Rosalia Rambles

Tag: Review

  • Redundancy Review: Day 416-428, “Loss of Potential”

    Redundancy Review: Day 416-428, “Loss of Potential”

    (for context on what this series is, please see my Day 1 post here: Redundancy Review: Day 1, “A New Beginning” – Rosalia Rambles)

    Good morning downers and bummers, welcome to Day 416 to 428 of Rosalia Rambles Redundancy Review.

    The struggle continues to be real. We are back to being in a heatwave in the UK, in addition to being in a “flash drought” due to how little rain we have been getting recently, which is both depressing and terrifying, the latter for the effects of climate change getting progressive worse over here, and the former because I feel sitting down and listening to the rain would help me a little bit.

    Outside of watching the world burn, it has been a struggle to write down my thoughts because everything feels negative right now. I definitely have some good days, but a lot of days recently have had aspects of my negative mind prevail. A particular highlight includes a night where my partner and I had a heart-to-heart about my current job situation, leading to me needing to vocalise something in order to get it out of my head.

    It came after my most recent unsuccessful interview, and I was talking about how it felt to be sitting across a panel of three people in my interview outfit – an outfit that makes me look as professional and presentable as can be – and one dark thought came into the back of my mind as I was answering questions:

    “Who in their right mind in this day and age wants to hire a transgender person?”

    Admittedly… the phrase my thought manifested was not “transgender person”, it was most definitely the T-slur. I am not proud of saying/thinking it, especially in reference to my own identity, but to try deny otherwise would be to deny the serious self-image problems I have been experiencing as part of this most recent layoff/job loss.

    I am still not really sure what to call it, cause in the end I was a contractor, someone who could have been let go extremely easily at any point so it is not really a “layoff”. With a fair bit of time having passed since the initial hit, I do appreciate the amount of heads up that I was given was extremely generous, especially in the current climate of layoffs.

    Layoff might just be the easier word to say? There is a lot of nuance around my current situation, ever since the initial redundancy that triggered this entire journey, which has left me reflecting on my entire career thus far which led to an… uncomfortable conclusion about each of my previous roles: none of them ever reached their true potential, and looking back on that all makes me feel an immense sadness.

    From my first day at Codemasters, I strived to make an impression and do my best work. I was looking back through previous messages to my partner where I recapped a performance evaluation I had with my platform lead at the time, where he had mentioned that “the higher-ups had definitely taken notice of me”, which eventually led to me assuming the “second-in-command” role for my team at the time, with the idea that I was being set up for advancement in the company.

    And then along came a certain video game publisher, who put a stop to any routes I could have taken, which put me on the virtual reality path after a year of working there… which is a good thing for me, considering almost everyone who stayed with the company got laid off sometime in 2023 due to QA being outsourced to another studio, meaning any potential I could have had would have been snuffed out anyway because of that.

    I still see friends and colleagues I had at the time on LinkedIn looking for something new, up to and including the former head of QA, a man who oversaw an incredible operation out of work for such a long period of time is a terrible sight, but it is terrible that everyone got put into that position to begin with.

    But I carried on my journey, and much like with Codemasters, I tried to do my best at Immerse. Making impressions, helping out where I could, which put me on the radar of the executive producer who took me under her wing and helped to mentor me, both in the ways of production but also helping me to mature into a better person, one who could tackle any sorts of problems. I am still thankful to her for all that she did for me.

    I once again had potential, and even though I did not know it, the executive producer had put me on a path that would have led to becoming a fully fledged producer in my own right, working under a new head producer and finding my own rhythm and standing on my own two feet…

    …well the last 428 days have shown things very differently, as the insolvency process at Immerse put a stop to that potential, and it has never really been explored since because of the move I took for my contracting role as a matter of survival.

    Even that ended with my potential being snuffed out once more, leaving me in this current situation of watching, waiting, and wondering what comes next.

    If I am fully honest, I have put a pause on job searching for the time being. Summer feels like a bad time to find something new because most people are going to be on holiday, but also, part of me wants to go to Vexpo and treat that as a full reset.

    Spend the weekend partying, going to concerts, and just embracing my nerd side, before throwing myself fully into the numbers game that is trying to find a job in 2026. Who knows, maybe I will actually find someone there who could find me something to work on for the future – though the main priority is relaxation.

    It has been a while since I have posted anything on Wednesday, but I have not forgotten that we have Warhammer Wednesday around here. Although, I will not be discussing my model building escapades today… if just because I have not had the headspace to build for a while currently.

    Instead, I am going to be talking about my favourite chapter of the Adeptus Astartes, more commonly known as Space Marines – the Salamanders. Specifically through the lens of my current character on Space Marine 2, an Assault Marine.

    I have been having an absolute blast playing through the Operations and Siege modes on Space Marine 2, Player-vs-Environment missions which see you facing off against the Tyranid hordes or the legion of Chaos known as the Thousand Sons, fighting your way through infantry chaff, battlefield commanders, and the toughest elite units each faction can throw at you. 

    Assault Marines go into battle wearing a massive jump pack upon their back, allowing them to elevate themselves above the battlefield before crashing back down to earth like a meteor, soon turning into a flurry of blows against the enemy, armed with a potent melee weapon and a pistol to ensure maximum tactical flexibility when knee-deep in traitor flesh and xenos miasma.

    My current two weapons of choice are the Neo-Volkite Pistol, a concentrated beam weapon that does small tick damage on any enemy it hits whilst building up heat to culminate in a damaging explosion that can be modified to transfer heat to surrounding enemies if desired, and the standard bread-and-butter Power Sword, a versatile melee weapon that can be switched between “Power” and “Speed” style to change tactics against all sorts of enemies, whilst also serving as a potent dueling tool for heavier enemies.

    It carries a massive amount of danger, to go hurtling down towards massive groups of enemies, knowing that even if you do massive amounts of damage that stronger units will survive and you will have to fight them off, but I usually have my partner providing long range support as a sniper.

    So, why did I pick the Salamanders chapter?

    Ever since starting the game with my Assault on Black Reach starter set, I have been fascinated by the chapter, leading to me picking up the Tome of Fire trilogy and learning more about these noble warriors of the Imperium of Man.

    There are very few objective “good guys” in the world of Warhammer 40k, but the Salamanders definitely qualify under some measures. They take the safety of the general citizenry extremely seriously, often putting themselves in harm’s way so civilians can make it out alive.

    This does not mean they are soft however. They will fight with ferocious fire to defend what is right, and do not take kindly to those who would desert their posts to save their own skin rather than fighting to the end to defend the Imperium from harm.

    Also, I really like salamanders as an animal, so I would have an inclination to like a chapter named after them.

    I think that will cover everything for today, thank you for reading today’s edition of the Redundancy Review. Wherever you are, I hope you are doing well in these crazy times, and I hope that in some small way, my writing has helped you out, even if just to provide a small distraction.

  • Redundancy Review: Day 379-415, “Weltschmerz”

    Redundancy Review: Day 379-415, “Weltschmerz”

    (for context on what this series is, please see my Day 1 post here: Redundancy Review: Day 1, “A New Beginning” – Rosalia Rambles)

    Good morning weary and wounded, welcome to another big catchup post for Days 379 to 415 of Rosalia Rambles Redundancy Review.

