Rosalia Rambles

Tag: mental-health

  • Redundancy Review: Day 54, “Rebuilding my world”

    Redundancy Review: Day 54, “Rebuilding my world”

    (for context on what this series is, please see my Day 1 post here: Redundancy Review: Day 1, “A New Beginning” – Rosalia’s Rambles)

    Good morning terraformers and landscapers, welcome to Day 54 of Rosalia Rambles Redundancy Review.

    Yesterday was a seriously good day for me, like… it was the first day in a while that I felt extremely relaxed without the assistance of anything that influences my mood. I had a good burger brunch at Wimpy, I came home and played games with friends including an utterly cracked time at the Arch-Tempered Uth Duna Free Challenge Quest in Monster Hunter Wilds (that is a mouthful), and finished off the day with a lovely takeaway followed by a long cuddle session with my partner.

    It was genuinely the first day since I lost my job that made me feel complete again. Frequent readers of the Redundancy Review will be familiar with my usage of the phrase:

    “I feel as if my world has collapsed.”

    Which was how I felt for the majority of the time that I have been writing the review. My sense of familiarity had shattered with the loss of my job and my worldview has been shifting & changing since that point to accompany that. 

    In that regard, I feel I have grown a little more cynical than I was before. For all my struggles with burnout & stress in my previous roles, I had always tried to see myself as an optimistic idealist who was willing to go the extra mile: putting in more time, saying yes to almost anything, and pushing myself beyond my limit to get the job done.

    And in return, I got hung out to dry by a board of investors I only knew the name of through stalking the company on Companies House. All that effort and dedication yielded a great amount of personal development, but I still had to start from scratch until this contracting role came across my plate.

    But I now accept myself for being more cynical, as this is most likely not going to be the first time I see a company heading into the shit in real-time. No matter where the wind takes me I will still give it my full-effort, just without dedicating my heart and soul to a role knowing it could all fall apart as fast as it came to me.

    In a way, I have finished grieving for what I had in the past, and with that grief being processed I am starting to rebuild my world bit-by-bit, working towards the person I want to be again with a newfound sense of purpose & belonging. 

    It has helped me come to terms with my love-hate relationship with routine as well, along with redefining how I want to feel on a daily basis. Up until now, I had been aiming for a “happy medium” in a way, seeking out stability rather than letting myself experience intense emotions. In hindsight, this led to me suppressing a lot of how I felt on certain days which then led into intense negative emotions coming out more than anything.

    Highs and lows are all part of life, and instability is not inherently a bad thing, especially if troughs are outweighed by the peaks. It is okay to be sad, and letting myself process this sadness is what I should be aiming for rather than trying to recover back to a middle point.

    All this thought has reminded me that I had a severe mental breakdown in November last year due to work. The stress and strain of my new role slash responsibilities weighed down on me heavily to the point that I had no amount of focus to actually do my job, leading to me being put off work for a week to recover. That week was spent doing not a whole lot of anything, my main goal being to wake up and stare at the wall for a bit.

    After that point, my craving for the happy middle point started, and that I feel did more harm than good for me. I should have let myself feel sad, to reckon with my stress rather than wanting to hide it away… I also probably should have taken more than a week off and more like a month, but hindsight is a wonderful thing.

    Now I am in an entirely new chapter, and so long as I keep track of myself, however hard that might be, it is whatever I write in this chapter that will become my truth.

    That was an intense amount of self-reflection, if still in my signature rambling style, but now it is time for the review, and well, doing a food review yesterday was so nice – I just have to do it twice! That is right, it is time for another episode of…

    Rosa Eats Her Way Around Shrewsbury!

    Though with a slightly different flavour this time around, as for the majority of these review subjects it has been me going to a sit-down location and having a meal. This time we are venturing into as yet unexplored territory but one I have been meaning to branch out into for a while: a takeaway review.

    For a bit of background, there are a large number of what I refer to as “kebab burger pizza houses” in the UK. Takeaway establishments that do not really specialise in anything and instead offer everything.

    You want a greasy pizza to forget a long week? Done.

    You craving a low-quality burger to fill you up after a train journey? Sorted.

    You require a doner kebab to soak up a night of boozing? No problem boss.

    And there is a local joint simply called “Hyper” close to me that completely reshifted my perspective on how good a doner kebab can be.

