Rosalia Rambles

Tag: redundancy

  • Redundancy Review: Day 100, “Stories”

    (for context on what this series is, please see my Day 1 post here: Redundancy Review: Day 1, “A New Beginning” – Rosalia Rambles)

    Good morning playwrights and screenwriters, welcome to… Day 100, of Rosalia Rambles Redundancy Review.

    There have been a lot of milestones on this journey, from marking months past the inciting incident, and to celebrating Day 69 the only way I knew how (immaturity), but Day 100 feels incredibly significant to me.

    It is difficult to consider how much my life has changed in the hundred days since I was first made redundant, and honestly, I have the Redundancy Review to thank for giving me a timeline to work from because otherwise I would not have kept track of how much time had actually passed, as it feels recent and distant simultaneously.

    But for all the hardship, all the good times, and the self-doubt that continues to pervade my system every day… I am still here. The story has not yet ended.

    And I want to dedicate today’s Redundancy Review to that topic: stories. It is a word I consistently use on this blog, with “storyteller” being my preferred title to describe what I want to do in life.

    Even if the current form of my passion for writing came to me later in life, I have always had a fascination with stories. To my best memory (curse you depression and neurodivergence causing me to forget things), I was always a kid who liked immersing myself in stories, either real or made-up. I remember enjoying creative writing assignments more than most, and even if I was not the best at literature analysis; discovering the story within a piece of writing fascinated me.

    Stories are an essential part of human existence – millions are generated every day by people around the world, whether they realise it or not. A lived experience will one day become a story you tell to others, the hardship of today will eventually become something you laugh about in the future, and the missteps you make now form their way into a cautionary tale for the future.

    This is the core of the Redundancy Review, the story of one girl trying to navigate her way through an ever-changing world whilst she grapples with her own life being disrupted drastically. Even if the schedule slips and I end up missing out a couple days of a so-called daily series, it still forms a part of the overall story about what I am going through.

    There will always be more stories to tell, and be they fact or fiction, I aim to be around to tell them.

    In a way that is what the review segment really is as well, a story. I never claim to be and do not want to be seen as a critic, because ultimately whilst I will give my opinions on the topics I talk about, there are far more qualified people than me to give proper critique. 

    I still aim to provide information for people to make up their own minds, but ultimately what I am doing is telling the story of the experience whatever I am talking about gave to me – hence the esoteric range of topics from music, gaming, and whatever I had for lunch on a given day.

    Which, yes, does defeat the purpose of this being called the “Redundancy Review”, but “Jobless Journal” would make less sense considering I am in full-time work currently and “Severance Stories” makes even less sense when you take into account it was the entire company imploding and several other of my colleagues getting caught in the crossfire.

    Anyway, back on track.

    Initially I was struggling to come up with a review topic for today, but a sudden brainwave gave me the perfect topic for today, given that it is a cover of a very popular Vocaloid song that specifically changes the ending lyrics to be a bit more heartwarming than bleak compared to the original.

    The song in question is Rolling Girl, with this cover being by Lollia and RichaadEB specifically.

    Content warning ahead: I will be discussing both the cover and the original which cover very bleak themes of failure, depression, and suicide. Read ahead at your own discretion.

    This song has appeared on a previous Redundancy Review back on Day 28, but did not give it the level of coverage it deserves due to feeling a bit shit at the time. Time to make this right.

    For background information, Rolling Girl was released in 2010 and was composed by famed Vocaloid producer wowaka, who sadly passed away in 2019 from heart failure at the extremely young age of 31. Rest in peace dude, and know your art is still being appreciated a decade and a half later.

    When it comes to the main bits of lyrical analysis, I will be using Lollia’s cover since that is the version I want to focus on, however I will link a version of the original PV here and a link to the Vocaloid wiki with approved English lyrics here for people to get the full picture of what Rolling Girl is as a song, along with using those approved lyrics for comparison.

    There is a certain sense of hesitation I get talking about this song, due to the themes it contains and how I relate to them, so I will try my best to do it justice.