    It has been about a month since I have written anything at all, so I think the best approach is to run through what has been occupying my mind for that period of time:

    Several back-to-back heatwaves in the UK making it very hard to focus on the stuff I would normally enjoy and putting more of a focus on surviving through borderline extreme temperatures within my flat – seriously, some rooms reached between 33 and 35 degrees inside alongside high levels of humidity even with a dehumidifier running.

    I struggle with high temperatures, leading to scenarios where all I could really do was flop on the sofa in front of my, admittedly very nice, fan and play something mindless like Umamusume.

    In general I have been prioritising trying to take things slow and explore my options at my own pace… though admittedly part of that is down to sheer trauma more than anything else. There was a certain amount of pain that came from thinking about my current career situation and to some extent it broke my brain to the degree that one week all I could really do each day was cry and worry about the future.

    At both my previous workplaces, I feel that my potential was never fully able to be explored. Either through corporate bureaucracy taking hold which gimped my progression options when it came to my role with EA Codemasters, or through company financials forcing insolvency or my role simply not being required for the greater survival of the company.

    No matter what, none of these factors were within my control for career growth being limited, but it still leads me to have an ultimately negative perspective, especially when looking at the current job market in 2026.

    I know I still have a lot to give and to learn in my main field of QA, I know if I applied myself I would be able to continue growing myself as a producer or project manager, and I know that I have plenty of transferable skills thanks to my time in the tech industry.

    But I am scared of applying myself because of my past experiences, and even recently when I actually secured an interview for an apprenticeship position in food safety, an entry-level position that would be learning on the job in a way that I could utilise my insane eye for detail for benefitting the local area where I live…

    …only to get a rejection saying they went with an internal candidate who had more experience.

    That was insanely demoralising in a way that I am still feeling the effects of almost a week later, leading to me developing something similar to what I have used as the title of this review.

    Weltschmerz, a German word that translates literally to “world-pain”: a deep sadness of the insufficiency of the world. I log onto LinkedIn, and whilst I can see many people getting their bag in an extremely difficult market which gives me sparks of hope, I see just as many people talking about being caught up in layoffs and restructuring, joining ranks with people who have been on the search for a year or more. I scroll social media, and I see news stories of the world on fire, of people suffering, all the while political corruption is rife.

    When presented with this all, while trying to navigate my own difficult situation, it almost feels natural to shut down to some degree. I know a lot of the world’s problems are ultimately out of my control, and that focusing on them over my own situation is not helpful.

    But it makes it somewhat harder to plan for the future when I have no idea what that future looks like.

    All I can say for sure is that I will try to be here. Trying to write about my perspectives as one person in the middle of all this mess, navigating a world I feel increasingly unsure of, and trying to find a new way to survive.

    In a weird way, history repeats itself. As a teenager I was very unsure of myself in a similar way, and considering I always make the joke that my “trans age” is around the teen years due to COVID aging everyone ten years, the situation I find myself in as an adult has parallels to what I went through back then – the same thing rings true for both of them those times though:

    Only I can get myself out of this situation, and I have to move forward even if I feel scared.

    Does this mean I might have any semblance of a schedule going forward? We shall have to see.

    I think for the review segment I am going to do a short ramble about the most recent trainee I pulled for on Umamusme a couple months back, the pride of Edo: Inari One.

    Inari One was a trainee I was absolutely hyped to pull for. After watching the final episode of Cinderella Grey with my partner near the end of last year and having Inari One teased as the next main threat to Oguri Cap, with some insane demonic visuals accompanying her – not to mention some of the stills I have seen from the manga in regards to how she is portrayed.

    Obviously the manga/anime portrayal is going to be very different from in-game, but I was not prepared for how Inari One’s story was going to make me feel. A lot of individual Umamusume stories revolve around them overcoming some form of challenge, either physical or mental, over the course of their career. This can range from simple things like self-esteem, overcoming physical injury after a grueling race, or even going to helping an Umamusume work through an eating disorder developed through their circumstances growing up.

    Inari One falls somewhere into the former categories, with self-esteem and wanting to make her hometown proud being a focal point of her story, and a big reason as to why she pushes herself so hard.

    This all comes to a head in the career event “The Soul Behind a Festival’s Style”, taking place near to the end where Inari One is about to run the Arima Kinen – a very prestigious race in Japan’s racing calendar. Under some misdirection from the trainer, Inari One is taken back to her hometown, where everyone who has supported her since day one puts on a festival in her honour to remind her of why she is pursuing her goals.

    Initially, she does not take it well, telling everyone to stop the celebrations because she “flat out dropped the ball ‘cause I couldn’t shoulder the weight”, before going on to call herself “a lame-ass disappointment” with tears in her eyes.

    The event is stunned into silence, before everyone starts speaking in turn about how Inari One inspires them culminating in “Chief”, Inari’s trainer from before she came to Tracen Academy reassuring her that no one sees her that way, and that they are all proud of her for what she has accomplished, no matter what she might think of herself.

    Chief asks her to take all that weight off her shoulders, leading to the floodgates breaking and Inari One letting out all those emotions that had been building up over the course of the career, crying in the middle of the festival whilst everyone lets her process these emotions on her own.

    This scene culminated the emotional impact on me, and turned Inari One from someone I was curious about because of the anime into one of my favourite Umamusume, to the point I have used her in some of the competitive “Champions Meet” race modes even when she might not have been fully ideal.

    As someone who struggles with self-esteem and the way others see me because of my personal situation, seeing someone be reassured by their community that the work they are putting in is enough really hit home the first time… and then hit even harder today as I was grabbing the screenies to back up these points because holy shit relatability bomb right on top of my head.

    I very rarely put money into Umamusume, having only bought the selector vouchers during the first-year anniversary, outside of that I mainly scrimp and save carats over the course of months to be able to afford the level of pulls required to get a guaranteed chance of securing a trainee.

    But for Inari One, I managed to pull her three times in the gacha alongside getting to the pity pull, letting me upgrade her to four stars almost instantly. In a way, it might have been fated for me to pull someone so relatable to some of my current situation, just because I was curious about her story.

    The relatability of characters in stories can be surprising sometimes, and I hope one day I can once more find my stride to bring my own characters to life.

    In the meantime, thank you for reading today’s edition of the Redundancy Review. Wherever you are, I hope you are keeping safe in the weird world we find ourselves in. If you are like me and also suffering from Weltschmerz, know you are not alone and that even when things feel bleak, we still have each other through all the pain and chaos.

  • Redundancy Review: Day 372-378, “On-Track Tuesdays”

    Redundancy Review: Day 372-378, “On-Track Tuesdays”

    (for context on what this series is, please see my Day 1 post here: Redundancy Review: Day 1, “A New Beginning” – Rosalia Rambles)

    Good morning pyromancers and firebenders, welcome to Day 372-378 of Rosalia Rambles Redundancy Review.

    It is too damn hot.

    But I have fled my flat into the safe confines of a place with air conditioning, and considering I have a habit of trying to get the schedule back on track on Tuesdays, may as well take advantage of being in a better space to help my mind write out what I have been feeling lately.

    The lack of reviews and my emotional state are quite entwined right now, because the worst thing I feel is that I have almost entirely lost my drive to be myself. I was always a person who prided themselves on being someone who persevered through it all, never letting boulders get in my way, and kept moving.

    I do not feel anything like that anymore.