    A large doner kebab from Hyper sets you back £9.49, and as you can see from the pictures, they certainly do not skimp on the portion size or the salad, though it is what lies underneath the salad that makes this particular kebab stand out.

    Whatever Hyper do to their doner meat makes it stand out beyond compare to other doner kebabs I have had… minus Shawarma King in Glasgow but they are in a league of their own honestly. It is perfectly seasoned, the shaved strips of meat do not disintegrate once they are placed onto the naan, and they remain perfectly juicy throughout – the addition of hot chilli sauce and garlic mayo only making it more of a greasy, heavenly treat.

    The fact they use naan instead of the standard pitta bread that most kebab burger pizza houses do also deserves a highlight. Perfectly crispy, able to hold up to much more pressure and ingredients than a hollowed out piece of pitta, making the bread an integral part of the experience rather than just serving as a doner delivery device.

    Pictured also are the sides my partner and I decided to get alongside our meal: chicken strips and mozzarella sticks. For all the praise I heap on Hyper, the reason chips are not pictured here is because the chips they serve are mid-tier as fuck, and often leave us dissatisfied more than anything else.

    That said, the sides are perfectly serviceable but nothing entirely special to write home about either. No awards to be won by either but still delicious all the same.

    Expect more takeaway reviews in future, enjoying good food is a major part of my life and I want to be able to share the joy I experience in trying things both new and old on this page.

    Thank you for reading today’s edition of the Redundancy Review. I hope you enjoy a sleepy Sunday wherever you are and the impending Monday blues do not get you down too much.

  • Redundancy Review: Day 53, “Chill Time”

    Redundancy Review: Day 53, “Chill Time”

    (for context on what this series is, please see my Day 1 post here: Redundancy Review: Day 1, “A New Beginning” – Rosalia’s Rambles)

    Good morning hyperboreans and ice climbers, welcome to Day 53 of Rosalia Rambles Redundancy Review.

    Birthday party for my friend went extremely well yesterday, and I am going to include a picture of the picnic-ish spread I put together below.

    So the bread and coleslaw are homemade with everything else being from the three for £8 deli/picnic section of M&S which made for a pretty diverse range of items included on the table. The bread went down an absolute treat as well, pairing perfectly with a bit of salted butter or a splash of my special “bread dipper” oil, vinegar, and oregano mixture.

    The Magic: the Gathering section of the night went by incredibly fun as well, despite the bodge job format we created being a little jank with good pulls opened by all – even if the main hangout bit only lasted three hours due to my energy levels plummeting off a cliff the moment the game ended.

    Which leads into how I am feeling today, that being extraordinarily relaxed without having imbibed any of my CBD gummies to reach this state of zen, and I honestly do not know what specifically to attribute it to.

    Is it the fact I exhausted my social energy after a somewhat hectic week?

    Is it me being comfy in my own space when a week ago I was up in Scotland?

    Is it just my mind finally giving me a break and letting me rest without feeling guilty about it?

    It could be any of those factors, but the main point is feeling relaxed and not having any major stresses coming in my direction currently.

    Times like these do give me a chance to think though, and in something that feels hard to do in today’s climate, think towards the future. The world is in a fucked up place for a lot of different reasons, which makes it hard to make plans for the future when everything feels hopeless.

    But even as it does, I still find myself wanting to move forward. To find a better tomorrow and work towards it, especially as a trans person in the UK. It seems like every day the ruling class wants to fuck us specifically, and every day I will find a way to continue living my truth and my best life – be it through pushing myself further into social deviance, looking for ways to support those who need it, or even just stubbornly refusing to bow to pressure and keep existing out of sheer spite alone.

    As someone who once did not think she would find happiness and had a limited life expectancy beyond the age of twenty, I consider each day of life I have lived past the point I thought I was done a gift. Through hardship, doubt, and pain, I will keep moving on and writing this story.

    No matter what.

    But, now it is time to come to the review, and this time we return to one of my favourite topics. That is right, it is time for another exciting episode of:

    Rosa Eats Her Way Around Shrewsbury!

    When it comes to my food reviews, I have gone here, there, and everywhere thus far but one of the most common threads between all of my food reviews is the humble burger. I have had cafe burgers, restaurant burgers, and fast food burgers, but there is one place in town that I have a particular soft spot for that I have not talked about until today.

