Good morning slackers and underachievers, welcome to Days 101 to 103 of Rosalia Rambles Redundancy Review.
Yeah, I have been resting.
Crazy.
A schedule slip that has come from deliberate, intentional, and honestly, needed rest.
And it has felt weird honestly, to wake up on a weekend to find myself sleeping in on Saturday rather than rushing out the door to do errands or start working on something around the flat. Instead I chilled in bed for almost three hours past when I woke up, letting myself feel relaxed and trying not to worry about things.
Even when I did head out with my partner when he was going to work, I only went to do minor things, such as having some lunch and buying a small amount of food to do dinner that night.
Today has been no different… minus getting woken up by another false alarm fire alarm going off, that was not a fun start to today – though once my day had started I found myself taking things incredibly easy still. I hung out with a friend and all we really did was sit on the sofa for near three hours before heading out to a simple lunch combined with some shopping.
It feels weird, to be willingly relaxing to this degree, for two main reasons:
A good portion of my mind still feels I am not entitled to relax, that I still need to be pushing myself in every moment
Outside of the usual paranoia issues that persist in my brain, I have not felt the resting anxiety that is present in my mind particularly hard
Organising my time still feels difficult though, as there is a lot I want to do during my downtime but the most rewarding thing right is just doing not a whole lot of anything.
I think that might be the key to letting myself heal here, in that I can spend my future time to do various other activities, but right now my weekends need to be lowkey affairs where I do very little, so that when I enter my usual winter hibernation time around Christmas; my time can be used to enjoy what I want to do, and not solely on recovering my energy.
The one downside to this is that I feel some social time will fall by the wayside because as much as I love all my friends, in-person socialisation can take a lot more of my energy than I often anticipate. Simultaneously though I can find energy by hanging out with people, so it depends on my mood on the day…
…in short I am a fustercluck of mental contradictions, which makes it hard to figure out where I need to direct myself sometimes.
That said, there is one constant in my life: good food. Oh yeah, we are back in action, a long-time coming next edition of:
Rosa Eats Her Way Around Shrewsbury!
God it has been a while I have got to type that title, and it makes me so happy to write it out again.
As part of my hangout today, my friend and I went to a venue called Floro Lounge on Shrewsbury High Street. “Lounges” is actually a chain of casual dining venues across the UK, being a bit more upmarket/expensive than somewhere like Wetherspoons but offering more esoteric options in exchange.
Specifically, I did not want something heavy from Floro today. Usually when I go in I get myself a bacon cheeseburger which I then add an egg on top of to make a sort-of breakfast burger – this normally fills me up for an entire day and was my traditional pre-D&D meal for the longest time.
So instead of going for a burger, I instead went for a tapas board, where three small plates could be ordered as part of an offer, which netted me:
Louisiana Chicken with Chipotle Mayo
Korean King Prawns
Guacamole with tortilla chips
The king prawns were the only thing I had ordered before, loving the flavour of the ssamjang-based marinade with a squeeze of the lime bringing a perfect savoury bite with a hit of acid.
The guacamole was good as well, but at the same time it did not hit the spot I was looking for. It was perfectly creamy and not overly stiff like supermarket guacamole can be like, but I think part of my brain is craving a giant plate of nachos from somewhere right now. No complaints though, was a nice lighter bite compared to what I might have been craving.
My main highlight though would be the Louisiana Chicken though, two thick chicken breast tenders in a lightly spiced batter served with an incredibly smooth chipotle mayo. It was absolutely fantastic, and I feel I could have devoured an entire board of the chicken with the other dips that were available (Maple BBQ and Sriracha with honey) easily.
For the price of £13.50 for the combined offer of the three plates, it makes for a perfectly passable lunch, especially if you are wanting to try new things.
Anyway, that will cover it for today, I want to get back to relaxing. Thank you for reading today’s edition of the Redundancy Review, wherever you are I hope you are also able to relax and that the Monday blues are not approaching you too hard. I appreciate you being here.
Good morning playwrights and screenwriters, welcome to… Day 100, of Rosalia Rambles Redundancy Review.
There have been a lot of milestones on this journey, from marking months past the inciting incident, and to celebrating Day 69 the only way I knew how (immaturity), but Day 100 feels incredibly significant to me.
It is difficult to consider how much my life has changed in the hundred days since I was first made redundant, and honestly, I have the Redundancy Review to thank for giving me a timeline to work from because otherwise I would not have kept track of how much time had actually passed, as it feels recent and distant simultaneously.
But for all the hardship, all the good times, and the self-doubt that continues to pervade my system every day… I am still here. The story has not yet ended.
And I want to dedicate today’s Redundancy Review to that topic: stories. It is a word I consistently use on this blog, with “storyteller” being my preferred title to describe what I want to do in life.
Even if the current form of my passion for writing came to me later in life, I have always had a fascination with stories. To my best memory (curse you depression and neurodivergence causing me to forget things), I was always a kid who liked immersing myself in stories, either real or made-up. I remember enjoying creative writing assignments more than most, and even if I was not the best at literature analysis; discovering the story within a piece of writing fascinated me.
Stories are an essential part of human existence – millions are generated every day by people around the world, whether they realise it or not. A lived experience will one day become a story you tell to others, the hardship of today will eventually become something you laugh about in the future, and the missteps you make now form their way into a cautionary tale for the future.
This is the core of the Redundancy Review, the story of one girl trying to navigate her way through an ever-changing world whilst she grapples with her own life being disrupted drastically. Even if the schedule slips and I end up missing out a couple days of a so-called daily series, it still forms a part of the overall story about what I am going through.
There will always be more stories to tell, and be they fact or fiction, I aim to be around to tell them.