    Avoiding falling into doomerism is the hardest challenge I am coming across right now. Every day feels like a constant struggle to not let my negative thoughts and feelings win, to do as I said in my last review and stay positive. 

    The pain still feels raw in my mind, even though I have not been out of the job for even a month yet, but each day feels longer than the last and finding the strength to do anything is getting extremely hard, which then makes it harder to write because even though I want to present the messiness of the modern job search experience as part of the Redundancy Review, a part of me does not want this to become “Rosa rants into the void in the hopes someone will hear her”.

    Within the scope of my current industry, I am one of ten of thousands – if not hundreds of thousands – who is out of work for various reasons. Lack of funding, AI taking business, shifting market conditions, AI taking business, greed of the C-Suite, AI taking business…

    …you know after writing that out it kind of feels like I wrote the same thing six times in a row rather than it being an attempt at a joke about one of the leading causes around software redundancies right now.

    Tangent aside, I am ultimately not special in the current landscape of tech workers in 2026. All of us are struggling with issues regarding self-esteem after layoffs, financial concerns in the short, medium, and long term, and wondering if the industry that some of us still love will ever recover to the point where we could come back.

    And then I fall into another category, a rapidly growing category if my browsing on LinkedIn means anything.

    The ones who are done with it all.

    The ones who do not want to take the strain or stress anymore.

    The ones saying goodbye for good, contributing to a greater industry brain drain that I do not think AI will be able to compensate for in the slightest without a massive downgrade in quality output – especially when you consider QA is often the first to go when these kinds of layoffs come around.

    Combine this with the reluctance to hire junior talent, and the industry as a whole is moving towards a collapse that may not be coming imminently, but will arrive when things break beyond repair and no one is left to fix them.

    I started this talking about tech, but everything I have said also applies to the games industry as well, and I genuinely think we are in the midst of the next big video games crash, spurred on by lack of original ideas coming out of studios and spiking hardware costs thanks to – you guessed it – AI data centres taking up all of the market for components.

    You know what, while I am here making predictions about various industries, I am going to write out my genuine prediction for how AI will take shape in the coming years.

    It is not a difficult task to recognise I am against Generative AI. It has pervaded my hobby spaces in a horrendously parasitic way that has taken away my ability to enjoy things on a first glance without having to look for the telltale signs of generated imagery, it has made components for PCs more expensive in a way that is taking a massive toll on the industry and making me panic whenever I think my components are glitching out, and ultimately, I think the window for it in its current form to be utilised in any productive way has long since passed, especially when the executive mind just sees it as a way to cut costs.

    But we have gone through a period where NFTs were the next big thing, and even though crypto is not in the news as much as AI is nowadays, there is still a dedicated space for crypto related topics and there is a business going on around it.

    Generative AI in its current form will probably fall off massively within the next half decade. After the capex dries up for data centres, after the venture capital dries up for salaries, or maybe as the lakes dry up for both of the above, the bubble will burst leaving a massive toll on the economy.

    After that, machine learning based AI is likely to take the forefront and dominate the next evolution instead. A lot of machine learning applications have already taken to branding themselves as “AI” to hop on the gravy train of getting more investment and eyes on the tool – looking firmly at you Grammarly – but it is also where the more practical uses of AI can be found in medical imaging, protein folding, and assistance tools across multiple industries.

    We are in a cycle of hype right now, where the ones in charge are desperate to get people hooked to keep this cycle going, and once it is all over, there will be plenty of R&D to build a better foundation for something more utilitarian to take the place of Generative AI.

    One I hope actually achieves the talking point of “AI and humans” rather than having all of the big heads spout it as a way to save their arses.

    Feels weird to have called this “On-Track Tuesdays” when I have changed track multiple times as I write this out, and now I have to derail myself from “serious and semi-nuanced takes on the tech landscape” to “god I love virtual puppetry”.

    It is still VTuesday after all, and my unemployment has given me more time to enjoy actual streams from talents rather than engaging in VODs or music as I am normally one to do. Even if I am only able to catch the end of an eight hour stream of Hollow Knight (thank you Biboo) or if I can watch something from start to finish to zone out to, it feels nice to engage in one of my hobbies live rather than living in catch up land.

    Before I was only able really able to catch small amounts of streams when I had bandwidth to put them on in the background as I worked, which is why I was able to watch so many different Holomems play Monster Hunter World during the whole “Return to World” push around the time of Monster Hunter Wilds starting marketing itself.

    One of these talents is one I have mentioned before, the very fluffy fox of Hololive 1st Generation, Shirakami Fubuki. A VTuber in contention for my all-time favourite from JP, often referred to as “kamioshi” in community lingo, my infatuation started the same way it started with a lot of HoloJP members: through their music.

    And then one day, I saw Fubuki streaming Monster Hunter World. I only really tend to engage with the JP side of things when it is something I am able to understand without needing to understand Japanese. Monster Hunter falls perfectly into this category, as I do not need to understand a single word of what is being said or any word on screen because the universal language of “oh shit I am about to be crushed into soup by an Anjanath” is universal.

    Watching Fubuki stream World is one of the best memories I have as a Hololive fan, not only for getting to watch someone I admire greatly play a game I love, but also because it has bore a running joke with me and my partner from seeing a Dodogama – my all time favourite monster – absolutely body an endgame monster in a fight, all the while she was cheering “DODOGAMU!” in the hopes he would win, which now causes me to shout that whenever I see a Dodogama.

    But ultimately, I follow Fubuki for her music, which is the subject of today’s piece… kind of.

    Cause whilst it is a Fubuki song I want to talk about today, it is not the original.

    KONKON Beats is Fubuki’s fourth original song, initially released on October 6th 2022. It is my… second… third… favourite of her original songs, but one I still love dearly nonetheless for its catchy beat, amazing MV courtesy of Haru, and a chorus I cannot help but dance along to given how simple the moves are for it as shown in this short from the fox herself.

    This is a cover from her genmate Ookami Mio, one who has a close relationship with Fubuki and sang this song in the 2024 Hololive Shuffle mix, where talents found themselves swapping outfits and singing each other’s songs as one big showcase as part of the New Year’s show. Unrelated to the topic, I miss this shuffle mix so dearly, it was such a fun way to showcase other talent’s songs in a fun way and I am so sad it never made a return past 2024.

    Mio does not change any of the lyrics as part of the cover, which gives some segments a wholesome touch. Sadly Fubuki does not put official English lyrics on her MVs, which makes it hard to do lyrical analysis due to the variety of unofficial translations available, but I will be working from this video from Pina on Youtube.

    The chorus goes as follows:

    “KON KON KON
    Yes I’m head over heels for this fox
    Knock knock knock
    Open your heart
    Cause I got the feeling that everything’s gonna be alright
    Now, I’ll cast a spell to bewitch you”

    It is specifically the second line of the chorus that gets me in the wholesome feels when taken in the context of Mio’s cover. In the grand scheme of things they are just colleagues, but like last week’s discussion of CCGG Madness showed, Hololive has the wonderful of having colleagues turn into close friends that you can rely on in tough moments whilst also being able to produce wonderful art alongside them, which Mio saying “I’m head over heels for this fox” definitely helps emphasise.

    The ending of this MV also helps to reinforce that, with absolutely gorgeous art of Mio and Fubuki performing together on stage at Our Sparkle, Mio’s first official solo live concert, reinforcing that Mio sees Fubuki as a trusted colleague and close friend, and wants to keep performing with her for however long her career may last.

