Good morning units and detachments, welcome to Day 210 of Rosalia Rambles Redundancy Review.
Missed a fair few milestones due to not having the energy to write throughout the majority of December, but considering I am reasonably on schedule this time we can commemorate thirty weeks worth of the review… provided my maths is character, I think it is because a Tuesday is a multiple of seven usually and 210 is a multiple of seven, so I am pretty certain I am on track.
Thirty weeks since possibly the most life-altering event I have encountered thus far, one that fully derailed where I was thinking I was going to go and shunted me onto the path I am currently on, a path that is currently serving me quite well even if I have my doubts about its longevity. It is weird to think that I am rapidly approaching the year anniversary of the titular event, hopefully I can stay on track to mark that as a milestone as well.
It is VTuesday however, and the first one of those I have got to mark in a while as well, though today it is going to be more of a general discussion about an aspect of VTubing before heading into the review.
Taking into account the origin of VTubing within Japan, it is almost impossible to talk about the majority of corpos and a significant number of independents without talking about what is often referred to as “idol culture”.
And no, this is not going to be a screeching mess of an article about how idol culture is burning out massive amounts of VTubers , if just because I do not consider myself educated enough about the culture as a whole to articulate proper criticisms that are not just my own opinion as a relative outsider.
This is especially apparent when you take a look at my history within idol-related media and find a fair few notable names lacking:
Never engaged with Love Live!, neither the game or the anime outside of Nico memes
Never engaged with Bandori outside of having a passive awareness of Chu2 and PAREO
And never engaged with Idolmaster to even know any of the characters by looks or name
All I really took an interest in growing up was many other people’s first exposure to what an idol is: Vocaloid, and by extension… Megurine Luka.
Yeah, no, for someone who started to interact with Vocaloid in their middle teenage years which was over a decade ago now dear god, Hatsune Miku was not actually the first Vocaloid to catch my eye, it was instead the elegant and graceful Megurine Luka I developed an attachment to first. Of course attaching to one Vocaloid almost makes it a guarantee that you will attach yourself to others which did happen to me eventually as well, it is just interesting to me I diverged from the norm from the offset.
This fascination started with Luka Luka★Night Fever, which I cannot mention without saying rest in peace to Samfree, the producer behind this song. I hope you are resting easy knowing you left an undeniable legacy on this world with your music. From the get go the song is catchy as all hell with fun and energetic dance moves, dance moves which started to develop my interest in the idea of learning idol dances like so many young weebs aspire to do.
In general, both back then and today, idol concerts are the driving force behind my semi-pipe dream of wanting to learn how to dance. There is something that just enraptures me about seeing the perfect blend of music, vocals, and dancing that makes me want to aspire to move like that myself… then the “pipe dream” part kicks in and outside of loading idol songs onto Beat Saber, I find it hard to find both the motivation and energy to learn, usually falling victim to my inconsistent sense of rhythm.
I eventually branched out a bit more into Vocaloid, picking up a few other favourite producers along the way, with special mention going to Neru (the producer, not the Vocaloid Akita Neru) for some absolute bangers of songs with absolutely heart breaking lyrics – looking squarely at you Lost One’s Weeping.
But as mentioned above, an interest in idols did not go far beyond Vocaloid as many of the other popular idol trends passed me by…
…until Hololive showed up in my life, and everything changed.
From that moment on, not only did I find a beautiful source of additional idol concerts to partake in, it massively expanded my world to finding other VTuber corpos and independent VTubers who provided similar sources of entertainment. This, combined with the massive boom that VTubing experienced over the early 2020s, made me fall in love with idol performances all over again.
Although this time, as someone with both a fully developed brain and a reasonable sense of their own gender identity, it made me fixate on the general look and style of idol uniforms as a whole – primarily because I really wanted, and still do, to wear one some day with the even more massive pipe dream of attempting to perform in one.
For now though, I am more than content to be in the crowd, waving my light sticks around, cheering “HAI! HAI! HAI!” or engaging in the ever so wonderful feeling of doing a call-and-response with whoever is on stage.
But Hololive is now not the only source of my idol entertainment, as I now find myself fully in the grips of Umamusume: Pretty Derby, a franchise that somehow finds the perfect blend of sports anime and idol anime to make for an absolutely exhilarating and whimsical experiences delivered by your Uma clutching victory from the jaws of defeat before going up on stage to perform in the “Winning Concert”.
Both in the anime and in the game I find myself singing along and cheering during the various performances, along with me and my partner groaning in despair when the anime decides to skip over winning concerts or dangle the hints of them in our face – special highlight here going to Next Frontier.
True to their name, idols give me inspiration. I see how hard they work, often in the face of odds working against them, putting in all their effort to put on shows both online and in real life, and I find myself wanting to strive for the same peak in my own life and my own art. This is definitely apparent in the music of one 2.5D fairytale idol, the ever lovely Phoebe-chan and her song “Bloom Again”.
It has only been recently that I have known who Phoebe-chan is, going back to her headline performance at the VExpo 2025 opening concert… though the funny part of that is my partner and I ran into her a short while before the concert. She was getting ready in the lobby of the hotel we were staying at, and, true to my partner’s fascination with frilly and fancy outfits, he stopped to talk to her whilst I went back to our hotel room, it was only later on that we connected the dots of what happened.
Her performance during the concert was a mix of heartwarming moments with her original music, talking about difficulties encountered throughout the year and wanting to grow beyond what had happened in the past, followed by absolute meme territory featuring a performance of Renai Circulation with Smash Mouth and Space Jam put into the mix.
From that moment, and compounding that with the small meet & greet she hosted the day after where we got to have a proper conversation with her and purchase some of her merch, I have found myself a quiet but dedicated fan of her work, resonating with the themes of growth, rebirth, and trying your best to go with the flow that she puts into her music.
I actually said to her during that meet & greet that I had almost cried during her opening concert performance, as what she talked about resonated deeply with my own experience of losing my job a few months prior. I bought her album at that moment and she offered to sign it, writing a lovely message in the top-left corner.
“Rosa, let’s meet again!! <3”
It is a simple touch, but that small signature does help keep me going on some rough days, especially as I would love to see her again at VExpo this year.
Plus her manager has the absolute badass name of “Steiner”, just such a powerful and cool name for someone to have.
That… once more went way longer than I expected it to, especially for one once more so off the cuff. All the same, thank you for reading today’s edition of the Redundancy Review. Wherever you are I hope you are able to find things that inspire you in your life, be they big or small, I hope something brings you joy and helps you find the strength to keep going.
Good morning dreamers and nappers, welcome to Day 147 of Rosalia Rambles Redundancy Review.
Something I miss a lot from my recent experiences with stress is that I have not been having any dreams lately, which makes me a bit sad honestly – not that I can really remember most of what happens in my dreams anyway due to not keeping a dream journal, but the ability to go inside of my mind for a sensory experience before my alarm goes off to rouse me out of sleep is something I oddly enjoy.
Still capable of having nightmares though, though admittedly they are as infrequent as my dreams right now which is relieving. Specifically when it comes to having nightmares I can struggle to differentiate between what happened in the dream and what happened in real life, something that has actually led me to believing what happened in the nightmare before I snap myself out of it.
My fascination with dreaming most likely comes from my love of stories, the idea that I can go to sleep with the ability to experience an almost nonsensical story produced by the random thoughts my sleeping brain comes up with has a strange appeal to it.
But, as usual with me being a writer, the title has a double meaning, as I want to ramble about what my dreams are in an aspirational sense, and why despite the fact they feel so far away right now, I want to keep working towards them. This is partially inspired by a conversation I had with a friend over lunch about my current situation in relation to job searching, personal pursuits, and life in general.
Let me start with the obvious one: writing. I would love to be able to make it as a writer somehow, either as a freelancer with reliably stable regular gigs with clients who love what I do or as an in-house dedicated copywriter for some kind of digital agency, though I know in this current economy that is one hell of an ask, especially given my minimal experience as a formal copywriter. Plenty of examples and instances throughout my career, just harder to sell than someone who has been doing it a lot longer than I.
It would also be nice if I could monetise Rambles in some way, which I sort of already do with commissions (contact me for commission rates, I would be happy to work on anything you like (yes anything)), but that is also a similarly tall task to make it support all of my expenses.
For now though, Rambles is my creative outlet, something to keep my mind active and my skills honed against the tide of AI-generated content. Hopefully when my life calms down a bit I will be able to write more fiction and get to some of the more in-depth pieces I always promised myself I would create.
My dreams are not limited to writing though, some of them are logical, some of them are… a little more esoteric.
I would love to make my own card game one day. I have grown up playing all sorts of tabletop games, from starting out with Warhammer 40k in my local library, to being introduced to the GOATed deckbuilder that is Star Realms, before I was finally brought down to the gutter when I got into Magic: the Gathering back in 2017. Like most people who spent their time playing those sorts of games, I have ideas and concepts I would love to bring to life one day, from translating the concept of a fighting game to cardboard to making my own deckbuilder themed around aerial combat.
There is also the concept of “dream cosplays” I would love to do. Obviously Shiori Novella from Hololive English is still right up there, especially given the events of this year where a commissioner severely let me down, but there is also Princess Rosalina from Super Mario Galaxy, the character who (sort of) gave me my name and acted as one of my first egg-cracking moments. So many amazing outfits I would love to wear and goof around in, making both my current self and my inner child extremely happy.
And finally, the more esoteric one, well, at least it feels esoteric to me.
I would love to learn how to dance.
Not just any style of dance – I would love to learn how to dance like my idols in Hololive.
Whenever a concert comes around, whenever one of the Holomems has a chance to perform live on stage, I watch their dances with fascination and glee, hoping one day I could learn to dance like that myself. Admittedly this did not start with Hololive, as this fascination dates all the way back to when I listened to Luka Luka Night Fever for the first time, but the interest in idol dances definitely ramped up with discovering Hololive.
Which perfectly leads into what I want to discuss for today’s VTuesday, the first ever full cross-generation Hololive song: Shiny Smily Story, specifically the “call & response practice” version the main channel posted before 4th fes.
The description does not lie. This is the idol song that represents Hololive, and even as new anthems for different fes and events come along, there will always be something incredibly special about what this song represents, either it be the highs of talents coming together to spread the joy of Hololive, or the inevitable lows that come alongside a graduation where a music box version of this song is used as backing over clips of significant moments.
Reason I chose this version specifically as this is the most recent posting of the full version with subtitled lyrics, there is a version from when the song was first released back in 2020 but I have always felt a greater resonance with the translated lyrics in this version, so it is the interpretation I want to use for analysis.
