Rosalia Rambles

Tag: Review

  • Redundancy Review: Day 110-111, “Shark Attack!”

    (for context on what this series is, please see my Day 1 post here: Redundancy Review: Day 1, “A New Beginning” – Rosalia Rambles)

    Good morning hammerheads and nurses, welcome to Day 110-111 of Rosalia Rambles Redundancy Review.

    After a long relaxing weekend where nearly nothing was able to bother me, I now return to my desk full of one thing…

    …estrogen.

    Yup, the best way to end a fantastic set of days in which I felt the best I have in several months is me entering into the week starting my period once more which brings paranoia and overthinking back into my mind. Yum.

    You would think after almost three years of being in this cycle, there would be some measure of “used to this” with the fact my body decides to destroy itself whilst throwing my emotions into flux for up to a week, but nope – it still hits like a truck each time and brings out the worst of my inner monologues to put me in a funk.

    I carry on though, in spite of everything that could hold me back, to continue writing the part of my story that I currently find myself in the midst of: one girl trying to find her way in a world that is rapidly changing around her, all the while trying to keep herself on a good mental path.

    And sometimes, part of that story is having a brain that decides you need to feel inexplicably worse about everything going on in your life as if there is not a long history of things going your way.

    So, rather than go into any of the thinkpieces or in-depth stories I usually like to tell, I am going to go straight into the review section of today, and in honour of Title Update 3 coming out for Monster Hunter Wilds, it is time to go over one of my favourite musical tracks from the game that got me into the franchise as whole: Monster Hunter Rise.

    Not only is this one of my favourite tracks, it belongs to a monster I think is in contention for being my all-time favourite within the series as a whole – Crimson Glow Valstrax.

    For those who might be unaware, I have a massive fascination with fighter jets due to playing a large amount of Ace Combat, and this interest made me fall in love almost immediately with Valstrax’s design, being a peregrine falcon crossed with a dragon and then because that was somehow nowhere near badass enough, throwing a fucking F-22 Raptor into the mix to form an absolutely gorgeous design.

    And that is just its base design, as the Crimson Glow (shortened to CG for ease) variant in Rise takes the base form of Valstrax, adds in an unstable core of dragon energy to increase its aggression, and make its theme a thousand times more terrifying – especially if you are fighting the Risen variant found within the Sunbreak expansion.

    If it were not for Rey Dau coming into the mix with Wilds, Valstrax would be my definitive favourite monster outside of my meme pick of Dodogama, but that is a debate for another time.

    As additional comparison, I will be comparing CG Valstrax’s theme to the original Valstrax theme from Generations Ultimate, found here. Note: I have not played GU (a cardinal sin, I know), so my impression will be solely based on how I react to the music.

    Right from the start, CG Valstrax’s theme presents an aura of intimidation with a choir coming in to herald the arrival of this magnificent creature before launching into the main body of the song, which honestly makes me feel as if I am being relentlessly pursued by an apex predator.

    This differs from how the original theme makes me feel, as the progression of the song makes original Valstrax feel like a regal creature – one that is still completely capable of destroying you, but one that views your encounter more like a dance, a coordinated exchange of blows with two equally matched combatants. 

    CG Valstrax has no such illusions, they are driven solely by the amount of dragon energy coursing through them, and they want you dead.

    This is best exemplified during what I refer to as “the chase” section of CG Valstrax’s theme, shortly after the chorus concludes. In the GU version, this starts at the timestamp of 1:15, and honestly, I think there is nothing much to say about what plays out here before it returns to the start of the song.

    There are strings, there is choral singing, but this section of the GU theme honestly lets me down compared to how the CG theme plays out at the timestamp of 1:40.

    It is entirely possible I am blinded by bias, but you cannot deny how much more impactful “the chase” section of the song sounds in CG Valstrax’s theme, this version is the whole reason I call it “the chase” because it actively sounds as if you are being chased down and the rapid notes of the choral singing is your hunter panicking as this out of control creature bears down on you.

    Ultimately though, I love both versions, as I love both versions of Valstrax for what they represent for Monster Hunter. Crazy ideas that sound silly on paper, brought to life through detailed ecology.

    Some might disagree and say that Valstrax goes too far along the line of silly, but when you look at the similarly bizarre but beautiful designs of “T-Rex with a flaming sword for a tail” and “wyvern that creates explosive scales out of excreted oils”, I think a peregrine falcon dragon fighter jet is right at home.

    That will do it for today, I need to get back to my day job. Thank you for reading today’s edition of the Redundancy Review. Wherever you are, I hope the Monday blues are not bringing you down too hard and that you can find some time to relax today.