    There is no way to predict the future when it comes to how long talents can stay, but the important part is to cherish them while they are still around. Fubuki has had an illustrious eight-year career with Hololive up until now, and there are no signs of her stopping any time soon, but regardless of what happens, I will always keep the memories I have with her close to my heart.

    Started this review talking about how I have lost drive, with the person behind the keyboard worrying about how much she would be able to write, and I end up doing almost two-thousand words entirely within the confines of this cafe over the course of about an hour and a half.

    Pretty good work if you ask me, now if only I could do it consistently.

    Regardless, thank you for reading today’s edition of the Redundancy Review. Wherever you are, I hope you are able to relax today and stay away from the heat. It is boiling hot in the UK and even the measures I take inside the flat do not work too well. Hopefully the end of the week cools down a bit and I do not have to stress too much about cooling down.

    I say that, and my intention tomorrow is travelling to my parent’s place to make sure my mum’s plants survive – pray for me.

  • Redundancy Review: Day 367-371, “Staying Positive”

    (for context on what this series is, please see my Day 1 post here: Redundancy Review: Day 1, “A New Beginning” – Rosalia Rambles)

    Good morning pioneers and explorers, welcome to Day 367 to 371 of Rosalia Rambles Redundancy Review.

    No, I am not ashamed for empahsising that number, thank you for asking.

    And if you did not notice, now you do.

    Small moments of brevity like this are what helps to keep my morale up when a lot of my life is shifting in drastic ways around me. From hanging out with friends to share silly jokes, to sitting down and playing video games with people I care about deeply, taking that time where possible really helps to stop my mood completely plummeting into negativity.

    That is not to say I am completely immune to negative moments, and admittedly the reason I am writing about this topic today is because my mind has been fixated on so many negative things that I want to try talk about what I do to stay positive in the face of massive life changes.

    One of the simplest things I have found positivity in ever since losing my job has been the ability to drink coffee without it feeling like a crutch or something that is “essential” for me to function through the day. Granted, I am someone who still needs an amount of stimulants in my system in order to be at my peak, but there have been moments where I think to myself, “I want a coffee”, rather than “Oh dear god I need coffee right now”, and because my day is dictated at my own pace currently I do not need to gulp it down as fast as possible to get the blood pumping.

    I think in general the fact I am taking life at a slower pace currently is both helping and hindering my mindset. Helping in that I do not feel constantly rushed by everything going on and the pseudo-urgency of corporate deadlines so I can work on projects at a comfortable speed rather than feeling ashamed that I am not doing everything all at once to make sure things get done.

    Though, it hinders me because some days all I feel I am doing is filling the time with activities to do nothing but distract me because I will get to the end of the day feeling accomplished with what I have done before the realisation sets in that I have to do it all again tomorrow and the things I did do have not sufficiently made me tired enough to sleep, leading to a restless night as negative thoughts creep back in.

    To borrow a quote from Umamusume Pretty Derby Season 2: “Has one day… always been this long?”. Fucking heartbreaking line in context, but it is one I have found myself relating to a lot these past days.

    Writing helps as well, but, some days it definitely feels harder to have the bandwidth to sit down and recount what I have been feeling, or even feel settled long enough to write something coherent about my day… which is weird to say on my writing blog.

    I do not want to call it “writer’s block”, because I do not particularly feel blocked on what I want to say, but whenever I try to write recently my head feels unbearably full with me needing to force myself to focus…

    …the fun part about being consistently inconsistent is that I wrote this paragraph, took a break, and then ended up sleeping for two hours before needing to do evening errands.

    I think I am going to skip ahead to the review, as it talks about a VTuber song I have wanted to discuss for ages and I do not want to lose another VTuesday along the way because I cannot write a preamble piece.

    So let the madness commence!

    The Hololive English Justice pair of Cecilia Immergeen and Gigi Murin is lovingly referred to as “Autofister”, due to Ceciilia being an ancient automaton and Gigi being… the fister.

    Cause of her massive power fists.

    These two are an absolutely chaotic pair with an amazing onscreen dynamic, Gigi’s chaos perfectly contrasting with Cece’s reluctance to play along whilst trying to maintain somewhat of a reserved facade, with both of them eventually aligning on things and letting all hell break loose.

    This is perfectly reflected in their annoyingly catchy song, with several fun visual gags throughout including:

    • “I’m fifty shades of fucked up”
    • Recreating The Creation of Adam but with their designs
    • The “argument” before the final chorus starting by showing the editing timeline of the video
    • And honestly the entire argument sequence is filled with great on-screen gags inbetween the two of them bickering in the background

    The part I want to highlight in particular is the bridge that comes right after the argument, as I feel those lyrics really resonate with what Autofister means:

    “All our fun must come to an end
    But at least you’ve found a friend
    So let us play and stay forever

    Now together!”

    These two came together as colleagues in Justice, but have formed a genuine and sincere friendship together that generates extremely memorable moments on stream, but does so in an extremely heartwarming way to see the two of them interact. If it were not for Hololive, there is a good chance these two would not have found each other, and even through the company’s many persistent issues, there is still beauty to be found in what the girls can create together.

    Feels like I have not written a lot, but there is only so much I feel I can do analysis wise on a song that is ultimately just a very silly project between two friends who work together. Give it a listen, I went through it three times as part of writing this and I am not even starting to get sick of listening to it.

    As the title suggests, it helps me stay positive.

    Thumbnail picture inbound…

    Thank you for reading today’s edition of the Redundancy Review. Wherever you are, I hope you are doing well.

    Let us keep doing our best every day.

  • Redundancy Review: Day 366, “Continuing as I mean to go on”

    (for context on what this series is, please see my Day 1 post here: Redundancy Review: Day 1, “A New Beginning” – Rosalia Rambles)

    Good morning developers and promoters, welcome to Day 366 of Rosalia Rambles Redundancy Review.

    With the one year anniversary out of the way, things can continue rolling on – even if I am starting this way later in the day than I would usually do due to sleepiness, appointments, and social time with a good friend of mine.

    Speaking of continuing things, no matter how much writing advice is “oh do not use rule of three now cause that is an AI indicator”, I am going to keep using rule of three. Those chatbots are trained on data from writers all over the world, we had rule of three first, I am going to keep using it because I like the cadence of it and the clankers can take it from my cold, dead, and clammy hands.

    Plus I honour the Oxford comma, which surprisingly is not a feature of some AI writing. I once even had to point that out to the CEO of my previous company when looking at some social posts he had done for promotion and I could clearly tell it was done with AI.

    I should not chat too much shit about my previous work, as I did leave on good terms, but the prevalence of how AI was used on a daily basis did get to me a little bit as someone who dislikes GenAI entirely, from chatbots listening in on meetings to generate barely usable notes to another bot who translated tickets for the “agents” to pick up and execute.

    Probably a bit bold to say, but if I could find a job where I never have to hear the words “agentic” ever again, I would be extremely happy. Same goes for buzzwords like “ARR”, “grinding”, and whilst not a buzzword, “LinkedIn” is definitely up there as well.

    Can “deleting my LinkedIn” be considered a career goal? Getting to the point in my life where I would be able to never have to open professional Facebook ever again seems like a pipe dream, but one I would love to fulfill.