One of the first thing that catches me attention with these lyrics is the use of digital terminology as part of some of the verses, really playing with the fact that Hololive is an agency of virtual idols, examples including:
“I tweaked the settings of my quivering heart
So that I wouldn’t feel scared”
“As I go, I’ll hit delete
On any thoughts of giving up”
I always love when Hololive, and hell VTubers in general, really lean into the digital space they occupy, utilising the unique nature of the medium to do interesting things, and small, cute little references to their own digital medium are very sweet.
The next part I want to talk about is the bridge before the final chorus, and the other main inspiration behind the subject of today’s article. When I first read these lyrics all the way back in 2023, I felt myself tear up a little bit at their meaning, and honestly even two years later I still get misty eyed reading them:
“I wanna take the stage I’ve dreamed of at last
Shine with colors no one else has
Cry my eyes out once in a while
Get back up again with a smile
Share the futures that we can see
Make our dreams a reality
It’s make or break
Come on and take a leap of faith”
There is so much meaning to me in these lyrics, both for what I see in my oshi Holomems and what I can see in myself.
For the former meaning, being able to perform on stage can be the realisation of a long-standing dream, with the bright & bold colours of their idol outfit on full display. It can be a long journey, one that will be marked with sadness and hardship, but should never be given up on, because there is a future where that journey pays off, and all the previous hard times show that you have made it, whatever leaps of faith taken paid off in the end.
And as for the latter meaning?
Well, I think I ended up summarising what it means for me when I talked about the idol journey above, with just a few context tweaks it becomes more personal to me.
I know my long-term future is good, because I have the drive and work ethic to deliver what my future needs. There will be hurdles, roadblocks, and stumbles galore, but so long as I can roll with the punches and trust where my feet will land with each step, I am certain I will make it.
There is not actually much else I want to say about SSS, that bridge covers practically everything else I could say about the song. Through highs, lows, positives, negatives, the dream will always be there.
Do need a thumbnail though…
Yeah, best fox friend will work.
That will cover everything for today, and good timing cause it is almost 10pm here – damn work schedule. Thank you for reading today’s edition of the Redundancy Review. Wherever you are I hope you are able to relax and look forward to the rest of your week.
Good morning thespians and troupers, welcome to Day 145 and 146 of Rosalia Rambles Redundancy Review.
I have returned from my trip to London and a brief excursion to hang out with my board game friends only to find myself afflicted with a pestilence alongside my period starting…
…my luck is really something else sometimes.
But, as is the overarching message of the Redundancy Review, we keep moving, even when the circumstances are against us, and considering how much I enjoyed writing the VeXPo Diaries piece I want to do a similar thing for the Saturday I spent in London going to Metal Gear In Concert at the Royal Albert Hall.
Waking up
As mentioned in Day 144, I did not have the best night’s sleep in the hotel bed. A shower was enough to shake off the grogginess before I sat in the bed and passed the time by writing that day’s review whilst watching old TV clips on Youtube. I was under the assumption that my check-out time was at twelve so I had plenty of time to relax and just exist in the pleasingly liminal space of my hotel room.
Yeah, no, I double checked my booking, revealing that my check-out time was at eleven instead – a fact I discovered at quarter to eleven. This forced me to suddenly drop everything I was doing, focus on rapidly packing and getting myself dressed ready to leave. A ten-minute task all told, my previous experience of needing to run out the door when I was late to classes at uni coming in handy once again.
Wandering around
Given I was out of the hotel at eleven and my concert was not until half-two, I had a fair bit of time to kill, and given this was the first time in forever I have been to London without a work engagement, I was presented with the perfect opportunity to just wander around aimlessly using the tourist maps for guidance.
My first port of call was getting to the Albert Hall itself, a task which only took me around twenty minutes to navigate, letting me grab a picture of the external TV screen showing Metal Gear In Concert being on that night
I wish I had taken some more photos of the outside of the Albert Hall, as it is a stunningly beautiful building, but alas, my desire to keep wandering took over, leading me down towards the centre of South Kensington where my destination for a big lunch to fill me up for the day revealed itself.
Honest Burger
After trying Bleecker, you might have thought I would not be in the mood for another burger, but I am never one to turn down delicious meats, vegetables, and cheese sandwiched between two pillowy buns.
Honest Burger is a place I have been curious about since seeing it on a Food Tours video, with a focus on simple ingredients to make something delicious. Given my intention that this was going to be my only meal until I got home that evening, I went a little indulgent with a homemade mint lemonade, a small portion of frankly massive onion rings, and the Honest Smash burger with bacon, served with a side of rosemary fries.
This meal cost a total of £23.49, which broke down into £14.55 for the burger and fries, £3.30 for the small onion rings, and £3.50 for the drink, plus a £2.14 service charge which is listed as optional/discretionary but personally I believe they are a mandatory part of eating out, especially as tipping culture in the UK is not exactly strong.
Overall the price lined up with what I have paid for burger meals in London in the £20-25 range, and this was absolutely gorgeous. Again, I have to highlight the fucking enormous onion rings which were crunchy and perfectly seasoned, I could envision myself eating a full plate of those with a variety of dips.
The meal as a whole fulfilled its purpose, I did not need to eat the rest of the day minus a few drinks on the way home to keep my energy up.
Albert Hall time
Meal finished, I did a brief bit of wandering around and managed to get myself thoroughly lost meaning I had to rely on Google Maps rather than any of the tourist maps to find my bearing again, but I got my way back to the Albert Hall where the cafe bar was open meaning I could get my first (and only) coffee of the day in the form of a £4.60 mocha. Pretty standard for takeaway coffee in the UK, with a pretty standard taste that came along with it.
Took a while for me to notice but the front desk was actually selling programmes, and as someone who loves little mementos and souvenirs from their nerdy trips I had to get one – especially with this gorgeous front art:
Additionally I bought myself a t-shirt and a poster with the same art. I want the organisers to see this event as a success because this was an amazing experience I would love to see repeated elsewhere.
The doors to the auditorium opened, and upon getting my ticket checked I encountered something I have not really seen before: I was offered a ticket to go down to the stalls instead. I had picked the matinee performance rather than the evening performance because I was initially intending to rawdog the entire event in a day before deciding to make it an overnight once I was re-employed, but it was surprising to have that as an option.
I did not take them up on the offer though, as I was curious to see what my ticket got me.
I think I made the right decision, I had an end-of-row seat and no one ended up sitting next to me, giving me a lovely bit of private space to immerse myself fully in the music.
The concert itself
I did not take any pictures during the show itself, initially I did want to quickly take some stealth photos to get good accompanying pictures for the article, but I found myself enjoying the show so much I did not want to look away for a moment.
The structure of the show confused me initially, but once it clicked in my mind I was thoroughly impressed. Act I contained music from MGS3: Snake Eater, MGS: Peace Walker, and MGSV: The Phantom Pain – the story of Big Boss, the legendary soldier and clonefather of the protagonist most people know of: Solid Snake, which was the focus of Act II with MGS, MGS2: Sons of Liberty, and MGS4: Guns of the Patriots.
For someone who has more attachment from the franchise for the Solid Snake games rather than the Big Boss games, I found myself enjoying Act I more than I anticipated, especially as someone who has never properly played Peace Walker. When the orchestra started playing the Main Theme of the game I found myself having this almost proud feeling upon hearing it, the whole “music that makes you patriotic for a country that does not exist” kind of vibe.
Act II definitely resonated more with me, but because of my attachment to those games than the others I did find myself finding a few criticisms in the setlist… well, nitpicks more than anything else.
First off, there was no Encounter. The first ever “ALERT” song in the franchise and it was not put into the setlist as part of MGS. It really could have replaced Mantis Hymn which would make for an absolutely exhilarating flow of music to go from Encounter to Hind D, but I recognise that Mantis Hymn is iconic.
Another nitpick from the MGS setlist is the end theme “The Best Is Yet To Come” did not have a vocalist performing the lyrics, which is especially disappointing considering Donna Burke was one of the guest performers and she sang an English version of the song on the MGSV OST. I know it might have disrupted the flow of the show a little bit because Donna and Stefanie Joosten performed solos at the end of each act but this is such an iconic song due to the lyrics, and missing them out is a shame.
For all of my other nitpicks though, they were blown out of the water with the conclusion of Act II: Metal Gear Saga, the main theme of MGS4 followed by Stefanie Joosten performing Snake Eater which was then followed up by Donna Burke performing Heavens Divide, a conga line of iconic Metal Gear songs all of which yielded massive cheers from the crowd.
Speaking of the crowd, one funny audience moment during the MGS2 segment of Act II was someone wolf whistling when the cutscene revealed Raiden for the first time, prompting a wave of laughter to rush over the audience.
The game footage being in the background was an extremely nice touch to the show, it helped contextualise the music in a greater way and helped the immersion, especially when my nostalgia neurons got triggered from hearing certain songs alongside certain moments.
Overall, the trip as a whole was well worth it, and a nice time to actually get to explore London on foot without needing to worry about a work meeting or anything else… that said it killed my feet, even with me wearing proper walking shoes. For someone who will extoll the virtues of good public transport links I will seldom use them myself, preferring to walk almost everywhere within towns and cities.
That covers everything for the Albert Hall diaries, thank you for reading today’s edition of the Redundancy Review. Wherever you are I hope the Monday blues are not hitting you too hard and that you are able to take some time to relax.
Good morning partiers and revelers, welcome to Day 133 of Rosalia Rambles Redundancy Review.
Trying to write personal pieces whilst in the midst of an ongoing depressive episode is, unsurprisingly, extremely difficult. Striking the delicate balance between staying optimistic in this modern age whilst also maintaining a degree of realism is a tough task – especially when your brain is against you at every turn.
Losing salaried employment hurt, and it is hard to not view this as an event that will have a negative impact on my path going forward. On LinkedIn I have seen many former colleagues who had been made redundant starting to get back into work, some after a period of one year or more, and I have also seen incredibly talented people stay out of work for even longer than that. That disparity in opportunity pains me to see, and does not help my mental state.
Once again, I need to keep in mind that I am lucky to be in any sort of work to begin with, and that compared to a lot of my generational peers, I am in a remarkably successful position in terms of my career progression.
One fear I have come across in applying to jobs across the public sector is that I am too “tech-pilled” to make a true difference outside of the private sector. My cover letters & supporting statements usually read pretty intensely, talking about my experiences working on high-stakes projects and how I have pushed beyond my limits to deliver exceptional quality work, but usually struggle to write about how this experience will enable me to help people – which is what I ultimately want to do.
In a way, this is another one of the many reasons why I keep wanting to write the Redundancy Review. I talk a lot about how I want this to serve as a living record of my story, documenting each up and down as I navigate my path going forward.
But maybe, I also write this as a way to affirm my humanity. To remind myself that I am more than what I can write in cover letters, or what I choose to put on my LinkedIn. I am a writer who chooses to write about the vulnerability in human life, and whilst that may be a purely personal venture for now, I definitely know I will be able to use that skill in the future, to work towards something I know makes me happy.
