Rosalia Rambles

Tag: food

  • Redundancy Review: Day 207, “Re-establishing Discipline”

    Redundancy Review: Day 207, “Re-establishing Discipline”

    (for context on what this series is, please see my Day 1 post here: Redundancy Review: Day 1, “A New Beginning” – Rosalia Rambles)

    Good morning tyrants and despots, welcome to Day 207 of Rosalia Rambles Redundancy Review…

    …given the events of this morning the greeting seems very much on point with world events rather than the topic of discussion at hand… three days, all it took was three days for the world to start going to shit again.

    Ah well, hopefully this is the year that various tyrants around the world finally start to choke it through various means, we just have to pray that whatever takes their place leads to a more fair world – and whilst I would love to include Starmer under the title of tyrant, he is more just a tosser than anything else, and I dread to think what a Reform government would look like.

    Anyway, that got extremely political early on and whilst I could easily continue down this path, I want to try stay on topic.

    It is the first Saturday of the year, and I found myself starting way later than I had wanted to initially. The plan was to go shopping at Asda early on in the day to do a proper food shop to restock the fridge followed by a good session of gaming, early in this case meaning around nine in the morning.

    This did not go ahead as intended, as by the time my alarm went off I did not feel as if I had slept well enough, combining this with my partner telling me to go back to sleep it ended up being close to half ten before we started doing anything for the day.

    I feel conflicted on how this morning went. On one hand, it is the weekend, and as someone who currently works a weekday job with regular hours, the weekend is my time to relax so I should not be putting pressure on myself to be insanely productive at all times, especially as someone who can, will, and has worked themselves into a state of severe burnout several times before.

    On the other hand, I have essentially had two weeks off of work and my discipline is mostly definitely lacking right now. This had started to happen before my break as well, as I found myself starting later than my usual time in the morning due to needing a bit more extra sleep or finding it hard to clamber out of bed.

    That lack of discipline can be attributed to seasonal depression though, something I am hoping to see the other side of within the coming months, alongside the usual end-of-year exhaustion that comes from working near flat out in the twilight months.

    Hopefully I am able to get back into my usual routine given I have had plenty of time to rest, which has helped to clear my cough and stomach issues up extremely well… there is something to read into there around stress making illness worse.

    Pacing myself as I ease back into work should help with rebuilding my discipline as well, there is a lot of stuff to do in the first month or so of the year with what the company I am working for intends to do but hopefully I do not need to go full tilt until two weeks or so in the future.

    Watch as I have now jinxed myself.

    Similarly, keeping a routine to my writing would help as well, not only to help reach my goal of 180 Redundancy Review posts, but also just for the satisfaction that writing brings, giving me a moment’s peace to reflect on things and put my words onto the screen.

    I have a vague idea of what I want to be writing about for the next week or so, which should hopefully give me plenty of posts for the foreseeable future, but as we all know, my schedule is anything but consistent.

    The good news is that some of these topics are from a backlog of sorts, and within this backlog we have yet another exciting episode of…

    Rosa Eats Her Way Around Shrewsbury!

    In the week just gone my partner and I took an excursion to a local venue called “Ribeye Shrewsbury”, a steakhouse which recently opened. We took advantage of a very generous gift from my partner’s mother to pay for the majority of this, so thank you very much for that!

    For starters, my selection was the twice fried chicken, served with what was described as “chicken skin mayonnaise” which seemed like a spiced mayo with batter bits sprinkled on top, whilst my partner had truffle potato croquettes, served with parmesan sprinkles around the base. 

    Both of these were absolutely phenomenal. The chicken was extraordinarily crisp whilst being extremely juicy on the inside, the lightly spiced mayo only complimenting the flavour further with each delicious bite. Three very decently sized strips for £9 served as an amazing starter.

    Though if I have to be honest, I think my partner won out overall. Something about the way the potato croquettes were prepared made their insides extremely smooth and velvety whilst the outside was delightfully crispy, the little parmesan shavings adding a much needed boost of salty tang to make the flavours of the potato pop. Three well-sized croquettes for £8 made for another good starter.

    But whilst the starters were delicious, and something I could very much see myself munching on casually, they are not the reason one goes to a steakhouse. You go for the excess that comes with consuming a pure slab of beef, and these were our selections:

    My choice was a 250g/8.8oz ribeye, cooked to my preferred doneness of rare, which might upset some readers to see, but to me there is no more perfect way of enjoying red meat than to eat it almost still alive and dripping with delicious juices. My partner’s choice of meat was a 300g/10.5oz sirloin cooked to a more sensible medium rare. Both were served with an upgraded side of beef dripping chips, roasted flat mushroom, and roasted cherry tomatoes on the vine.

    Additionally, there was a side of six beer-battered onion rings and on my plate there was an added pot of bearnaise sauce, my preferred steak sauce of choice for rare meat.

    When it came to starters my partner and I shared so we were able to try a little of each other’s, but sadly this did not happen for our steaks as we were fully engrossed in the sheer amount of flavour they contained for each of us. The meat was cooked perfectly for my taste, the chips were crispy with the perfect amount of finishing salt added to them, the mushroom was surprisingly flavour packed, and whilst I did not indulge in a tomato myself due to a dislike of whole tomatoes, my partner told me even they had a big amount of flavour to them.

    The onion rings were perfect as well, they are sort of my side of choice when it comes to trying out a new place, with these being perfectly crispy, not soggy on the inside as some onion rings can be, and serving as the perfect extra touch to the meal, and whilst it was nice, the bearnaise sauce did not add a massive amount to my enjoyment of the meal, and especially considering the price of £4 for the small pot, it will not feature again if we manage to return.

    Now, for the full price, which came to an admittedly eyewatering £109.55, which breaks down as follows:

    • Twice fried chicken: £9
    • Truffle potato croquettes: £8
    • 250g ribeye: £28
    • 300g sirloin: £35
    • Upgrading both of those to have beef dripping chips
    • Onion rings: £4.80
    • Bearnaise sauce: £4
    • “Golden Static”, which was a lemon and elderflower drink: £5.95
    • Small sparkling water: £2.80
    • Two glasses of Coke: £7.20

    But, this price comes with two disclaimers, the first being that this was mostly paid for by the generous gift from my partner’s mother, who covered £100 of this cost. The second disclaimer is that we actually paid more than the bill price, paying an even £120 once the card machine was brought over.

    The service was fantastic, and the initial amount did not include a discretionary service charge as many places around town do, so we figured we would add approximately 10% onto our final amount both for the sake of roundings, and because the staff were genuinely amazing to provide us with such a fantastic meal.

    Will I go back to Ribeye? If the stars align to get another generous gift that would enable such a fantastic meal or if a moment to celebrate in excess comes up, but it will not enter into the regular visits such as Floro Lounge or Wimpy… two massive polar opposites in that statement.

    But that covers everything for today, thank you for reading today’s edition of the Redundancy Review. Wherever you are I hope you are able to relax and enjoy yourself in the first weekend of the new year, taking things easy before work once more comes for us all.

  • Redundancy Review: Day 205-206, “New Year, New Bingo”

    (for context on what this series is, please see my Day 1 post here: Redundancy Review: Day 1, “A New Beginning” – Rosalia Rambles)

    Good morning starters and appetisers, welcome to Day 205 and 206 of Rosalia Rambles Redundancy Review.

    So starting my year off with period cramps was fun, and led to me using the first day of a year to just rest, relax, and partake in recreation. Sleeping in, followed by a shit tonne of gaming, capped off with a takeaway pizza and even more gaming – what is not to like?

    But now, things are slowly starting to return to some kind of routine. My partner has received a new work schedule so we have a clearer idea of what kind of days off/holidays we can take in the near future, and I return to work in three days time to see out whatever might be left of my current contract.

    I could spend more time relaxing, but I feel getting myself back into a writing rhythm is the best idea, especially considering one of my new bingo card goals.