    Yup, I am talking about Wimpy today.

    Wimpy is a well-established fast food burger chain in the UK, claiming that they were the first to serve hamburger based meals all the way back in 1954,having celebrated their 70th anniversary last year as part of this history. It was only fairly recently that I have started going to Wimpy, and in the beginning I did initially have misgivings over the prices. 

    It eventually found a spot in my heart, and it is a place I return to for simple comfort whenever I need it.

    Went out to Wimpy today for an early burger breakfast/brunch as I had found myself craving their specific brand of food, with me ordering a meal of Double Original Quarterpounder Cheese with chips and a coffee thick shake. 

    The thick shakes I have a particular fondness for, as the price of £4.50 for the amount you get in a glass and how incredibly dense they are, lasting well into my meal and beyond. The hit of coffee in this particular one is also fantastic, providing a much-needed burst of caffeine into my system early in the morning.

    Shortly after ordering, my food came out.

    Now, you might be wondering, why does this plate scratch an itch for me? On the surface it does not look anything spectacular, and in all honesty, there is not much glitz or glamour here. The chips are your standard fast food fries, crispy with a little hit of salt, and the burger is two patties with a processed cheese slice each, shredded onions & lettuce, and the special sauce in a floury bap.

    But that is exactly why it satisfies me so much, because it evokes so much simplicity. It reminds me of food from a burger van at a local fun fair or school fete BBQ, the most no-frills meat imaginable prepared plainly brings me an immense amount of comfort due to that oddly nostalgic feeling.

    It is a vibe I get whenever I visit Wimpy’s, especially later in the day when they turned the music on and it is a nonstop roll of hits from the 80s whilst I eat food that reminds me of simpler times, the perfect mood to set up for the day of relaxation I have had today.

    That will cover everything for today. Thank you for reading this edition of the Redundancy Review, I hope you have a good day wherever you are and can take it easy this weekend.

    For more information on Wimpy, visit their website here: https://wimpy.uk.com/ 

  • Redundancy ‘Review’: Day 52, “Party Time!”

    Redundancy ‘Review’: Day 52, “Party Time!”

    (for context on what this series is, please see my Day 1 post here: Redundancy Review: Day 1, “A New Beginning” – Rosalia’s Rambles)

    Good morning revellers and ravers, welcome to Day 52 of Rosalia Rambles Redundancy Review.

    It is a good friend of mine’s birthday today, and considering the last two years I have not been able to celebrate their birthday properly with them, I am putting a fair bit of effort into hosting a party of sorts for them.

    Went out and bought a bunch of picnic snacky bits, got plenty of drinks, and even made a loaf of bread which is going to be the subject of today’s review… yes I am reviewing something I baked myself, I have thoughts on how it went and also it is my website I can blow my own trumpet if I want to.

    We are also going to be doing a small Magic: the Gathering event with some Edge of Eternity pre-release kits I picked up a week or so back. Considering the time we are starting it is not going to be a proper sealed event, so we are doing a sort of bodge job Commander sealed instead, which should be pretty fun.

    Sent off my first invoice for my contracting work yesterday as well, which gave me an idea of how much my labour is actually paying me and… being honest, so long as I can keep my stress levels in check, I can see myself comfortably seeing out the end of this contract which would give me plenty of time to see how life will change in the meantime.

    And at the very least, I now have a very decent nest egg to take with me to my convention trip in September, which considering that has been my goal for the majority of the year should be an extremely good time to relax, cut loose, and be a big nerd for a weekend.

    So, as mentioned previously, my review subject today is the loaf of bread I baked for my friend.

    On pure looks alone, this has honestly turned out incredibly sexy. It has a perfectly crunchy crust on top and whilst the bottom is a little craggly and overly coated in flour, for a first attempt I think it turned out pretty good.

    The basis that I used for making this loaf was a Basics With Babish video where he goes through Jim Lahey’s No-Knead bread technique, mixing together flour, water, yeast, and salt before leaving it to ferment for twenty-four hours to make a very inflated and sticky dough.

    Despite the fact it rose a lot within the bowl during the fermentation process, it did turn out flatter than I anticipated, which I am not sure to attribute to the technique I used, the overly long fermentation time, or not properly folding/proofing my dough after I had taken it out of the bowl.