    As a little bonus, OG Valstrax’s theme won the Hunter’s Choice Best Monster Theme award over a year ago now, and in honour of that it got an EDM-style remix which, like the main themes, sounds absolutely fantastic.

  • Redundancy Review: Day 107-109, “Disillusionment”

    (for context on what this series is, please see my Day 1 post here: Redundancy Review: Day 1, “A New Beginning” – Rosalia Rambles)

    Good morning illusionists and conjurers, welcome to Day 107 to 109 of Rosalia Rambles Redundancy Review.

    Been a few days since posting something, and that mainly is because my day job ramped up massively in the two days I had left of the working week. Usually I am able to write the majority of a day’s article during my lunch along with bits here and there as downtime between things loading or processing, but things got so hectic that I had no time during my rest periods, which led into wanting to prioritise rest after work.

    But now it is Saturday, and after a long period of sleeping in this morning, I feel considerably better in the energy department…

    …the mental department is a different story.

    The title of today’s review reflects how I am feeling in recent days, though I was also considering the title “Broken Reverie” to describe my feelings in a more accurate way. Much like previous posts, it is hard for me to fully nail down how I am feeling on a given day leading to me using my almost-daily writing practice as a rubber-ducking exercise on myself.

    Disillusionment sums up a lot of this year for me, in both my career and, given some of the events of last night, my hobbies as well.

    For my career, it is obvious. The collapse of my previous company almost right from under me shattered a lot of how I felt towards my relationship with work, even persisting into my current contract work. I still come in every day, and I am not half-assing what I do to keep my skills sharp… along with the fact I bleed QA even outside of work, finding bugs comes as naturally to me as breathing.

    Though something has changed, a very multifaceted change mind, but I will try break it down as best as possible.

    There is the loss of community. I loved the team I worked with prior to things falling apart, they were genuinely some of the most skilled individuals I had the pleasure of working with each morning, and the fact we could come together each day to make beautiful applications, striving for new advancements with each project, meant a lot to me. 

    There is the change in structure. Whilst my career is advancing within this new-but-similar venture, specifically in that I have ownership over a key part of the pipeline within the business model, the smaller structure is still something to get used to. This is not to say I do not get on with my current colleagues, in fact I like to consider myself fairly easy to work alongside – even with my somewhat neurotic approach to quality.

    And finally, there is the fact that redundancy/being laid off is a massive psychological wound that influences how I see the world of work now, especially during this time of trying to add AI into everything before the bubble bursts.

    Part of why I write the Redundancy Review is because I would not mind finding a career away from the tech industry as a whole. This is not to say I want to leave behind the industry entirely, as I do indeed have the skills to pay the bills when considering my half a decade in quality assurance right now, and there is no denying that manual, human QA will still have its place in the industry even with the prevalence of AI right now.

    But I know I can do things outside of the greater tech space, and as much as it feels like a pipe dream, I want to find something where I am not ultimately just doing it for the money. Something that I believe in, and feel comfortable putting my heart & soul into on a day-to-day basis, to try make my career make a difference to the world.

    For now, I can keep things going under the current status quo, but I know I can make things change in my future – for the better.

    That part of today’s story went a little longer than I anticipated, especially because I have not told the second part about disillusionment with hobbies yet.

    Specifically, Magic: the Gathering had their big MagicCon Atlanta event yesterday, which included a lot of reveals and previews of stuff coming in the next year, including more “Universes Beyond” content than initially stated.

    For context, Universes Beyond is MTGs name for when they introduce crossover content into the game, and for the first few instances of it I was either completely indifferent or actually excited for the product they were bringing out. Warhammer 40K & Fallout Commander decks specifically were two products I actually really liked and still appreciate today.

    But, over time they have been introducing more Universe Beyond content into the release schedule, with this current year having three Standard-legal sets and next year having four Standard-legal sets… and with each reveal, I found myself disconnecting further, my indifference turning into outright exhaustion over the properties being introduced.

    The Hobbit, Marvel Super Heroes (they are not even having the decency to port a full comic arc over as a proper story, just a collection of characters thrown into a set) and Star Trek, along with an unannounced set that is theorised to be the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. 

    This is not including what was announced as part of Secret Lair, Wizards’ limited run set of cards with exclusive art, including crossovers with Iron Maiden, Jaws, The Office, FURBY. All of which has got their selection of fans to be excited, and I am glad for them to be excited by these things.

