Rosalia Rambles

Tag: Warhammer 40k

  • Redundancy Review: Day 416-428, “Loss of Potential”

    Redundancy Review: Day 416-428, “Loss of Potential”

    (for context on what this series is, please see my Day 1 post here: Redundancy Review: Day 1, “A New Beginning” – Rosalia Rambles)

    Good morning downers and bummers, welcome to Day 416 to 428 of Rosalia Rambles Redundancy Review.

    The struggle continues to be real. We are back to being in a heatwave in the UK, in addition to being in a “flash drought” due to how little rain we have been getting recently, which is both depressing and terrifying, the latter for the effects of climate change getting progressive worse over here, and the former because I feel sitting down and listening to the rain would help me a little bit.

    Outside of watching the world burn, it has been a struggle to write down my thoughts because everything feels negative right now. I definitely have some good days, but a lot of days recently have had aspects of my negative mind prevail. A particular highlight includes a night where my partner and I had a heart-to-heart about my current job situation, leading to me needing to vocalise something in order to get it out of my head.

    It came after my most recent unsuccessful interview, and I was talking about how it felt to be sitting across a panel of three people in my interview outfit – an outfit that makes me look as professional and presentable as can be – and one dark thought came into the back of my mind as I was answering questions:

    “Who in their right mind in this day and age wants to hire a transgender person?”

    Admittedly… the phrase my thought manifested was not “transgender person”, it was most definitely the T-slur. I am not proud of saying/thinking it, especially in reference to my own identity, but to try deny otherwise would be to deny the serious self-image problems I have been experiencing as part of this most recent layoff/job loss.

    I am still not really sure what to call it, cause in the end I was a contractor, someone who could have been let go extremely easily at any point so it is not really a “layoff”. With a fair bit of time having passed since the initial hit, I do appreciate the amount of heads up that I was given was extremely generous, especially in the current climate of layoffs.

    Layoff might just be the easier word to say? There is a lot of nuance around my current situation, ever since the initial redundancy that triggered this entire journey, which has left me reflecting on my entire career thus far which led to an… uncomfortable conclusion about each of my previous roles: none of them ever reached their true potential, and looking back on that all makes me feel an immense sadness.

    From my first day at Codemasters, I strived to make an impression and do my best work. I was looking back through previous messages to my partner where I recapped a performance evaluation I had with my platform lead at the time, where he had mentioned that “the higher-ups had definitely taken notice of me”, which eventually led to me assuming the “second-in-command” role for my team at the time, with the idea that I was being set up for advancement in the company.

    And then along came a certain video game publisher, who put a stop to any routes I could have taken, which put me on the virtual reality path after a year of working there… which is a good thing for me, considering almost everyone who stayed with the company got laid off sometime in 2023 due to QA being outsourced to another studio, meaning any potential I could have had would have been snuffed out anyway because of that.

    I still see friends and colleagues I had at the time on LinkedIn looking for something new, up to and including the former head of QA, a man who oversaw an incredible operation out of work for such a long period of time is a terrible sight, but it is terrible that everyone got put into that position to begin with.

    But I carried on my journey, and much like with Codemasters, I tried to do my best at Immerse. Making impressions, helping out where I could, which put me on the radar of the executive producer who took me under her wing and helped to mentor me, both in the ways of production but also helping me to mature into a better person, one who could tackle any sorts of problems. I am still thankful to her for all that she did for me.

    I once again had potential, and even though I did not know it, the executive producer had put me on a path that would have led to becoming a fully fledged producer in my own right, working under a new head producer and finding my own rhythm and standing on my own two feet…

    …well the last 428 days have shown things very differently, as the insolvency process at Immerse put a stop to that potential, and it has never really been explored since because of the move I took for my contracting role as a matter of survival.

    Even that ended with my potential being snuffed out once more, leaving me in this current situation of watching, waiting, and wondering what comes next.

    If I am fully honest, I have put a pause on job searching for the time being. Summer feels like a bad time to find something new because most people are going to be on holiday, but also, part of me wants to go to Vexpo and treat that as a full reset.

    Spend the weekend partying, going to concerts, and just embracing my nerd side, before throwing myself fully into the numbers game that is trying to find a job in 2026. Who knows, maybe I will actually find someone there who could find me something to work on for the future – though the main priority is relaxation.

    It has been a while since I have posted anything on Wednesday, but I have not forgotten that we have Warhammer Wednesday around here. Although, I will not be discussing my model building escapades today… if just because I have not had the headspace to build for a while currently.

    Instead, I am going to be talking about my favourite chapter of the Adeptus Astartes, more commonly known as Space Marines – the Salamanders. Specifically through the lens of my current character on Space Marine 2, an Assault Marine.

    I have been having an absolute blast playing through the Operations and Siege modes on Space Marine 2, Player-vs-Environment missions which see you facing off against the Tyranid hordes or the legion of Chaos known as the Thousand Sons, fighting your way through infantry chaff, battlefield commanders, and the toughest elite units each faction can throw at you. 