    At its core, Rolling Girl is a song about someone who is failing over & over again, with these repeated instances eating away at them until it becomes far too overwhelming:

    “All the noise

    Slicing layers in her heard

    Has her screaming away

    Has her screaming away”

    This is a feeling I can relate to a lot with the song, when my brain gets full of negativity it feels like a massive cloud of noise that just eats away at me inside, though it often gets to the point where I cannot say anything at all due loud everything is to me.

    Throughout the song there are instances, mostly during the chorus, where the protagonist (Miku/Lollia) is talking to a figure. It is during one of these instances where I want to highlight a difference in the approved English lyrics to Lollia’s lyrics and how her creative input makes the song far more devastating.

    In the original version, the first chorus ends with the lines:

    “‘How about now?’
    ‘Not yet, we still can’t see what’s ahead yet. Hold your breath now.’”

    I interpret this as Miku talking to an embodiment of her depression, though I cannot decide what exactly I think the topic at hand here is:

    • Is her depression asking her if she wants to end her life, and she wants to hold on because she does not yet know what is coming?
    • Is her depression asking her if she wants to carry on, but she is too far in her own mind to see what is ahead so cannot provide an answer?

    I personally lead towards the latter, as I feel the original Rolling Girl works better with its ending to look at the earlier parts in a more hopeful manner to give the finale even more impact, but we will get to that soon enough.

    Lollia’s version leaves very little to interpretation, but I love how brutal and raw these lyrics are:

    “‘Are you better now?’

    ‘No, I don’t know how!’

    What’s the point in living if pain’s never ending?

    Please just let me stop my breath right now.”

    Holy fuck the content warning was definitely needed. The first time I heard these lyrics with this cover I had to pause because they are so insanely hard-hitting for someone who has struggled with depression, but they show the creative power of interpreting Vocaloid songs into another language to give them even more impact. 

    There is very little room for interpretation here, and I absolutely love that.

    Going to skip ahead a bit, not only because I feel myself quivering a bit talking about these topics, but so I can get to the bit I truly want to talk about: the ending.

    This will start with me talking about the approved English lyrics version on the Vocaloid wiki:

    “’How about now?’

    ‘Just a little more, we should see something soon. Hold your breath, now.’

    One more time, one more time

    ‘I’ll roll along again today’

    The girl said, the girl said

    Breathing laughter into the words!

    ‘How about now? OK, you can look. You must be exhausted too, right?’

    Stop breathing, now.”

    When combined with the PV, the most common interpretation of these last lyrics are that Miku has finally decided to end it all, with her embodiment of her depression comforting her in her last moments, commenting that she must be exhausted from failing so often, and finally telling her to stop breathing. A tragic end to a song that has hope spots earlier on.

    But… Lollia’s cover takes a different approach, one that gives an initially tragic song a far more hopeful ending compared to the original, though starting off in a similar way:

    “‘Are you better now?’

    ‘No, I don’t know how!’

    Maybe one day you’ll see how well I’m improving

    Please just let me stop my breath”

    Before erupting into something beautiful:

    “Not now.

    Just once more, just once more

    I will roll again today, I know for sure

    Oh that girl said, what she said

    Playing every word and playing to pretend

    ‘Just once more?’

    ‘No, no more!’

    ‘Take my hand and come with me’

    ‘Tell me your story’

    ‘Please just let me hold your breath for now.’”

    Over four years later, the way this version of the song ends has stuck with me, and how it completely changes the interpretation of the figure the protagonist is talking to. In the original, it is an embodiment of depression, waiting for them to give up but also providing comfort to them in their final moments.

    In Lollia’s version, it very much seems to be a close friend, not wanting the protagonist to suffer any longer, but also refusing to let them go through with suicide. Letting them stop “rolling”/failing, and asking to be told their story, saying that they will hold their breath for now, a line that can be interpreted as this person wanting to keep their friend holding for as long as possible.

    Quick picture for the thumbnail, with the touching tribute to wowaka at the end of Lollia’s video serving nicely.

    And we come back round to how today’s edition started: stories.

    Everyone has a story, through highs and lows, through happiness and sadness, through joy and sorrow. Everyone’s story deserves to be heard, and I want to continue telling mine through the medium I have chosen, for as long as I can be allowed to.

    For anyone reading today’s edition, thank you.

    For anyone who has been a long time reader, thank you.

    For anyone who has only just discovered me, thank you.

    Thank you for being here.