    Did one of these last year with my friends, and considering how well it went we have decided to do another round. I feel my card this year is a bit more toned down compared to the goals I set last year, there are some new ones entirely, some based around travel, and a couple of returning goals that I would definitely love to see.

    So, I figured for the first post of the year it would be a fun idea to go through all of the goals, explain the logic behind them a little bit, and explore any challenges/obstacles I think I will encounter with them.

    Starting from the top left, we have:

    Set up spare room properly for friends who want to stay: Pretty self-explanatory, my partner’s gaming room currently contains a very nice bed frame we need to get a mattress for. Once that is sorted we can host friends travelling from abroad who need a place to rest or for anyone to stay over if they need space away from their current situation for a night or two.

    VExpo 2026: Mentioned in my year-end ramble as one of my main highlights of last year, this year I definitely want to attend VExpo again and make it another weekend to remember. Financials and job situation might influence how it takes shape later on in the year, but I know I want to make it

    Write semi-fictional story about being transgender: My mentor Gabi always told me to “write the bloody book already” whenever we talked about writing, and I definitely have the idea in mind for one. My goal is to write a story that can help those transitioning later on in life, creating something that helps those who start their transition past their mid-twenties or even later on than that, something that says “you do not have to have your shit together to make a change for your own happiness”. It is a story idea that has stayed in my mind, and it would be great to bring it to life this year.

    100% Ace Combat 8: Ace Combat 8: Wings of Theve comes out this year at some point, and given how much I absolutely love the franchise along with my goal to generally 100% more games this year, it would mean a lot to me to push for 100%ing the latest entry soon after it comes out… provided it does not get delayed for any reason.

    Get VTuber reference sheet drawn up (Phox, Hina, Axolotl): It should come as no surprise that I have aspirations to be a VTuber myself, though I recognise it is a long journey to get to that point, hence why the goal for this year is set at a more reasonable level of just getting the reference sheet together. Additionally, I have not yet settled on what concept I would want to pursue properly, having the options of my phoenix-fox (phox) fursona, a character I lovingly title “Hina Relucta”, or some nebulous concept involving one of my other favourite creatures, the axolotl. Hopefully I can develop any of these out over the course of the year.

    Write 180 Redundancy Review posts: Had to include my rambles as a goal this year, and considering I managed 120 posts last year, figured I would up the milestone a bit to make it 180, just under half the year worth of posts or averaging about one every two days. Of course it seems a bit silly to say “I will write a daily post about every two days”, but I want to be realistic and consider that the schedule will almost certainly slip throughout the course of the year due to any number of external stimuli.

    Get a Switch 2: Simple and to the point, I would not be opposed to upgrading my Switch hardware to enable myself to not only play new releases that catch my eye, but to also enjoy previous entries in the Switch catalogue without dealing with the persistent performance problems that plagued the original hardware… looking squarely at you Pokemon Scarlet and Violet.

    Visit Swansea again: Near to the end of last year my partner and I took a trip to Swansea for a Hololive Card Game tournament where we were the only two participants. This was a fun time not only for engaging in the event but also for exploring the town and spending time with my partner’s family, a fun weekend trip I would definitely like to repeat at some point this year.

    Get back into miniature painting: The title is vague but make no mistake, this is me relapsing into Warhammer. I would like to actually make this relapse productive though rather than just chasing the need to build something with my hands again, hence why I have been building up a modest collection of old rulebooks from my glory days of playing the tabletop and would be looking to paint my armies properly as well. Fourteen year old me may have been onto something back in the day, so may as well see if she really did have the right idea.

    Acquire clothing made out of exotic materials: What exotic materials you may ask? I am afraid that is for me to know and for you to guess fruitlessly… but considering I am already engaging in innuendo you can probably guess it is something that would not be leaving the house. 

    Start to declutter the flat/find homes for things on the walls: An extension to a goal last year to get more picture frames and hang cool stuff around the flat, this is to reduce the amount of general clutter around the flat by placing things in dedicated homes or by getting more wall mounted hooks to display things properly – specifically foam dart blasters, and potentially looking at downsizing the collection if space starts to become limited.

    Host three board game/cheese board/cheese game/board board parties: Having a stroke near to the end aside, I mentioned that I wanted to spend more time with friends this year, and having made myself a modest cheeseboard at the start of the week has inspired me to host friends to play board games, eat cheese, or do both at the same time. For additional clarification: playing MTG Commander with my usual group does not count toward this goal, it has to be non-MTG games played for it to count towards the party goals.

    Free Space: You have a free space in your bingo board that you do not know what to fill with? Why not Wynaut Zoidberg?

    Go to Glasgow twice to see family: In the wake of my redundancy last year I resolved that I would spend a bit of time up north in Scotland with my brother, sister-in-law, and nephew. It was an extremely fun time, and, finances permitting, I would love to spend more time up there with them, especially as my nephew is growing up extremely fast and it would be nice to be around more with him.

    Go back to a full blonde dye job: Another returning goal, and one that is more personal to my look. Ever since dying my hair fully blonde mid-way through 2023 and feeling how much euphoria it gave me, I want to go back to it. This can be done at home or in salon, but given how much hair I have and how much of a nightmare it is to take care of on its own, I would rather leave this one to professionals even though the price increases dramatically for that.

    Do my full write up on Expedition 33: Even when the dust settles after the new update, even when the conflict that the Game Awards inevitably brought is forgotten, and even when discussion of the game has likely petered out entirely, tomorrow comes. Expedition 33 was a major part of my gaming journey towards the end of 2025, and I still want to share my experience with it as part of my blog.

    100% Nier Replicant and Nier Automata: Hideo Kojima is not the only Japanese game director I have a fascination with, as I also hold a considerable amount of fondness for the works of Yoko Taro, the creative mind behind the Drakengard and Nier franchises. 100%ing both Nier titles on PC is definitely an interesting undertaking, especially given the man’s fondness for insisting on collecting all weapons and playing the game multiple times to see everything in the story, but I want to push myself to experience both games – pain of poor game design choices included.

    Acquire more houseplants: Green is good. Houseplants are good. I want to fill more of my living space with green plants and continue to let new life grow within the boundaries of this flat.

    Find a new full time, permanent job: A goal that is at odds with one another, as fulfilling this sometime within the next six months would almost certainly kill the goal of writing 180 Redundancy Review posts this year, but getting myself back into full time and permanent work would do wonders for both my self-esteem and general situational stability that would enable me to continue living the life I want to.

    Get down to a sub 100cm waistline: Yet another returning goal, but one I hold a fair bit of pessimism for. I definitely want to get my figure down to where it has been in the past, where I was able to fit into a large-size off the shelf cosplay back in my early university days. Simultaneously though, I know my love of food and treats will get in the way of that one massively without major life changes in terms of activity, but we will see how things go.

    Visit Bristol: Bristol was a city I absolutely loved getting the opportunity to visit growing up, either going to a gig for one of my favourite bands growing up or passing through on the way home from a family holiday. Being able to return to the city as an adult and exploring the surrounding area with the resources I currently find at my disposal would be a fun weekend away, and one I know my partner would appreciate for other reasons as well.

    Don’t be so hard on myself when things go awry: Nebulous? Yes. Difficult to measure? Yes. Something I want to try improve on nonetheless? Yes. When things go wrong my lack of self-esteem can and will punch me down severely if given the chance, and this year I would like to try hold myself higher when plans go off the rails or I need to adjust my approach based on changing circumstances.

    Custom cosplay (Hololive? Umamsume? Rosalina?): The penultimate returning goal from last year, now with a bit of added flavour text. Previously I attempted to get a custom cosplay of Shiori Novella from Hololive English Advent which did not end well, but it has not disheartened me. I would still love to get a custom cosplay, though my options have expanded. Hololive is still included, but given my current addiction problem hyperfixation of Umamusme: Pretty Derby, there are definitely options I can take from horse girls. And of course, there is always the goal that would make my childhood self happy, cosplaying as Rosalina from Mario Galaxy – an oddly thematic one given the release of the Mario Galaxy movie coming this year.