In a way that is what the review segment really is as well, a story. I never claim to be and do not want to be seen as a critic, because ultimately whilst I will give my opinions on the topics I talk about, there are far more qualified people than me to give proper critique.
I still aim to provide information for people to make up their own minds, but ultimately what I am doing is telling the story of the experience whatever I am talking about gave to me – hence the esoteric range of topics from music, gaming, and whatever I had for lunch on a given day.
Which, yes, does defeat the purpose of this being called the “Redundancy Review”, but “Jobless Journal” would make less sense considering I am in full-time work currently and “Severance Stories” makes even less sense when you take into account it was the entire company imploding and several other of my colleagues getting caught in the crossfire.
Anyway, back on track.
Initially I was struggling to come up with a review topic for today, but a sudden brainwave gave me the perfect topic for today, given that it is a cover of a very popular Vocaloid song that specifically changes the ending lyrics to be a bit more heartwarming than bleak compared to the original.
The song in question is Rolling Girl, with this cover being by Lollia and RichaadEB specifically.
Content warning ahead: I will be discussing both the cover and the original which cover very bleak themes of failure, depression, and suicide. Read ahead at your own discretion.
This song has appeared on a previous Redundancy Review back on Day 28, but did not give it the level of coverage it deserves due to feeling a bit shit at the time. Time to make this right.
For background information, Rolling Girl was released in 2010 and was composed by famed Vocaloid producer wowaka, who sadly passed away in 2019 from heart failure at the extremely young age of 31. Rest in peace dude, and know your art is still being appreciated a decade and a half later.
When it comes to the main bits of lyrical analysis, I will be using Lollia’s cover since that is the version I want to focus on, however I will link a version of the original PV here and a link to the Vocaloid wiki with approved English lyrics here for people to get the full picture of what Rolling Girl is as a song, along with using those approved lyrics for comparison.
There is a certain sense of hesitation I get talking about this song, due to the themes it contains and how I relate to them, so I will try my best to do it justice.
At its core, Rolling Girl is a song about someone who is failing over & over again, with these repeated instances eating away at them until it becomes far too overwhelming:
“All the noise
Slicing layers in her heard
Has her screaming away
Has her screaming away”
This is a feeling I can relate to a lot with the song, when my brain gets full of negativity it feels like a massive cloud of noise that just eats away at me inside, though it often gets to the point where I cannot say anything at all due loud everything is to me.
Throughout the song there are instances, mostly during the chorus, where the protagonist (Miku/Lollia) is talking to a figure. It is during one of these instances where I want to highlight a difference in the approved English lyrics to Lollia’s lyrics and how her creative input makes the song far more devastating.
In the original version, the first chorus ends with the lines:
“‘How about now?’ ‘Not yet, we still can’t see what’s ahead yet. Hold your breath now.’”
I interpret this as Miku talking to an embodiment of her depression, though I cannot decide what exactly I think the topic at hand here is:
Is her depression asking her if she wants to end her life, and she wants to hold on because she does not yet know what is coming?
Is her depression asking her if she wants to carry on, but she is too far in her own mind to see what is ahead so cannot provide an answer?
I personally lead towards the latter, as I feel the original Rolling Girl works better with its ending to look at the earlier parts in a more hopeful manner to give the finale even more impact, but we will get to that soon enough.
Lollia’s version leaves very little to interpretation, but I love how brutal and raw these lyrics are:
“‘Are you better now?’
‘No, I don’t know how!’
What’s the point in living if pain’s never ending?
Please just let me stop my breath right now.”
Holy fuck the content warning was definitely needed. The first time I heard these lyrics with this cover I had to pause because they are so insanely hard-hitting for someone who has struggled with depression, but they show the creative power of interpreting Vocaloid songs into another language to give them even more impact.
There is very little room for interpretation here, and I absolutely love that.
Going to skip ahead a bit, not only because I feel myself quivering a bit talking about these topics, but so I can get to the bit I truly want to talk about: the ending.
This will start with me talking about the approved English lyrics version on the Vocaloid wiki:
“’How about now?’
‘Just a little more, we should see something soon. Hold your breath, now.’
One more time, one more time
‘I’ll roll along again today’
The girl said, the girl said
Breathing laughter into the words!
‘How about now? OK, you can look. You must be exhausted too, right?’
Stop breathing, now.”
When combined with the PV, the most common interpretation of these last lyrics are that Miku has finally decided to end it all, with her embodiment of her depression comforting her in her last moments, commenting that she must be exhausted from failing so often, and finally telling her to stop breathing. A tragic end to a song that has hope spots earlier on.
But… Lollia’s cover takes a different approach, one that gives an initially tragic song a far more hopeful ending compared to the original, though starting off in a similar way:
“‘Are you better now?’
‘No, I don’t know how!’
Maybe one day you’ll see how well I’m improving
Please just let me stop my breath”
Before erupting into something beautiful:
“Not now.
Just once more, just once more
I will roll again today, I know for sure
Oh that girl said, what she said
Playing every word and playing to pretend
‘Just once more?’
‘No, no more!’
‘Take my hand and come with me’
‘Tell me your story’
‘Please just let me hold your breath for now.’”
Over four years later, the way this version of the song ends has stuck with me, and how it completely changes the interpretation of the figure the protagonist is talking to. In the original, it is an embodiment of depression, waiting for them to give up but also providing comfort to them in their final moments.
In Lollia’s version, it very much seems to be a close friend, not wanting the protagonist to suffer any longer, but also refusing to let them go through with suicide. Letting them stop “rolling”/failing, and asking to be told their story, saying that they will hold their breath for now, a line that can be interpreted as this person wanting to keep their friend holding for as long as possible.