    That said, after cutting a tiny piece off and sharing it with my partner, I suddenly understand why everyone says that homemade bread ruins all other breads for you – it was absolutely delicious for how simple of a technique it was to get together.

    It was definitely a good first foray into bread baking as well, and considering one of my goals this year is to make a ciabatta loaf, I think I made the right first step.

    Thank you for reading this bread-based edition of the Redundancy Review. Wherever you are I hope you are able to relax this weekend and enjoy some good food.

    Here’s the video I used for my bread loaf as well:

  • Redundancy Review: Day 51, “Obsessing Over Numbers”

    (for context on what this series is, please see my Day 1 post here: Redundancy Review: Day 1, “A New Beginning” – Rosalia’s Rambles)

    Good morning statisticians and actuaries, welcome to Day 51 of Rosalia Rambles Redundancy Review.

    Being a writer can suck sometimes, especially when you have self-esteem issues.

    I am someone who obsesses over the view count on my articles however small they currently are. I still want to write every day, as both practice and to keep this living record of how I feel post-redundancy, but, seeing low view counts definitely do hamper my enthusiasm sometimes.

    Especially when WordPress fucks up and I have an article that is currently displaying zero views on my dashboard, despite having testimony from a friend that they have read it.

    A thicker skin is something I definitely need to develop if I want to keep at this, or just, internalising that it is okay that my journey being written down is enough, and whether it is one person or one-hundred people who read it, I still wrote my story – even if it is glory-free.

    It is not even notoriety I am after when it comes to pursuing writing. I am a homebody who likes nothing more than quiet nights of video games, pizza, and cuddling my partner, fame is not something I aspire to. Do not even really want to say fortune is something I aspire to either.

    But, I would love to be able to make my way in this world with writing as my profession, even more so in the GenAI age where companies are implementing this useless technology into anything they can think of all the while promoting an anti-human sentiment. GenAI does not democratise art, only allowing those with a resentment for the creative process to “make” something of themselves.

    I still strive to make my personal brand of writing based on vulnerability and openness. Utilising emotions that a machine could never hope to understand to write a continuous tale of navigating a world dominated by slop.

    Unrelated, one of the working titles I had for this series was “Jobless Journal” which better fits what I am using it for, but also would fit worse considering I am employed as a contractor right now – plus Redundancy Review matches alliteratively with the website title which is so good considering alliteration is my favourite literary device.

    Anyway, I am getting distracted, and I need to do the review which was sort of requested by my friend Aaron again but not really, so I am not adding it to his tab with me.

    After I compared the M&S British Sparkling Apple to Apple Tango in yesterday’s review, he asked if M&S had their own equivalent to Orange Tango, a drink I have a much more positive opinion of due to it being a bit more natural as far as processed soft drinks go in it having real sugar.

    So, I went back to M&S today to see what they had on offer, and saw cans of “Brazilian Sparkling Orange” in the same spot I had found the other cans, so decided to give them a go.

    Same price as the apple cans at £1.25, and whilst the intensity of the orange flavour is lesser compared to how intense the apple flavour was, it is still cool, refreshing, and way more natural tasting than other orange-flavoured soft drinks on the market.

    What is definitely the positive common theme amongst the two M&S cans so far is how clean the flavour is compared to how reasonable the price is for a quick soft drink hit. £1.25 can get you a 500ml bottle of any leading fizzy drink at a corner or convenience shop in the UK which will hit the spot, but would nowhere near the satisfaction that the 330ml M&S gives for the same price.

    If you are somehow passing by an M&S foodhall on a hot day, I definitely recommend any of the cans I have reviewed thus far. There is also a Sicilian lemon can to try but I think I will hold off on drink reviews for a day or two.

    Thank you for reading this rambly, ranty, and refreshment themed edition of the Redundancy Review. Take the time to relax and walk away from the screen if you need it, nothing good comes from staying glued to a monitor if you are frustrated.

  • Redundancy Review: Day 50, “Rubber Ducking Myself”

    (for context on what this series is, please see my Day 1 post here: Redundancy Review: Day 1, “A New Beginning” – Rosalia’s Rambles)

    Good morning muscovies and mallards, welcome to Day 50 of Rosalia Rambles Redundancy Review.

    My legs have finally seemed to recover from the walking and travel done over the weekend, but my brain is still in a state of fogginess – potentially due to the start of the month being on the horizon meaning my estrogen is due to start spiking any time now.