    I spent yesterday talking about how I am bad at networking, and then immediately started talking shit about the main networking platform for the tech industry. 

    For all the fluff that fills the Redundancy Review, I think my love-hate relationship with the tech industry is clear throughout the past year worth of articles. It has most definitely helped enable me to live my life up to now, and given me opportunities I would have never dreamed of… but at the same time I feel a need to recover from working five years in it and want nothing more than to escape to something more stable, if a little boring.

    …opening a cafe would not be stable, or boring, but it still speaks to me like a Green Goblin mask every so often…

    Well, until the day that I succumb to my intrusive desires to own a cafe, food reviews will have to do.

    And I am not doing a grand title of “Rosa Eats Her Way Around Shrewsbury!” because, quite frankly, reviewing food from Wetherspoons does not deserve that title, as much of a guilty pleasure as that place is to me.

    On Monday I hung out with a friend of mine to help them write a cover letter for a job application. We were initially thinking of going to a different place to sit, drink, and write, but it was closed for a staff party, so we ended up in Spoons instead.

    Which ultimately turned out to not be a massive problem due to the weekday “Club” offers that Wetherspoons put on, with Monday Club being a deal on the small plates they offer, being three for £10 rather than three for £14.99.

    I remember when that was the normal price, in the pre-COVID era. It actually used to be my preferred way of eating at the monthly nerd meetups I attended pre-COVID as it was a damn good deal for a university student and filled me up nicely, with an infinite refills coffee serving the rest of my needs nicely if at the cost of my sleep later on in the evening.

    Food from Wetherspoons is never going to be gourmet. It is not even really going to be massively flavourful. What it will do is fill you up for a cheap price with some weird comfort that comes from the lower quality.

    That said, the pizzas are usually some of the freshest things on the menu, and eight-inch variants are included in the small plates deal, so I had to get my usual of the Spicy Meat Feast. But I wanted something more, so I also included some chicken strips in the mix, which I then placed onto the pizza and rolled up to create the horrifying creation of the Spicy Meat Feast Pizza Chicken Strip wrap.

    And finally, came Wetherspoons “loaded chips”, the most basic chips in the world, haphazardly topped with melted cheese and bacon, served with a sour cream dip.

    Are these one of the easiest things to replicate at home? Yes.

    Is this somehow also a comfort meal for me? Yes.

    Probably cause it was the small plate I always ordered the most at my nerd meetups, there is something marvelously comforting about the simplicity of the plate, especially when you get a bite with all elements on it, it brings me back to a simpler time when all I had to worry about was the crushing weight of expectation at university rather than the crushing weight of surviving in the adult world.

    On that cheery note, thank you for reading this edition of the Redundancy Review. Wherever you are, I hope you are doing well. The week is almost over, and the weekend shall be upon us soon. My plans are very minimal, but I intend to take the time to relax all the same.

    I hope you can too.

  • Redundancy Review: Day 365, “One Year On”

    (for context on what this series is, please see my Day 1 post here: Redundancy Review: Day 1, “A New Beginning” – Rosalia Rambles)

    Good morning carousers and merrymakers, welcome to…

    Day 365

    …of Rosalia Rambles Redundancy Review.

    A whole year has gone by since I started this series. What started out as something to act as daily writing practice has, for all intents and purposes, stayed exactly the same except for the fact it really is not daily anymore, except for when it is.

    Might be the energy drink in my system talking, but, I feel less pessimistic than I did yesterday anticipating this as an anniversary. Even took the time today to catch up with some old colleagues to see what they have been up to, which was nice to hear their voices again.

    Being upfront, I am someone who definitely does not network as much as they should: as a tech professional, as a writer, or as any of the labels I can ascribe to myself. I have a LinkedIn, but I feel anything I could write on my public page in any professional capacity would come off as performative more than anything else. I write the Redundancy Review, but I struggle to engage with other writers for fear of being disingenuous about their work.

    And well, I am a socially awkward fuck outside of all that. Even at meetups and conventions when it is quite clear I am surrounded by like-minded people who would be happy to talk for a little bit or accept compliments on their cool-ass cosplays, I find myself struggling to even approach them for a quick hello without my partner either acting as hype man, or starting the conversation for me for me to segue in.

    One of the many areas I have in the list of “things I need to improve about myself”, which is not to say I am not socially capable, more just… the initiation part is always the hardest – though I should get off this tangent now.

    It feels weird. Looking back on a year of events and activities resulting in a lot of ups and downs to find myself in a similar position to where I was when this series started out. 

    Out of a job, unsure of what I want to do with myself except writing as a hobby, and wondering what comes next.

    It was definitely a bit of a self-esteem boost when talking to my former colleagues and one of them saying that I should definitely be putting myself out there a bit more in terms of roles, and that I am capable for positions I have admittedly not been applying for.

    I think for the time being I will continue to vibe, letting nature take its course and seeing what appears. Anyway, having all this time for hobbies has been rather enjoyable, which brings us to yet another Warhammer Wednesday… the first consecutive Warhammer Wednesday no less. Even one where I will talk about a building project I have been doing.

    How unusual.

    What I have been working on this week has been a unit of T’au Empire Fire Warrior Breacher Team, one of the two ways you can build a box of Fire Warriors, as opposed to a Strike Team. Whilst I am aligning myself with the Farsight Enclaves and most likely running battlesuit spam more than anything else, it is probably a good idea to have a basic infantry unit ready to go for smaller games.

    Plus I found a great deal on an old “Start Collecting!” box on Vinted shortly before I got told I was being laid off, and they were included as part of it.

    For a bit of background, Fire Warriors are the bread-and-butter infantry of the T’au Empire, with the most notable iteration of them being what is called the “Strike Team” – wielding either pulse rifles or pulse carbines to unleash massive volleys of shots upon unsuspecting enemies who get close to the gun line. These were one of the main things I was scared of when facing T’au back in the day, as they could take out my squishy units from a distance with it not becoming much better on the charge, as being in closer range gave pulse rifles extra shots, leading to an overwatch that invariably did more damage than if I kept my distance.

    However, I am not one for a static gunline, and I would much rather my infantry be able to dish out good shooting whilst also being close to the enemy, meaning the “Breacher Team” with their pulse blasters feels like a more fitting choice.

    The sprue I am using comes with thirteen options for legs, though there are only ten bodies with which to build full models. 

    My main choices for legs were ones where they are either on one knee to take a shooting position, or bracing themselves on a “rear” leg to assume a standing but steady shooting position. They might not be a static gunline, but I love the dynamic posing that comes from crouching down or leaning back to absorb some of the recoil from the gun.

    Guy doing a reload has a relaxed posture, presumably further back in the gunline whilst his comrades coover him. The Shas’ui (leader) of the squad has his pulse blaster in his hands but is instead using a pistol, aimed slightly higher up to potentially interdict threats from above that might disrupt the gunline.

    Two models in the squad are using the legs that make it look like they are moving forward, but with both feet still on the ground. The remaining three sets of legs I did not use have more dynamic running poses with one foot being off the ground, which did not really align with how I wanted this squad to look.

    Especially with these two. When comparing them to the rest of the gunline which are crouching or leaning down, it feels as if they are a proper cohesive team. A sternguard holding position ready to engage any threats that appear whilst a vanguard advances forward, blasters at the ready to deal with whatever might appear from dark corners.