Quick picture for the thumbnail, with the touching tribute to wowaka at the end of Lollia’s video serving nicely.
And we come back round to how today’s edition started: stories.
Everyone has a story, through highs and lows, through happiness and sadness, through joy and sorrow. Everyone’s story deserves to be heard, and I want to continue telling mine through the medium I have chosen, for as long as I can be allowed to.
For anyone reading today’s edition, thank you.
For anyone who has been a long time reader, thank you.
For anyone who has only just discovered me, thank you.
Good morning Gregorians and Julians, welcome to Day 99 of Rosalia Rambles Redundancy Review.
No matter what I write today, this post is going out. There is no way in hell I am missing the day 100 milestone tomorrow by making a combined post, so whatever comes out of my head through my hands will be published today even if it is the most random tripe I can think of…
…that felt oddly good to write.
Main thing I want to talk about today is how it feels currently to try navigate each day at a time in an effort to treat my burnout. In short: it is tough.
The reason I am adopting a day-by-day approach is because my energy reserves to navigate each day feel exceptionally low, and most of that reserve is used to trying to stay focused, nourished, and not like I want to put my head into a shredder – which inevitably leaves me with very little strength after work to do things I enjoy or do the things I want to.
In that regard, plans need to stay flexible. Tonight I feel like I have enough energy to actually cook something, and try something new that I have been wanting to do, but yesterday I had no strength at all whilst desperately craving comfort, so pizza did the job nicely.
And because I have no idea how I will be feeling tomorrow, I do not feel comfortable making a plan for food tomorrow without knowing how my body is going to hold up… and that is okay.
If I can make it through each day relatively unscathed, then I will take that as a victory until I can get better.
There is no shame in taking things day-by-day, especially when things feel tough right now. I am in a position that is sustainable so long as I keep things measured, and I do not need to go beyond my limits unless the situation truly calls for it.
Plus after having to deal with prescription-related drama over the last two days, actually being able to take it easy some nights has really helped with my stress levels. I love what the NHS represents but goddamn if years of underfunding has not taken away a lot of its shine… come to think of it, it has been a while since I have had a left-wing rant on the review… should fix that soon…
Anyway, back on track, and running right into the review segment.
Several hours and one gashed knuckle later (damn knife sharpeners), I was finally able to try what I wanted to review: a low-alcohol cider from Marks & Spencer (M&S)
For newer readers, I am not someone who can enjoy full alcoholic drinks due to a mixture of tasting the underlying alcohol in most things hard and being a lightweight, so my primary way of enjoying drinks like cider is through low/no alcohol variants.
This particular variant is the one I have the easiest access to, with the M&S being fairly local to me – only a ten minute walk there and back at most compared to a near forty minute round trip to get to Asda.
Even for being low alcohol, translating to 0.5% by volume rather than the usual 4-5% that cider normally is, it goes down pretty smoothly. I have an incredibly soft spot for apple cider in particular and this had the perfect blend of sweet & tart flavours for a wind down after the day I have had.
A short review, but I want to get this out today so I can have Day 100 stand alone tomorrow. Thank you for reading this edition of the Redundancy Review, wherever you are I hope you can find the time to relax and enjoy the comforts of your favourite drink.
Good morning glassblowers and potterers, welcome to a catchup post covering days 94 to 98 of Rosalia Rambles Redundancy Review.
It has been a while, and, I did initially have a post ready to go for Saturday talking about something I was doing over the weekend, which was doing some tidying around my flat, all it needed was a review subject that I was struggling to find so I left it there and instead spent time with some friends catching up & chatting.
But, partway through the conversation, the subject of how I was doing came up, and words spoken ended up hitting me right to my core triggering what I can only really describe as a mental breakdown.
Every barrier and bits of bravado I had shattered, resulting in me crying my eyes out, apologising to my friends before just shutting down mentally, struggling to speak and needing to use Discord to say what my mind was trying to say.
That is one of the reasons I prefer writing as a medium, because I have always found it easier to write out what is on my mind than say it out loud, in both sound & unsound states of mind. My hands can do what my mouth often cannot, which is probably why I find it easy to be somewhat emotionally honest in these pieces.
“Somewhat” being the operative word in that sentence, as that mental breakdown did give me clarity that I had apparently been sitting on a lot more emotions than I realised, and I have honestly been taking the time since to look in the mirror to try reflect on what I am actually feeling currently.
In short… I think it is burnout.
Not just on work.
Not just on hobbies.
But on… life as a whole I guess.
I am someone who tries to push beyond my limits in all instances, and I was suffering greatly for it. It was making my inherent paranoia worse, pushing me to the point of thinking none of my friends actually like me for me, and more like me for what I can do for them, leading me to feeling depressed when I was not able to put on a show.
Additionally, I have not been processing my initial redundancy in a healthy way. For all intents and purposes, it was a traumatic event for me, something that is likely going to be impacting me for a good long while into the future, but at the same time, I have got to try release the hold it has on my outlook on life.
The redundancy was not my fault, and I have come out the other side of it with a few scrapes & bruises, but ultimately alive. Whatever work I do each day to build myself up again is enough, even if it is just showing up for a placeholder post.
It is going to be a long road to recovery from this severe of a burnout, and along the way I feel I might have to completely re-evaluate what direction I am taking to see if changing my path in a way similar to how I did in 2020 might work for me again.
For now:
I am enough.
The work I am doing is enough.
I want to make peace with my past.
I want to build a better future for myself.
Both things should not come at the cost of my mental health.
I have already done so much.
And continuing on in a healthy way will continue to do more for me too.