    But I do not feel good about the direction this game is going now. There are so many products all coming out at once, so many properties being slammed into the game in the hope of making the line go up even further.

    It says something that after all the reveals were said and done, one of the first things out of my mouth was:

    “Well, at least it will be easier to save money next year.”

    I have genuinely started to fall out of love with a game that I have been engaging with regularly for over eight years now, and… whilst that genuinely sucks hard, I am trying to maintain some level of optimism.

    The first set of the year, Lorwyn Eclipsed, looks genuinely beautiful, and given the history of the plane it will likely feature my favourite creature type. I still intend to play the game with my small group as well, but next year I want to try use the reduced focus on MTG to try other things out.

    I want to engage with the Hololive TCG community in the UK, playing in more events and getting more to grips with the game on a serious level. Additionally I am considering making more investments into my food production-related hobbies, increasing my amount of baking equipment along with getting stuffed that will let me explore pickling, preserves, and more.

    Disillusionment can suck, especially when it shakes the very core of what we know is familiar. But it can also open doors, as once you snap out of the reverie, things appear more clearly before you, allowing new opportunities to be visible when they might not have been before. 

    …surprisingly profound statement to end the story today, even more so when I consider I am currently sitting in a dressing gown having done nothing today but vibe, play games, and write.

    I am actually going to post this one wholesale, as I think it deserves to stand on its own, and totally not because I have nothing to review because I am skint slash running out of ideas some days, nope, not at all.

    That said, I do need a thumbnail…

    …yeah, that will do. I guess. 

    Anyway, thank you for reading today’s edition of the Redundancy Review. I am actually extremely proud in how this one turned out, so I hope you enjoyed reading it. Wherever you are I hope you are able to have an easy Saturday and can relax before the spectre of Monday looms once more.

  • Redundancy Review: Day 106, “Axolotl Duty”

    Redundancy Review: Day 106, “Axolotl Duty”

    (for context on what this series is, please see my Day 1 post here: Redundancy Review: Day 1, “A New Beginning” – Rosalia Rambles)

    Good morning gardeners and farmers, welcome to Day 106 of Rosalia Rambles Redundancy Review.

    Possibly going to be a shorter one today, as I was once more on axolotl duty for my parents, which is one of my favourite times if just because it gives me an excuse to both take a bunch of photos of Dottie and post those photos on the blog.

    He was actually very hungry today, which makes a difference from how he has usually been when I have come to feed him. I gave him a couple of cubes which he ate before heading off to continue packing my bag with the stuff I needed to bring home, only to return with him giving a very hard stare out of the tank to say he wanted more food.

    Axolotls supposedly have very bad eyesight, but both Cedric and Dottie make me doubt that statement due to how very clearly they look out of the tank when food is around. Cedric was often calm in staring out, being more like “Can I have some food please?” whereas Dottie very much has a “I did not say to stop feeding me” stare.

    An axolotl’s personality is always surprising to see manifest, and it is one of the things I would love people to know more about axolotls is that they can have surprising amounts of personality. Dottie definitely seems to be more reserved, enjoying his hiding spots of the log and the cave until it is time to be fed where he will then make his presence more known.

    But as usual when it came to visiting my parent’s place to do errands whilst they are away, a local takeaway for lunch was on the agenda, and given how regular I eat at Birches Bridge Fish Bar along with how disappointing the Papa John’s was last time, I decided to go a similar but different route by heading to Codsall Fish Bar instead.

    There is a certain level of spoiled to be had growing up with two fantastic fish & chip shops within walking distance of where I lived, though I have to admit that Birches was always my favourite growing up, and well…

    …my meal from Codsall today kind of proved that.

    In a way I went in mentally ready to compare it to my usual order from Birches, as I ordered a quarterpounder cheese burger with chips, topping that with mayo, lettuce, and onions. For context, my standard order at Birches is a double-stacked cheeseburger with chips, topped with garlic mayo, cabbage, onions, and jalapenos.

    To start, rather than being cooked on a griddle or flattop of some sort, the patty was put into the fryer. Whilst the staff at Codsall did a great job of making sure this was not overcooked; deep-fried burgers always come out tasting vaguely like a hockey puck, and sadly this was no exception.

    That said, the fact this was a floury bap rather than a seeded bun helped to mitigate some of this, and I have to compliment it not being a seeded bun because I have never been a massive fan of them myself. 

    I also need to compliment the chips, because whilst the burger fell below my expectations, the chips smashed them completely. So perfectly soft & fluffy on the inside with the right amount of crunch on the outside along with having the perfect amount of salt on them.