    Assault Marines go into battle wearing a massive jump pack upon their back, allowing them to elevate themselves above the battlefield before crashing back down to earth like a meteor, soon turning into a flurry of blows against the enemy, armed with a potent melee weapon and a pistol to ensure maximum tactical flexibility when knee-deep in traitor flesh and xenos miasma.

    My current two weapons of choice are the Neo-Volkite Pistol, a concentrated beam weapon that does small tick damage on any enemy it hits whilst building up heat to culminate in a damaging explosion that can be modified to transfer heat to surrounding enemies if desired, and the standard bread-and-butter Power Sword, a versatile melee weapon that can be switched between “Power” and “Speed” style to change tactics against all sorts of enemies, whilst also serving as a potent dueling tool for heavier enemies.

    It carries a massive amount of danger, to go hurtling down towards massive groups of enemies, knowing that even if you do massive amounts of damage that stronger units will survive and you will have to fight them off, but I usually have my partner providing long range support as a sniper.

    So, why did I pick the Salamanders chapter?

    Ever since starting the game with my Assault on Black Reach starter set, I have been fascinated by the chapter, leading to me picking up the Tome of Fire trilogy and learning more about these noble warriors of the Imperium of Man.

    There are very few objective “good guys” in the world of Warhammer 40k, but the Salamanders definitely qualify under some measures. They take the safety of the general citizenry extremely seriously, often putting themselves in harm’s way so civilians can make it out alive.

    This does not mean they are soft however. They will fight with ferocious fire to defend what is right, and do not take kindly to those who would desert their posts to save their own skin rather than fighting to the end to defend the Imperium from harm.

    Also, I really like salamanders as an animal, so I would have an inclination to like a chapter named after them.

    I think that will cover everything for today, thank you for reading today’s edition of the Redundancy Review. Wherever you are, I hope you are doing well in these crazy times, and I hope that in some small way, my writing has helped you out, even if just to provide a small distraction.

  • Redundancy Review: Day 330, “Late Night Struggles”

    Redundancy Review: Day 330, “Late Night Struggles”

    (for context on what this series is, please see my Day 1 post here: Redundancy Review: Day 1, “A New Beginning” – Rosalia Rambles)

    Good morning gravekeepers and morticians, welcome to Day 330 of Rosalia Rambles Redundancy Review.

    If things are on my mind, I usually cannot sleep well. This is a bad trait to have when combined with ADHD where I seem almost incapable of not having things on my mind, but usually enough time passes where I am able to silence my inner monologue for long enough to actually get to sleep.

    The problem comes from impending unemployment putting a lot of things on my mind, and the knock-on struggles that come about from that.

    Being honest, it is not really the spectre of unemployment itself that is weighing on my mind, it is the thing that killed me the most during the period before my official redundancy when everything kicked off last year:

    Waiting.

    I like to consider myself a relatively patient person, despite various neurological factors working against me, but I definitely feel like I am dealing with one extreme case of “waiting room syndrome” right now – a phenomenon seen among neurodivergent individuals where when they know an event or appointment is coming up they feel a sense of paralysis that will not subside until the event is done with.

    In a way, I guess the more correct term would be “limbo”, and I will have to pick my words very carefully here because I do not want to come off as unprofessional unintentionally. Up until the end of May, I am still in the employ of my current company, but not included in meetings anymore due to the plan moving forward not involving me, which I get, but it definitely has an impact on the feeling of isolation that can come along with remote work.

    During the redundancy period last year, I still showed up to previously scheduled meetings even when there was no work to be done. This acted as group therapy for me and my colleagues to discuss how we were feeling, any interesting opportunities we had found, or just stay in touch so we were not stuck in our own heads as the world shifted around us.

    The Redundancy Review helps in a way, because if I were not committed to writing practice where the focus is placed on how I am feeling day-to-day, I think a lot of my emotions would just bottle up to dangerous levels and my isolation would get a lot worse.

    In the past, my instinct when faced with great stress or turmoil was to isolate myself from people. This would involve making myself appear offline on as many socials as possible, not responding to any messages directed at me (even if they were messages of concern), and basically staying in my own bubble of unhealthy coping mechanisms.

    Straight up, this was not a good thing to do. Whilst I can look back and understand why past me would have exhibited this behaviour, I can also see the amount of times this resulted in a lot of unnecessary worry from people that could have been easily dispelled if I took five minutes to communicate why I was feeling the way I did. Think I have done it once or twice within the last year or so, but unlike previously where these episodes would last a couple of days or up to a week, they last about a day before people shake me out of my rut and get me speaking again.

    Socialisation is strength, but it is important to make time for your own hobby projects…

    …which is what I would be saying, if my workspace did not look like this currently:

    A mess, plain and simple. From a handful of Vinted orders coming through alongside making the use of sales and coupons on some other regular websites I haunted, I now have a decent pile of shame project backlog to make plenty of stuff for Warhammer Wednesday.

    The main focus of my hobby work has actually been on repair as opposed building new kits, specifically due to going loft diving at my parent’s place to recover a lot of my old models and kits – some of which includes exclusive models from past Games Day events which have been interesting to repair… if a little annoying because they are all metal and I forgot how ass using superglue is for things like this.