    Thank you for continuing your story.

    And thank you for taking the time to read mine.

  • Redundancy Review: Days 70-74, “Small Victories, Big Losses”

    (for context on what this series is, please see my Day 1 post here: Redundancy Review: Day 1, “A New Beginning” – Rosalia’s Rambles)

    Good morning bassists and drummers, welcome to a massive catch-up post for a bunch of missed days of Rosalia Rambles Redundancy Review.

    A lot of what I write for the review is self-indulgent. I talk about my emotions, things that make me feel happy, and food I have eaten that tasted good. The entire series is a reflection of myself written down as a living record.

    And so, given the fact I took a very hard loss over the last week, I am going to take today’s catch-up post to let my emotions fly a little bit, because fuck me do I need it.

    There has been a lot that has gone wrong in my life, wasted my degree years due to stubbornness, losing friends cause of a lack of emotional intelligence, and going through severe periods of distress due to transition related issues.

    But I can comfortably say that the last three months of my life have been the worst period I have ever experienced – and that is fucking saying something considering how dark my mind got during my university days.

    Ever since I got the news that the company I worked for was in the shit, I have been fighting every day to try get small victories, and I should not minimise the fact that even small victories mean a lot when I have gone through what I have gone through.

    But for every small victory I feel like I take a big loss alongside it, and I am really fucking tired of that happening.

    Even in the last couple of days I have taken a small victory and a big loss simultaneously with my custom cosplay order falling through two weeks before my convention. The seller was courteous and offered me a full refund for my disappointment, which is the small victory, but the big loss comes from the fact this outfit felt like it was going to be the centrepiece of my convention holiday – something I have been looking forward to all year and now I have to go put together a backup plan in a short amount of time.

    I am not going to name and shame the seller. As part of the refund I agreed that I would not leave a negative review, and I am sticking to that. I would much rather move on and try make something positive out of this mess… finding yet more small victories.

    Every day feels fearful to me now, as if something has changed in my brain that has shifted my outlook from nervous optimism to outright pessimism. I had a breakdown on my partner last night and when I started talking about some of the fears I have about upcoming things, I said a line that breaks my heart even now to repeat:

    “I am wanting to prepare for the worst because that is all I can expect nowadays”.

    Making the best out of a bad situation should be an admirable trait, one I can take pride of, especially as someone who has lived in startup culture for the last three plus years and has made a name for herself of trying to be adaptable in times of crisis, knowing how to problem-solve my way out of anything.

    But I resent the fact I have become that person.

    I resent that I can never go long without needing to put out a fire.

    And I hate the fact that everything I am going through is making me a colder person and I do not know what to do to stop it – which I am not even sure I fully agree with saying cause the main thing that differentiates this period of time from the previous absolute worst time of my life is that I actually recognise I have people to live for now.

    I will keep going, I do not want to stop… but I am absolutely praying for a better season to come my way, because quite frankly, this summer has sucked.

    Going to keep it simple with a different review today, talking about another Stardew Valley save of mine that I have with a friend, this time on the Forest Farm layout.

    I have mentioned it in passing before, but I have an obsession with building infrastructure in video games. Paths, roads, transport structures, all of it is fair game for me wanting to make neat layouts & patterns in whatever I play, and Stardew is a game I find surprisingly useful for that purpose, especially when presented with the challenges of any of the nonstandard layouts.

    Forest in particular has been an interesting challenge, in trying to find the perfect blend of farming crops, farming animals, and utilising the main feature of the farm – that being renewable forage and hardwood options.

    Initially I had struggled with this task, especially when it came to building layouts that could work with the sprinkler patterns I usually use without actually having the sprinklers to plan out the infrastructure.

    But as with my mind itself, things start to make a lot more sense around Winter in this game, and without needing to worry about (much) crop watering and focus more on getting stuff organised for the next year, I feel a lot happier plotting out paths and working out where things need to go.

    On this map in particular, it is evidenced by the massive tree farm I am trying to establish in the top middle of the map. This initially started small scale with each tree type being vertically aligned which made collecting forage from the tappers a nightmare, but once I had established where the animal pasture needed to go a lot of space opened up which has led to the larger scale farm pictured above.