For anyone reading this, thank you for being along for this journey with me. The schedule has slipped a lot in recent weeks due to conventions and depression, but I still want to be here regardless, writing my story as best I can with the dream of being able to support myself with my writing work.
It will take a long time, but I have faith in myself.
…so anyway, Hololive Tuesday?
In a way it is a happy coincidence I have returned to posting on a Tuesday, especially as yesterday there was a frankly massive lore drop in regards to the two most recent HoloEN groups, Advent and Justice, with a motion comic uploaded to the main Hololive English Youtube channel.
Advent & Justice fans are eating good right now: the amount of collabs between members (including the hilarious recent chess collab), Advent’s five song project detailing their story, and now a fully voice-acted motion comic explaining the former’s time in the cell combined with how the latter interacted with them.
It would have been easy enough for Cover to just upload this as a manga, but the fact all the girls put the effort in to provide voice acting for this shows how dedicated to their craft they all are.
One of the main things I love about this motion comic is that whilst it deals with lore-heavy topics, it never seems too serious, even when resident theatre kid Elizabeth Rose Bloodflame is hamming it up with bombastic speeches about the nature of justice… only to instantly flip into being a complete dork in the next scene, getting flustered by Advent’s antics.
And speaking of Advent’s antics, god do I continue to love their chaotic found family theming. From sharing a room in The Cell to Shiori deciding to orchestrate a grand escape mainly because Bijou wanted to see the outside world, their dynamic continues to feel natural together – a bunch of misfits trying to navigate their way in the world.
One thing I hope definitely gets expanded on in later episodes or the lore in general is getting to see Justice use their weapons and abilities a bit more – especially Raora.
For those unaware, my favourite member of Justice is actually Raora Panthera, the “Artist with the God Eyes”, and I feel that aspect of her is slightly underutilised in the current story context. It is such an interesting idea for an ability and Raora herself has loredumped on Twitter that she is able to open portals for teleportation which sounds like one hell of an ability, so it would be nice to see that implemented in stories.
Of course I love that Liz is still shown using Thorn as her main weapon of choice though, there is something so badass about seeing her wield a weapon that is so clearly designed to be two-handed swung around near effortlessly with one hand, though they did actually show her doing a two-handed slash in the comic.
Plus the end reveal of Liz being the one to be providing Advent with all the comfort and amenities of The Cell is a very cute touch. Just monitoring, innit?
Need a thumbnail now, and well, if you have been around long enough to know what happens when I talk about Advent on Hololive Tuesday, you know who is coming up, plus…
SHE SAID THE THING SHE SAID THE SONG NAME AND THEN IT STARTED PLAYING AAAAAAAA!
*ahem*
I just really love Advent.
Deep self-reflection followed by me gushing about VTubers, even with an inconsistent schedule, the Redundancy Review follows its theme of inconsistent themes consistently… that is a very silly sentence but I love how it reads.
Thank you for reading today’s edition though. Wherever you are I hope you are able to relax and take it easy. If you are struggling yourself with something, do not be like me, reach out to friends and loved ones to find support – it is often closer to home than you think.
Good morning scribes and ghostwriters, welcome to a double feature for Day 92 & 93 of Rosalia Rambles Redundancy Review.
Feels weird to say but even after returning to normality today by getting back to work, my mind is still dwelling on VExpo and everything I got up to during that time. I find it funny, that even though there was a lot of organisational scuff and my energy did not sustain me as long as I wanted it to; I would still do it all again this weekend.
In a way I am trying to ride the high while attempting to convert post-con depression into post-con motivation. I returned to playing Beat Saber yesterday as a form of exercise and, whilst I am most certainly out of practice, half an hour let me work up a good sweat which should hopefully build into doing more exercise like that in future weeks.
I also find myself being a little bit more aware of my diet, committing to smaller scale lunches than what I would normally eat in the hopes of slowly but surely slimming down my waistline. Whilst I still feel I will not be able to fit into the majority of off-the-shelf cosplays, there will still be some benefit in feeling better in my body wearing whatever custom creations I end up getting, along with fitting into my current wardrobe better.
The main two things I need to keep in mind are:
Progress is slow
Progress is not linear
Or, to borrow a very impactful quote from Bojack Horseman (great series, do not think I can ever rewatch the whole thing):
“It gets easier. Every day it gets a little easier. But you gotta do it every day, that’s the hard part. But it does get easier.”
So long as I can try commit to doing some small amount of exercise each day, I can push myself to being in a better position a few months from now, which should hopefully put me in the best position possible by the time the next VExpo comes around.
Do not think there is much to say beyond what I have said, my mind feels oddly foggy over the last two days and whilst I keep myself moving, I find it hard to write about the last couple of days emotionally – so I am going to jump into the review segment and do a… sort of song review, it is hard to sum up what exactly this classes as.
When I did my initial Helldivers 2 review, I focused primarily on the gameplay loop rather than any of the narrative theming as I wanted to explain the core game succinctly.
Reviewing the Super Earth National Anthem is my way of making up for not talking about the narrative, because the satire of militaristic fascism and how consistent Arrowhead are with making bombastic propaganda is one of the main draws of the game in my opinion.
And “bombastic propaganda” is exactly how I would describe the National Anthem, right from the start it launches into justifying Super Earth’s campaign of liberation:
“Freedom must reign over every last star. Through citizen’s blood spilled in our righteous wars. Honor their deaths, do your part for the cause.”
It is a hilarious juxtaposition within the world, as it acknowledges that the “freedom” that Super Earth brings comes with an inordinate amount of civilian casualties, to the point that accidental civilian deaths in game only account to small fines to the basic currency acquired for completing objectives.