    Unrelated, I am not sponsored by Tamiya. I do however think it is the best plastic glue on the market both for securely gluing models together and for inhaling the sweet vapours of as you build.

    This has overall been a pretty fun kit to build, with a surprising amount of posing potential for static pairs of legs compared to the potential arrangements a team of Crisis suits could be put into. Painting procrastination will continue until morale improves.

    One year down, let us see what the next year shall bring together.

    Thank you for reading this edition of the Redundancy Review. Wherever you are, I hope Wednesday has been kind to you. If not, the weekend is not too far away, and whatever you need to do to relax, I hope you are able to do it.

  • Redundancy Review: Day 361-364, “Independent and Resilient”

    Redundancy Review: Day 361-364, “Independent and Resilient”

    (for context on what this series is, please see my Day 1 post here: Redundancy Review: Day 1, “A New Beginning” – Rosalia Rambles)

    Good morning momos and roaches, welcome to Day 361 to 364 of Rosalia Rambles Redundancy Review.

    Took time away from writing over the weekend, mainly cause I ended up being so damn sleepy after eating way too much both on the Friday and somehow the Saturday, leading to hermitting a fair bit outside of delivering some bread to a friend who was visiting town.

    But, considering tomorrow marks quite possibly the biggest milestone the Redundancy Review will hit – a year since starting – need to be back on track in order to hit that.

    It feels weird to consider that the most life-altering event that has happened to me is almost a year past now, having the company I gave three years to go under seemingly out of nowhere, leading me to navigate joblessness for the first time in four years, encompassing applying for redundancy payouts, going through nonsense at the Jobcentre (a place devoid of soul and emotion), and applying to all different sorts of roles across communications, admin, and my main area of expertise, quality assurance.

    Outside of the redundancy payments, the rest of the ventures did not have much success. I have talked previously how much I despise the UK benefits system, and this opinion has not changed over time, with me very much not looking forward to when I eventually have to go back into that system to play along with their demands to get a meagre amount of money to go towards bills and small morale boosts along the way.

    Though honestly, I am a long way off needing to play the Jobcentre game, both because I currently have too much saved for them to even consider helping me out, and with the way my final paycheck worked out I will not even be eligible to say I am out of paid work until July – which by that point, who knows what could have happened?

    What I wrote above comes off as fairly pessimistic, and well, being honest, I do feel rather pessimistic right now. In addition to sleepiness over the weekend, I ended up having a lot of negative feelings in relation to being unemployed, even going so far as to cry heavily into my pillow some nights because the loss of my professional identity ended up hitting way too hard.

    I cannot recall how much I have used that phrase in previous reviews since losing my job again, but that is probably the most succinct way of describing how I feel.

    The way I was conducting myself professionally was not really healthy for me. I was burning out hard, losing passion for the work I did, and coping through seriously unhealthy ways – but at the same time, to not have that in my life anymore leaves me extremely listless in a way that feels particularly oxymoronic. 

    It is painful.

    It is confusing.

    It makes me doubt my every move.

    And that is why I need to keep writing.

    Even when I do not feel like it.

    Even when the world feels painful.

    Even when what I have to say is negative and borderline vitriolic in some ways.

    Because I do not want to fade away… and if it were not for my writing, all of this would stay stuck inside me.

    I will make it through, no matter the pain, no matter the pessimism, no matter the cost. 

    It feels weird to try segue into a VTuesday segment after talking about such pessimism, but considering the individual I want to discuss today, I think it all fits.

    The title of this review is “Independent and Resilient”, which is the alignment of my independent VTuber kamioshi of Matara Kan, a beautiful giant roach woman whose perseverance has inspired me greatly.

    Formerly of the agency VShojo, which crashed and burned extremely hard just under a year ago, Matara has now been continuing to carve her own path as a fully independent VTuber. She was even a guest at Vexpo last year, taking part in both the opening concert and a Meet & Greet, both of which I had the absolute honour of attending.

    I mentioned it briefly in my Vexpo rundown, but it is worth re-emphasising that I got absolutely stunlocked by Matara as I went into the booth for my Meet & Greet with her. I had my questions in mind, I was ready to talk to her about different topics, I was a confident person who, whilst a little socially awkward, would be able to talk to a VTuber she absolutely loved.

    “Ooo, you’re stylish~”
    “Rosa? That’s a gorgeous name.”

    Ueigrhauairhgetiow4jrgutorhgier09ghonvjer09withugbnoq4rphjgb4508gh9ndsght0j

    Brain? Gone. Words? Fumbled. Feelings of flattery? Off the fucking charts.

    I still managed to ask my questions, but in part due to my brain going haywire and the convention noise spilling in a little bit, I do not think I fully processed what she was saying back to me.

    So I just ended up gushing.

    Loving her resilience. The ability to carry on in the face of hardship. I did not explicitly mention to her about losing my job, but I think I mentioned having my own hardships and being inspired by her carrying on.

    It was not even two minutes I got to spend chatting with her, as when it came time for the attendant to politely signal that I should wrap up whatever I was saying, I said my thank yous and asked for a photo with her.

    This is still a cherished memory.

    And I recently got around to finally framing the penplotter gift that came with that Meet & Greet, taking its spot in my, slowly forming, VTuber art and merch tessellation on the old fireplace wall in my flat.

    Independent and resilient… I will embody those words as best as I can going forward. Even when the days feel dark, I want to try hold myself strong in the face of uncertainty.

    I just hope this is not empty fluff I am using to hype myself up.

    Thank you for reading today’s edition of the Redundancy Review. Wherever you are, I hope you are doing okay. Things feel tough right now, and if you are struggling against it all right now, I hope you find the strength to win your battles.

  • Redundancy Review: Day 360, “Not a Teenager Anymore”

    Redundancy Review: Day 360, “Not a Teenager Anymore”

    (for context on what this series is, please see my Day 1 post here: Redundancy Review: Day 1, “A New Beginning” – Rosalia Rambles)

    Good morning valedictorians and salutatorians, welcome to Day 360 of Rosalia Rambles Redundancy Review.

    The initial concept for today’s piece was going to be a quick-fire review of each plate I had at the buffet I went to today, just going through one after another especially considering I have spent the full day outside going on a date with my partner.

    But inspiration hit me partway through eating at the buffet for a reflective ramble, and I want to see how far I can run with it.

    I was thinking about my previous record number of plates I have ever eaten at a buffet, which stands at a lofty six plus a plate of desserts, which I set when I was around eighteen or nineteen – it was definitely a pre-university event at the very least and I started my undergrad work at nineteen.

    Even today I consider myself a big eater, but my teenage appetite was something else, even if that appetite manifested as my eyes being bigger than my stomach more often than not. I would see the biggest plates on menus at pubs and go “that please”, I saw buffets as a way to challenge my previous record rather than ways to experience new dishes, and I indulged in junk food way too often, eventually leading to my weight struggles of today.

    The times of being a big eater as a teenager were not without consequence though. There are at least two hands worth of incidents where I would go out with family or on my own, eat far too much, and then immediately upon getting home my body would give me the signal that I had severely fucked up and was about to pay a dire price.

    Although I have to admit, having that number of incidents under my belt has taught me when to stop, and knowing when not to keep eating at risk of ruining a delicious meal by piling too much on top.

    Which definitely came into play today, as I blasted through plates one, two, and three. Upon starting plate four I quickly realised I was coming close to fucking up again, only really stopping myself properly when my partner told me to.