For all the challenges that are thrown my way, for all the hardships I endure, I never want to become cynical or jaded. If there is one thing to take away from the Redundancy Review it is that I love games, I love toys, and I love plushies – all things that some might see as childish pursuits, but to me they are what help remind me of who I am: someone who works not for power or titles, but someone who wants to embrace their silliness in all aspects of their life.
I never want to lose that whimsy… a statement which ties perfectly into the topic for VTuesday today.
For those familiar with the above phrase, you already know who I am going to talk about, but for those uninformed, say hello to Gigi Murin of Hololive English Justice.
When Justice first debuted, Gigi was… admittedly extremely low on my radar, especially when looking at the rest of the lineup in the generation. I saw clips from her debut stream and appreciated her gremlin sense of humour as someone who shares it, but compared to the other members, I did not honestly pay her much mind.
Then came the 21st September incident of 2024, where she dedicated an eight-hour unarchived karaoke stream to singing “September” by Earth, Wind & Fire with multiple variations on the setting she was in and the processing on her audio.
I feel a lot of people became Grems (I had to capitalise this because Google Docs kept thinking I wanted to spell “germs” no matter how many times I typed it out) after that moment, and I would like to include myself among them, even I did not fully realise it at the time.
On the surface level, that is all Gigi seems to be: someone who is very good at generating silly bits and running with them to an over-the-top degree, but once you start digging deeper into these bits you realise how exceptional her emotional intelligence is – every bit is well-crafted and layered, bringing comedy through absurdity that someone skilled at being a “professional idiot” can do.
But there are two moments that stick out in my mind that shows the depth of her emotional intelligence, and were the moments that cemented me as a Grem. The first of which being a short speech in the after party stream of her 3D debut, which is where this article got the title.
“Never lose your whimsy! Never lose it. If you lose your whimsy, you become jaded and cynical, and then you start seeing everything in a negative light.”
Speaking as someone who has talked about becoming jaded and cynical in the wake of a life-changing event, this… definitely speaks to me on a personal level, and it is something I have struggled to keep in mind in recent weeks. Negativity has a way of worming into my mind at the worst of times, and as I continue my search for a new permanent home there have been moments where I feel myself falling into hopelessness.
But I still choose to create, being inspired by the VTubers I look up to. Seeing the time, energy, and effort they put into projects always leaves an impact on me, leading us nicely into the actual review topic for today, Gigi Murin’s first original song: I’ll still be here
The moment I listened to this song and I found myself bawling my eyes out over the lyrics, I knew I wanted to talk about this genuine work of art. I have always had an affinity for stories about grief, ever since I had to analyse a poem about the subject as part of my GCSE English exam. There is something hauntingly beautiful about being able to turn the raw emotion of loss into artwork that can help represent how you feel in a given medium – be it writing, illustration, or music.
“I’ll still be here” is a song dedicated to Gigi’s father, referred to as “gigipapa” in the description, with the lyrics being a beautiful story of how grief stays with you as the years go by, while the video depicts how your living space becomes neglected in the wake of a terrible tragedy.
It starts off incredibly bright, with the Gigi we know bouncing around her room engaging in all different activities, before a Gigi wearing funeral-appropriate attire walks into the room, looking at her past self from before the funeral with an unknown emotion.
She still tries to do the activities she was enjoying before the funeral, but there is a distinct lack of energy to all of them, simply going through the motions as her world does not feel the same as before the funeral, the mess slowly piling up across her room as she continues to try engage with life the same way she used to until it finally all piles up with funeral Gigi standing there in the middle of it all. Throughout this sequence as well the room is slowly getting darker as well, representing how dark the world can feel when you fall into a depression-like state, somewhere that grief can definitely take someone.
After this sequence there is a lot of imagery one could read into and extrapolate what each moment means, but I am not going to do that. Gigi took an immensely difficult decision to share this part of her heart with us as fans, and it would be rude for me to speculate on what could be representations of very intimate memories.
I will however, talk about the lyrics of the bridge that plays over these images, as they are incredibly moving and act as a general story about how grief can make someone feel:
“I still go through
A thousand miles
The ups and downs
I did with you
And I write down
A million lines
Of things that I
Could say to you
And it’s so hard sometimes
To just come out and say the words
But I miss you
So please don’t miss a single thing that I do”
Grief never truly leaves someone. Its presence will shrink over time, but the memories of what you experienced with someone, everything you wished you could have said to them before they were gone, and the fact that even after any given length of time you still want to say you miss them will stay with you forever.
But you carry on, not just for yourself, but for their memory as well. You push yourself out of that hole you find yourself trapped in to keep going, making the most out of life to honour those who have gone.
This gets reflected in the music video as well, as Gigi starts tidying up her room to feel a bit more organised in her life, getting out of her pajamas and into more casual clothes, clenching her fists before she decides to leave the room, going off to clear her head and make the most of a new day.
Around a day after posting the video, Gigi made a community post on her Youtube that goes into detail around the process of creating the song and her emotions around it, but I want to highlight a few paragraphs in particular for how they resonated with me.
This is probably going to come off as a touch parasocial, but… even if Gigi does not know me, and likely will never know me on a personal level, I feel extremely “seen” by her talking about how she sees art: as something you condense all your feelings into, throw it out in the world as a ball, and soon wonder why the hell you just created what you did.
But there is a reason, at least for me, and it is summed up wonderfully in her short sentence: a celebration of life that just screams “I will keep going”.
To end things off, I would like to tell my own short story about grief, though, not in the sense of losing someone.
Back when I first started seeing my therapist, she often emphasised to me about the importance of giving myself time to grieve after major life events, including but not limited to my gender transition, changing my job, and redefining my relationship with my parents.
It actually took me a long while to fully understand what she meant, and I was initially rather dismissive of this viewpoint. Why would I need to grieve something that was not an explicit loss of a person?
As time went on though, I started to understand what she meant, and in doing so I not only felt my emotions open up a bit more, I became less harsh on myself. Grief is not limited as an emotional response just to the loss of an individual, we can grieve lost opportunities, lost connections, and lost potential.
In grieving the small things, we learn how to move forward as the people we want to be while remembering who we once were, living out the true human experience of experiencing change, making mistakes, and growing into who we want to be.
This has been a very odd VTuesday, talking about a surprising number of heavy topics, but one that I ultimately hope carries a positive message to whoever is reading this.
If you have read all this way, thank you for reading today’s edition of the Redundancy Review. Wherever you are, I hope you are able to relax. If you are carrying any amount of grief, be it from the loss of someone you loved or from any other form of loss, I hope you are able to let yourself grieve fully, and find the strength to move forward still.
Good morning thinkers and ponderers, welcome to Day 129 of Rosalia Rambles Redundancy Review.
I had a good evening last night, where the anxiety I had been feeling throughout the week almost completely receded. I was able to be silly with my partner once more and we even played Monster Hunter Wilds for half an hour – a far cry from how active I have been in video games even within recent months, but still a positive amount of progress.
Though I find myself needing to remember that progress is most definitely not linear, as I woke up this morning back to being on the verge of panic attacks and finding myself rotting in bed until the late hours of the morning, struggling to move for fear of the thumping in my chest becoming so much worse as my balance becomes unsteady.
But I kept in mind the ultimate message of what the Redundancy Review represents: to keep moving, no matter the circumstances.
So I went for a walk in the local park, walking alongside the river with a mocha from a small local stand, which was actually my first coffee since Monday due to how unsettled my stomach has been, though it was not even for the hit of caffeine. For once I wanted to drink coffee purely for the experience of drinking coffee, albeit my usual mix of chocolate and coffee.
Fresh air was definitely needed, and even though I still found myself scrolling through social media on my phone as I sat on a memorial bench close to the waterfront; being away from my bedroom helped massively, and let me try organise my thoughts into something coherent.
If there has been one thing that has carried me through my career, it is my adaptability. Through the games industry, through the extended-reality industry, and now as a contractor, there is no denying that whilst I will bitch, moan, and cry, I will adapt to the requirements of the role to step up to whatever challenge comes my way.
Sometimes this does mean I need to break, because this is not the first time I have needed to slam on the emergency brakes during my career, in fact it was only during 2023 where I did not need to take an extended period of time off due to stress. But there is one common theme from all those breakages: I came back, and I carried on, taking on the lessons learned from that breakage.
Each time I thought my world was going to end, I was reminded of why I am on this earth, and why I choose to carry on each time. I can look back on several incidents over the last five years that threatened to bring me down, and, with the benefit of hindsight, see that I have still made it through, in spite of everything.
My redundancy will soon become another one of those points in my past, something that hurt me deeply in the moment it happened and threw me off the track for a period of time after it, but will eventually become a part of my greater story.
For now though, it is still a traumatic thought in my mind, that even though there was nothing I could have really done to prevent it, and that it was not just me caught up in the wave but all of my talented former colleagues as well due to the whole company going into administration.
But if I look back on my history, and keep in mind why the phoenix is part of my fursona, I always come back. Sometimes I need to reincarnate, but that is okay, because change has only made me stronger…
…note to self write Redundancy Review about my fursona soon, cannot believe I have gone over four months and not talked about being a furry.
Back on track, need to write a review segment for today, and given my partner & I finally got around to watching KPop Demon Hunters on Wednesday, I think I want to talk about my favourite song from the film: What It Sounds Like.
Given that this is the finale song of the film, there is going to be obvious discussion of spoilers ahead for the remainder of the review. If you want to stop reading here, thank you for reading, and I hope you have a fantastic day.
For those intending to stick around, let us get right into it:
Bit of background context, KPop Demon Hunters is a film about three KPop stars, Rumi, Mira, and Zoey, who form the group Huntr/x, performing absolute bangers by day and protecting the human world from demons by night. Early on in the film it is revealed that Rumi is part-demon herself, with the story focusing on her struggles with her own shame in relation to fighting back the main villainous group of the film: The Saja Boys, demons disguised as a KPop boy band.
There is a lot more I can say about the story, but I want to get right in to talking about the song, so in brief: Rumi gets revealed as part-demon to her bandmates, forcing her to flee and allowing the Saja Boys to bring Gwi-Ma, the Demon King, into the mortal world in an attempt to feed him as many souls as possible. Right before there is a mass sacrifice, including Mira, Zoey, and the band’s manager Bobby, Rumi returns to start this final song.
