. 

    But I am most definitely someone who struggles without him, which partially drives some of my recent fear, paranoia, and catastrophising. I am terrified of losing the life we have built together through any period of sustained joblessness on my part, especially because I would be absolutely loathe to move back in with my parents. Not because I do not like them – our relationship has actually improved massively over recent years – but because it would represent a major stumble in my path forward.

    Everything I have I view as the product of all the hard work I have put in over the last five years, and me of five years ago would never imagine in her wildest dreams that she would have any of what she has today. “Where do you see yourself in five years?” is such a bizarre question to me because outside of a few key moments, none of this I could have predicted or planned for.

    So as I slowly lose my relationship with the work that has enabled my current lifestyle, I find fear creeping in that I will lose everything, which I can recognise is catastrophising because I have proof I can minimise my lifestyle to a sustainable degree, and even if I was unable to find full time work, there are options I would be able to take.

    Making a change is hard, and even as I take the required steps to try enact that change in myself, I find myself struggling to keep the momentum going. For all my talk of “I will make it”, there is a fear deep within me that I will be in this pain forever.

    But I will make it.

    This is only temporary, despite everything my mind is telling me.

    Sometimes, a moment’s peace is all I need, which segues me nicely into the review topic.

    For all the problems I had with the hotel bed, there is one thing this room has that I very rarely encounter in hotels: a bath.

    There is a certain appeal I find in taking a bath, sure it might be lovingly described as “soaking in your own filth” by some, but the ability to immerse yourself in a tub of warm water to soothe your aching muscles, lift the weight off your shoulder, and weld together the broken parts of your soul once more is something I will always take advantage of.

    This bath was surprisingly accommodating to my height as well, being someone above six feet tall there are a lot of baths that force me to hunch up my legs if I want to get myself properly inside. Whilst I could not fully lay flat in the bath, this one was long enough for me to stretch my legs out and get just below my shoulders submerged in the water.

    Additionally, I went to Waitrose before the bath to grab some supplies for the evening, which included two bottles of low-alcohol cider, one of which was the accompaniment to my bath.

    Soaking in the water, stretching my legs out, and sipping a crisp apple cider put me at peace like nothing else has in recent weeks. My mind felt quiet, and even though the bath lasted a relatively short twenty minutes, that period of time was absolute bliss.

    That covers everything for today, I should probably consider getting ready for Metal Gear tonight. Thank you for reading today’s edition of the Redundancy Review. Wherever you are I hope you are able to enjoy your Saturday, take it easy, have a good drink in the company of great people.

  • Redundancy Review: Day 130-131, “Clarity From Separation”

    Redundancy Review: Day 130-131, “Clarity From Separation”

    (for context on what this series is, please see my Day 1 post here: Redundancy Review: Day 1, “A New Beginning” – Rosalia Rambles)

    Good morning examiners and invigilators, welcome to Day 130 and 131 of Rosalia Rambles Redundancy Review.

    The moment I thought I could return to a reasonable schedule for posting, a short holiday took me out of the rhythm once more – although it was definitely a needed break.

    Specifically my partner and I took a whirlwind trip down to Swansea in South Wales, close to where he originally came to me from, with the trip itself having two main purposes:

    1. Visiting a local game shop down south to participate in an Official Hololive Card Game event
    2. Going out for a meal with my partner’s parents

    Outside of those two main objectives, having time away from my current situation in a city I have never been to before to try clear my head was my own personal objective. It was not my intention to have a career crisis before this holiday, but it oddly lined up that I needed to take some time away.

    Swansea is specifically a coastal city, and it has been an… extremely long time since I have got to see the ocean, to feel the sea breeze push against my face as my nostrils fill with the oddly satisfying scent of salt water. I did not even realise I had been missing it until it hit me once more, and it contributed massively to clearing my head.

    Over the last couple of days, I have talked with both my own parents and my partner’s parents about my career situation, explaining what I have been feeling and what I feel like my current options are. The result of these two conversations were largely the same, reminding me that I am extraordinarily lucky to have a job in today’s job market, but understanding that I might want to find more purpose within my life.

    My partner’s parents emphasised to me that I have had a lot of lived experience in regards to mental health problems and the awareness that develops from that experience, which I could use in combination with my transferable skills honed within the technology industry to advance into an administration position of sorts within either civil service or the charity sector…

    …which, yes, lines up with what I have been talking about in previous editions of the Redundancy Review, helping to cement that my feelings are valid, and that the main task I need to work on now is rounding out my skillset even further to be able to demonstrate I can enter into these roles.

    The time away also helped me define the “why” of this line of thinking, and it is a very simple reason: purpose.

    I feel I have lost my sense of purpose in life, primarily in the wake of my redundancy. The Redundancy Review has helped me keep a sense of personal purpose in mind, especially as I explore my psyche in each edition, and whilst I really enjoy getting to write these pieces, I have sort of come to accept that this website represents a living portfolio more than something that actually makes me money – which I am okay with, even though I would love to be able to support myself via writing.

    But this means I need to do a fair bit of soul-searching in order to find a new professional purpose, something that can pay my bills but also provide me with a good degree of satisfaction. Something that I leave on Friday feeling I have made a positive impact on the world by what I have been doing, and feel excited to wake up for it all again on Monday.

    It will take a while to find something like that for me, and there will be even more difficulties along the way, but I know I will make it through… I keep saying that a lot recently, possibly as an affirmation to myself to keep myself going.

    I will make it. 

    One way or another.

    Time to get to the review segment, and it is actually going to be a somewhat personal one. As part of my Swansea trip, my partner and I went exploring shortly after arriving to find a cafe or something for lunch. A fair few places my partner wanted to show me had closed down since he moved away but in our search, we came across a small Ukrainian cafe called Ruta.

    As a part of personal trivia, my grandad was Ukrainian, specifically from Lviv. He died when I was not even one year old, so I never really knew him, and growing up I never really had much exposure to Ukrainian cuisine, which drew me into wanting to try Ruta out, and specifically going for a traditional Ukrainian dish.

    The one I chose to try was called Zrazy, a potato-based dough shaped into a patty before being stuffed with minced chicken and cheese, topped with stewed mushrooms and served with sour cream.

    There is a lot I could say here.

    I could talk about how the potato dough was perfectly soft, or how the seasoning on the filling was perfect, or how the sour cream was the ideal accompaniment to this dish.

    But I want to relate this dish to what I mentioned about never knowing my grandad or having any exposure to Ukrainian cuisine.

    Despite that lack of connection, from the first bite I took… this dish tasted like home. It was wholesome, comforting, and filling. It might be a bit dramatic to say each bite healed my soul a little bit; but it genuinely did feel like that, it was a taste of a heritage I never experienced. 

    And it was extremely reasonably priced at £7.99, so like, even outside of the spiritual experience it was an economical choice for lunch as well. My partner and I intend to return to Swansea to enjoy more of the city, and I want to return to Ruta to explore even more traditional Ukrainian cuisine.

    Heck, I even want to learn how to cook Zrazy now to build that spiritual connection even more.

    That will do it for today though, thank you for reading today’s edition of the Redundancy Review. Wherever you are I hope you are able to relax before Monday is upon us once more, I know I am nervous to return to work after my stress leave, but I come back with a clearer head and wanting to push myself towards a better tomorrow.