    I am not going to say that I am “getting old”, I would have particular friends jump down my neck for saying that. But it is time like these that I reflect on how tenacious and resilient I was as a teenager with the feats I was able to accomplish.

    Past Rosa is not a good person, and I am very glad I am not her anymore, though I have to be thankful for what she achieved. Windmilling seven plates at a buffet only to go home and be able to jam Binding of Isaac till three in the morning to unlock some of the hardest achievements in the base game at the time.

    I hope if she knew where she ended up, she would look at me with fondness.

    Anyway, back on track to actually talk about the plates I had at the buffet. The place is called “Umami: World Kitchen”, and me and my partner decided to go there today as a treat after having a day of shopping and watching The Amazing Digital Circus: The Last Act in cinemas (the review of that will come after the episode drops on Youtube – I may be a small creator, but I am not violating the request to withhold spoilers until its out). The price is £21.99 plus £4.75 for a bottomless refills soft drink, for two people plus a 3% service charge came to £53.75 overall, which is on the higher end for a night out, but considering the offerings available, I thought it was great.

    Plus part of the fun of buffets is seeing what food crime combinations you can create with each passing plate, with my first one being a bizarre combination of:

    • Pepperoni pizza
    • Mac and cheese
    • Garlic bread
    • Tandoori chicken

    And yes, I did use my pizza crust to mop up the leftover tandoori marinade on my plate, it was strangely delicious as a combo. Though, after putting my plate together I did realise my mistake of loading on the carbs early as opposed to trying out more vegetable and protein based offerings to ensure more room in the stomach…

    …so I said “fuck it” and just decided to keep going down the route of carbs just to see how much I could, following up plate one with a second plate filled to the brim with offerings from the nacho station:

    • Tortilla chips
    • Cheese sauce
    • Sour cream
    • Salsa
    • Jalapeños

    Nachos in general are something I love to have at restaurants. Neon yellow cheese sauce hits different in a restaurant and I do not want to pretend otherwise, plus the sour cream was thick as all hell rather than being runny, which made it perfect to dollop on top of the tortilla chips.

    Plate three came next, going with a decidedly American-style offering:

    • Double beef burger, with ketchup and mayo
    • Chips
    • Onion rings
    • Chicken nuggets
    • Buffalo chicken wings

    It felt a little weird that I could not see any cheese on offer for the burgers, but considering I had already gone a bit hog wild on this plate and previous ones, it was not too much of a miss. Buffalo wings were a bit… meh, not really sauced, or fried, or anything that makes a Buffalo wing a Buffalo wing honestly, though when it comes to buffets, I tend not to have too high a standard as I know I am paying for quantity more than anything else.

    Plate four came along, and considering the fact the list looks like this:

    • Stir-fried rice noodles
    • Sweet and sour chicken
    • Salt and pepper squid rings

    My appetite was definitely satiated and my overload of carbs finally started to catch up with me. I was barely able to finish this one, partially due to fullness, partially due to the sweet and sour tasting not all that great, when I finally rang the bell on the savoury.

    Not on desserts though, I was not about to leave without tasting some variety of sweet treats, with the plate including two pieces of vanilla cheesecake, two pieces of chocolate fudge cake, a piece of Eton Mess cake, and a soft serve ice cream cone that was split between myself and my partner.

    Overall, I think I did a respectable effort. Four-ish plates plus a shared dessert plate is an admirable achievement considering all I had eaten in the day before this point was a piece of rocky road, a few slices of chorizo, and a can of energy drink…

    …y’know, writing that down might not help the case that I have grown out of being a teenager. Oh well, I still strive for constant growth, meaning I will be constantly making poor decisions until I train myself into making the right ones.

    Bit of a weird ramble, some reflection, and a lot of food. Regardless, thank you for reading today’s edition of the Redundancy Review. Wherever you are, I hope you can enjoy the weekend. Take some time for yourself, and just let the world pass you by – things are chaotic and hectic enough as is.

    Some quiet time always does the mind good.

  • Redundancy Review: Day 359, “Walking”

    (for context on what this series is, please see my Day 1 post here: Redundancy Review: Day 1, “A New Beginning” – Rosalia Rambles)

    Good morning striders and strollers, welcome to Day 359 of Rosalia Rambles Redundancy Review.

    Today is a day where I feel very stiff and sore, primarily due to all the walking I have been doing for the last couple weeks. As someone who lives in a very walkable town, most of my errands are conducted with me walking all over the place to get what I need. 

    Though, my affinity for walking comes down to both enjoying the ability to take in the sights, sounds, and smells… alongside the fact I am a cheap bastard where if my options are to take a bus for fifteen minutes or to walk for forty minutes, I will inevitably pick the option that does not involve spending a small amount of money and instead put my legs to work.

    This came into full effect whenever I needed to take a trip to London for something related to work, where I would usually enter in from Victoria Coach Station and need to navigate to a more central part of the city such as Euston or Kensington.

    Most normal people would walk the short distance to Victoria Tube Station and take a Victoria Line train that would take approximately seven minutes to whisk them away to their destination.

    Me, on the other hand, who is both cheap and despises going on the London Underground with all my soul, will invariably decide that the almost hour long walk (or in real terms, anywhere between one-and-half to two miles) is the better idea, however bad it might fuck up my feet, my joints, or in the case of doing this exact thing in the summertime, my overall disposition and appearance when the sweat inevitably kicks in.

    However much I complain about the pain my legs and feet are in though, I do not think I want to change how I operate in the slightest.

    First off, I recognise the fact I am able to walk these long distances with only avoidable pain to show for it is an absolute blessing. Being able-bodied (if severely lazy) is something I do not take for granted and am thankful for every time I am able to breathe deep and pound the pavement to my destination.

    Secondly, and this definitely applies more to when I take this approach to navigating around a city, but there is so much to organically discover when walking around a new location. This especially applies to whenever I would walk around London as part of a work trip, as my usual plan was to commute in via coach/train very early in the morning – both to avoid normal rush hour traffic and because there was no value in me working for an hour in the morning to then spend most of my time travelling anyway – and do my best to navigate to where I needed to be using only tourist maps, seeing what places I could see as I made my way to the meeting venue.

    I also incorporate “getting lost” time into my schedule whenever I have to walk somewhere new, with the planning stage me being looking up how long the walk will take on Google Maps, subtracting about five-to-ten minutes to account for my naturally faster walking speed… and then adding on half an hour to take into consideration the fact I will get distracted and will find a place that catches my eye so I have to spend a short while browsing in there.

    This especially came to fruition when my partner and I visited Manchester on Good Friday for him to have an initial consultation with a dress maker, they had a lot of clients before us so asked us to leave a phone number and they would call us back when they were ready.

    Main benefit for me was that this dressmaker was based in a part of Manchester I had never been to before, so we were able to kill an hour or two by letting my instincts guide me around the city whilst I went “ooo look at that thing” and “hey I wanna go in here”, finding new places to discover and seeing how chain shops in a big city compared to the same I had back home.

    Of course by the time we returned to the dress maker my feet were absolutely shredded and all I wanted to do was sit on the floor for a little bit to let myself recover… and even then my legs felt like they were out of action for the entire weekend afterwards, but again, I recognise all my pain is self-inflicted.