There have been several points in game where a minefield I have placed down has absolutely destroyed a group of civilians and all I get is some requisitions docked and a small reprimand from my Democracy Officer… yes, Democracy Officer, again, this game oozes political satire from every orifice.
And it ramps up even further within the next verses after these ones, but I want to in particular highlight:
“No questions or doubts shall be allowed Traitors will all be disavowed”
Not even just doubts, merely questioning Super Earth is enough to make you a traitor.
Kill a bunch of civilians with a napalm barrage? Slap on the wrist.
Ask why Super Earth’s elite have access to napalm barrages? Face the wall.
I could honestly go through each verse of the anthem and explain the brilliance behind the satire, but I think I can sum up the entire song briefly: it works.
As a piece of propaganda, the Super Earth National Anthem works because, despite the horror of the lyrics, it makes me feel patriotic to Super Earth and makes me want to dive on the fascist bugs, the socialist bots, and the xenophobic squids…
…I initially did have a screengrab from the video itself prepared as the thumbnail, as I usually do, but I had a brainwave as I was writing that previous paragraph and, as the song says, anything less will not suffice.
I am most certainly not immune to propaganda, but so long as it is only fictional nations that I am falling under the sway of, I think I should be fine.
That will do it all for today, thank you for reading this, as usual, emotionally confusing edition of the Redundancy Review. Wherever you are I hope you can find some time to relax, the weekend is not that far away so I know you can make it.
Good morning axolotls and mudpuppies, welcome to Day 91 of Rosalia Rambles Redundancy Review.
With my writeup done yesterday and now fully situated back at home… yeah, the post-con depression is starting to creep in. VExpo was possibly the full highlight of my year despite all of the complications leading up to it in regards to cosplay and some of the organisational slip ups the convention itself had, and now to be back to normality is… kind of rough feeling.
A lot of people read my writeup yesterday too, which is really sweet to see. I want to try use that positive energy VExpo gave me to keep trying to improve myself, because now I have truly had a taste of life on the outside again and god fucking damnit if I do not want more experiences like that.
Which y’know, is kind of the right energy to take away from something like this, and part of my logic is that I am pretty much exhausted every weekend anyway, so why not just be exhausted at a convention? Especially with the fact I want to turn the red dress I wore on the Saturday of VExpo into carrying even more plushies to make it almost like an ita dress but full of plushies instead.
Helps to keep track of them too, since they are pretty much always facing front I do not have to worry too much about someone coming up to try swipe one – though I should probably invest in a decent carry bag anyway if I want to carry any larger ones around on show.
The next potential event I could go to is London or Birmingham MCM, my usual old convention haunts from the before times (meaning pre-COVID), with London being near the end of October, and Birmingham being at the end of November. Both of them are pretty tempting options even though I do not really gel with the structure of MCM-style conventions in the UK, though, there is still one prevailing issue…
Funds.
Whilst I am currently in relatively stable work, I know at any moment I could be back to being in the shit once more and that makes me a little risk averse when it comes to making big ventures out, especially to events that I do not feel 100% on.
It is also a balancing act, cause I would love to go to more events, but I also want to go to those events in cosplay, and support artists, and treat them like holidays, but doing all of those things on top of event and travel expenses make the margins tight, especially in my current position.
So what does this mean?
Need to work harder obviously.
Falling into complacency was something I did a lot prior to my redundancy, of accepting my status quo and struggling to change. For the sake of my future security and to get the ability to go to more events, I cannot allow myself to fall back into that.
And if you agree with that you should consider hiring me for some writing work!
(god that was cheesy as fuck)
But genuinely, I am proving myself with writing every day. My VExpo writeup was near 7000 words done in approximately four hours with images, social media linking, and detailed back research on social channels to make sure all my information was correct.
I want to write.
I want to earn my way through writing.
And I want to write my story across multiple events for the foreseeable future, or until my body finally gives up the ghost.
With that call to action done, time to head into the review segment, and well… it feels kind of weird to do a Hololive Tuesday right after doing a giant convention write up, but I think this will be a good opportunity to highlight some of the artists I bought from over the weekend, starting with Mercury Designs with this gorgeous Nerissa Ravencraft acrylic standee.
For brief VTuber context, Nerissa Ravencroft is a part of Hololive English Generation 3 “Advent”, which is my all time favourite group of virtual people – and being honest, initially I was not all that interested in Nerissa as a talent, especially when looking at the other members of Advent.
But over time, her streams and actions slowly started carving a place in my heart for her, to the point now where I have considered cosplaying both of her outfits at one point in time, partially because it is a character where my actual height would lend to it extremely well.
Anyway, back on track with the art.
When I was browsing the VExpo art catalogue they posted, Mercury Designs was one that caught my eye, though it was actually for a Cecilia Immergreen standee than anything else, and during one of my artist alley walks I remember seeing it and having something click in my brain like “Oh yeah I was supposed to check these guys out”.
And whilst the Cecilia caught my eye once more, something about the composition of the Nerissa standee just looks so elegant, with the back piece of acrylic giving it an almost magical look to it. For £25 as well it is a solid price to support a small artist, and this is not including the fact I walked away with two A5 prints and a bunch of stickers from them too.
A shorter review than yesterday, but, I do not think anything will top yesterday for a long while. Thank you for reading this edition of the Redundancy Review, wherever you are I hope you are able to take things easy today. I am going to continue letting my legs recover from VExpo.
For more information on Mercury Designs and to purchase from their shop, visit the link here: Mercury Designs UK – Shop
Good morning wounded and weary, welcome to Day 84 of Rosalia Rambles Redundancy Review.