    There is definitely still a lot of work to be done on this farm, but considering this is only the end of Year 1, I am extremely excited to see where this goes next.

    Here is where I would usually say something about getting my rhythm back, but honestly, as much as the Redundancy Review will keep going, I am not sure how well I will be able to write individual days depending on my mood – I definitely want to try chronicle my convention holiday each day, but, we will see how it goes.

    Thank you for reading this far if you did, I hope you are able to have a relaxing weekend, a longer one than usual if you are in the UK.

  • Redundancy Review: Day 27, “The End Justifies The Means”

    Redundancy Review: Day 27, “The End Justifies The Means”

    (for context on what this series is, please see my Day 1 post here: Redundancy Review: Day 1, “A New Beginning” – Rosalia’s Rambles)

    Good morning sharks and seahorses, welcome to Day 27 of Rosalia Rambles Redundancy Review.

    Writing this a lot later than I usually do due to a mix of calls and appointments this morning around different topics which I wanted to tackle before getting my thoughts in line to do the mental health check-in portion of the review.

    I have been presented with an opportunity to do some contracting work which, whilst not entirely in my wheelhouse or interest, is in my area of expertise, that being Quality Assurance. 

    My main feelings around continuing QA work are what the title suggests, being the means that can help justify the way I want to live my life now. My ultimate goal is still wanting to be a writer for hire, telling my own stories whilst helping others to tell their own. If freelancing in tech can help enable that lifestyle, then it is something I should pursue…

    …which I recognise goes against my entire discussion on my burnout a couple reviews back, but the benefit of this being a contracting role is that I would be able to back out if things became too much for me. Even if it was just for a short while, it would get me some additional experience both as a QA and getting more familiar with the freelancing way of life.

    The Redundancy Review would continue even upon taking the contracting role – there is no stopping this train now, especially since the role would let me fund the “eating my way around Shrewsbury” reviews far easier, which are honestly some of my favourite pieces to write.

    There is some part of me that wonders what it would be like to try position myself as a professional food critic, but the problem with that is I love food too much to want to try criticise it intensely – even the most subpar food I will still find things to love about, and in a way I have not forgotten my student days where things such as the “lasanwich” and the “chicken kyiv burger” brought me incredible amounts of comfort.

    I strive to find the positives in everything, and unless something made me physically sick, I would want to try to express those positives.

    Even as I begin to enter into contract work, I will keep myself available for writing work, which if you are reading this and want to hire me, please do! I am available for professional scripting, transcription, and reviews of all sorts, do not catch yourself putting inadequate AI-generated copy out there – invest in a burgeoning writer today!

    Today’s review is another homeware/furnishing review, but one taking a very different form from a flatpack. 

    3M Command Hooks/Command Strips are one of the most useful pieces of kit as someone who rents the place they live rather than own, as like most renters, I am terrified of actually putting a hole in a wall that is not mine. 

    Command products are a godsend in that regard, with all different varieties being in different locations. I have used Small Clear Wire Hooks to build a makeshift tool rack over my hob, and the decorating clips allow me to hang fairy lights around easily, letting me live out my dream of being an e-girl through the aesthetic.

    But today’s subject is a bit more heavy duty than those two, and is used in a very unique and novel way.

    3M Command Large White Wire Hook has a weight capacity of 2.2kg, making it more geared around holding heavier objects with the suggestion on the packaging being a dustpan and brush, whilst also being able to go up to backpacks, bags, or cumbersome tools that are hard to store elsewhere.

    So, what do I use them for?

    Creating a makeshift armoury behind my bed and desk of course.

    These hooks are the absolute ideal way to mount up Nerf guns without drilling any holes to make mounting posts. The main body of the hook is long enough to guide it through the sling points of more slimline blasters, meaning the second hook can be positioned to support another section or be put through another sling point to make a rock solid mount.

    The application of the adhesive strip is incredibly straightforward, with the body of the hook itself being able to be slid off to remove the strip when needed. Each pack comes with two strips so the hook is able to be removed and reapplied elsewhere if they need to be repurposed.

    My guns have been mounted for a period of over four months now and I have not had any issues – a relief given that three of them are mounted over where I sleep, meaning I have not had any rude awakenings. With how well the initial mountings went, I am definitely looking forward to investing in more and expanding my armoury wall.