    Not going to stop me from doing the mental check-in segment of the review though, especially as I have come to realise that these segments each morning act as me trying to perform rubber duck debugging on my mind in real time.

    Outside of a few stomach-based complications, I felt incredibly relaxed over my time away. From sleeping for almost twelve hours on Friday in to Saturday to feeling at peace as I wandered around Glasgow by myself, not worrying about my commitments or responsibilities let my mind ease off and give me space to think about what that means.

    I tend to heap pressure on myself a lot for a wide variety of reasons, seeing myself as a provider to the people I love and that if I can not provide to those people then I have failed. In the case of monetary provision it leads to me pushing myself to the limit at work and ignoring the signals of my body to rest so I can continue to provide to whoever needs it, and in case of preparing meals for friends (one of the main ways I feel I can express love), everything needs to be perfect or else I feel like I have let both myself and others down.

    There is some positive sentiment I can extract from both of those flaws. My ability to go beyond the limits of my body means I can get stuff done even during the most intense struggles, even if it means a longer recovery, and my mental obsession over making food perfect has yielded massive improvements – I once did a roast beef that turned out so rough that I have committed to never failing a joint again, and thus far I have not.

    But feeling this pressure to succeed all the time makes me neurotic to some degree, especially because it is mostly self-imposed. My friends want to see me happy, and hopefully they do not concern themselves too much on how successful I am.

    One thing I want to try to get my mind out of this state is finding more hobbies to explore. I am going to be attempting bread baking on Friday as part of a friend’s birthday, but I feel I need something else to get me out of the cycle of working, gaming, eating, sleeping – as much as that cycle does give me some mental relief from how I feel some days.

    Routine is a double-edged sword for me in that regard. I crave the stability of routine for having something that gets me out of bed on time to stop me wallowing the day away, but at the same time, routine can get old very quickly for me which leads to boredom or chasing dopamine through various different means.

    Life will change, I just need to be ready to be the one to make the change.

    Another simple review topic today, discussing a recent find in the fridge section of Marks & Spencer (M&S) that took me by surprise due to its strong flavour at a reasonable price.

    When it comes to apple-based sparkling drinks my pick of choice is usually Apple Tango, which whilst satisfying does come with the caveat of tasting a little artificial due to it being sugar-free with the ability to taste the sucralose a little. This led to me being blown away by how strong of an apple flavour the M&S can has, with each sip reading very clearly as apple.

    Additionally, whilst M&S positions itself as a more luxurious choice of supermarket in the UK, there are plenty of products that are a similar price to alternatives but provide an overall nicer experience – with this can definitely being one of them. It is just £1.25 for this 330ml can from my local M&S, with a 500ml bottle of Apple Tango being available for a similar price elsewhere.

    The smaller volume provided by the M&S can is more than made up for with the flavour, along with carrying no artificial ingredients like sucralose, being simply made up of sparkling water, apple juice, and natural acids.

    It provides a refreshing kick on warmer days, and I am definitely going to be buying more.

    Thank you for reading the Redundancy Review today, I hope you can relax with your favourite drink of choice wherever you are, and that the Wednesday hump day is not bringing you down too much.

  • Redundancy Review: Day 49, “Slow Recovery”

    Redundancy Review: Day 49, “Slow Recovery”

    (for context on what this series is, please see my Day 1 post here: Redundancy Review: Day 1, “A New Beginning” – Rosalia’s Rambles)

    Good morning blacksmiths and armourers, welcome to Day 49 of Rosalia Rambles Redundancy Review.

    Going to be a streak maintainer one today more than anything else. I am still recovering from the amount of travel I had to do yesterday and the lack of sleep has caught up to me hard – to the point I took an unwanted nap after work which really derailed my plans.

    But it is Hololive Tuesday, and after the chaos of the VShojo implosion last week, I think it would be nice to talk about something simple.

    Bibi is the mascot of Tokayami Towa, of Hololive Japan 4th Generation. For a short bit of background, Towa is an extremely talented singer along with being somewhat cracked at first-person shooter games with Apex Legends being her area of choice. 

    For her one million subscribers merch back in 2022, she had a plushie of Bibi made, and this rotund blob not only found its way into my heart, but my partner’s heart as well. The image above is from the shelving unit in his room, it does not live on my greater Hololive display, it instead lives in his room cause he loves it so much.