It starts with her admitting she cannot hide what she is anymore, and starting to finally open up to herself & her band mates, with the second verse being:
“I tried to fix it, I tried to fight it
My head was twisted, my heart divided
My lies all collided
I don’t know why I didn’t trust you to be on my side”
As someone who can bottle up things for long periods of time, I heavily relate to these lyrics, especially in the context of being transgender. For someone who accepted they were not cis around the tail-end of 2019 and only told the majority of their friend groups at the start of 2020, the last line of this verse speaks out to me, especially when, outside of my parents, everyone who I have told about my gender has accepted me without hesitation.
However, given what I have talked about today with relation to my redundancy and needing to come back from things that bring me down, it is the first chorus that starts to hit home for me:
“I broke into a million pieces, and I can’t go back
But now I’m seeing all the beauty in the broken glass
The scars are part of me, darkness and harmony
My voice without the lies, this is what it sounds like”
I almost cried hearing this part of the song for the first time, as I see so much of myself in these lyrics. My redundancy effectively broke me, it shattered my perception of what my life currently is, it put my self-esteem issues front-and-centre once more, and it made me fearful for my future.
But ultimately, as much as I have spent the last week pining to go back to when times were simpler, I cannot go back. All I can do is make the most of what has been given to me to work with, which has formed the basis of the voice used for the Redundancy Review: a vulnerable look at my own progress, stumbles, victories, and everything in between.
Everything I have gone through has left an impression on me, and like Rumi, a lot of those impressions are scars/patterns that I could be ashamed of, but I should strive to own them, as they are not exactly going to go away any time soon.
After this, Zoey and Mira join in with the second part of the chorus:
“Why did I cover up the colors stuck inside my head?
I should’ve let the jagged edges meet the light instead
Show me what’s underneath, I’ll find your harmony
The song we couldn’t write, this is what it sounds like”
If it is not already clear, I love finding transgender comparisons in songs, and these lyrics are no exception.
It took a long while for me to fully find a level of self-expression I was comfortable with, and admittedly, I have been struggling in the last couple of months to find the energy to express myself as a transgender woman outside, and even inside, of my flat. The last time I truly dressed as “myself” instead of just dressing comfortably in “egg” mode was VeXpo, but during that time I felt unapologetically me – even as I was walking around the convention hall with plushies dangling from my dress.
No matter how messy it may seem, I need to push myself to go out dressed up as myself, because even if I do not entirely feel like it, because even at my messiest, the jagged edges of my expression make me who I am.
The choruses after the first one carry a single variation in the final line, with:
“The song we couldn’t write, this is what it sounds like”
Changing out for:
“Fearless and undefined, this is what it sounds like”.
Whilst the first chorus relates more to Huntr/x’s story as a whole, given that they struggled to write a new song to take down the Saja boys, each subsequent chorus ending with “Fearless and undefined” shows that despite all the troubles the girls have faced throughout the story, and for all the uncertainty that may come in the future, they are together, and it is the struggles they have endured that will keep them together, even if everything feels “undefined”.
I love this song so much, it has honestly been the song I have listened to the most from the film due to how much I relate to the lyrics. Though I still need a thumbnail picture… god this stuff is hard when I do not just want to screenie Youtube videos…
Okay, swiped the album cover from the Amazon listing for the soundtrack, that should do it.
Thank you for reading today’s edition of the Redundancy Review. Wherever you are I hope you are able to take a chill weekend, mine is going to be occupied with a trip to Swansea for card game related purposes, which should be fun.
Good morning villains and adversaries, welcome to Day 126 to 128 of Rosalia Rambles Redundancy Review.
The core of the Redundancy Review has been vulnerability, about showing the core of myself to the world, to talking about things that worry me and making a written record of my feelings.
With how deep my recent depression has been, and continues to be, I think it is the right time for me to vomit words onto a page in the hopes of unfucking my brain just a little bit.
So here goes nothing…
At my core, I am a deeply insecure person. I am plagued by impostor syndrome on the daily, which infects my work, my hobbies, and my general being. There is a constant nagging voice in the back of my mind telling me that I am not good enough for my current field, hence my desire to switch out of the tech sector into something else.
Like with a good deal of people in the modern age, I worry about what AI means for my job, about whether or not the field I have worked in for the last half a decade is about to be automated away entirely, even as discussions of the issues of the sustainability of the technology rage on. I know AI can be a helpful tool for doing away with menial and repetitive tasks that reduce friction, especially in creative ventures, but right now I feel the technology is being abused too much for the optimistic view to take hold.
Most of all, I feel worried that I am going to lose what I currently have: my partner, my friends, the lifestyle I lead. Even when presented with evidence to the contrary, I find myself losing to the throes of a panic attack as I scream and cry for the pain overtaking my body to stop.
I hold an immense amount of pride for the point I have managed to get my life to. I moved out shortly after turning 24, moving into my remarkably successful tech industry job around the same time… which did end in the redundancy that started this series but let us ignore that bit right now. Mixed in with all those big changes was me starting hormone replacement therapy as part of my transition into being the person I wanted to be, a decision I have never regretted or feel I ever will regret.
For someone who had to rebuild the core of their life post-university due to having grown disdainful of the subject of their degree, I have done extremely well for myself. Ironically I have found myself reapplying some of my degree knowledge as part of my current contracting role, specifically in the usage of the Unity engine – some habits die hard I guess.
But now I find myself almost at a crossroads, unsure of which path I want to walk down. Do I fully commit to the quality assurance route, upskilling myself in automation testing and utilising the fact that I do still have a programmer’s brain for good by hardening my skillset to find even better roles?
Or do I walk away from the path I have travelled so far down to see where the road might fork, seeing where I could put my skills to the test in new sectors, such as charity or civil service?
At the same time I need to ask myself the question of what this all means for my writing. I still want to tell my stories, even when I find myself with limited time on my hands due to the stresses of this world along with my own mind fighting against me, meaning I wish to pursue the mythical “work-life balance” that so many in the tech industry want to talk down on.
All of those questions need answers, but they are most certainly not simple answers. So what do I do in the meantime?
Same thing as I did when I started working in the games industry, not knowing where I could end up.
Same thing as I did when I transitioned over to the technology industry, and was unsure of my place in such a competitive industry.
Same thing as when the news of my redundancy hit, and I did not know where my next paycheck would be coming from.
I keep going.
Even in the face of adversity.
Even when my own insecurities are eating me alive.
Even when I do not know what path the future will hold.
I try my best to keep walking, with all the depression, uncertainty, and pain that comes along with navigating the current state of the world.
And in honour of that, I think I want to talk about one of my favourite pieces of music as a review topic.
For those unaware, I was just ever so slightly an emo kid growing up… yeah, I know, shocking, a trans girl grew up listening to emo music, in other news a fork was found in a kitchen today.
But I was definitely someone who, in addition to a healthy diet of Dragonforce and video game OSTs, enjoyed the music of My Chemical Romance, Linkin Park (RIP Chester Bennington), and the subject of today’s review: Three Days Grace.
What started my interest in the band was, of course, the absolute edgy banger of Animal I Have Become, the background track to everyone’s favourite AMV back in the day. But much like my love of Dragonforce, I went beyond the songs that everyone on the internet knew and looked further into their discography, leading me to discover Life Starts Now.
It… is actually hard for me to do an in-depth lyrical analysis on this, because I think the entire song is a beautiful tale about never giving up and carrying on even when everything is against you, that it is never too late to change the way you have been living to make a new start.
I always like to look at the framing of the song being a conversation between two long-time friends, where one has gone through so much and is desperately tired, whereas the singer is trying to convince them that they have already been through so much that they survived through, that making another fresh start is not exactly going to hurt, and whatever comes next they will likely survive too.
However, I do want to highlight the bridge, and do a little bit of my own analysis from my viewpoint on it:
“All this pain
Take this life and make it yours
All this hate
Take your heart and let it love again
You will survive this somehow”
There are so many ways I like to interpret this. The fantasy nerd in me loves to see this from the perspective of a warrior sacrificing themselves for their companion, giving them another chance at life while also telling them to not let hate consume them, to choose love instead to overcome the grief.
But the more reasonable interpretation is the singer telling their friend that for all the pain they feel, for all the hatred they might feel at the world, and for any hatred they may feel at themselves, none of it is worth holding on to. As someone who has had to overcome many traumas in the course of their life, I know that holding on to pain and anger can very often be a choice, at least in my situation.
Life got a lot better for me once I stopped being angry at the things that were tying me to the past, though this is not to say the emotions are not there within me – they most definitely still are. It is just that I try to live my day-to-day life without holding onto them, and in a way, I have to try apply that same logic to the feelings that the redundancy gave to me.
It will take time, but I will survive this somehow, because through each moment of pain & heartbreak, there is a chance for life to start anew. I just need to be ready to meet that chance.
Took a few days off work and off writing, and I feel I have come back still as strong as ever. Though I need a thumbnail picture…
…yeah, that will do. Friend of mine sent me this image earlier in the week to remind me that I am still able to be successful, even if I do end up changing tracks.
Thank you for reading the Redundancy Review. Wherever you are, I hope you are able to feel relaxed. If you are fighting your own battles, please know you are not alone in any of them. Help is out there if you need it, and the world is brighter for you being in it.
Good morning modellers and riggers, welcome to Day 119 of Rosalia Rambles Redundancy Review.
Now that I am back on a reasonable schedule, this is where I can officially announce that the Tuesday review segment where I review something in the VTuber space (primarily Hololive but I am aiming to branch out) is called…
VTuesday.
Which makes far too much sense in hindsight for a title because it just rolls off the tongue so well whilst being on theme.
Regular readers will know my love of VTubers, my most popular article this year was my story of going to VeXpo, a whole convention dedicated to the topic. So, I figured I would try my best to recount the story of how I got into this whole space all the way back in 2020…
…bastard year that it is.
It was definitely a slow start, as it was primarily just random clips of various HoloJP members such as Suisei or Korone… and Nyanners, cannot forget about Nyanners. Though the fascination truly began with the debut of Hololive English 1st Generation “Myth”, and who else but the legendary Gawr Gura.
Though, in hindsight, I find it very funny that Gura was my primary entry point into this whole space, because while she was my first primary exposure; I actually found myself drifting to Ninomae Ina’nis as my favourite member of Myth for her cosy vibes, gorgeous art, and delicious puns.
And of course, being involved in the EN side meant the door to the JP and ID (Indonesia) sides was soon to burst wide open through subtitled clips and watching streams of games where it did not really matter whether or not I could understand the streamer, I had a vague idea of what was going on.
This was especially apparent when it came to Shirakami Fubuki from HoloJP Gen 1 playing Monster Hunter World. It did not really matter what she was saying, I could understand what was going on and follow her through the tone of her voice.
Those streams in particular actually generated a meme between myself and my partner. During the fight against a monster called Seething Bazelgeuse, once the cutscene had ended, another monster called Dodogama actually started fighting against Seething, leading to Fubuki cheering on the fight with the phrase: “DODOGAMU!”