    Go to a furmeet: The final returning goal, and a simple one. For someone who is part of the furry community, I do not engage in as many IRL events as I would like to, which is something I definitely want to change in the coming year.

    100% Armoured Core 6: And now the true final goal, a gaming related one to 100% Armoured Core 6: Fires of Rubicon. A series I have not engaged in before but has caught my eye solely for it being a mecha game and me having an absolute love of anything mecha, mechanical, or heavy weapons related.

    That covers every goal, and that covers everything for the first Redundancy Review of 2026. Thank you for reading this edition, wherever you are I hope you have had a relaxing start to the year and that you have set yourself goals that are reasonable, achievable, and help to make you the person you want to become.

  • Redundancy Review: Day 202-204, “The Patent Pending Year End Ramble”

    (for context on what this series is, please see my Day 1 post here: Redundancy Review: Day 1, “A New Beginning” – Rosalia Rambles)

    Good morning closers and finishers, welcome to Day 202, 203, and 204 of Rosalia Rambles Redundancy Review.

    I’m waiting in my cold flat when the bell begins to chime
    Reflecting on this past year as it doesn’t have much time
    ‘Cause at twelve o’clock, they take me to the New Year’s Dawn
    The sands of time for me are running low…

    Bit of an Iron Maiden reference to end the year off. Was sitting here trying to think how to write an opening to the year end ramble and Hallowed Be Thy Name just got right into my head.

    2025 is almost over, and for a lot of us it has been one right stinker of a year. There have been plenty of high points throughout the year where the light of hope shined brightly to break through the darkness, but true to the sequence of days this year started with, it really was a “WThF” kind of year.

    Not sure what a “ThFS” year looks like, but I am ninety-percent convinced it cannot be worse than what this year was.

    I am going to get all the negatives out of the way first, because there is:

    1. A lot of them
    2. I do not want the positives being buried by the negatives
    3. Holy shit this year went so wrong in so many ways

    Going to start with the elephant in the room: redundancy. The whole reason I am sitting here writing a series with that word in the title. Working in the tech industry often means that you await news of your next funding round or new business arriving in with bated breath, desperately yearning for a job where you work on a ThinkPad instead, but when the reality hits that you really do not have a job anymore, it hits like a truck.

    For me, I was anticipating it, and had begun job searching anyway… though I was not anticipating it so soon in the year, I was at least expecting to see 2025 in my previous role, so getting sideswiped in May was not fun in the slightest.

    In the wake of being laid off, the lingering resentment I hold towards the UK government came right to the forefront as I navigated the Insolvency Service, Universal Credit/Jobseekers Allowance, and then setting up as a sole trader with HMRC, fighting through bureaucracy at every moment in the short month I was unemployed. 

    Which, yeah, I was only actually unemployed for a month after officially being made redundant. I cannot imagine how some of my former colleagues feel struggling to find work several months after the fact, because that month felt simultaneously long and slow to me.

    Even with the future still uncertain, I do feel I have developed a fair bit due to doing this contract role. Has it been challenging in its own way? Of course it has, I still struggle to reconcile who I want to be with who I currently am, which has been the source of several mental challenges over the course of the end of the year, not helped by seasonal depression being an absolute monster this time around due to how grey and wet the end of the year has been.

    I do feel hardened by everything I have gone through, and not necessarily in the cold & cynical way I was initially on the path of earlier in the year. I still put too much of myself into things that will likely not return the same love and care, leading to me overusing my energy during the day leaving very little in the tank for the evenings and making it so my weekends are more focused on recovery than actually enjoying myself. 

    But I feel myself slowly gaining an acceptance of the future holding whatever it has for me, as much as I feel a latent desire to be in control of my fate. There is very little I can do to change things other than stay the path I am on and wait for opportunities to arise, which this year has definitely had a lot of good ones.

    That is enough about job stuff, time to move on to some minor negative things.

    First off: a custom cosplay going awry two weeks before my big convention holiday to VExpo. That really sucked, even though the resolution to it was an overall positive due to me getting a full refund for shoddy work. It has at least taught me to be extremely anally retentive and specific when it comes time to define the specifications for a new custom cosplay in the new year, a goal I definitely want to try again with, though maybe not entirely with Hololive this time around.

    Secondly, and I mentioned this in the last Redundancy Review: having to fight an online fashion community for besmirching my partner’s honour, another event that came with a lot of negatives, but has some positive linings.

    Was it a traumatic ordeal for the both of us to navigate false and inflated accusations from a bunch of elitist randoms online? Yes

    Did it take away three precious days of our life navigating the ever changing goalposts those upjumped Discord mods enforced upon us? Yes

    Was our privacy violated by the amount of guilty until proven innocent assumptions a group of sad, lonely, and bored timewasters inflicted upon us? Yes

    Did I get a fucking thrill from taking their arguments apart piece-by-piece in an extensive Google Dockey and having a grudge to hold on to in order to live a beautiful life for both me and my partner out of sheer spite? You bet your arse I do.

    And again, if anyone from that fashion community is reading this post because you still feel the need to cyberstalk us, read my words carefully. I am more than capable of holding this grudge until the two year waiting period is up, and then holding it beyond that point to fuel the spite even further.

    God that feels good to get out of my system.

    And finally: not spending enough time with friends, something I have been working on fixing in the last months of the year and want to work on more in the early months of 2026. From pulling out of social engagements at the last minute, having clashing plans that prevent me from making the most of my time with people, or just simply having my mental demons catch up with me at the worst times, there has been less time I have spent with the people I care about most in my life.

    Think that covers every major bit of negativity this year, time to move onto the way more positive aspects of the year.

    Starting with another elephant in the room: VExpo, the absolute highlight of my year, and focus of the best & biggest piece of writing I did this year what do you mean this was almost four months ago now what the fuck it was day 90 I wrote that and we’re on day 204 now.

    VExpo gave me a taste of a life I did not actually think I would have again. One of going out to conventions, meeting like-minded individuals who enjoy the same hobbies that I do, spending time engaging in all my silly hobbies and coming back feeling both the lows of post-con depression and the absolute high of experiencing such a wonderful event with so many memories made.

    It is my goal to return for VExpo 2026, and I want to make next year’s trip even better than the one this year, with hopefully the convention itself stepping up their game to put on an even better show.

    Next up, it has actually been a great year for me in terms of gaming and pushing myself to 100% complete various games, the proudest of which I definitely think is either Monster Hunter Wilds for the surprising reward of the size grind in that game due to how investigations work and how my friends and I were able to share investigations with one another, or Death Stranding Director’s Cut, for the fairly straightforward nature of all its achievements and the fact it is a Kojima game, so I was absolutely enthralled the entire time.

    It is something I would like to bring forward into 2026, picking up previous projects to finally finish off like Mass Effect Legendary Collection and finding new ones like Space Marine 2. Achievements are always special to me, and pushing myself to 100% games is something I seriously enjoy.

    One part of this year that has ended up surprisingly well for me is actually my financial situation. Without going into too much detail and oversharing sensitive information, for someone who lost their job in the middle of the year I actually end this year off with a stronger savings position than what I started in, almost doubling what I had at the beginning. Of course I still have to worry about taxes in a couple months time which will take a decent chunk back out of that savings cushion, but the fact I can be in a position to not be overly worried about that time is incredibly reassuring.

    And finally, I want to end this post off with what I think is definitely one of the biggest positives of this year.

    This.

    The Redundancy Review.

    A series born out of an unfortunate event, turning into my biggest writing project of my life, with several ups and downs and a lot of missed days, I still end this year off with:

    • 120 posts covering 204 days
    • Approximately 120,000 words across those posts, averaging about 1000 words per post and 584 words per day
    • 54 total food and drink reviews
    • 16 posts about VTubers and VTuber related content
    • 1044 views since kicking off the Redundancy Review

    All of which are insane milestones to consider when 2024 was one of my worst years for writing, and 2025, through a shit circumstance, ended up being one of my best.

