Tag: shirakami fubuki

  • Redundancy Review: Day 135, “Staying Sharp”

    (for context on what this series is, please see my Day 1 post here: Redundancy Review: Day 1, “A New Beginning” – Rosalia Rambles)

    Good morning swordsmen and pikemen, welcome to Day 135 of Rosalia Rambles Redundancy Review.

    Starting this one pretty late in the evening compared to how I normally get these done, had basically no chance to breathe during work today followed by a lunch where I was purely focused on recovery, before finishing up for the day and deciding that I wanted to focus primarily on eating for the night alongside playing some Clair Obscur: Expedition 33.

    Absolutely fantastic game by the way, I am just over four hours into the game currently and I am having the time of my life. I think it might end up being too big to do a proper Redundancy Review on, but I definitely want to talk about it at some stage. The themes of the story, the writing, and especially the music are all top-notch with so much to say about all of it.

    But for now, I want to write. 

    I have talked at length over the last couple of weeks about what the “purpose” of the Redundancy Review is. Documenting change, giving myself the opportunity to look back on where I was, and to clear my head from a busy day – though there is one painfully obvious purpose I have yet to talk about.

    It keeps my brain sharp, and my writing skills in use almost every day, which I can see the results of in my everyday life… for the most part.

    When friends or my partner ask for writing assistance, it usually comes quickly to me, be it for a quick naming suggestion, help in jazzing up some paragraphs for a job application, or even for the rare commission. 

    However, the fun part comes when I am asked to write any form of professional email at work. Deep down I know what I need to write and how to handle myself in any work correspondence, having done the task for almost two years after my mentor let me get hands on with production work.

    But there is something that comes with doing that task that causes me to freeze up and overthink about what I need to write, performing several rewrites and word changes to make sure I am not coming off overly harsh, too friendly, or somehow sounding like I do not know what I am doing.

    This has reminded me of two pieces of advice that both my mentor and the producer I worked incredibly closely with have given me. The former comes in regards to me talking to her about my overthinking once:

    Yes, I know you are an overthinker. That is why I do not give you the chance to think and give you so much to do so you focus on that instead.

    Harsh? Yes… but she has a point. If I am given enough to work on, and the work is sufficiently stimulating to my brain, I find myself getting into a rhythm before long which seriously helps quiet my brain.

    The second piece of advice came as the producer and I talked about me going overly formal on client calls, making me wonder about the nature of professionalism:

    Professionalism is delivering your points clearly and not saying fuck.

    That one in particular has stuck with me, and it has actually helped inform how I handle professional interactions, letting myself sound more natural in how I explain things. I still go a little robotic from time to time, but my delivery has relaxed immensely.

    In a way it is funny, I always worried about my professionalism when it came to delivering my work output, which itself is delivered on calls where a large portion of my plushie collection is on show for my colleagues to look at.

    I do use virtual backgrounds when talking to external clients, as much as I feel like it would be a conversation starter.

    For now though, I keep myself sharp through writing these reviews… which I should probably try write a review segment for today…

    …yeah, let us have a “VThursday” as a complement to VTuesday, even though the name does not roll off the tongue the same way.

    This was something I actually ordered back right before I lost my job, a canvas panel from the “holoAnimArt” series, a collection of original art depicting Hololive members as the animals that they adopt features from for their VTuber model. Being a massive Shirakami Fubuki fan, as I have talked about before on the Redundancy Review, it was a no-brainer to pick up.

    I am surprisingly blown away by the quality of both the included print and the wooden easel it comes with for display purposes. The canvas itself has a loop in the back if I wanted to mount it on a wall instead but I really like the presentation of the easel, gives it a more rustic feeling that matches with the more realistic depiction of the Hololive member as an animal.

    The only gripe I have with it, and this is most definitely a “first world VTuber fan” problem, is that because of the size of the easel and the canvas it does not fit well onto my pre-existing, yet admittedly overflowing, Fubuki shrine, so I either have to display it on its lonesome or commit to doing a full rearrangement of my displays in order to build a better Fubuki shrine.

    You know, if that is one of the biggest problems facing me right now, then my life really is not that bad, for all the overthinking my brain likes to inflict upon me.

    But that will do it for today, thank you for reading today’s edition of the Redundancy Review, my every day writing practice. Wherever you are I hope you are able to relax, it is Friday tomorrow, and the weekend is beckoning us ever closer.

  • Redundancy ‘Review’: Day 112-113, “Periods Suck”

    (for context on what this series is, please see my Day 1 post here: Redundancy Review: Day 1, “A New Beginning” – Rosalia Rambles)

    Good morning lemons and bulls, welcome to Day 112-113 of Rosalia Rambles Redundancy Review.

    Yup, still suffering from period-related issues. 