Mix this with the fact that Dodogama is in contention for being one of my top favourite monsters, and it stuck with me ever since.
So… why VTubers?
What I am about to say will probably be a little parasocial, which is definitely an issue within the VTuber space with fans overstepping their mark, but hopefully as I explain it things will make more sense.
Every VTuber I follow regularly, from the corpos to the independents, have had their own set of challenges to overcome, moments where they could have quit to pack it all in and try their hand at something new in life.
But so many of them have not.
And that inspires me so much. I have no idea who these people are, and quite frankly I have no desire to know who exactly is behind that persona – all I know is that this person has had their share of challenges and feels comfortable enough to talk about it with their audience.
My oshis have never given up, and even through my share of challenges, through my very uncertain future, I do not want to give up. They do not know me, and they likely will never know me, but they still inspire me all the same.
One person whose compilation videos have made it into my partner and I’s evening routine is Limealicious/Laimu. At VeXpo my partner only had one meet & greet booked with Laimu and after receiving a very sweet signed photocard as part of the meet he wanted to explore more of her content.
Her, along with Dokibird, Maid Mint, and Snuffy, recently released a cover of the iconic first level background music from Sonic Adventure 2: Escape from the City.
This is specifically a clip taken from Doki’s birthday concert at Anime Expo this year, which as one commenter notes is the first time that Laimu has sung in a proper context due to not being the type to do karaoke streams.
All of their voices harmonise beautifully when they all sing during the chorus, though their voices definitely provide a different vibe to a usually hype song. To me this version feels oddly relaxing to listen to, which is not a complaint or criticism, I actually really like how this sounds to listen to.
I have to give a shoutout to Snuffy’s singing as well. Out of the four she is the one I am least familiar with, but when she sings her sections she has such a refined singing voice that sounds so smooth.
Can you tell I am not really musically minded? I love listening to VTubers sing both covers and their original songs, but analysing music is not really something I have a massive amount of experience in.
Now just for the thumbnail…
…she really does have such a pretty model.
That will cover everything today, thank you for reading today’s edition of the Redundancy Review. I have been off work today for stress-related reasons so it has been nice to just relax and think about VTubers for VTuesday. Wherever you are I hope you are able to take things easy and keep your effort for the week steady.
Good morning hammerheads and nurses, welcome to Day 110-111 of Rosalia Rambles Redundancy Review.
After a long relaxing weekend where nearly nothing was able to bother me, I now return to my desk full of one thing…
…estrogen.
Yup, the best way to end a fantastic set of days in which I felt the best I have in several months is me entering into the week starting my period once more which brings paranoia and overthinking back into my mind. Yum.
You would think after almost three years of being in this cycle, there would be some measure of “used to this” with the fact my body decides to destroy itself whilst throwing my emotions into flux for up to a week, but nope – it still hits like a truck each time and brings out the worst of my inner monologues to put me in a funk.
I carry on though, in spite of everything that could hold me back, to continue writing the part of my story that I currently find myself in the midst of: one girl trying to find her way in a world that is rapidly changing around her, all the while trying to keep herself on a good mental path.
And sometimes, part of that story is having a brain that decides you need to feel inexplicably worse about everything going on in your life as if there is not a long history of things going your way.
So, rather than go into any of the thinkpieces or in-depth stories I usually like to tell, I am going to go straight into the review section of today, and in honour of Title Update 3 coming out for Monster Hunter Wilds, it is time to go over one of my favourite musical tracks from the game that got me into the franchise as whole: Monster Hunter Rise.
Not only is this one of my favourite tracks, it belongs to a monster I think is in contention for being my all-time favourite within the series as a whole – Crimson Glow Valstrax.
For those who might be unaware, I have a massive fascination with fighter jets due to playing a large amount of Ace Combat, and this interest made me fall in love almost immediately with Valstrax’s design, being a peregrine falcon crossed with a dragon and then because that was somehow nowhere near badass enough, throwing a fucking F-22 Raptor into the mix to form an absolutely gorgeous design.
And that is just its base design, as the Crimson Glow (shortened to CG for ease) variant in Rise takes the base form of Valstrax, adds in an unstable core of dragon energy to increase its aggression, and make its theme a thousand times more terrifying – especially if you are fighting the Risen variant found within the Sunbreak expansion.
If it were not for Rey Dau coming into the mix with Wilds, Valstrax would be my definitive favourite monster outside of my meme pick of Dodogama, but that is a debate for another time.
As additional comparison, I will be comparing CG Valstrax’s theme to the original Valstrax theme from Generations Ultimate, found here. Note: I have not played GU (a cardinal sin, I know), so my impression will be solely based on how I react to the music.
Right from the start, CG Valstrax’s theme presents an aura of intimidation with a choir coming in to herald the arrival of this magnificent creature before launching into the main body of the song, which honestly makes me feel as if I am being relentlessly pursued by an apex predator.
This differs from how the original theme makes me feel, as the progression of the song makes original Valstrax feel like a regal creature – one that is still completely capable of destroying you, but one that views your encounter more like a dance, a coordinated exchange of blows with two equally matched combatants.
CG Valstrax has no such illusions, they are driven solely by the amount of dragon energy coursing through them, and they want you dead.
This is best exemplified during what I refer to as “the chase” section of CG Valstrax’s theme, shortly after the chorus concludes. In the GU version, this starts at the timestamp of 1:15, and honestly, I think there is nothing much to say about what plays out here before it returns to the start of the song.
There are strings, there is choral singing, but this section of the GU theme honestly lets me down compared to how the CG theme plays out at the timestamp of 1:40.
It is entirely possible I am blinded by bias, but you cannot deny how much more impactful “the chase” section of the song sounds in CG Valstrax’s theme, this version is the whole reason I call it “the chase” because it actively sounds as if you are being chased down and the rapid notes of the choral singing is your hunter panicking as this out of control creature bears down on you.
Ultimately though, I love both versions, as I love both versions of Valstrax for what they represent for Monster Hunter. Crazy ideas that sound silly on paper, brought to life through detailed ecology.
Some might disagree and say that Valstrax goes too far along the line of silly, but when you look at the similarly bizarre but beautiful designs of “T-Rex with a flaming sword for a tail” and “wyvern that creates explosive scales out of excreted oils”, I think a peregrine falcon dragon fighter jet is right at home.
That will do it for today, I need to get back to my day job. Thank you for reading today’s edition of the Redundancy Review. Wherever you are, I hope the Monday blues are not bringing you down too hard and that you can find some time to relax today.
As a little bonus, OG Valstrax’s theme won the Hunter’s Choice Best Monster Theme award over a year ago now, and in honour of that it got an EDM-style remix which, like the main themes, sounds absolutely fantastic.
Good morning playwrights and screenwriters, welcome to… Day 100, of Rosalia Rambles Redundancy Review.
There have been a lot of milestones on this journey, from marking months past the inciting incident, and to celebrating Day 69 the only way I knew how (immaturity), but Day 100 feels incredibly significant to me.
It is difficult to consider how much my life has changed in the hundred days since I was first made redundant, and honestly, I have the Redundancy Review to thank for giving me a timeline to work from because otherwise I would not have kept track of how much time had actually passed, as it feels recent and distant simultaneously.
But for all the hardship, all the good times, and the self-doubt that continues to pervade my system every day… I am still here. The story has not yet ended.
And I want to dedicate today’s Redundancy Review to that topic: stories. It is a word I consistently use on this blog, with “storyteller” being my preferred title to describe what I want to do in life.
Even if the current form of my passion for writing came to me later in life, I have always had a fascination with stories. To my best memory (curse you depression and neurodivergence causing me to forget things), I was always a kid who liked immersing myself in stories, either real or made-up. I remember enjoying creative writing assignments more than most, and even if I was not the best at literature analysis; discovering the story within a piece of writing fascinated me.
Stories are an essential part of human existence – millions are generated every day by people around the world, whether they realise it or not. A lived experience will one day become a story you tell to others, the hardship of today will eventually become something you laugh about in the future, and the missteps you make now form their way into a cautionary tale for the future.
This is the core of the Redundancy Review, the story of one girl trying to navigate her way through an ever-changing world whilst she grapples with her own life being disrupted drastically. Even if the schedule slips and I end up missing out a couple days of a so-called daily series, it still forms a part of the overall story about what I am going through.
There will always be more stories to tell, and be they fact or fiction, I aim to be around to tell them.
In a way that is what the review segment really is as well, a story. I never claim to be and do not want to be seen as a critic, because ultimately whilst I will give my opinions on the topics I talk about, there are far more qualified people than me to give proper critique.
I still aim to provide information for people to make up their own minds, but ultimately what I am doing is telling the story of the experience whatever I am talking about gave to me – hence the esoteric range of topics from music, gaming, and whatever I had for lunch on a given day.
Which, yes, does defeat the purpose of this being called the “Redundancy Review”, but “Jobless Journal” would make less sense considering I am in full-time work currently and “Severance Stories” makes even less sense when you take into account it was the entire company imploding and several other of my colleagues getting caught in the crossfire.
Anyway, back on track.
Initially I was struggling to come up with a review topic for today, but a sudden brainwave gave me the perfect topic for today, given that it is a cover of a very popular Vocaloid song that specifically changes the ending lyrics to be a bit more heartwarming than bleak compared to the original.
The song in question is Rolling Girl, with this cover being by Lollia and RichaadEB specifically.
Content warning ahead: I will be discussing both the cover and the original which cover very bleak themes of failure, depression, and suicide. Read ahead at your own discretion.
This song has appeared on a previous Redundancy Review back on Day 28, but did not give it the level of coverage it deserves due to feeling a bit shit at the time. Time to make this right.
For background information, Rolling Girl was released in 2010 and was composed by famed Vocaloid producer wowaka, who sadly passed away in 2019 from heart failure at the extremely young age of 31. Rest in peace dude, and know your art is still being appreciated a decade and a half later.
When it comes to the main bits of lyrical analysis, I will be using Lollia’s cover since that is the version I want to focus on, however I will link a version of the original PV here and a link to the Vocaloid wiki with approved English lyrics here for people to get the full picture of what Rolling Girl is as a song, along with using those approved lyrics for comparison.
There is a certain sense of hesitation I get talking about this song, due to the themes it contains and how I relate to them, so I will try my best to do it justice.
At its core, Rolling Girl is a song about someone who is failing over & over again, with these repeated instances eating away at them until it becomes far too overwhelming:
“All the noise
Slicing layers in her heard
Has her screaming away
Has her screaming away”
This is a feeling I can relate to a lot with the song, when my brain gets full of negativity it feels like a massive cloud of noise that just eats away at me inside, though it often gets to the point where I cannot say anything at all due loud everything is to me.