    The year ends with a certain amount of uncertainty over my future still, but even in the face of adversity, I made the most of this year with amazing goals achieved nonetheless. For the thumbnail, I am going to post the bingo card I made at the start of the year alongside a group of friends in lieu of standard “resolutions”, which turned into a much more fun way to track the year gone by.

    And that does it for the Year End Ramble, and for the year. Thank you for reading this edition of the Redundancy Review, wherever you are, be it in the past or in the future, I hope you are doing well, and that life is on a steady path for you.

    2025 is ending, let us hope 2026 is a year of far simpler times.

  • Redundancy ‘Review’: Day 148-151, “Finally Slowing Down”

    Redundancy ‘Review’: Day 148-151, “Finally Slowing Down”

    (for context on what this series is, please see my Day 1 post here: Redundancy Review: Day 1, “A New Beginning” – Rosalia Rambles)

    Good morning tortoises and hares, welcome to one big ass catch up post for Day 148 to 151 of Rosalia Rambles Redundancy Review.

    Work has been utter chaos this week, preparing for a big launch requiring all hands on deck for all manner of tasks, which had the net result of me ultimately having very little time for writing between managing period symptoms, managing sinus infection symptoms, and engaging in what small self-care activities my remaining time & energy would allow.

    Not entirely out of the woods yet either with work, but at the very least I have the weekend now to enact some basic recovery plan and actually engage with my hobbies once more: gaming, cooking, and of course, writing.

    Admittedly it has been a while since I have had something like this at work. My entire career has been marked by various points where a massive effort was needed to get something out the door on a Friday, usually leaving me exhausted by the time everything wrapped up and just wanting nothing more than to sleep for fourteen hours.

    The fact that I am awake, aware, and engaging in something mentally stimulating after nine hours of sleep shows that I have built a resilience to this kind of thing… when you ignore the fact that my dual-afflictions this week meant I had to take Wednesday morning off because I felt like I was going to die if I put on a VR headset and every day outside of that it was a challenge to drag myself to my desk each day…

    …but I kept going, even in the face of adversity, and that is what I am going to be proud of. Through anxiety, pain, and exhaustion, I always choose to keep moving so I am able to see the better days on the horizon.

    Trying to write things down after a period of not writing for a bit always feels difficult, as if somehow I need to shake the rust and cobwebs out of my system even though I have been practicing for several months now, although my usual stumbling block is finding areas to elaborate on in a positive way rather than harping on the negative aspects of what I have been experiencing.

    I believe it is important to let yourself experience negative feelings, but not to let them consume you – a balancing act that is most definitely easier said than done. Suppressing negative feelings can result in them escaping out at the worst of times, lashing out at those around you when everything becomes too hard to bear, a painful experience I know all too well. But constantly dwelling on whatever is bringing negativity to your life ultimately lowers your resting mood which can make it harder to appreciate what few positive moments come your way.

    For all my struggles, there is still a lot I have going for me in this life, and I want to try focus on that more than what is not exactly going my way right now.

    Think that will cover everything for today, a bit of a shorter post but given my exhaustion and minor addiction to Clair Obscur right now, it does the job of hopefully starting a new streak.

    Need a thumbnail though, so I will use some pictures of the burgers I made tonight. My first proper bit of cooking this entire week.

    Thank you for reading today’s edition of the Redundancy Review. Wherever you are I hope you are able to have a relaxing weekend and that you are able to recover from whatever might have happened during your week.

  • Redundancy Review: Day 147, “Dreams”

    (for context on what this series is, please see my Day 1 post here: Redundancy Review: Day 1, “A New Beginning” – Rosalia Rambles)

    Good morning dreamers and nappers, welcome to Day 147 of Rosalia Rambles Redundancy Review.

    Something I miss a lot from my recent experiences with stress is that I have not been having any dreams lately, which makes me a bit sad honestly – not that I can really remember most of what happens in my dreams anyway due to not keeping a dream journal, but the ability to go inside of my mind for a sensory experience before my alarm goes off to rouse me out of sleep is something I oddly enjoy.

    Still capable of having nightmares though, though admittedly they are as infrequent as my dreams right now which is relieving. Specifically when it comes to having nightmares I can struggle to differentiate between what happened in the dream and what happened in real life, something that has actually led me to believing what happened in the nightmare before I snap myself out of it.

    My fascination with dreaming most likely comes from my love of stories, the idea that I can go to sleep with the ability to experience an almost nonsensical story produced by the random thoughts my sleeping brain comes up with has a strange appeal to it.

    But, as usual with me being a writer, the title has a double meaning, as I want to ramble about what my dreams are in an aspirational sense, and why despite the fact they feel so far away right now, I want to keep working towards them. This is partially inspired by a conversation I had with a friend over lunch about my current situation in relation to job searching, personal pursuits, and life in general.

    Let me start with the obvious one: writing. I would love to be able to make it as a writer somehow, either as a freelancer with reliably stable regular gigs with clients who love what I do or as an in-house dedicated copywriter for some kind of digital agency, though I know in this current economy that is one hell of an ask, especially given my minimal experience as a formal copywriter. Plenty of examples and instances throughout my career, just harder to sell than someone who has been doing it a lot longer than I.

    It would also be nice if I could monetise Rambles in some way, which I sort of already do with commissions (contact me for commission rates, I would be happy to work on anything you like (yes anything)), but that is also a similarly tall task to make it support all of my expenses.

    For now though, Rambles is my creative outlet, something to keep my mind active and my skills honed against the tide of AI-generated content. Hopefully when my life calms down a bit I will be able to write more fiction and get to some of the more in-depth pieces I always promised myself I would create.

    My dreams are not limited to writing though, some of them are logical, some of them are… a little more esoteric.

    I would love to make my own card game one day. I have grown up playing all sorts of tabletop games, from starting out with Warhammer 40k in my local library, to being introduced to the GOATed deckbuilder that is Star Realms, before I was finally brought down to the gutter when I got into Magic: the Gathering back in 2017. Like most people who spent their time playing those sorts of games, I have ideas and concepts I would love to bring to life one day, from translating the concept of a fighting game to cardboard to making my own deckbuilder themed around aerial combat.

    There is also the concept of “dream cosplays” I would love to do. Obviously Shiori Novella from Hololive English is still right up there, especially given the events of this year where a commissioner severely let me down, but there is also Princess Rosalina from Super Mario Galaxy, the character who (sort of) gave me my name and acted as one of my first egg-cracking moments. So many amazing outfits I would love to wear and goof around in, making both my current self and my inner child extremely happy.

    And finally, the more esoteric one, well, at least it feels esoteric to me.

    I would love to learn how to dance.

    Not just any style of dance – I would love to learn how to dance like my idols in Hololive.

    Whenever a concert comes around, whenever one of the Holomems has a chance to perform live on stage, I watch their dances with fascination and glee, hoping one day I could learn to dance like that myself. Admittedly this did not start with Hololive, as this fascination dates all the way back to when I listened to Luka Luka Night Fever for the first time, but the interest in idol dances definitely ramped up with discovering Hololive.

    Which perfectly leads into what I want to discuss for today’s VTuesday, the first ever full cross-generation Hololive song: Shiny Smily Story, specifically the “call & response practice” version the main channel posted before 4th fes.

    The description does not lie. This is the idol song that represents Hololive, and even as new anthems for different fes and events come along, there will always be something incredibly special about what this song represents, either it be the highs of talents coming together to spread the joy of Hololive, or the inevitable lows that come alongside a graduation where a music box version of this song is used as backing over clips of significant moments.