So, after much stress, deliberation, stress, sleeplessness, stress, panic, stress, rushing, and stress… I have decided to abandon cosplaying at my upcoming convention.
It hurts to reach this conclusion, especially after looking forward to it for so long, but after having a rough night last night where everything started piling up on top of me at once and trying to do some last minute plans/adjustments today, the notion all became a bit much for me, and considering the stressful year I have had up to this point, I want to go into my convention weekend with as few worries as possible.
Which sucks to come to the conclusion to, but given my body gets very close to giving up movement entirely once my stress levels reach a certain point, this is the right decision as much as I would normally keep fighting.
And being completely honest, I am hurt. Things got derailed so massively in planning this aspect of my convention holiday that keeping everything on track in addition to doing my day-to-day responsibilities just became overwhelming, and with two days to go, the stress is not worth it now.
A positive aspect I can at least consider now is having more time to plan out a proper approach to cosplay, taking my time with things more to have it all ready for next year’s convention… a weird thing to think about, not used to thinking that far in the future currently.
I genuinely feel like I am one more disaster away from having a complete breakdown, which, is… fun to think about.
But I have to keep going.
I still have things I want to live for.
So even if it hurts right now, I will try to keep moving.
…feels a bit weird to do what I was planning for my review segment, but, it is Hololive Tuesday, and I want to at least talk a bit more about what my plan was for the convention, so, here is the reference sheet of one Shiori Novella of Hololive English Advent.
If it is not already clear from the amount of times I have reviewed something Advent related for Hololive Tuesday and ended it off with calling Shiori beautiful, or stunning, or various complimentary adjectives: I love Shiori Novella so much. She is one of my many oshi, possibly in contention for being my kamioshi.
As a goth myself, I fell in love with her design ever since it was revealed, absolutely loving her dress, her hair, and her big ass jacket. But, after she debuted and started talking on stream, her honesty & realness really resonated with one early clip in particular standing out for me:
What people see of Shiori from the outside is usually someone who says something silly or off-the-cuff, leading to silly or lewd moments with others, but when you dig deeper on her, you realise this is a person who is not afraid to show their emotions, to be excited to share stuff with people and to be open in the harder times.
As someone who writes daily about how they are feeling and trying to maintain honesty as I do so, Shiori’s personality resonates with me a lot, which is why I wanted to cosplay her.
Additionally, her outfit always looked like something that could look reasonably okay out on the street, compared to other Hololive outfits – especially the jacket. If I were able to get a high enough quality one as part of a cosplay commission that was made out of a sturdy fabric, I genuinely feel I would use it as an everyday jacket during the winter.
Plus, being fully upfront, I genuinely have considered getting my hair cut in a similar style to hers. Not matching the dye because that would be way too much to maintain on my own, but just matching the cut and seeing how it feels on me.
Anyway, that is enough silly VTuber ramblings for the day. I am very tired, and kind of just want to curl up now.
Thank you for reading the Redundancy Review all the same. I hope you are having the best day you can.
Good morning seamstresses and crafters, welcome to Day 83 of Rosalia Rambles Redundancy Review.
It is now six days before my convention and I am most definitely starting to panic and feel the stress holy shit. Was doing some try-ons of the improvised cosplay I am intending to wear and there is definitely still some stuff needing to be adjusted/ironed out for it to be worthwhile, and this is not including all of the other logistical details also needing to be sorted out before we leave on Thursday afternoon.
Of course all this stress would be moderately reduced if my actual costume plans had come together… and of course I would also be less stressed if I had not had to spend a lot of my time fighting government agencies for money in the wake of my redundancy instead of costume planning but life goes on.
All of this comes with the thoughts of what it might be like next year to try do this same convention again, and try to reattempt what was meant to happen this year, which leads on to the thought: where the hell am I going to be this time next year?
My partner and I were talking about how the improvised plan is still not going to be perfect, with him specifically worrying about “it not going right”, to which my very blunt response was:
“A lot of things have not gone right this year.”
If you asked the Rosa of March this year about how she felt her year was going to go, she would respond with cautious optimism. She would recognise that the company she worked at was going through some hard times but she had faith in upper management of navigating these issues, and that whilst things might seem hairy, she at least had job security for the remainder of the year.
And now?
Well, I am certainly a different person, although I find the words to describe who I am now oddly difficult.
Part of me wants to call myself a more “bitter” person now, that my redundancy hardened my heart and fully disillusioned me from any corporate structure giving me true fulfillment, even if holding that belief was a fool’s errand to begin with.
Another part wants to call myself a more “honest” person, that I have a better read of situations within the industry I exist in and I, however begrudgingly it may be, understand that my position within this industry has now changed, demanding that my approach change with it.
There could also be an argument made for a part of myself that considers myself a more “ambitious” person now. Before my redundancy was made official I had struggled to write consistently for over a year, instead choosing to push one of my purest passions to the side in favour of navigating through my new life circumstances – something I do not feel I can be faulted for.
But now I find myself trying to write every day, with a varied success rate, and exploring new ideas for making my way in this world, desiring to learn something new every day or trying new things and attempting to persevere through my mind telling me I am not good enough.
Even if my creative ventures continue to be nothing more than thoughts inside my head, I want to be proud of the fact I have committed to practicing writing every day in one form or another. The Redundancy Review is my living journal through which I build my skills up every day, no matter the weird topics I tackle or the intense emotions I put on show for all to see.
If anything I write appeals to you, please get in touch. I continue to be available for freelance writing work on top of freelance QA work and I would love to learn more while making your project the best it can be.
In the meantime though, I need to review something, otherwise the title suddenly makes very little sense, and I think it is time that a little bit of my tech industry background starts to show itself.