    The plush is amazingly squishy, being able to be squeezed tight and return to its shape with minimal fussing, with its shape making it perfect to sit flat on shelves (or cushions in this case) without much worry of them falling over – an issue that plagues a surprisingly high number of Hololive plushies.

    This little bastard was one of my earliest merch purchases, and I am so glad it was…

    …the scalpers really put the price high on this one.

    Thank you for reading a shorter edition of the Redundancy Review. I am going to go rest my body.

    Visit Tokoyami Towa’s Youtube page by following this link: https://www.youtube.com/@TokoyamiTowa 

  • Redundancy Review: Day 45, “On the road again”

    (for context on what this series is, please see my Day 1 post here: Redundancy Review: Day 1, “A New Beginning” – Rosalia’s Rambles)

    Good morning wanderers and travellers, welcome to Day 45 of Rosalia Rambles Redundancy Review.

    This review comes from the seat of a National Express coach as I head towards Glasgow for the weekend to see my brother, sister-in-law, and nephew for the weekend.

    It was something I said I would do once my redundancy money came through, to make an effort to travel up north and spend some time with them since I have not really had a chance to do so after he moved up there.

    The issue was trying to find the right weekend, usually being occupied most of the time with one thing or another, but my redundancy initially presented an ideal opportunity to take some time away.

    I feel a lot better than I did yesterday, with my therapy session helping a lot in regards to organising my feelings and understanding specifically what they were – in a way, what I am still processing grief from my initial redundancy.

    Whilst my contract work is entirely within my remit and an industry I am familiar with; I no longer have the relatedness of my colleagues like I used to, along with a good chunk of the work feeling hollow compared to what I was doing before.

    Trying to disconnect myself from the role is helping to some degree, in that I am here to do what my terms stipulate and nothing more, but I do desire to return to something where I can exercise my passion properly.

    The idea of becoming a more permanent freelancer did come up during the discussion as well, that once this current contract ends do I feel I would do better throwing myself into companies as a free agent, never staying in one place too long for risk of becoming bored or complacent again.

    Part of this weekend is to do some soul searching away from home, using being in an unfamiliar place to do some proper thinking at the same time as not trying to think about work.

    How delightfully oxymoronic.

    Today’s review is going to be the exact spot I am sitting in, specifically, seat 2A of a National Express coach.

    I have a particular soft spot for coach travel over train travel. The former definitely takes a lot longer to reach my destination, but considering the prices of the latter in the UK, the extra time spent is well worth the savings in my opinion.

    Seat 2A is a lovely little tip I picked up from a travel blogger shortly after I had returned from a long coach trip last year, advising that reserving this seat provides extra legroom due to the assisted travel seat in front.

    Ever since I strive to book this seat. Being around six foot tall usually means my legs can get cramped in standard seats, but with this lovely tip I can stretch my legs out without disturbing whoever is sitting in front.

    It is especially good considering the length of my journey today, a lovely eleven and a bit hour stint with a handful of stops in-between. My Steam Deck is charged, my phone is loaded with music, and I got about a litre of coffee.

    Let’s rock.

    Thank you for reading this shorter travel themed Redundancy Review, I hope you can relax over the weekend and take whatever time you need for yourself to unwind. For me I am going to settle into my seat and absorb myself into my own world.

  • Redundancy ‘Review’: Day 44, “Hideaway”

    (for context on what this series is, please see my Day 1 post here: Redundancy Review: Day 1, “A New Beginning” – Rosalia’s Rambles)

    Good morning moles and voles, welcome to Day 44 of Rosalia Rambles Redundancy Review.

    Being upfront, writing is hard right now. A lot of things are hard right now. Having a major depression spike kicking my ass all day long is not helping my situation in the slightest either, leading to me wanting to spend my time alone and seeking out things that comfort me rather than improving my craft.

    That said, I actually did work on something for a friend last night which turned out to be a lot of fun. Got my creative juices flowing in a way that I have not experienced in a while as I tried to explore how the piece would be written in-universe, and ended up producing something I was personally happy with – time will tell though if it fits their expectations.