    Reason I chose this version specifically as this is the most recent posting of the full version with subtitled lyrics, there is a version from when the song was first released back in 2020 but I have always felt a greater resonance with the translated lyrics in this version, so it is the interpretation I want to use for analysis.

    One of the first thing that catches me attention with these lyrics is the use of digital terminology as part of some of the verses, really playing with the fact that Hololive is an agency of virtual idols, examples including:

    “I tweaked the settings of my quivering heart

    So that I wouldn’t feel scared”

    “As I go, I’ll hit delete

    On any thoughts of giving up”

    I always love when Hololive, and hell VTubers in general, really lean into the digital space they occupy, utilising the unique nature of the medium to do interesting things, and small, cute little references to their own digital medium are very sweet.

    The next part I want to talk about is the bridge before the final chorus, and the other main inspiration behind the subject of today’s article. When I first read these lyrics all the way back in 2023, I felt myself tear up a little bit at their meaning, and honestly even two years later I still get misty eyed reading them:

    “I wanna take the stage I’ve dreamed of at last

    Shine with colors no one else has

    Cry my eyes out once in a while

    Get back up again with a smile

    Share the futures that we can see

    Make our dreams a reality

    It’s make or break

    Come on and take a leap of faith”

    There is so much meaning to me in these lyrics, both for what I see in my oshi Holomems and what I can see in myself. 

    For the former meaning, being able to perform on stage can be the realisation of a long-standing dream, with the bright & bold colours of their idol outfit on full display. It can be a long journey, one that will be marked with sadness and hardship, but should never be given up on, because there is a future where that journey pays off, and all the previous hard times show that you have made it, whatever leaps of faith taken paid off in the end.

    And as for the latter meaning?

    Well, I think I ended up summarising what it means for me when I talked about the idol journey above, with just a few context tweaks it becomes more personal to me.

    I know my long-term future is good, because I have the drive and work ethic to deliver what my future needs. There will be hurdles, roadblocks, and stumbles galore, but so long as I can roll with the punches and trust where my feet will land with each step, I am certain I will make it.

    There is not actually much else I want to say about SSS, that bridge covers practically everything else I could say about the song. Through highs, lows, positives, negatives, the dream will always be there.

    Do need a thumbnail though…

    Yeah, best fox friend will work.

    That will cover everything for today, and good timing cause it is almost 10pm here – damn work schedule. Thank you for reading today’s edition of the Redundancy Review. Wherever you are I hope you are able to relax and look forward to the rest of your week. 

  • Redundancy Review: Day 145-146, “The Albert Hall Diaries”

    Redundancy Review: Day 145-146, “The Albert Hall Diaries”

    (for context on what this series is, please see my Day 1 post here: Redundancy Review: Day 1, “A New Beginning” – Rosalia Rambles)

    Good morning thespians and troupers, welcome to Day 145 and 146 of Rosalia Rambles Redundancy Review.

    I have returned from my trip to London and a brief excursion to hang out with my board game friends only to find myself afflicted with a pestilence alongside my period starting…

    …my luck is really something else sometimes.

    But, as is the overarching message of the Redundancy Review, we keep moving, even when the circumstances are against us, and considering how much I enjoyed writing the VeXPo Diaries piece I want to do a similar thing for the Saturday I spent in London going to Metal Gear In Concert at the Royal Albert Hall.

    Waking up

    As mentioned in Day 144, I did not have the best night’s sleep in the hotel bed. A shower was enough to shake off the grogginess before I sat in the bed and passed the time by writing that day’s review whilst watching old TV clips on Youtube. I was under the assumption that my check-out time was at twelve so I had plenty of time to relax and just exist in the pleasingly liminal space of my hotel room.

    Yeah, no, I double checked my booking, revealing that my check-out time was at eleven instead – a fact I discovered at quarter to eleven. This forced me to suddenly drop everything I was doing, focus on rapidly packing and getting myself dressed ready to leave. A ten-minute task all told, my previous experience of needing to run out the door when I was late to classes at uni coming in handy once again.

    Wandering around

    Given I was out of the hotel at eleven and my concert was not until half-two, I had a fair bit of time to kill, and given this was the first time in forever I have been to London without a work engagement, I was presented with the perfect opportunity to just wander around aimlessly using the tourist maps for guidance.

    My first port of call was getting to the Albert Hall itself, a task which only took me around twenty minutes to navigate, letting me grab a picture of the external TV screen showing Metal Gear In Concert being on that night

    I wish I had taken some more photos of the outside of the Albert Hall, as it is a stunningly beautiful building, but alas, my desire to keep wandering took over, leading me down towards the centre of South Kensington where my destination for a big lunch to fill me up for the day revealed itself.

    Honest Burger

    After trying Bleecker, you might have thought I would not be in the mood for another burger, but I am never one to turn down delicious meats, vegetables, and cheese sandwiched between two pillowy buns.

    Honest Burger is a place I have been curious about since seeing it on a Food Tours video, with a focus on simple ingredients to make something delicious. Given my intention that this was going to be my only meal until I got home that evening, I went a little indulgent with a homemade mint lemonade, a small portion of frankly massive onion rings, and the Honest Smash burger with bacon, served with a side of rosemary fries.

    This meal cost a total of £23.49, which broke down into £14.55 for the burger and fries, £3.30 for the small onion rings, and £3.50 for the drink, plus a £2.14 service charge which is listed as optional/discretionary but personally I believe they are a mandatory part of eating out, especially as tipping culture in the UK is not exactly strong. 

    Overall the price lined up with what I have paid for burger meals in London in the £20-25 range, and this was absolutely gorgeous. Again, I have to highlight the fucking enormous onion rings which were crunchy and perfectly seasoned, I could envision myself eating a full plate of those with a variety of dips. 

    The meal as a whole fulfilled its purpose, I did not need to eat the rest of the day minus a few drinks on the way home to keep my energy up.

    Albert Hall time

    Meal finished, I did a brief bit of wandering around and managed to get myself thoroughly lost meaning I had to rely on Google Maps rather than any of the tourist maps to find my bearing again, but I got my way back to the Albert Hall where the cafe bar was open meaning I could get my first (and only) coffee of the day in the form of a £4.60 mocha. Pretty standard for takeaway coffee in the UK, with a pretty standard taste that came along with it.

    Took a while for me to notice but the front desk was actually selling programmes, and as someone who loves little mementos and souvenirs from their nerdy trips I had to get one – especially with this gorgeous front art:

    Additionally I bought myself a t-shirt and a poster with the same art. I want the organisers to see this event as a success because this was an amazing experience I would love to see repeated elsewhere.

    The doors to the auditorium opened, and upon getting my ticket checked I encountered something I have not really seen before: I was offered a ticket to go down to the stalls instead. I had picked the matinee performance rather than the evening performance because I was initially intending to rawdog the entire event in a day before deciding to make it an overnight once I was re-employed, but it was surprising to have that as an option.

    I did not take them up on the offer though, as I was curious to see what my ticket got me.

    I think I made the right decision, I had an end-of-row seat and no one ended up sitting next to me, giving me a lovely bit of private space to immerse myself fully in the music.

    The concert itself

    I did not take any pictures during the show itself, initially I did want to quickly take some stealth photos to get good accompanying pictures for the article, but I found myself enjoying the show so much I did not want to look away for a moment.

    The structure of the show confused me initially, but once it clicked in my mind I was thoroughly impressed. Act I contained music from MGS3: Snake Eater, MGS: Peace Walker, and MGSV: The Phantom Pain – the story of Big Boss, the legendary soldier and clonefather of the protagonist most people know of: Solid Snake, which was the focus of Act II with MGS, MGS2: Sons of Liberty, and MGS4: Guns of the Patriots.

    For someone who has more attachment from the franchise for the Solid Snake games rather than the Big Boss games, I found myself enjoying Act I more than I anticipated, especially as someone who has never properly played Peace Walker. When the orchestra started playing the Main Theme of the game I found myself having this almost proud feeling upon hearing it, the whole “music that makes you patriotic for a country that does not exist” kind of vibe.