    Honestly one of the worst things when it comes to this regular stretch of time for me is not the pain, or the fatigue, or the emotional instability, or loss of appetite… writing it all down like this really highlights how much my body can shut down during periods and I should really not be so harsh on myself.

    No, the worst thing about this all is the persistent brain fog I get saddled with for around a week or so – it makes everything way more difficult for me.

    Writing is the biggest one, as I will often find myself sitting in front of a document trying to formulate what I want to write and feeling my brain either shut down entirely, or have it be a dedicated effort to force my thoughts onto the right path for long enough to string coherent sentences together.

    But it definitely does not stop there, as every part of my life becomes more difficult to navigate. Even a task as simple as sleeping can be disrupted extremely easily, which leads into a long series of knock-on effects into my day, especially at work.

    I still come in, and I still try my best every day, but my current situation in being in a smaller company makes the times when my period hits hard even more nervewracking. 

    In my current role I have a decent amount of ownership over a significant part of the business pipeline. This is absolutely great for my career progression, as it advances me into new areas and learning opportunities with each day, keeping my skills honed alongside exposing me to new areas of the business.

    Tech is a rapid-moving and near-hyperproductive industry, in a way this has tempered me to a fine degree which ties into how willing I am to be flexible on a given day.

    Jump on new release testing? You got it.

    Handle some ghostwriting for a LinkedIn post? I am your girl.

    Try something entirely new that will help the company? Happy to help.

    For as much as I hold some internal resentment for myself over what kind of person this has made me, there is no denying that I am in the position I am in today for that reason… although, this senior position comes with a downside when my brain is the way it currently is: there is nowhere for me to hide.

    Before, on my bad days, I had others around me who both understood what I would be going through, offering support and making up for whatever I might have been lacking that day. Do not get me wrong, the understanding is there with my current colleagues too, but the nature of the company and my position does lead to my bad days feeling heavier now than back then.

    I always got told one specific effect of going on feminising hormone replacement therapy (HRT) by doctors in the early days of my medical transition:

    “You will find your emotional range opens up, you may also find it easier to cry.”

    There is a point I want to make here on the former, but I want to poke some fun at the latter before I do.

    Yeah.

    Yeah it really is fucking easier to cry. 

    I find myself crying over the most minor of things sometimes, and this gets exacerbated further whenever my period starts because I will find myself crying over almost anything. 

    Bunnies? Bawling. Songs? Sobbing. Critters? Crying.

    (god I love alliteration)

    Anyway, back on track.

    My emotional range has opened up ever since starting HRT, but, and this is very rare for me as I do not keep up with the MCU at all, I am thinking of a quote from Captain America: The First Avenger:

    “The serum amplifies everything that is inside. So, good becomes great. Bad becomes worse.”

    Dr Abraham Erskine

    Going on HRT was one of the best things to happen to me. For all the challenges I have faced and the problems I still navigate today, I can categorically say I am far happier than I was when I started over three years ago.

    But at the same time, I am still trying to learn how to navigate an emotional range that is comparatively new to what I had before, and one that specifically amplifies whatever I am feeling – positive or negative.

    Very on theme for the overarching narrative of this blog though, feel once my mind actually unfucks itself to a degree I should write out an updated vision for what these pieces mean to me.

    Considering the day I have had in terms of work stress whilst managing everything I have written about above, I think a proper review topic is a bit of a stretch. Still need something to get a  thumbnail though…

    …yeah, after the day I have had and the fact I missed yesterday’s post (which would have included a proper announcement that the Tuesday review segment is now called “VTuesday” because god that makes too much sense in hindsight), I think I just want to ramble about one of my silly little VTuber displays today.

    Specifically this is my (almost) complete collection of Shirakami Fubuki merch. Fubuki is one of the longest standing Hololive talents, being a part of their first generation of HoloJP talents all the way back in 2018. Initially only finding her through clips of her speaking English at different points in games, eventually she found her way into my heart through streams and songs, quickly becoming one of my favourite Japanese members.

    Plus, she is a white fox, which I have to love considering my fursona is part Arctic Fox.

    Special shoutout to the card I have in the frame as well. Not only is the promo inside worth a considerable amount of money on the secondary market (thank you to Wes from VeXpo for pointing that out to me), the frame it is in possibly one of the best card display frames I have ever seen – it even came with a perfect fit inner sleeve to protect the card further whilst it is within the frame.

    The display lives on my Playstation shelf as well because it specifically ties into when Fubuki was once having problems with getting her PS2 to work for a stream, a little meta joke that, even after just explaining it, I am probably the only person who finds it funny.

    Anyway, that should do it for today. I am proud of myself for actually getting something out in the open today, but I am also very thankful to you for reading today’s edition of the Redundancy Review. Wherever you are I hope you are able to find some time to relax, we are past hump day now, and the weekend will soon be upon us.