    That does it for today, thank you for reading the Redundancy Review today. These will continue until morale improves, so I look forward to continuing this journey with all of you.

    The Command Hooks mentioned in this review and many other fine products are available at B&Q in the UK: 3M Command Hooks and Hardware at B&Q (not sponsored, just a fan)

  • Redundancy Review: Day 21, “Community”

    (for context on what this series is, please see my Day 1 post here: https://rosaliarambles.wordpress.com/2025/06/11/redundancy-review-day-1-a-new-beginning/)

    Good morning rebels and ruffians, welcome to Day 21 of Rosalia Rambles Redundancy Review.

    Numbers are really getting up there now. Not only is it the three week milestone reached, it is now the month of July, a time where I was supposed to actually be off work to wait out the heat… funny how that turned out.

    I continue to be surprised with myself that I have made it this far as well. My redundancy has caused a lot of mental stress to occur which has had the knock-on effect of making certain habits slip some days, but each morning I still get on my laptop and start writing through the grogginess.

    My road trip yesterday had a lot of different conversation topics, but the most interesting of which was finding bits of inspiration for how my voice as a transgender woman can influence my writing and stories.

    Transitioning is… messy, to say the least. There is plenty of advice from elder trans who have come before you but ultimately anyone who walks that path is going to encounter some challenges along the way, and I think that is one of the main points that needs to be amplified in today’s world.

    It is a scary time to be trans, with rising negative sentiment amongst politicians and news media potentially intimidating others to remain in the closet whilst simultaneously making already out people feel uncomfortable in the world they reside in.

    For both parties, I have a message, and whilst I may just be one person, I want to use my voice for good:

    The world is better with you in it. Do not let the ruling class tell you otherwise. You are important, you are valued, and you are beautiful – however you present yourself, you are amazing for living your truth.

    Finding strength in community is what can get us through hard times, and community can take many different shapes. It can be a group of former colleagues banding together to offer each other support during a hard time, it can be a collection of trans people coming together to build everyone up to be their best selves, and it can even be your close group of friends – a found family through shared interests.

    If that impassioned speech resonated, you would be impressed what I can do on other live projects – why not consider hiring me? I put my heart and soul into my work every time, leaving an emotional impact on the reader, or using my inherent sense of logic to write clean, consistent copy for professional projects.

    With us reaching Day 21, and noticing a trend in my previous entries, it is time for another Hololive song review, one that ties in to the themes of community and found family.

    In case it is not already obvious from this being the second group song I am reviewing from them, Hololive English Generation 3 “Advent” are my favourite group within the organisation. Their style, theming, and group coherence made me fall in love from day one with that love never once dimming throughout.

    “Rebellion” is their debut song, released just under two years ago at time of writing. True to their lore of being fugitives the song talks a lot about breaking out of cycles & systems, being freed from cages, and lighting fires in their hearts to embrace new found freedom.

    The rhythm of the song also helps highlight the ever present theme of “dance”, with the word appearing several times during the chorus. With its heavy usage of synth it really does sound like a song that could be played in a club, dancing the night away to a song about breaking free.

    With each Hololive song review I tend to highlight a specific segment of the lyrics, and this time is no different, with me wanting to draw particular attention to the bridge before the final choruses:

    “I know that I can still be

    The future of this story

    I know that I can be free

    The one and the only

    They tell me that I’m crazy

    I’ll never let them stop me”

    It says something that I did not need to go back to the music video to get those lyrics right – this final part of the song before launching back into the chorus is slower than the rest but it is the part I always like to listen out for. 

    Advent’s declaration of wanting to be free in their own story and not wanting to listen to those that put them down resonate heavily with my own experience within life, never wanting to be told to stop. Hearing those words each time I revisit Rebellion brings me immense comfort, much like any time I engage in Advent’s content.

    One final thing, knowing that I need an image for the thumbnail…

    …god Shiori is so pretty, I can not wait to cosplay her.

    That brings us to the end for today. Thank you for sticking with me for three weeks thus far, take it easy whatever you do, and have a great day!

  • Redundancy Review: Day 20, “Road Trip!”