    Act II definitely resonated more with me, but because of my attachment to those games than the others I did find myself finding a few criticisms in the setlist… well, nitpicks more than anything else.

    First off, there was no Encounter. The first ever “ALERT” song in the franchise and it was not put into the setlist as part of MGS. It really could have replaced Mantis Hymn which would make for an absolutely exhilarating flow of music to go from Encounter to Hind D, but I recognise that Mantis Hymn is iconic.

    Another nitpick from the MGS setlist is the end theme “The Best Is Yet To Come” did not have a vocalist performing the lyrics, which is especially disappointing considering Donna Burke was one of the guest performers and she sang an English version of the song on the MGSV OST. I know it might have disrupted the flow of the show a little bit because Donna and Stefanie Joosten performed solos at the end of each act but this is such an iconic song due to the lyrics, and missing them out is a shame.

    For all of my other nitpicks though, they were blown out of the water with the conclusion of Act II: Metal Gear Saga, the main theme of MGS4 followed by Stefanie Joosten performing Snake Eater which was then followed up by Donna Burke performing Heavens Divide, a conga line of iconic Metal Gear songs all of which yielded massive cheers from the crowd.

    Speaking of the crowd, one funny audience moment during the MGS2 segment of Act II was someone wolf whistling when the cutscene revealed Raiden for the first time, prompting a wave of laughter to rush over the audience.

    The game footage being in the background was an extremely nice touch to the show, it helped contextualise the music in a greater way and helped the immersion, especially when my nostalgia neurons got triggered from hearing certain songs alongside certain moments.

    Overall, the trip as a whole was well worth it, and a nice time to actually get to explore London on foot without needing to worry about a work meeting or anything else… that said it killed my feet, even with me wearing proper walking shoes. For someone who will extoll the virtues of good public transport links I will seldom use them myself, preferring to walk almost everywhere within towns and cities.

    That covers everything for the Albert Hall diaries, thank you for reading today’s edition of the Redundancy Review. Wherever you are I hope the Monday blues are not hitting you too hard and that you are able to take some time to relax.

  • Redundancy Review: Day 143, “Away from the desk”

    Redundancy Review: Day 143, “Away from the desk”

    (for context on what this series is, please see my Day 1 post here: Redundancy Review: Day 1, “A New Beginning” – Rosalia Rambles)

    Good morning receptionists and secretaries, welcome to Day 143 of Rosalia Rambles Redundancy Review.

    Today’s review is being written from a cozy London hotel room after a pretty intense day of travel, and in finding myself away from my desk I can once more take a moment of reflection on my current situation – or more realistically, do a bit of public rubber ducking for a bit whilst I recline.

    There is definitely a lot I am scared of in the near future. This is a feeling that exists almost perpetually within me, but what makes this current instance different is that my coping strategies have been thrown all out of whack by my initial redundancy.

    Before, I was someone who very much had their moments of catastrophising and overthinking. Once I had got that all out of my system I would return to what I consider my “natural” state: go with the flow, relatively level-headed, and willing to fuck up any challenge that came in my way.

    My old mentor said this mindset was the reason she became interested in, and once described it as one of my greatest strengths before following it up with how she saw my catastrophising nature:

    “I see you throw boulders towards yourself and you never flinch, but then you go ‘oh no a pebble’ and completely collapse.”

    She was always someone I could turn to if I was in a moment of overthinking, a process I lovingly called “unfucking my brain”, and in recalling this bit of analysis she did on me, it has given me some perspective on how I feel about my current situation.

    I have always prided myself on adaptability throughout my career, that even in my moments of panic I could turn those emotions into a positive development experience. Making myself stronger through adversity.

    And I know I can become that person again, but right now I feel unable to balance my desire for professional progression with my borderline need for personal recovery from burnout.

    The problem looming over me, as looms over many others, is of course capitalism, why would it be anything else.

    My financial situation is stronger than a lot of my Gen Z peers. In the event of sudden job loss or my physical health catching up with me, I am not in imminent financial ruin, in fact both my partner and some of my closest friends have said I should pull the plug on my contract at the end of the year in order to take a prolonged break.

    But I feel incapable of that, both for the anxiety that would come with losing my income stream and for the worry around the “implication” of what taking time away for burnout would look like. It is already hard enough to find a job in my desired field, and it feels just as impossible to find opportunities for branching out due to the elimination of junior roles at different organisations.

    The benefits of taking a break though would be unparalleled, as I could work more on writing in a given day, actually working on the books I want to write, I can develop out my VTuber concept further, and I could finally stop feeling the crushing weight on my soul that seems to persist into every work day right now.

    At some point I should try write a positive piece on my current roles, as for all the spiritual issues I am currently experiencing, there are still a good number of positive aspects within my current career – it is mainly the painful lack of a clear future right now that is bringing down my morale.

    For now, I am going to revel in the feeling that being away from my desk brings, along with the fact that I am in London for pleasure rather than business for the first time in forever. Not having to rush to a meeting or a function gave me enough time after getting off the coach to visit a place I had always been meaning to try but never found the opportunity to: Bleecker Burger.

    This one comes as a recommendation from my friend Aaron, who always said I should try hit up Bleecker whenever I was in London. Usually my burger of choice when visiting the capital for work was a Five Guys, which, yes, I recognise is a very low bar in terms of burgers but considering I do not have one nearby I always considered it a “treat”.

    Bleecker is a lot more simple than Five Guys – you get burgers, burgers with bacon, and stacked burgers with bacon. It is similar with the fries, you can get them plain, topped with “house” sauce, “angry” sauce, or both sauces.

    My meal of choice was a standard bacon cheeseburger, house angry fries, and an Oreo milkshake, costing me a total of £21.85, which is actually pretty damn similar to what I paid for a similar meal at Five Guys just over a year ago, £21.65.

    So, given the almost identical meal and cost, how does it compare?

    First off, the burger. Bleecker definitely do things a lot more simply, and in terms of pure burger & bun quality they definitely exceed the Guys, but I did find myself missing some of the additional crunch and moisture that vegetable toppings or even mayonnaise would bring. 

    Next, the milkshake. Incredibly thick, creamy, and delicious, there is not much more to say beyond that. A perfect accompaniment to a somewhat indulgent lunch.

    Last, but most definitely not least, the house angry fries. These are far and away above the quality of Five Guys, you get a very generous portion for the price without the excess that can come from there, but the sauces drizzled over top are what make the difference. The house sauce is incredibly creamy with a little bit of tang whilst the angry sauce has a decent kick without being painfully spicy, adding a delicate tingle to the tongue forming a perfect side dish.

    Do I intend to return to Bleecker? That is a definite maybe. The quality and care is definitely there in the food, but there is still something oddly nostalgic in Five Guys for me. 

    Though there is definitely plenty in London for me to try in terms of burger joints, so maybe next time I have the privilege of coming by this part of the country.

    That covers everything for today, thank you for reading today’s edition of the Redundancy Review. Wherever you are I hope you are able to enjoy your weekend, you deserve all the relaxation time in the world.

    For more information on Bleecker, visit their website here: https://www.bleecker.co.uk/ 

  • Redundancy Review: Day 140-142, “Escapism”

    (for context on what this series is, please see my Day 1 post here: Redundancy Review: Day 1, “A New Beginning” – Rosalia Rambles)

    Good morning fugitives and escapees, welcome to Day 140 to 142 of Rosalia Rambles Redundancy Review.

    Coming back to write after a busy few days. On Tuesday I had no time to write between work slamming me down before going out with my dad for the evening, and Wednesday was trying to spend some social time with friends before once more playing Clair Obscur.

    And now that I finally have a moment to write I find myself mentally preparing for a trip to London tomorrow to go to Metal Gear in Concert on Saturday before returning that evening and hopefully heading out on Sunday to see a group of old friends.