So, am I talking about a piece of work software? Perhaps talking about one of the virtual reality headsets I use on a daily basis? Maybe it is even my work peripherals I want to talk about?
Surprise!
It is none of them.
Instead, we are talking about the all-in-one meal replacement in a bottle: Huel.
Huel, a portmanteau of the words “human” and “fuel” which shows how techbro this stuff really is, is a brand of meal replacement powders, dehydrated meals, and the subject of today’s review, the ready-to-drink meal. Specifically the Black Edition because that is the one my local Tesco had in stock.
Initially, I tried Huel on a whim near the start of March having found it next to the milk in my local Tesco. I had some familiarity of what it was but had never considered trying it before that point.
It is… weird to describe. Due to the fact Huel is entirely plant based with the Black Edition specifically having a base of water and coconut milk powder, it has the consistency of very thin porridge but with a chocolate flavour. Thankfully the coconut flavour is not all that pronounced which is good because I cannot stand the taste of coconut.
On the surface, Huel is described as “nutritionally complete food”, with the headlines on the bottle reading:
35g protein
26 essential vitamins & minerals
7g dietary fibre
Slow-release carbs
And Omega-3 and Omega-6
Back in April I actually pursued using Huel as a weight loss aid, replacing my lunch with it specifically. The logic behind this was trying to make my calorie intake over lunch more consistent as I frequently had indulgent lunches that would hit between 800-1000 calories, this is not to mention that a single bottle of Huel (on average) still has less calories than a supermarket meal deal sandwich.
It was a tough time, especially as my body had to grow used to so few calories before dinner, but for a time I did feel healthier… until the redundancy hit and I stopped as a cost saving measure.
Now I view Huel as mainly an emergency/convenience item more than anything else. The two bottles I have pictured are coming with me to my convention as having something to carry around in the back to have as a “meal” if the schedule is as busy as I anticipate it being, leaving me little time to actually sit down and eat.
In terms of convenience though, Huel is a great option for the days when my brain is just too overwhelmed to make decisions, which is what I see as the best personal excuse to do a meal replacement drink. Some days I am worrying too much about work, personal stress, or otherwise to even want to process picking something out for lunch, so downing a drink that gives me enough nutrition to keep going whilst I let my brain slow down is the perfect option.
Plus, with the fact these Huel Black Editions were on Clubcard Price for £3.20 each combined with the recent increase in Tesco Meal Deal pricing, this works out as both less calories and cheaper overall, which I think is pretty good.
But that does it all for today, I am going to head back now to do my actual current job. Thank you for reading this edition of the Redundancy Review, I hope the Monday blues are not dragging you down too much and the rest of your week looks clear.
For more information on Huel, visit their website here: Huel UK
Good morning fixers and repairers, welcome to a double feature for Day 81 & 82 of Rosalia Rambles Redundancy Review.
Did I miss a day out of my commitment for writing every day before my convention trip? Yes I did. Do I have a good reason for it? Yes I do.
I have been enjoying myself and relaxing. I had a friend over for a roast dinner yesterday which took up a lot of my energy in terms of preparation and then I played a lot of Helldivers 2 to continue unlocking stuff from the Halo warbond.
That said, I did make a marginal improvement to Rambles as a whole by upgrading the top navigation bar: adding in a dedicated Redundancy Review button to navigate to all of these articles, and adding in both my fiction & commissions right at the top bar to advertise that part of the website.
Taking several factors into consideration, the primary factor of which is my rent going up by £40 at the start of October, I definitely want to put more effort into advertising the fact I am available for writing commissions or quality assurance contracts. Part of me realises that returning to the stable corporate structure might not be in my foreseeable future, and as much as the freelance life unsettles me a little bit; there are a fair few benefits that come with it as well.
Specifically, freelancing gives me a higher chance of remaining remote in my work lifestyle, which I would very much like to do for the foreseeable, both for personal preference and to help try to maintain the idea of remote work becoming the norm in the coming years.
For those who might not be aware, I consider myself a “remote work advocate”, to put it in LinkedIn speech. I believe remote work is the ideal way for people to work and whilst there are definitely going to be a fair few exceptions within that statement, I feel remote work needs to be more widely adopted across different industries – especially in the increasingly volatile tech industry.
I see a lot of techbros talk against remote work, saying that nothing beats the in-person energy of experimentation and bouncing ideas off of each other… and to some extent, I agree.
Brainstorming ideas in-person can lead to more off-the-cuff suggestions, but I feel it should skew more towards regular team days that focus on both work and relaxation. Gather people together for meetings where they can discuss how things have gone in recent months, where improvements can be made, and then follow it up with an evening of relaxation together, either going out for a meal or engaging in an activity.
Remote work leads to healthier people and higher productivity. At least in my case, the fact I am working in my own space without the distraction of people talking to me or coming by my desk for a chat leads to me getting my work done a lot quicker, especially when taking into consideration that one of my (many) neuroses is that I really struggle to work when I am aware of someone looking over my shoulder or perceiving my work in any way.
I am working, you do not need to stand over my shoulder and assure yourself that I am doing so. It will get done, so leave me alone and let me work…
…god help me if I end up getting an in-person role in the future, in my now almost five-year career as a QA I have worked a grand total of seven days in an in-person setting, and of those seven days only three of them could be classed as actually doing my job since one of them was getting to the office for the first time and being toured round with the remaining three being in-person meetings where I spent more time commuting than I actually did contributing.
It would be one hell of a socialisation experiment, but ultimately, even if I am not the most social person at work, I still get the job done.
Want to hire me and watch me prove that? Get in touch! Quality assurance, fiction writing, technical writing? I will do it all and am more than happy to work within your budget to find a solution that benefits both of us.