Throughout the song there are instances, mostly during the chorus, where the protagonist (Miku/Lollia) is talking to a figure. It is during one of these instances where I want to highlight a difference in the approved English lyrics to Lollia’s lyrics and how her creative input makes the song far more devastating.
In the original version, the first chorus ends with the lines:
“‘How about now?’ ‘Not yet, we still can’t see what’s ahead yet. Hold your breath now.’”
I interpret this as Miku talking to an embodiment of her depression, though I cannot decide what exactly I think the topic at hand here is:
Is her depression asking her if she wants to end her life, and she wants to hold on because she does not yet know what is coming?
Is her depression asking her if she wants to carry on, but she is too far in her own mind to see what is ahead so cannot provide an answer?
I personally lead towards the latter, as I feel the original Rolling Girl works better with its ending to look at the earlier parts in a more hopeful manner to give the finale even more impact, but we will get to that soon enough.
Lollia’s version leaves very little to interpretation, but I love how brutal and raw these lyrics are:
“‘Are you better now?’
‘No, I don’t know how!’
What’s the point in living if pain’s never ending?
Please just let me stop my breath right now.”
Holy fuck the content warning was definitely needed. The first time I heard these lyrics with this cover I had to pause because they are so insanely hard-hitting for someone who has struggled with depression, but they show the creative power of interpreting Vocaloid songs into another language to give them even more impact.
There is very little room for interpretation here, and I absolutely love that.
Going to skip ahead a bit, not only because I feel myself quivering a bit talking about these topics, but so I can get to the bit I truly want to talk about: the ending.
This will start with me talking about the approved English lyrics version on the Vocaloid wiki:
“’How about now?’
‘Just a little more, we should see something soon. Hold your breath, now.’
One more time, one more time
‘I’ll roll along again today’
The girl said, the girl said
Breathing laughter into the words!
‘How about now? OK, you can look. You must be exhausted too, right?’
Stop breathing, now.”
When combined with the PV, the most common interpretation of these last lyrics are that Miku has finally decided to end it all, with her embodiment of her depression comforting her in her last moments, commenting that she must be exhausted from failing so often, and finally telling her to stop breathing. A tragic end to a song that has hope spots earlier on.
But… Lollia’s cover takes a different approach, one that gives an initially tragic song a far more hopeful ending compared to the original, though starting off in a similar way:
“‘Are you better now?’
‘No, I don’t know how!’
Maybe one day you’ll see how well I’m improving
Please just let me stop my breath”
Before erupting into something beautiful:
“Not now.
Just once more, just once more
I will roll again today, I know for sure
Oh that girl said, what she said
Playing every word and playing to pretend
‘Just once more?’
‘No, no more!’
‘Take my hand and come with me’
‘Tell me your story’
‘Please just let me hold your breath for now.’”
Over four years later, the way this version of the song ends has stuck with me, and how it completely changes the interpretation of the figure the protagonist is talking to. In the original, it is an embodiment of depression, waiting for them to give up but also providing comfort to them in their final moments.
In Lollia’s version, it very much seems to be a close friend, not wanting the protagonist to suffer any longer, but also refusing to let them go through with suicide. Letting them stop “rolling”/failing, and asking to be told their story, saying that they will hold their breath for now, a line that can be interpreted as this person wanting to keep their friend holding for as long as possible.
Quick picture for the thumbnail, with the touching tribute to wowaka at the end of Lollia’s video serving nicely.
And we come back round to how today’s edition started: stories.
Everyone has a story, through highs and lows, through happiness and sadness, through joy and sorrow. Everyone’s story deserves to be heard, and I want to continue telling mine through the medium I have chosen, for as long as I can be allowed to.
For anyone reading today’s edition, thank you.
For anyone who has been a long time reader, thank you.
For anyone who has only just discovered me, thank you.
Good morning collies and sheep, welcome to a megapost covering several days of VExpo for the Redundancy Review.
My arse is now firmly planted back down on my sofa which means one thing only: I have returned from my convention trip at VExpo, and in short…
Holy shit I had the best time of my life I want to do this again and interact with way more people it felt so fucking good to actually leave my hole to talk to others in this setting again.
So yeah, I had a great time, and I want to write a full recap of everything I got up to because there were memorable experiences, amazing artists & cosplayers, and unsurprisingly for a convention all about VTubers, a fair amount of scuff when it came to organisation.
Little bit of expectation setting to help contextualise my review, recap, and thoughts before we get into it:
This is my first convention in six years, so I am a little unfamiliar with how the circuit works nowadays
This is my first in-person VTuber event ever, so whilst I read a lot about other cons online, my IRL perspective is entirely fresh
I am one socially awkward fucker, so when it came to taking pictures with people I might have forgotten to ask their name/handle… or even tell them mine in some instances. I am adding tags when I can but no guarantees
I did not eat entirely right during the duration of this trip, which definitely made my experience worse in some regards but is entirely my fault
Time to start, let us leave no stone unturned as we head straight into:
Thursday, which was Day -1, I guess
My convention weekend started on the Thursday, with me working briefly in the morning before heading on to the train with my partner to head over to the NEC. Fun tidbit, my partner has never actually been to the whole NEC complex before while I am quite familiar from previous convention trips, so it was quite cute seeing him be in awe of the scale of the place.
Once I had whipped him around the centre, we went to our hotel which was conveniently located a stone’s throw away from the piazza entrance: Moxy.
I had booked this all the way back in February, knowing that VExpo was going to be my one big trip this year and I wanted a hotel close to the convention grounds, with Moxy definitely fulfilling the criteria. It was definitely a little on the pricey side for four nights, the rate being about £116 a night for the Thursday/Friday and about £140 a night for the Saturday/Sunday, coming to a total of £617.08 for the entire stay.
The most expensive part of the weekend as a whole, but considering how much my partner and I ended up going to/from the hotel over the weekend, having that as convenience was more than worth the price.
Plus as the photo dump is going to show, we had a great view of Pendigo Lake from our window.
After taking some time to rest and unpack our stuff, we went over to Resorts World, as I had only been once and my partner had never been. As we entered we were both taken aback by the scale of things, going up to the first floor where we noticed a guy from a distance wearing a Ceres Fauna bag.
I was a bit nervous to approach, but that is why I have my partner as the extrovert who adopted me, so he went up to initiate the conversation. Started talking about the merch he had on and it was only after he showed the Gigi Murin plush in the bag that things started to click in my brain.
“Wait a minute… you’re Aaron from HUKEC right?” (HUKEC stands for “Hololive UK Enthusiasts Community”, I am going to be using this acronym a lot)
It was, and we shared an amazing sort of manly handshake. The con had not even started properly, and I had already met someone new that I was familiar with. Thank you Aaron (@musclesap on Twitter) and your friend Alex for being the first conversation we had and for being the first of many to listen to my cosplay horror story.
Parting ways with those awesome people, we continued to wander around Resorts World, coming across the Hollywood Bowl arcade where we could have spent an inordinate amount of time and money, especially given the fact there was a Halo: Fireteam Raven arcade booth.
I played one quick round with a stray pound coin I found in a change giver that had seemingly been abandoned and got a decent distance, but considering some of the other booths here, this is definitely a place I want to return to.
When it came to food, I had one place fixated on my mind. A place I had not been to in over a year and one I regard as an old friend, even if the quality is not that great: Five Guys.
Are there way better options for burgers in this world? Yes
Were there way better options for burgers within Resorts World itself? Definitely
But something hits different about the foil wrapped delights of a Five Guys, plus I am extremely glad to see that they are still using fresh jalapenos whenever those are placed on to a burger, something that delivers a deliciously spicy kick with each bite. It is also good to see you still get an inordinate amount of fries with each order. Between two burgers, two “little” fries, and two freestyle drinks (of which I had like four), the total came to £42.90. Not terrible all things considered, and actually the cheapest evening meal of the weekend.
After eating we explored Resorts World a little bit longer, reuniting with Alex and Aaron to finish off our exploration with a short chat as we walked back to our respective hotels before my partner and I retreated to our hotel room to relax for the evening.
This version of events does not include the several people we ran into as we explored around and chatted to about VTubers and life, including one guy who I now know to be @Nostroscythe on Twitter giving us a great conversation with a beautiful message of “Live Hard, Love Hard”. I do not think we gave you our names properly dude, but you left an impact on myself and my partner.
(also I am like 90% convinced Obkatiekat was in the mix of that group as well and I only twigged that upon seeing a picture of them later, inches away from greatness without even realising)
The rest of the evening was uneventful, with me casting my phone to the hotel TV to watch Hololive VODs and clips whilst my partner went out to meet other HUKEC people at Karaage in Resorts World – thanks for taking care of him everyone.
So yeah, Day -1 of VExpo was eventful as hell and we have not even hit the main meat of the event and I have already written close to 1300 words this is going to be a long-ass writeup.
With that, we move into:
Friday, Dawn of Day 0
Friday came around, and after much needed warm showers & shaves, we headed out to the Wetherspoons in the piazza where we linked up with people from HUKEC having breakfast, I ordered a simple sausage butty which I added mustard to, though this was the most substantial breakfast I ate all weekend.
We talked about all manner of different things, our oshi, card games of all descriptions, F1, told my cosplay horror story once more – that last one did lead to a wonderful-if-maybe-unintentional compliment from a guy named Wes (@RacingGuyRyS on Twitter) when I double-checked with people that they knew what Shiori Novella looks like.
“Yeah she kind of dresses like you but different”
It was so off-the-cuff but so sweet, thank you dude for hanging with me and my partner.
After sitting and chatting for a bit we went back to the hotel to rest before going out to explore once more, eventually being merged into a large blob of other congoers going towards badge pickup, where I met a fellow Takodachi who complimented my Ina bag… before raising the stakes by showing me both his Takodachi tattoo and his Ina Ita Flag. I am so sorry I never got your name properly friend, but you were one of the (many) highlights of my weekend.
We arrived at badge pickup early, and waited around for a short bit for the queue to open, during which we met a wonderful Coco cosplayer (who I am really sorry I did not get your name) who I took a photo with and told my cosplay horror story, starting a wonderful trend over the weekend that whenever I showed a cosplayer the pictures, they went through the five stages of grief in rapid succession.
Badge pickup was also where we made another friend for the weekend, MurasakiTheGreat (same name on Twitch), due to the blahaj sticking out of their bag. They ended up becoming a recurring fixture in our weekend and were great company for me during the opening concert.
However, once badge pickup started, that is where the dreaded scuff started to creep in.
For the queue myself, Murasaki, and my partner were in for general entry, it moved pretty smoothly, and we ended up getting our badges & tickets relatively smoothly within half an hour… this was not the case for the Akasupa line, who were experiencing two hour waits as standard, due to scanner issues requiring manual data entry.