    Hopefully I will be able to write in between all that, but honestly I am mainly looking forward to having some escapism for myself away from my work. 

    Time away from my desk has been the main saving grace of the stress I have been under lately, especially considering writing is still not coming as easily to me as I would like it to. Going out with my dad, immersing myself in a fantasy world, and taking trips away from the place I live have all helped me step back to gain some perspective on my current situation.

    Though, I have always been someone who appreciates good escapism – books, video games, or even just my own thoughts backed with some good music. Having the ability to disappear from the world for any length of time usually helps me out, but with the amount of pain I have been feeling lately, this is definitely harder than before.

    Sometimes I wonder whether I should be using words like pain, hurt, or any other synonym that can describe the emotions that my depression inflicts upon my soul. Part of me feels it would be better to not go into such detail considering this is a website that faces outwards as a representative of myself.

    But then I reflect.

    And know that out there, someone somewhere might need to hear what I have to say.

    As confirmation that they are not alone in this world, and that they can escape into my writings to get away from whatever may be causing them pain.

    It is a bit of wishful thinking, but it is the reason I believe the written word always needs to exist as an artform. 

    “Art should comfort the disturbed and disturb the comfortable”

    I do not know how much of the latter I am able to do, but if I can at least achieve the former through what I write down and achieve some sense of relatedness within people who are reading, then I will consider myself successful.

    Even through my own pain, and as my schedule slips for all manner of different reasons, I will try my best to continue writing. 

    For both my and your escapism.

    Good news is that I at least have some kind of a review topic thanks to going out on Tuesday… if the schedule had held together then I would have actually had a decent week worth of review material, but alas, balancing everything that is required of me is still a difficult task.

    As part of my adventure out with my dad on Tuesday evening, we went to an Indian restaurant called “Mowgli”, a British chain focusing on street food style dishes. Everything above was paid for by my dad, so thanks for that!

    Specifically what was recommended to me by my dad was the Diwali Cauliflower and Yoghurt Chat Bombs in the first picture. The former is a delicately spiced half-head of cauliflower while the latter was a crisp puff bread filled with yoghurt and chickpeas which, true to the name of “bomb”, exploded into flavour once you put it into your mouth.

    The dishes I tried are in the second picture: the Mowgli Chip Butty and the Monkey Wrap. Both on a foundation of roti bread, with the former being stuffed with their signature fenugreek fries and an assortment of chutneys, and the latter being an open roti wrap topped with spinach & mint leaves, tandoori chicken, and the same assorted chutneys.

    The Monkey Wrap was definitely my highlight, especially as after taking one or two bits of chicken off the top it was the perfect amount of filling to pick it up like a giant Indian street food taco and eat it with one hand.

    Plus this definitely scratches the itch more for me than curry does. I am not sure what it is, whether I am yet to find the specific sauce that appeals to my palate but I have never developed a fondness for curry. Indian snacks and tandoori? Cannot get enough, but sauce served with rice or naan? Nope, never got a taste for it.

    That will do it for today, hopefully I will be able to write a bit more tomorrow, but unsure what the rest of the weekend will look like. Thank you for reading today’s edition of the Redundancy Review. Wherever you are I hope you are able to relax and take heart that the weekend is soon upon us.

    For more information on Mowgli, visit their website here: https://www.mowglistreetfood.com/ 

  • Redundancy Review: Day 136-137, “Good Enough”

    (for context on what this series is, please see my Day 1 post here: Redundancy Review: Day 1, “A New Beginning” – Rosalia Rambles)

    Good morning adequates and passables, welcome to Day 136 & 137 of Rosalia Rambles Redundancy Review.

    Totally did not skip a day because I spent almost five hours playing Clair Obscur last night.

    Nope.

    Would not have happened.

    Did not immediately finish work to have a delicious kebab takeaway before getting fully immersed in the game…

    …yeah, no, after the work week I had and the actual work day I had on Friday, my brain was just fully in the mode of turning itself off and focusing on trying to disconnect myself from my current situation.

    Not that it helped this morning, as I woke up at my regular time of seven in the goddamn morning only to immediately start worrying about work on a day where I am supposed to be trying to disconnect from it all. 

    Trying to separate my emotions from my work is hard sometimes, and again, it is one of those qualities that a lot of people find admirable that I find makes it harder for me to live my life without worry. Having my emotions in my work makes me care more about the end result, which leads to me putting in hard work in order to make the clients happy and my colleagues’ lives easier.

    But when things go wrong, I feel the pain, the hurt, and the disappointment it brings all too much. Even in such a small company where there is a blameless culture and the focus is put on improving the process rather than finding someone to scapegoat, I find it hard to separate myself from the fact that something I did as a piece of work did not yield the optimal result.

    Which is where today’s title comes into play: worrying about whether or not I am “good enough” for the role I currently play.

    The short answer is “yes, yes you are”, the slightly longer answer is “Rosa this is just impostor syndrome and redundancy trauma kicking in”, and the long answer unpacks both of these statements.

    I did not actually interview for my current role, at least not formally. Given that it was a collection of former colleagues retained by the investors to continue the company’s work, all that really happened was two short conversations with the CTO and CFO to explain what needs doing as part of the role, with me accepting a couple of days after.

    Ten days, by the way, that is all it took for me to go from those initial conversations to starting work again. No formal interview, just people asking me back because they felt I was the right person for the job.

    My feelings around this process are… weird. I know for a fact this does happen in the industry at large through the referral process, but it makes me feel as if I did not “earn” my position in a way – but I did earn my position. It was earned through all the hard work I put in at the previous company by making myself adaptable, dependable, and pleasant to be around even in high stress situations.

    This then plays into my greater impostor syndrome, as I sit around after a rough day wondering if I am good enough for any position outside of my current one, that I want to step into another career path not just because I feel there is a greater purpose for me outside of the tech industry, but because I am ultimately not suitable for this career path anymore.

    In my worst moments, these thoughts eat at me greatly, but then I think back to playing Clair Obscur last night: running into the walls, either trying to find hidden paths or disguised switches, jumping around seeing if I am able to bypass any zones through sheer determination & Skyrim-horsing, and discovering broken builds on my own steam.

    Quality assurance is not just a career for me, honestly it stopped being that long ago. It is hard-wired into my brain, bringing all the transferable skills along with it.

    An eye for detail.

    A problem-solving mindset.

    Being able to throw myself at a wall as many times as necessary until it breaks.

    Even if I end up speccing out my career into automation testing, once more embracing the programming life I thought I would leave behind forever, I will always be a manual QA at heart – because nothing brings my soul joy more than pushing software to its absolute limit.

    I am good enough. My bad days do not define me. The mistakes and mishaps of my career do not mean I am not good enough. I am the sum of every success and scar across this long journey.

    One thing that did help ease my impostor syndrome a little was an interview for a store manager retail role. It is not a role I feel I want to take, especially because it would mean leaving my current contract and team, but being able to have an interview again for the first time in almost four years genuinely helped me remember that I am someone with a good breadth of skills and a large amount of my favourite thing in the world: stories.

    Stories about times I helped others, when others needed to help me, and every difficult experience that in the moment felt like it was the end of the world, but now look back at it knowing I got through it, almost with a weird fondness given how everything ended up.

    My love for stories persists, even through the hard times – just wish I had more time and energy to write out the ones still inside my head.

    But for now, we always have food reviews.

    Oh yeah, I have missed getting to write this out. It is time for another exciting edition of…

    Rosa Eats Her Way Around Shrewsbury!

    It has been… far too long since I have got to write that. I have done food reviews in recent weeks but I have not actually talked about any of the food offerings in my adopted home for almost a month, and I have got a good one today.

    On Tuesday, my partner & I went to the market to buy some supplies for upcoming dinners in the week… except that I went ahead to the cheese counter, while my partner’s eye was caught by a sandwich bar.