    It is a worthy payoff though, cause I feel my legs are my best aspect – both in how strong they are when I actually put my mind to using them, and how fucking shapely they are because of how much I walk, naturally toning them as I go and making them look fantastic in leggings.

    Now if only I were not a glutton, then I might be able to trim my waistline down just on virtue of how much I roam.

    Think I will be grabbing something from the backlogs for today’s review, partially because I had an Umamusume idea to tie into glutton and legs cause they run, but I ended up getting too distracted and not taking the required screenshots or having the brain power to explain one of my favourite characters.

    So instead, I will be talking about a simple burger and chips I ordered from a small local cafe, about a thirty minute walk from my place: The Tasty Table

    This cost me £9.50, extremely cheap in terms of food, but there are no frills here. No Aberdeen Angus or Wagyu beef, no brioche or sourdough buns, and no triple-cooked duck fat chips. This is a catering style burger patty, with a slice of plastic cheese, served in a floury bap. Add in a bit of mayo for moisture, and you have the perfect brunch as part of a walk to go mattress shopping.

    Whilst it does not look impressive, and I have certainly eaten more flavourful burgers, it is important to partake in the simpler things in life, both to remember how good things can be, and to never forget where you came from. Simple burgers from small cafes are a particular pleasure of mine – I even have a pipe dream of opening my own cafe one day – and I will always savour the most basic ass burgers I can find.

    More of a story focused review today than an actual review, but I am still proud of it. Thank you for reading today’s edition of the Redundancy Review. Wherever you are, I hope you are doing well. Friday is upon us soon, and for me it is going to be a busy day, but I hopefully have a good idea to try make a good review out of it all.

    We shall see how things go.

  • Redundancy Review: Day 358, “How To Be Unemployed”

    Redundancy Review: Day 358, “How To Be Unemployed”

    (for context on what this series is, please see my Day 1 post here: Redundancy Review: Day 1, “A New Beginning” – Rosalia Rambles)

    Good morning layabouts and slouches, welcome to Day 358 of Rosalia Rambles Redundancy Review.

    Has it only taken three days of being officially out of work for me to slightly lose my mind?

    Of course not – I was plenty mad before this. But there is a certain actualisation setting in that I do not really know how to be unemployed. We spend so much of our lives working with minimal downtime outside of scheduled holidays making it so that when the routine is disrupted by loss of a job, you have to start learning a new routine.

    For me, I still feel as if I am in the early stages of grief, perhaps exacerbated by my desire to find a new industry. It causes massive whiplash throughout the day cause I will find myself getting hyped over something…

    LIKE THE RELEASE DATE OF ACE COMBAT 8 BEING ANNOUNCED DURING STATE OF PLAY YESTERDAY AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

    …to just feeling a sudden emptiness and numbness after that hype as I slowly come to the realisation that it is eleven at night and even though I have filled the day with activities, it somehow does not feel like I have done “enough” and I have to try fill the entire day tomorrow with activities – productive or otherwise.

    My approach to the current situation might not be helping, because full-time job searching would actually be a way to fill a day, but as I explained I am still unsure as to when I want to do that.

    It makes writing feel hard too. In a way it feels performative to try write about my experiences when internally I feel numb about any of the things I am doing, that nothing I write about ultimately matters cause I do not feel what I am writing has value. I know that this is likely just the depression, or the estrogen, or the repeated beatdowns in optimism talking, but, it feels hard to write.

    Employment brings purpose. Being unemployed means losing purpose. Purpose can be found when unemployed. My purpose right now is both split between multiple areas and somehow undefined.

    I know I am good at writing. People call on me for writing assistance. The ability to extract what someone is trying to say from an initial paragraph or their own words and being able to put it into text is something I have honed and I am proud of…

    …so why do I struggle so much to do it for myself?

    Some of it would be restraint, because as much as I like to call this an “unfiltered” view of the experiences someone navigating an ever-changing world whilst unemployed, there is definitely some amount of filtering going on, if just because I want this site to exist as a portfolio and going full mask-off would be a little unwise off the cuff. Only when it is fully warranted does that part of me come out, which right now does not feel appropriate when talking about the numbness that accompanies unemployment.

    But right now, my words fail me, and the world feels all the more small because of that.

    I want to continue writing, and I want to be the kind of writer that can use words to tell stories even when those stories are not pleasant. To have the ability to craft words even when the motivation is lacking.

    Perhaps the fact I am writing about this shows I already am that kind of writer, just without the ability to see it for myself.

    At the very least, I still have my other hobbies to keep me going through this period, which can segue me nicely to finally doing a proper Warhammer Wednesday again, though, with more of a general discussion about the faction I am working on building and (eventually) painting: the Farsight Enclaves of the T’au Empire.

    So, a lot of the books I own for actually playing the tabletop game come from seventh edition, which was where I played the most 40k and ended up playing around with a lot of different factions… none of which were T’au.

    Specifically because T’au were ridiculously dominant in shooting phases and how they were able to shred through all other factions. I only really played in a small group at my local library, but I always held a mild fear of the T’au player due to how brutal his attacks were – a fact that was exacerbated by the fact I was a Dark Eldar player, a faction that was behind in terms of fun toys to play with compared to others and one that was insanely squishy even without considering that. It only took the T’au player helping me out with a list for me to find a niche within the faction that I enjoyed.

    If I had stuck with seventh edition for longer, my intention was to create some form of Aeldari hybrid force – messing around with adding in Craftworld and Harlequin forces as allied detachments to see if I could make up for what I lacked in certain areas, though a little game called “Star Realms” disrupted my desire to play 40k massively, and the desire completely went away once Magic: the Gathering got involved.

    So why is it, that when I am deciding to revisit the game and build up a collection of seventh edition viable armies from my old stuff, I went back to my old nemesis of the T’au?

    A taste of power perhaps?

    Or succumbing to the dark side entirely?

    Nah, neither of those things. I have always been a nerd for mechs and mech-adjacent things, and the various battlesuits of the T’au fascinate me greatly outside of their in-game effects. Boxy mechs that still have a decent amount of mobility due to their jetpacks or seriously tanky suits that are armed to the teeth with all sorts of high-yield weapons.

    But why the Farsight Enclaves specifically?

    There is a certain joy in aligning myself with the faction that is seen as rebelling against a strict caste system in favour of freedom and self-determinism. As the words in the beginning of my Farsight Enclaves supplement book says:

    “Through fire, revelation
    Through revelation, rebellion”

    This is not to say Farsight is the perfect leader in the grimdark world of 40k, having his own extremist tendencies and at one point in time succumbing to the temptations of Chaos somehow resulting in him becoming an avatar of Khorne for an extremely short period before his senses returned to him as a leader rather than an army-of-one.

    Plus, after transitioning I found myself to have a liking of the colour red more than I used to, which possibly plays into it as well.

    Part of my goal with building a Farsight Enclaves army is to build “The Eight”, Farsight’s group of allies that form a battlefield formation in seventh edition – this is something that can easily be done with my current pile of shame, so keep reading to see how that turns out and if I can motivate myself to actually base my models.

    Bit of a whiplashy Redundancy Review, but one that is likely to form some form of a pattern as I continue to debug my mind bit-by-bit.

    As always though, thank you for reading today’s edition. Wherever you are, I hope you are able to relax. We are past hump day now, and the weekend should be rapidly approaching. Hold on, you will get some time to yourself soon.