Time to head into the review, and considering a well-known card game accessory manufacturer is currently going through a lot of bad publicity due to stupid decisions regarding AI usage and Harry Potter licensing deals, I think it will be good to review a deck box from what is quickly becoming my favourite manufacturer.
An aside, fuck you Ultimate Guard. Your Katana sleeves were actually some of the best on the market but I cannot in good conscious support you given the decisions you have made over the past weeks.
Anyway, here is the Gamegenic Squire Plus 100+ XL Deck Box, in the Teal/Pink colour scheme because the trans vibes must be immaculate.
I am not entirely sure when this particular deck box was released, but I definitely think it was at least in the last year or so, and if we go by how little stock of these exist within UK stores currently, it is reasonable to assume they are quite popular – a sentiment I fully understand now that I have my hands on one.
The headline feature of the Squire Plus over the regular Squire is the addition of the transparent hard plastic card case that can store a single standard-sized trading card. This is specifically designed around the immensely popular Magic: the Gathering format “Commander”, which features a single card chosen to be your commander.
It presents an extremely novel solution to the eternal problem that many Magic: the Gathering players face: remembering what deck is stored in what box. With your commander displayed prominently on the outside of the deck box, it not only allows for finding the deck easier but it also allows your decks to become display pieces themselves, proudly showing off your favourite creations on your shelf.
Additionally, the magnets on the lid of the deck box are extremely discrete compared to other magnetic deck boxes I own, barely being visible on the box or the lid itself leading to a very slim look when all put together.
The MSRP of these deck boxes is listed at $27.99, which converts to roughly £20.78 as of time of writing. I got this a little cheaper than that from chaoscards.co.uk (not sponsored, but a big fan) at £17.95, which I consider a more than worth it price point for the quality you get in exchange.
Now to figure out which deck I want to put in this thing.
That will do it for today, thank you for reading this double feature of the Redundancy Review. Wherever you are, I hope you have had a very good weekend with plenty of relaxation, and that the Monday blues do not get to you too much tomorrow.
Good morning painters and lovers, welcome to Day 76 of Rosalia Rambles Redundancy Review.
Today was a good day for me. It is a bank holiday in the UK, and even though I am a freelance contractor who would not normally get public holidays, I decided to take it off anyway. Partially because of appreciating keeping some semblance of my old schedule as a tech worker, and partially because the events of the weekend left me thoroughly demoralised.
Thankfully though, two of my closest friends (who coincidentally live upstairs from me) had the day off today, which made it a good time to play Magic: the Gathering together especially considering it is very rare we get the chance to start playing in the early afternoon rather than early evening due to mine and my partner’s work schedule.
And despite the fact I was not the victor in either game, it was exactly what I needed today. Hanging out with good company, playing a game we all love, and ending it off by sharing a home cooked meal together.
Cooking is definitely how I show love to others, being stronger than actual physical affection in my eyes at least. Making a meal is one of the best things I can do for someone, and it is something I massively enjoy in trying to hone my skills in the kitchen and infinitely trying to get better with what I am making.
Which y’know, ties into how often food reviews feature on the website. Whether I am making it or whether I am eating out, good food with good people is a cornerstone of my life, leading us very nicely into…
Rosa Eats Her Way Around Shrewsbury!
I mentioned in yesterday’s review that I had got another one prepared ready for today, partially out of feeling intensely on Sunday and wanting to find somewhere to have a treat lunch, realising I could make another food review out of it and capitalise on how easy they come to me.
And when it comes to comfort food, pizza is the be-all and end-all for me, with myself having a soft spot for a local joint known as “Dough & Oil”.
Dough & Oil is definitely more… hipster than other pizza places would be. WIth a small menu of pizzas along with minimal sides, the focus is more on quality ingredients and pillowy crusts than anything else. My pizza of choice? One known as “The Philipo”.
The Philipo is the standard tomato sauce and mozzarella base, topped with spicy nduja salami and piquante peppers before being sprinkled with fresh pieces of rocket. The price point of this pizza is where the hipster element of the venue comes in, with this lovely pizza pie clocking in at a steep £15.
On one hand, I can recognise this is extremely unaffordable, especially when it comes to pizza – the same amount of money can pay for a larger takeaway pizza that can become multiple meals or pay for several supermarket pizzas that can be stored for longer and make even more meals beyond that.
But on the other hand, as a very infrequent treat, this pizza hit the exact spot I was looking for. Spicy toppings, an incredibly soft and flavorful dough, and hitting the craving for a slightly more luxury pizza. Specifically the nduja salami on this one hit my usual craving for spicy food perfectly, warming my mouth perfectly and waking me up sufficiently for the rest of the day.
Somewhat related, I really wish there were more places to buy pizza-by-the-slice in the UK. When it comes to craving the comfort of a pizza at lunchtime, I find myself very thin on the ground for options. I am either committing to something like I did yesterday, sitting down for a proper lunch and a large-sized pizza, or I am scrolling the menu of the local Dominos to get a small personal pizza that hits the spot, but feels a little overkill for a lunch.
And before anyone chimes in: no, Greggs does not count as pizza by the slice. It barely counts as pizza if you ask me.
A venue like Dough and Oil I think would be ripe for such a business venture, serving delicious slices of specialty pizzas for a reasonable price to anyone who might be walking by.
Side tangent over, finishing things off.
Thank you for reading today’s edition of the Redundancy Review. If you are in the UK I hope you have been able to enjoy your bank holiday, and if you are someone who has been working today, I hope things have not been too difficult for you.
For more information on Dough & Oil, visit their website here: Dough & Oil
Rosalia Rambles 