On top of this, there was additional scuff in the form of opening concert tickets initially not being given out as part of badge pickup, requiring myself to go back to pick them up from a different queue… where the badge pickup queue itself was massive due to the scanner issue.
Technical difficulties are a given, and as a QA I can relate to equipment failure, but communication on this issue could definitely be improved, especially as poor Mimi’s voice was definitely difficult to hear over the commotion sometimes. I am not sure if the NEC staff would have allowed a megaphone, but the addition of one would definitely have helped crowd control to a degree.
And on top of all this, there was additional scuff when it came about that they had run out of physical opening concert tickets to give to attendees, leading to them writing on “O.C.” on badges. This is definitely something I think needs to be fixed for next year, it is a nice touch to give out physical tickets as a souvenir but requiring the physical ticket for entry when it should also be tied to the badge I feel caused a fair bit of friction.
Anyway, doing a photo dump of all my badge related photos before we get into talking about the opening concert.
And can’t forget Pizza Express dinner even though I almost did:
Once 8pm came around, we were allowed into the opening concert and took our seats, my company for the evening being my new friend Murasaki. And for all the issues I personally had with badge pickup and all the issues I saw with Akasupas… this was an amazing opening show, and for someone who has been craving a return to live music, I could not have asked for a better show that relates to my interest.
(concert photos I took are definitely scuffed, and it does not seem like there is a VOD available on their channel, so hopefully I can recount the story well enough)
It started off with a wotagei performance by Aniwaza Team, who opened with Connect the World by HololiveEN… a damn surefire way to get my hype up for certain as I was singing along to every word and having the time of my life. Wotagei performances have definitely interested me, and this team being the opening act was a great introduction – the energy was fantastic.
After that, we had a full setlist from Phoebe Chan, the 2.5D idol, who did a frankly inspired performance of her “splitting” between a 2D model and her… 3D(?) person with them singing together for a good few songs. We actually talked to her about this performance at her meet & greet and she said it took a lot of rehearsal.
In general her performance was extremely meaningful to me, speaking a lot to the journey I have been on myself this year, and I am not ashamed to admit I nearly cried during some of the songs. It was absolutely fantastic, and I am so glad this show introduced me to Phoebe Chan.
I have to give a shout out to her performance of Renai Circulation though, it was an absolutely fantastic rendition of a well-known song within nerd communities as a whole but including both Space Jam and All Star in the middle of it was absolutely hilarious, catching me off guard and putting the biggest dumbest smile on my face.
Following Phoebe, we had a VTuber named Hiwamari on stage, performing a short setlist of three songs including one entirely in French which I think she said was from Genshin Impact around Fontaine? I will admit now to not really taking notes during the performance, only taking photos of talents before going back to enjoying the music.
Not much to say about her, but I definitely enjoyed the performance even if I was not massively following what was going on.
Up next, we had two performers from Phase Connect: Jelly Hoshiumi and Komachi Panko. I honestly cannot remember what they sang but I still remember enjoying it. I think that is the true joy of the opening concert for me and what I missed a lot about live music, because I used to find a lot of cool bands through support acts back in the day, and even if I do not fully know who people are, I will still vibe and sing along to my best ability.
After the Phase Connect people, we had Miori Celesta on stage, doing a short but sweet setlist of bardcore-inspired songs, which included a beautiful version of Scarborough Fair which she asked people to check out on Youtube, so I will include the link to that video as well.
Following her, there was a performance from three members of V4Mirai: Kou Mariya, REM Kanashibari, and someone who might be on her way to becoming a favourite of mine purely on aesthetics alone, Dr.NOVA(e). Unfortunately I also cannot fully remember what each individual member sang, but I do remember what the three of them sang together at the end…
…I do not recall the last time I sang along to Baby One More Time by Britney Spears but goddamnit if singing along to that with three beautiful VTubers performing it on stage was not one of the main highlights of my weekend. I will definitely be trying to find some time to see what the good doctor is up to in the future.
Moving on, after that we had Bonnie Barkswell and Reina Ronronea from Globie, with one song from Bonnie specifically staying in my mind because it was “Ahoy!!” by Houshou Marine, one of my all time favourite HoloJP originals and my first time ever doing the call & response section with a live crowd.
Holy crap what an experience. It felt so fucking cool to be cheering along with a song I have known for so long with a crowd cheering with me.
And finally, we have the final act, and the performer I was most looking forward to seeing perform given she had promised non-stop dad rock: the independent and resilient Matara Kan.
Even outside of my admiration for the giant cockroach, her setlist aligned perfectly with a good deal of my own musical taste. Green Day, Blink-182, Nickleback, My Chemical Romance, Linkin Park – she was going through all the hits of classic Guitar Hero and despite the butterflies in her stomach, I loved every minute of her performance and sang along with everything I knew.
Plus it was really sweet of her to dedicate her final song to her favourite, now-graduated, VTuber. I am sure wherever Nina Kosaka is now she would have loved that performance.
And with that, the opening concert came to a close. My arms were dead, my legs were dead, but surprisingly my voice was still holding up. Upon returning to the hotel and consuming a CBD gummy, it apparently took all of five minutes for me to go to sleep, giving me plenty of rest for…
Saturday: The Main Event
We woke up relatively early for a Saturday and started to get ready. Unrelated to anything in the convention, god it feels nice to not have to worry about hot water running out with a hotel shower so I could take extremely long showers compared to what I do at home.
I am actually very proud of my Saturday fit in all honesty, the stompers were a vibe as always, and the fact I was able to hook some of my plushies on small chains onto the corset D-rings of my dress let me represent some of my favourites without cosplaying – plus this outfit definitely has the vibes of Shiori’s detective outfit which is great.
My partner and I walked over to the convention to get let in shortly after we arrived, before instantly splitting up. He wanted to explore around, and I wanted to hit Artist Alley where I almost instantly bought two A4 prints from an artist called SnipSnip Studio… it kind of helped they were cosplaying Shiori so I was able to tell them my story, thanks for listening!
But then I instantly got distracted as I had noticed a Helldiver cosplay, and I knew I wanted to get a photo… not before engaging in a silly bit of roleplay though, because as soon as I got his attention I gave him the casual salute, and he reciprocated near instantly. I am so sorry I did not get your name, but thanks for taking a photo with me.
After leaving artist alley there was the Baka Itasha display with three gorgeous cars on display, one representing IRyS of HoloEN, one representing Dokibird of Independent, and the one I took… basically all of my photos of, representing Ninomae Ina’nis of HoloEN. I definitely regret not getting proper photos taken of all of them, and not taking photos of me with them.
I also took in the scale of the event after these photos. It has been an extremely long time since I have done anything like that, and the fact I was able to even stand in the hall after the shit year I have had made me so extremely happy… if a touch overwhelmed at times… okay I was a touch overwhelmed for the entire event but I still made the most of it!
Reunited with my partner near the entrance, I encountered someone I had in my mind that I wanted to meet: a cosplayer called Julibee I follow on Twitter. I told her my cosplay story and watched her process what I had just showed her along with the price I had paid before talking about if she knew any seamstress and finishing things off with a photo. Thank you so much for taking the time to talk with me, you looked amazing in your Marine cosplay and I hope we get to meet again some day.
My partner and I went for a wander afterwards, only to run into Merryweather walking around in his suit and fursuit head. I imagined it would be quite sweltering for him but as we were talking he was actively needing to air out the head and put a fan next to his mouth to help keep him cool. I did not get to say as much as I wanted to say to him, especially as a fellow writer, but thank you for taking a photo with me. I hope to see you again soon.
We continued to wander around taking in the sights and sound of the convention until I noticed a pair of cosplayers I had also wanted to say hi to, CloverClub and Nocte. I was admittedly a little awkward talking to them cause Clover did ask me to repeat myself when I was recounting my cosplay story, but thank you both for taking a photo with me. You looked amazing and, like with so many other cosplayers I took photos with, I hope to see you again some day.
After this, we decided to kill time until one of the few things my partner wanted to do came up, which was Phoebe Chan doing her meet & greet to the side of the main meeting space. We actually arrived as her and her manager Steiner were setting up her table, so we chatted briefly as that went on where I got to compliment her set. My partner bought one of her penlights whilst I bought her album and got it signed.
Especially with what you wrote Phoebe, I want to meet you again. It was an amazing time getting to talk to you and the words you said to my partner were inspiring.
With that wrapped up, we decided to return to the hotel for a short bit where any reasonable personwould have chosen to have a proper lunch in that moment especially considering there was the HUKEC meetup and my meet & greet with Matara coming up in the afternoon, but nope, Huel and a few doritos it was… next time definitely need to bring some proper snacks.
We rested for around three-quarters of an hour before heading back out towards the HUKEC meetup just outside the atrium, and… there is so much to talk about here so I will try my best to keep it concise holy shit I am writing so much I need to go on convention trips more often.
Across the near hour I was at the meetup for, I:
Talked to a bunch of new people I had never properly met before, including the Supreme Leader Boyfriend John
Took part in the HUKEC group photo
Gave a try at the HUKEC beanbag toss
Wrote a message for the HUKEC chain (I wish I got a picture of what I wrote, but I will explain it after)
Took photos with a bunch of cool cosplayers who I only got the name of one of
Got given a bunch of Hololive Card Game cards by a guy called Archie thank you so much again dude that was fucking insane and they will be put to good use
I will admit there was a time I was on the sidelines and I came close to crying, not from sadness or feeling overwhelmed (much), but just from sheer… positivity and inclusiveness, which got reflected in the message I wrote for the chain.
“Thank you for making my world less lonely – Rosa”
In general, I think those words sum up how the VTubing world as a whole makes me feel, especially with post-VExpo emotions. It was so amazing to meet so many independent VTubers along with fans of corpo VTubers, and I felt like I belonged regardless of who I was.
Anyway, HUKEC photo dump incoming. The Nakiri Ayame cosplayer is called Kat, but I did not get the names of the Gigi, Nimi, or Dr Fubuki cosplayers – my apologies to all.
My partner was pretty exhausted afterwards, so we did one more quick whip around the convention hall before I was going to walk him home. As we did so, we saw someone who I now know is called The Memestar queueing for a meet & greet carrying a 3D printed replica of the WunderWaffe from Call of Duty: World At War.
So we obviously had to get photos of him, and he very graciously let my partner who was leading the conversation hold it too. Very lovely to talk to you dude, especially as you were queueing at the time.
We walked back to the hotel, where I left my partner to rest whilst I returned for my meet & greet with Matara.
Now.
ANY REASONABLE PERSON would have changed out of the big heavy stompers she had been wearing for seven hours at this point and change into more comfortable shoes, especially as she was aware of the blisters forming on the back of her feet, but nope, I walked back to the hall in the stompers and queued for nearly two hours in them as well.