    (for context on what this series is, please see my Day 1 post here: https://rosaliarambles.wordpress.com/2025/06/11/redundancy-review-day-1-a-new-beginning/)

    Good morning drivers and racers, welcome to Day 20 of Rosalia Rambles Redundancy Review.

    The main thing on my agenda for today is taking a journey with a very close friend of mine. She needs to go pick up some pottery directly from the factory and asked if I wanted to come along, which I gave an enthusiastic yes to. I find myself oddly excited at this prospect, partly for the chance to hang out with someone I resonate a lot with but also the chance to talk in person about how I am feeling.

    It has been mentioned a lot throughout this series but the support my friends have given me has really helped see me through some of the darker days. They help remind me why I am here and to keep on keeping on through the pain, uncertainty, and anxiety that has come with being made redundant.

    On the subject of purpose though, I feel the purpose of the Redundancy Review has changed somewhat since I started. Initially these mental check-ins were only supposed to be one segment of the review followed by an update on my job search, finalising with the review. 

    Talking about the job search has fallen by the wayside, if just because having to write constant reminders of what I am applying for makes rejection feel all the worse due to having a detailed record written down. Applications still go out each day, and I am working on a “living CV” page for the site right now, so there is that.

    But it is time to make an adjustment to the Redundancy Review’s mission statement, and iterate what my main goals are with this daily series.

    1. Primarily, this is to get me out of bed and working on something each morning. Even if I do not feel like it, or even if my brain is foggy, something goes out to keep the habit
    2. This is a story of my lived experience. The homepage emphasises that no Generative AI content will be hosted here, and I will stick to that always. A machine cannot replicate the emotion behind my words, and I will strive to champion human creativity above all else
    3. Whilst the title includes the word “review”, I am not a critic – there are far better people than me to do that job. I am here to spread joy about the things I love and to try make the world a better place through my words

    I am also going to divert my call to action today. Normally I would be asking people to hire me for writing work, but this time I want to give a spotlight to a colleague of mine.

    https://www.behance.net/jordancollins16

    Jordan was the Art Director and 3D Generalist at Immerse, responsible for the look & feel of many projects along with creating some of the most insanely detailed and complicated assets you could come across. His expertise always shined in planning calls, where production would present the idea and his creativity would run wild of what he could accomplish.

    He is an incredibly easy going guy, able to act as a steady presence whenever projects hit that inevitable rocky stage, persevering through the hard times with the goal of laughing about it once it was all over. With how long he had been at the company, he was part of the foundation, and it showed through his dedication to the craft.

    If anyone reading this is in need of a 3D artist, get in touch with him. You will not regret having him involved.

    Time for today’s review, and we are staying in the usual territory of food & drink, but a newcomer into the category.

    Yup. I am talking about a brand of boxed stuffing mix. 

    It came into my mind as I was initially supposed to make a roast dinner yesterday but ended up getting too overheated, changing the plan to a more homely sausage, egg, chips, and beans instead. The stuffing is usually the star of the show when it comes to my roast dinners, and I have Paxo Sage & Onion Stuffing Mix to thank for that.

    I have tried supermarket’s “luxury” range of stuffings, I have tried people’s homemade stuffing mixes, and I have even tried Paxo’s other offerings – but it always comes back to the default to me, possibly out of nostalgia.

    That said, I do not just mix it with hot water, put it in a dish and call it a day. “Rosa Stuffing” as my partner calls it has two main defining features. The first being an addition to make Julia Child proud: copious amounts of butter, added at two different stages – first a healthy amount after the hot water has been added, and then a few small knobs on top once placed into the dish.

    The other is less conventional, an addition that comes from my experience with stuffing growing up. My granny and my mother would always add mushrooms into the mixture to add some extra body and difference in texture, with this small addition now becoming a staple of my own stuffing too.

    Mushrooms are a divisive foodstuff, but it is one I can not get enough of in any dish, with the inclusion of sauteed button mushrooms mixed with a rich sage and onion stuffing giving me comfort beyond compare, even in the context of a comforting roast dinner.

    With that new esoteric addition to the list of things I have reviewed, I will call it there. Thank you for reading today, please keep yourself cool today, at least in the UK it is supposed to hit between 29-31 degrees in some places. Stay hydrated everyone.

    For more information on Paxo products, visit their website here: https://www.paxo.co.uk/