    I need to stop procrastinating on getting some models painted though, lest I accumulate a pile of grey plastic tat. Painting was never my strong suit back in the day, so I feel I little hesitant on giving it another go.

    Only way to learn is by doing, right?

    Not really a focused Redundancy Review today, but a ramble on the innermost functioning of my mind all the same.

    Thank you for reading today’s edition. Wherever you are, I hope your week is going well, and if it is not, then the weekend is soon upon us, and that should give you plenty of time to relax.

  • Redundancy Review: Day 287-288, “Warhammer Wednesday”

    Redundancy Review: Day 287-288, “Warhammer Wednesday”

    (for context on what this series is, please see my Day 1 post here: Redundancy Review: Day 1, “A New Beginning” – Rosalia Rambles)

    Good morning commissars and ethereals, welcome to Day 287-288 of Rosalia Rambles Redundancy Review.

    Yes. I know.

    It is a goddamn miracle.

    I am writing an entry to the quote unquote “daily series” that does not have over the span of a week between posts. Praise God, Satan, Lathander – whichever deity you choose to follow in life, because Rosalia has chosen to ramble on non-consecutive days in the same week…

    …so of course I am going to be launching a weekly segment in this post similar to VTuesday because I am incapable of learning my lesson, but this is something I have had in the back of my mind since the start of the year, and I finally want to make it official.

    Wednesdays will now be “Warhammer Wednesday”…

    …Warnsdays?

    A slightly more catchy title may be in development.

    Throwing it back to my bingo card for the year, one of the squares I put down on it was “Get back into miniature painting”, which was essentially code for “Start exploring Warhammer again”, as the hobby was an important part of my formative years growing up and I want to see it with fresh eyes.

    Which leads us into the story for today, because I cannot really understate how important Warhammer was for my childhood when I spent damn near seven years playing it regularly before I fell to the dark side of Magic: the Gathering. It was even the first foray into fiction writing in my life when I wrote a short story for a local gaming event that had a writing contest.

    The contest was pitched as writing something on the day between games, but given I was an overachiever I came prepared with a two page story about a Dark Angels Interrogator Chaplain getting ambushed by some Warp Talons… think I might still have the certificate I won back then somewhere too.

    Pretty much every Saturday in my early-to-mid teens was spent playing Warhammer, initially 40k where an old friend first introduced me to it, which eventually shifted over to a period of playing Warhammer Fantasy for a period of time before it shifted back over to 40k up until I became the sole steward of the club and we started playing other games such as Star Realms, my actual legit favourite card game of all time.

    Oh yeah, that is a pretty important detail – this Saturday club was hosted in my local library and after a period of time I was the volunteer running the group, a task I was wholly unsuited for when I started but eventually it was just sort of being the mature/organised one in a group of friends more than anything else. It is what gave me a fierce defense of libraries as third spaces, as my local was essential to my personal development.

    Back at my parent’s place there are still tons of boxes filled with my old gear, often acquired through people not wanting their own old stuff and me picking it up at a cheaper price, or in one instance, just for a box of Maltesers. I should be reclaiming some of it soon to add to the collection, but my main joy in the hobby came from building more than anything, hence why painting is my goal as I was not the best at that back in the day.

    To that end, what caused my relapse?

    This battleforce box specifically, themed around the Farsight Enclaves of the T’au faction. I have always had a soft spot for the Farsight Enclaves as a faction, both for their bold red colour scheme and what they represent in going against the grain of an established society…

    …that said, I also hold a great deal of fear for T’au for how utterly dominant they were back in my day of playing seventh edition due to how much they owned the shooting phase and could deal with all sorts of threats.

    Or maybe I am just salty because I was a Dark Eldar player and got my shit handed to me on the regular due to the fact I used masochists riding in paper boats as my main fighting force.

    Regardless, I figured this would be a good start for getting myself back into building. Geometric shapes and flat panels would also make for easy painting practice once I finally got around to it.

    I will be covering the model I started with today, which is of the eponymous commander of the Enclaves himself, Farsight. For this model and the model I built after this I was initially using Citadel Plastic Glue, but I quickly switched to Tamiya Extra Thin Cement after remembering how utterly shit the bottles that Citadel glue comes in.

    Even with inferior glue, this was a fun build to attempt. Everything came together relatively easily, which is to be expected for a kit that did not come with many spare bits on the sprue – very few places to experiment with posing or alternative weapon options.

    There was something oddly therapeutic about getting to build a plastic model again, something that I spent so much of my younger years doing but now as a much different person, though still the same nerd at heart.

    Not too much to say beyond that, it was easy to follow the instructions with the numbers embossed onto the sprue and the model came together in a way I am very happy with.

    Later editions of Warhammer Wednesday should cover a bit more detail about how I wanted to put the model together, though progress photos for some later models are a little sparse, so hopefully how I have built them is enough of a story.

    Right, I have made something that came out not long after my last post, do I have the momentum again or is this another false start? Only one way to find out, and that is to keep moving forward. Thank you for reading this edition of the Redundancy Review. Wherever you are I hope you can engage in the hobbies that bring you the most joy, be they new or old, expensive or cheap.