Thankfully I did have a nice distraction whilst queueing in the form of brilliant conversation with someone called ShizukaSilent and someone else who I once again did not get the name of, but thank you both for talking with me in the queue, and extra thanks to Shizuka for letting me take a 3D printed desk buddy mascot.
The queue came and went, and soon I was getting ready to meet Matara. I had in my mind what I was going to ask and talk about: considering her opening concert set was essentially a greatest hits of Guitar Hero, I wanted to ask her about if she considered adding Dragonforce into the mix.
That said, all composure went straight out the window the moment I walked in to the booth and the first words out of her mouth were:
“Ooo, you’re stylish”.
And followed up with:
“Rosa, oh that’s a beautiful name”.
I became a spluttering mess after that point, this beautiful and resilient person who I had just spent two hours queueing for complimented me incredibly sincerely and whilst I did get my question out and we chatted about Guitar Hero, I was so overwhelmed with happiness of getting to talk to her and say how inspiring she was to me.
I am holding a plushie up cause I got a little self-conscious about my smile by this point in the weekend, but I hope my cheeks show that I am absolutely over the moon right now. After finishing up I went to get my pen plotter gift as part of this meet, and was incredibly surprised with how the system worked… that said, there was a fair bit of scuff surrounding that too, but I will not dwell on it here because of the positive vibes.
By the way, your handwriting is beautiful Matara, and I am so happy to have this as a memory of our meeting.
Now, it was close to 8pm by the time I had finished my meet & greet and got my pen plotter gift, I had been in stompers for close to nine hours, and I was in abject agony. This presented a small problem, as I had booked a ticket to go see Idol Anarchy, the premium rock concert as part of the convention.
But I was tired, hungry, and in a lot of pain, so as we were leaving I asked a staff member if it was possible to give away my ticket. They came back and said it was, we just had to find someone…
…and there was a convenient Murasaki by the entrance who was happy to accept the ticket. Again, it was great meeting you friendo, and I hope you enjoyed the concert.
Free of responsibility and able to take the evening a bit more easy, my partner and I went to TGIFridays for a fantastic meal to finish off the day, an experience made even better with the energy of our waiter Dan that night. An absolute delight to be around which made the first solid food I hate eaten in almost eleven hours taste so much better.
We walk back to the hotel, and get into the lift with two other people from the convention. We strike up a conversation, and I think I am just chatting with two other attendees so I start talking about my meet with Matara.
And then I get hit with a bombshell.
“I’m Dokibird’s manager”
You’re fucking who?!
I might not have been able to win tickets for Doki’s meet & greet, but honestly, I think I got the next best thing in getting to meet Doki’s manager. We did get a photo together and whilst he did say that Doki technically doxxed him that day, I am not going to post it here. It is a little scuffed and I kind of want to keep this fun little memory to myself.
He did give me his card though, and this is a perfect physical reminder of that beautiful, random meeting after a long exhausting convention day.
Did not take long for me to get back to sleep, which leads us into…
Sunday Sunday Sunday
Sunday was a much calmer day, if by force because of how much physical pain I was in due to my own stupidity being in stomper boots for nine hours, and I had two meet & greets booked almost back to back with Elia Stellaria and Rin Penrose. Did not get a proper fit picture this day but it was a simple affair of representing two of my HoloJP oshi with a Shirakami Fubuki t-shirt and Shishiro Botan hoodie.
Unrelated, there was also a test of the UK emergency alert system happening at 3pm the same day, and the running joke throughout the day was calling it the “tea alarm”. Thankfully I was not a meet & greet by the time the alarm went off, but it was fun to discuss it whilst in the queue.
My partner went to a panel talking about the initial VTuber boom of 2020, whilst I was taking things a bit easier just wandering around both the regular and 18+ artist alley before finding a quiet spot to rest outside the convention… which did mean missing the absolutely hilarity of Merryweather coming over the tannoy which was apparently broadcast to every security personnel in the NEC.
I was given permission to announce me and Lumi's vtuber quiz, but due to a miscommunication it went through the emergency broadcast system. Apparently we deafened the entire vtuber concert hall, peaked every microphone on site, and blasted through the headphones of every security… pic.twitter.com/MV0TUUiKhO
It was so fucking funny to see if hindsight, especially with him coming on a second time to say he was not allowed to swear, so I am very glad it is immortalised on Twitter.
Once it came close to my meet & greet times, I decided to queue for Elia first and then loop round to Rin, which was definitely the right decision as I was able to double stack them near perfectly. I do have some issues with how the queue system was handled once again, but I will keep it to an ending scuff recap.
I will admit to only being a recent fan of Elia, mainly loving her aesthetic leading into researching her, and applying for her meet & greet on the off chance I got it… and I did, and it was actually one of the sweetest experiences I had over the weekend.
The moment I walked in she highlighted the fact I was carrying a plushie – a blahaj no less as I wanted to bring one of mine to meet Rin, and I just went with it, holding it up in front of me and waving with its fin. I talked about being a new fan and then led in with my question I wanted to ask her: what is her favourite cozy snack?
She went into full detail of whether we were going sweet or savoury, and it was absolutely adorable seeing her giving me every bit of info, where I eventually settled that I was going to get cookies after the convention as part of my wind-down, leading to the message she wrote on my pen plotter gift.
“You can have all my cookies”.
It is such a personal message, and combined with the fact she gave out little gift bags with her meet as well has cemented me as a firm Elia fan for the future.
I left Elia’s booth and instantly joined the queue for Rin Penrose, unsurprisingly I was not the only person carrying a blahaj with me. That said, it was certainly not seen as a detriment, as the friend to all plushies commented on it instantly as I walked in, saying “I see a shark”, which led nicely into my explaining that I had brought him for a blessing… leading to this wonderful exchange between us.
Me: “His name is Oculus”
Rin: “HIS NAME IS OCULUS!”
Me: “He lives on my work background”
Rin: “HE LIVES ON YOUR WORK BACKGROUND”
And that silly little guy energy carried throughout the entire meet, especially as they talked about rickrolling the Big British Concert audience before laughing maniacally, refuting my claim with “I’m just a little guy”, leading us to debate whether one can be both a little guy and evil before finishing off with a photo. I gave a bow to my prince before leaving to join the pen plotter line.
It took another three-quarters of an hour after queueing for almost two hours to get my final two pen plotters, but with that, my convention weekend was over. I left the hall to go find a quiet place to sit whilst my partner queued up to claim their pen plotter from Limealicious.
I initially did almost go back in to impulse buy some final merch from artist alley, but at a few minutes past five they told me the hall was closed to new entry – which was fully understandable, but it would have been nice to have this advertised on the Discord or Twitter in advance.
Once we had both finished our day, we went back to the hotel and decided: fuck it, we wanted to come home. We checked out of our hotel early and made the trek to the station home, with it only taking just over an hour to get back to comfy beds, familiar territory, and a greasy ass takeaway.
Before I get into discussing what was scuffed in terms of organisation, I want to preface: this was one of the best experiences I had in my life, especially after the year I have had. To hang around with VTuber fans and VTubers, to share my story with people, and to enjoy a wonderful weekend away, I could not have asked for a better time.
And I will be returning next year, as I want to continue being involved with the VTuber community as a whole within the UK and EU, but there are definitely some things I would want to see fixed/adjusted for next year.
Scuff
The main thing I would like to see adjusted for next year is better utilisation of the hall space along with implementing strong crowd control measures for queues across the venue. Initially I was floating the idea of suggesting that VExpo branch out across two halls but I think that would be a little excessive… unless the internal data suggests they could fill two halls in which case I am happy to be wrong.
But in general, I feel the meet & greet space could have been better spread out. Queues got extremely long, winding, and cramped throughout the weekend and having more distinct space for people to queue in would be helpful – this was especially prevalent queueing for Elia’s meet as we were within hugging distance of Vexoria’s meet.
Great for conversation, but it definitely made things feel extremely cramped at points.
Additionally, and it seems there is a lot of discussion in the Discord about this anyway, but the system for retrieving the pen plotter gifts was extremely flawed as it was stacking queues on top of queues, made worse so by the fact that only two pen plotters were running across the weekend. In VExpo’s defense, this is the first year they are running this system, so having the capacity and scale right first time was never going to happen, but if this system returns next year, they either need to massively scale up how many are running at any given time, or as they are discussing right now in the Discord, sending out pen plotters at a later date.
I am also not entirely sure if I want to call this next point “scuff” given it can very much be seen as a skill issue, but the necessity to queue for me – especially on the Sunday – made it hard to enjoy other programming at the convention, and I know I am not entirely alone in that feeling, especially considering some of the main stage panels on Sunday got knock on delayed because of issues over in the meet & greets.
It definitely would be nice to have experienced more of the convention, especially as I was initially very excited to try do the Balatro event on the activity stage but it clashed with both my meet & greet times, definitely some amount of skill issue at play there but still a bit of feedback to give.
If the internal data does show a second hall being viable, having the gaming area being expanded would be quite nice as well, along with having some dedicated events at the convention. With Hololive Card Game taking off in the UK quite well I can foresee a tournament taking place, plus if there were casual commander pods going on for Magic: the Gathering and I… somehow had a calm schedule, I could see myself jamming a game or two in.
TL;DR in case anyone from VExpo is actually reading (in which case holy shit I have made it): logistics and organisation were my main issue, there is only so much that Mimi shouting is able to do especially when technology is failing, communication and crowd control would very much be appreciated to keep things running smoothly next time.
Conclusion
This is the longest thing I have written in years goddamn. VExpo was a hell of a time for me, and that is with missing out on a lot of other small details such as being given business cards by so many indie VTubers who told me what their niche is, and the fun random conversations about video/card games I had every day.
Next year I definitely want to be better. I most definitely want to cosplay next year as well, and not having to deal with getting fucked around with commissions, and I want to push myself to be involved in more of the events as well…
…plus Hololive maybe I do not know maybe you could convince Liz to come along but that is wishful thinking. If VExpo 2026 was just more of 2025 with better organisation then I think I will still have a wonderful time.
Anyway, time to post just a small snapshot of my merch haul from the weekend, there is a lot of other stuff off to the side as well but this is the main bulk of what came from the artists.
Close to seven-thousand words in four hours… I think that is a record for me in terms of writing, and I feel I am still missing a bunch of stuff.
But I feel I should wrap up, if just because finishing off this recap will put a full stop on my weekend and I can start processing the post-con depression because I definitely feel that is going to hit hard.
If you have read all this way, then thank you. This is a long ass piece to read and I do not blame you if you needed to read it in bursts. The Redundancy Review should return to some kind of scheduled normality, and my written journey shall continue for the foreseeable future.
Rosalia Rambles 