(for context on what this series is, please see my Day 1 post here: Redundancy Review: Day 1, “A New Beginning” – Rosalia Rambles)
Good morning workers and parasites, welcome to Day 208 of Rosalia Rambles Redundancy Review.
Tomorrow, I return to work.
Wah.
I cannot be entirely upset, there are several things that benefit from me having something to wake up to in the morning: taking my medication more regularly and at regular hours rather than whenever I wake up, the ability to groggily drag myself over to the kettle in order to make a lovely cup of “wake the fuck up” juice, also known as coffee, and getting the opportunity to technically have a longer day by being out of bed at a more reasonable hour.
Of course, there is still the main benefit of “they pay me for something I am rather good at”, which considering my invoice pay should hit sometime this week, I have even more reasons to keep myself going.
There is a harshness, though, of returning to reality once more, especially having been off since the 23rd sans for coming in on the 29th and 31st to help out some old colleagues who are working on a project. During my time off I have indulged in a lot of good food, a number of fun games, and somehow too much yet not enough sleep, it was everything I could have asked for and more.
But now I need to bring myself back down from my peaceful cloud and get back into the work mindset, however hard that may be. One of my goals this year is to find a new permanent and full-time job, be that in my current lane of QA or continuing the push to be employed in some formal capacity for creative writing or digital content creation.
Part of me wonders if I can achieve the high I have experienced through this time off in more frequent periods than just at the end of the year with the obligatory Christmas break, though I feel I am asking for the impossible without a sheer amount of socioeconomic changes in the world… it is too late for me to start getting political I am so tired and under several duvets right now.
Something I have started saying to myself recently is that my biggest strength and my most fatal flaw is that I am capable of being very lazy. It is something that enhances my point-of-view on a piece of software I need to test, having a similar amount of patience as a standard user who would get frustrated at the smallest inconvenience to their user experience, along with finding my own version of the golden path that might influence the overall design or expose edge-cases that could become serious issues later on down the line.
On the flipside, unless I am in the exact perfect mood to get something productive done, there is very little that can compel me to move other than a set deadline to get something done or the spectre of an extremely imminent deadline to light a fire underneath my ass. This is possibly what helped me in my interview a month or so ago, the practical task was to create a presentation for a solution to a set problem within half an hour – something that could be intimidating to others, but for me and my ability to rapidly produce presentations on the fly in my old role, it felt like second nature.
There is a certain amount of ADHD that contributes to that part of me, and given my dad has talked about these exact traits in himself from time-to-time combined with certain things my mother has said about her behaviour that I can see in myself, it is almost certain that my family is riddled with neurodivergence that has never been diagnosed up until now.
I hold a certain amount of pride in how I hold it all together as someone with a very much non-functional brain, addled even further by female hormones that make me happier than I ever have been but also completely destroy my ability to function sometimes. Given the several directions I could have gone, it is incredibly lucky I found myself in places where the weird ways in which my brain work not only benefit me, but also I have had the pleasure to work with people who have known how to direct my energy in the correct directions.
“I know you are an overthinker, that is why I do not give you an opportunity to think”
The above is a quote from my old mentor, who said that in response to when I mentioned I had caught myself overthinking on a task she had given me, accurately surmising something about me that I had not yet seen at that point.
Part of me feels I should write more, but another part of me is enjoying the comfort and security of my current situation, layered under three duvets, and wanting to make the most of a quiet brain before the storm inevitably kicks off again tomorrow.
Need an appropriate thumbnail though, and this image I have swiped off Twitter definitely seems to match the current theme.
That should cover everything for today, thank you for reading today’s edition of the Redundancy Review. Wherever you are, I hope you are able to reach a similar level of relaxation to myself currently and that the impending Monday blues do not bring you down too much.
Rosalia Rambles 