    Upon returning to him, I fully understood why. They were offering “doorstop sandwiches” with any variety and amount of fillings you like for an extremely modest £5 – more expensive than what you get in terms of variety with a supermarket meal deal, but given the quality of the bread and the sheer amount of food, it definitely becomes worth it.

    And I know that because I returned on Friday to Pete’s Sandwich Bar to get my own creation.

    The above is their doorstop sandwich offering filled with chicken strips, coleslaw, pickled jalapenos, and sriracha mayo. The photo does not do the bread justice, this loaf was pillowy soft but still robust enough to hold up to all the moisture contained within my sandwich.

    Speaking of moisture, this is exactly why I chose coleslaw as my main vegetable filling of choice, and gives me an opportunity to talk about my firm belief that coleslaw is the best accompaniment for any sandwich, wrap, or burger.

    When it comes to adding moisture and crunch to any of the food items I listed, there is no better option than a beautiful coleslaw as it provides equal amounts of both, especially when the dressing is homemade and the person making it has the opportunity to add so many different ingredients such as English mustard, lemon juice, and grated garlic…

    …yes this is just me talking about my own recipe for homemade coleslaw now, being able to consistently make good coleslaw has ruined supermarket offerings for me now it just does not hit the same without my additions.

    Anyway, back on track. This was a fantastic sandwich, and getting to support a small, local business over a supermarket or a well-known sandwich chain that I have not actually eaten at for two years is well worth the extremely small premium I pay on top of a meal deal.

    I will end off this food review though with a bit of introspection. I am extremely lucky to be in a position in my life currently where I am able to indulge in lunches that are made by small businesses, and to also be able to go out to cafes & restaurants as well.

    I know this time may not last forever, especially with my current job uncertainty, but I at least want to take some time to acknowledge that I am lucky that I get to write about good food, even as part of my hobby.

    That will cover everything for today, thank you for reading today’s edition of the Redundancy Review. Wherever you are I hope you are able to relax and take the weekend easy, I know what I will be doing: playing more Clair Obscur.

  • Redundancy Review: Day 132, “The One Hundredth Post”

    Redundancy Review: Day 132, “The One Hundredth Post”

    (for context on what this series is, please see my Day 1 post here: Redundancy Review: Day 1, “A New Beginning” – Rosalia Rambles)

    Good morning centurions and centenarians, welcome to Day 132 of Rosalia Rambles Redundancy Review.

    While it may be Day 132, this is the one hundredth Redundancy Review I have written since initially losing my job back in June. I could make a jokey comment about being a month out of sync, but I instead want to focus on taking pride in this milestone.

    One hundred posts.

    Across those one hundred posts is a variety of content and stories, building up a living timeline of what it has been like for a suddenly out-of-work technology professional to navigate an AI-driven job market before a miraculous opportunity to return to some of the people she knew landed in her lap, giving her the chance to keep doing what she does best and still learn some new things along the way – only to discover she might not be as fully invested in the sector as she used to be.

    Writing it all out like that makes me reflect on what the purpose of the Redundancy Review is currently, and how the framing of the story has changed as time has gone on. Initially I was telling the story of navigating a tough jobs market along with my aspirations of being a professional writer, telling a human-focused story about the infrequent ups and disturbingly frequent downs of needing to find a new source of income after a sudden.

    Once I had returned to work, the story focused more on my personal struggles, especially as I came to grips with falling out of love with a career I have been in for half a decade. I retired the call-to-action that was commonplace in my early reviews in favour of focusing on looking inwards about what I want to do going forward, talking about the comfort that my review topics brought to me more than anything else.

    I achieved my main goal for the year of attending VExpo around ninety days into the Redundancy Review, getting myself involved in an in-person event for a longstanding hobby of mine and getting away from everything that had been bringing me down at home, focusing on my own joy at being able to meet fellow nerds and talents.

    But VExpo also represented a strange turning point in my recent months, an event that brought me so much joy and reminded me why I kept going, but one I also feel put me on the path towards this spiral of depression I have been experiencing. 

    I know that sounds like a stretch, so let me explain.

    What started as post-con depression evolved into a desire to work harder to chase the feeling once more, disregarding how I might have been feeling in favour of wanting to push myself beyond my limits in the hopes of finding the stability I had when I worked a full-time, permanent job.

    This rightfully worried my friends, who saw me as someone who was already working themselves incredibly hard, and whilst they did not really host an “intervention” for me, one of my closest friends brought up their analysis on why I might have been pushing myself too hard which ended up hitting really close to home, and temporarily put me straight into taking the time to relax.

    Emphasis on the word “temporarily” in that sentence, as new sources of stress were just on the horizon so soon after I had begun reclaiming my peace of mind, leading me into my most recent spiral where all the worries started piling on top of me once more and my paranoia was well-fed in terms of catastrophising the situation.

    Which brings me to today, where I am looking back on everything I have gone through to get to a hundred posts across four months, thinking about my own purpose in this world and what the purpose of the Redundancy Review is.

    The Redundancy Review is about documenting change and progress. It is my creative outlet to tell my story as I go through the imposing and terrifying life transition I find myself in the middle of. But in writing on a somewhat regular schedule, it helps me keep in mind that this current crisis I find myself in is just that: current.

    Ever since 2021 began I have tried to commit myself to a path of continual self-improvement, in both my professional and personal life. In this period of time I have gone through several life changes, including a gender transition, and I have still made it out the other side.

    I will make it through this.

    The affirmation that carries me through all of these difficult times.

    I will make it through this.

    Time to head into the review segment, and this one also comes from my Saturday trip to Swansea, specifically the meal that I went out to with my partner’s parents. They were the ones to pay for this meal, so thank you very much for that!

    The venue chosen for the meal was a restaurant that goes by the name of “Las Iguanas”, a UK chain of restaurants that specialise in Mexican and South American cuisine. It is a place I have frequented with my own family, but neither my partner or their parents had gone to it themselves, making it the perfect opportunity for them to try something new.

    For me however, I pursued dishes that I knew, partly out of comfort, partly because when I am on someone else’s dime I try not to take the piss when it comes to ordering food.

    In that regard, my starter of choice was simple: loaded nachos. There are very few ways to mess up nachos, but so many ways to make them beautiful and this was a beautiful plate of nachos. Topped with both melted cheese & cheese sauce, pickled jalapenos, and the Mexican holy trinity of guacamole, salsa, and sour cream.

    There was the option for additional, more meaty toppings, but this plate did not need it, though I did make one additional due to a bottle of hot sauce on the table. Specifically it was a Carolina Reaper hot sauce with added black garlic, and in my quest for increasing my own spice tolerance, I added some to both my starter and my main.

    Speaking of my main, I ordered a simple burger, the “Gaucho Smash”, containing two smash patties topped with Monterey Jack cheese, bacon, lettuce, and pickled jalapenos. Did I need to add an extremely hot sauce on top of the burger having jalapenos? Nope. Did I do it anyway? Of course.

    Though it might have finally reached the “hot enough” point, especially as I could feel my lips burning shortly after finishing my burger off, desperately reaching for the last sips of my no-alcohol cider to cool it off. 

    The best part about the evening though? The company. There have been small moments of friction between my partner’s parents and myself, but this was an extraordinarily pleasant evening. 

    There once was a time where I thought I would have been able to leave family behind, and focus solely on my friends, but as time has gone on I have found myself maturing a bit more emotionally, recognising that whilst I still carry a lot of trauma for what happened with my own family growing up; anger takes up a lot more emotional bandwidth than joy, which makes my choice of what I want to experience easy.

    I think that covers everything for today, I am looking forward to providing another one hundred posts in the near future. Thank you for reading today’s edition of the Redundancy Review, wherever you are I hope you are able to relax and not let the Monday blues take you over too much.

    For more information on Las Iguanas, visit their website here: The Best Mexican Restaurant & Cocktail Bar | Las Iguanas | Las Iguanas