    My mood seems to flip-flop between numbness and irritability currently. I am either feeling completely dead to the world lying in bed waiting for time to pass or being extremely snippy to people over the smallest things, leading to me wanting to experience isolation over the risk of giving people the wrong impression.

    It has been about six hours since I started writing this, and I have not been able to commit to any amount of consistency today. I had a plan, but, it has all just seemed to evaporate over the day.

    I will probably find a thumbnail picture later on, but for now I want to post this just to keep the streak going. Thank you for reading if you did, please take care of yourself.

  • Redundancy Review: Day 43, “Still Here”

    Redundancy Review: Day 43, “Still Here”

    (for context on what this series is, please see my Day 1 post here: Redundancy Review: Day 1, “A New Beginning” – Rosalia’s Rambles)

    Good morning phantoms and spirits, welcome to Day 43 of Rosalia Rambles Redundancy Review.

    So the anxiety from yesterday has gone down, but in its place comes a resurgence of my depression – ended up needing a good cry over lunch in place of my usual walk to help things feel somewhat stable again.

    I am still here though, and honestly, that is one of the best things I can say in regards to my depression. Been suffering with it for over a decade at this point with me being able to definitively say that the worst of it is still behind me, even with everything that has gone on in the last few months.

    Transitioning helped ease a lot of the pain for sure, but also being able to do more things in my life that made me happy and building on the friendships I had let me move on from the moments in my past I am not massively proud of. I am thankful every day for the people who helped me through those days, whether I express it or not, because without them I would not have survived.

    But right now it feels like all I am doing is surviving, and not thriving. I mentioned yesterday that my position is “stable” right now, in terms of finances and continuation of my living situation, but at the same time, that stability feels like stagnation as well.

    In a way doing this contract role is me attempting to return to my comfort zone, that instead of soul-searching and feeling the pain of redundancy; I took the first opportunity out to return to some sense of normality. It provides continuity, but it does not entirely feel like I am satisfying the part of my brain that wants something new.

    I will persist though, at least for the time being. If I am smart with the pay this role is providing, my already robust safety net is built up further which would allow me to pursue potential projects that bring joy to my life, and embrace the lifestyle of an artist that I seem to crave on a spiritual level.

    Today’s review topic is actually one that has been requested of me by a friend. This is not a sponsored review as I paid out of pocket to review these two items, but Aaron, this one is for you. I am adding this to your tab of writing work you owe me for though.

    KFC have recently added two temporary items to their menu as part of a limited summer promotion: the Zinger Drip burger, and Zinger Drip wings, building on their “zinger” range of items that are supposed to be more spicy than usual. In my opinion the Zinger fillets have no real spice to them at all with the Supercharger sauce being what carries the heat, but the Zinger sauce is a new menu addition entirely.

    For this review I purchased a standalone Zinger Drip burger (without my usual addition of a hashbrown for “integrity”, I guess) and a portion of Zinger Drip wings which was a portion of three wings. Normally I would order a meal but my local KFC was out of Tango and there is no way in hell I am risking 7Up roulette.

    The items come in unique packaging as well, being a deep black with red accents to highlight the spicier than usual sauce the chicken comes in, though I have issues with the packaging the wings came in, along with the overall presentation of the wings themselves.

    Now, admittedly, I messed up the photo I took of the wings and it is out of focus – it still works for demonstrative purposes though as the sauce does not fully cover the wings here, in fact it kind of looks like the KFC staff member threw some hot wings into the box, poured the sauce over the top and called it a day rather than the wings getting tossed in the sauce.

    There is a way to improve this though without needing to add additional steps in my opinion: package the wings in a box similar to the burger box. This would allow the wings to be placed in the box comfortably, with the sauce poured over top giving decent coverage to the wings and forming a more even pool of sauce for the underside of the wing to soak up.

    The burger is pretty standard by all measures, it is a chicken fillet with lettuce and processed cheese in a surprisingly non-seeded bun. It hits the spot in all the right ways.

    But what of the headline addition? The all-new “Zinger” sauce that absolutely coats my burger in a way it does not for the wings? Well, I will tell you… it basically tastes like Buffalo wing sauce.

    It is equal measures sweet and spicy, and as someone who is a self-proclaimed spicehead, the sauce scratched my itch for the good stuff to a surprising degree. Long after I had finished my food and embarked on my walk home I could feel the tingle in my mouth, bringing a pleasant burn to my tongue that satisfied my synapses perfectly.

    The spiciness may catch some people off guard, I even had a hiccup escape partway through my burger due to it which very rarely happens to me – and I have had ghost pepper sauce before.

    In terms of price, the burger cost me £6.99 for a standalone burger with no fries, drink, or side, and the wings cost me £2.99. 

    For the burger, I think this is an acceptable price to pay and is in line with other KFC burgers, especially if you are craving something spicy but not wanting the glorious mess that is a Zinger Stacker.

    However, for the wings… no, I can not recommend them at that price point. Three Hot Wings on their own cost £1.99, so for a whole extra £1 you are paying for the same wings to have a spicy sauce haphazardly drizzled on top with most of it sinking to the bottom of the ill-designed packaging.

    That does it for the first requested Redundancy Review segment. Thank you for reading today, I hope you have an easy hump day and can find some relaxation wherever you find it.

  • Redundancy Review: Day 42, “Looming Anxiety”

    (for context on what this series is, please see my Day 1 post here: Redundancy Review: Day 1, “A New Beginning” – Rosalia’s Rambles)

    Good morning spectres and enigmas, welcome to Day 42 of Rosalia Rambles Redundancy Review.

    Six weeks huh? I would say this is the longest I have committed to writing something every day but we hit that point about five weeks ago. It still makes for good daily writing practice, and having somewhere I can keep my thoughts and feelings written down does help unfuck my brain a fair bit.

    Which is why today’s topic is: anxiety!

    Started off the week with a rant against the government, now I am talking about a debilitating mental health condition – this ramble train has no brakes baby!

    Due to ongoing roadworks outside my flat, I found it difficult to sleep in the late hours of night into the early hours of the morning, and during this time I felt a massive spike of anxiety within my system for seemingly no reason at all. What is even more confusing is the cause behind it.

    For some reason, I became incredibly worried about money and the viability of my current situation, which, on paper, makes logical sense. Money and upkeep are perfectly reasonable things to worry about at any given time.

    But, in the grand scheme of things, I am in a stable situation right now. I might be a contractor but I still have a form of regular income, my partner is in work for the foreseeable future, and as part of the whole redundancy process I reinforced my nest egg by a very healthy amount.

    That said, I am someone who just… worries a lot. I worry about my partner, I worry about my former colleagues, and I worry about my friends. It is in my blood to worry… possibly a residual side effect from how much caffeine I imbibe on the daily but that is neither here nor there.

    It will probably fade in time, and I at least have a weekend away to look forward to right now. Having some time away from home and a long coach ride to let my brain unwind should be fun, plus being in Glasgow is going to give me plenty of new topics to explore for Redundancy Reviews.

    Speaking of, it is Tuesday, which normally means I would be spotlighting something from the Hololive space of Vtubing… but given the events of last night given VShojo utterly imploding on itself, I am instead going to give the spotlight to Ironmouse, talking about a song she has covered in the past and highlighting her current fundraising drive with the Immune Deficiency Foundation.

    KING is a song by Vocaloid producer Kanaria, initially brought to life by Vocaloid GUMI but has since taken on a role of being a Vtuber right of passage almost to make a cover of it, with everyone adding their own unique vocal style and flair to make it their own.

    With Ironmouse though, she does not do anything by the half-measure, bringing on shirobeats and Sleeping Forest to make a beautiful rendition of the iconic beat mixed with Mouse’s vocal chops and giggles to make an almost addicting sound.

    As simple as the techniques used in editing are as well, they help provide an extra amount of impact on certain lines – from turning the screen greyscale to darkening it entirely outside of Mouse’s mesmerising glowing pink eyes.

    It is actually one of my favourite versions of KING due to these additional little details, and every person who works on this video deserves full credit for making it that way.

    Cheeky thumbnail picture incoming…

    And additionally, I am going to be providing a link to Ironmouse’s current campaign on Tiltify for the Immune Deficiency Foundation: https://tiltify.com/@ironmouse/ironmouse 

    VShojo have been revealed as completely fucking over their talents, and this is a small positive light in the wake of so much darkness coming out of their collapse.

    Thank you for reading today’s Redundancy Review, bit of a disjointed one as I wrote it in two different halves of the day, but it fits the bit. I hope you have an easy day and can find some relaxation whenever it comes along.