    For this burger meal plus two cans of Fanta (as I was really thirsty after the travel) cost me a very modest sum of £10, being £7.20 for the burger meal and £1.40 each per can. Despite the burger not meeting my, admittedly self-imposed, expectations, it was honestly a nice change from going to Birches and still filled me up extremely well – even struggled as I got to the last few chips in the tray.

    Plus, the fact the staff laughed at my terrible joke after I paid made the experience all the better:

    “Do you need a receipt?”
    “Nah, I don’t think I’ll be able to return this anyway”

    Managed to write a standard length review, which is pretty good going for a small evening of writing as I relax in bed, but that will do it for today. Thank you for reading this edition of the Redundancy Review, wherever you are I hope you are able to take it easy and eat some good food.

  • Redundancy Review: Day 105, “Gaining Clarity”

    (for context on what this series is, please see my Day 1 post here: Redundancy Review: Day 1, “A New Beginning” – Rosalia Rambles)

    Good morning soothsayers and oracles, welcome to Day 105 of Rosalia Rambles Redundancy Review.

    Being real it feels weird to be saying “one hundred and” each time I start off a new review past day 100, I did not think I was going to be keeping up all this time. I guess it goes to show even when the schedule slips and I miss a day or two (or three), the passion & care for my craft still persists.

    That said, there is actually a job search update. You know, that thing I said I would be doing a segment on during each review before it fell to the wayside and I found myself a role so itself became a redundant segment in an article series incited by redundancy?

    There are just moments where a silly thought comes into my head, and writing it out makes it sound even sillier but I absolutely love how it came out. The above is one of them.

    Anyway, back on track. Ended up applying for a manager position at the local CeX, which for the uninformed is a UK chain of technology exchange shops and it is pronounced exactly how you want to say it. For those of you who doubt the pronunciation or want to avoid saying it, the wi-fi networks in a shop are:

    • Protected CEX
    • Unprotected CEX

    I do not think any picture could be clearer than that on how the company wants the name to be pronounced.

    It is very unlikely I will get the position, considering whilst I have a wide raft of management skills along with generally transferable soft skills, I am an outsider applying to a retail environment, something which I genuinely have no experience in.

    In a way I feel it is a rite of passage I have missed almost, in that I never did any sort of retail role before landing in my current field, and my return to the tech industry came before I would have been eligible for temporary Christmas roles around town, so, if this somehow goes somewhere it would be my first shot at retail.

    But again, there are plenty more higher qualified candidates than I, so I doubt it will go many places.

    On the plus side today, my mentor figure got back in touch with me today to both give a compliment on this blog and to reassure me we were still on good terms, hence the title of today’s edition.

    That said… I am extremely exhausted for some reason, so I will do a short review for what I will now likely be calling “VTuber Tuesdays” for the foreseeable future because even though it will be predominantly Hololive, there will be days where the topic is just something VTuber related.

    Today it is the fact I had the Vedal plushie arrive and the packaging it came in absolutely made me laugh.

    Free him. Please.

    In all honesty, this is such a high quality plushie. The shape is absolutely perfect to what I would want a Vedal plush to be, in that I can hold him like a burger and it feels right to do so.

    But not only that:

    He balances perfectly on the Neuro-sama plush I have.

    It could not be more beautiful if I tried.

    Anyway, that is me, I need to sleep. Thank you for reading today’s edition of the Redundancy Review. Wherever you are I hope you are able to get some good sleep yourself, no matter the time of day.

  • Redundancy ‘Review’, Day 104: “Despite Everything

    (for context on what this series is, please see my Day 1 post here: Redundancy Review: Day 1, “A New Beginning” – Rosalia Rambles)

    Good morning humans and monsters, welcome to Day 104 of Rosalia Rambles Redundancy Review.

    For someone who consistently wishes that the Monday blues do not hit people too hard whenever she signs off a Sunday article, god damn do I feel like I have been hit by a truck today.

    All of a sudden last night my impostor syndrome flared up something fierce, not only making me doubt the efficacy of whatever I am doing on this site, or if I am even worthy enough to hold my current position within QA.

    The answer to the latter is simple: yes, yes I am. My brain is just stupid and exhausted from constantly worrying about the situation I am currently in which causes me to ignore my track record as a QA professional and that I would have not sustained a close to five-year career if I did not have some amount of pride or professionalism in my work.

    That, and I am a magnet for bugs no matter what I play… though it seems to happen a lot more randomly in EA games which is very thematically appropriate given my history with the company.

    One way to prove that taking time to rest is helping my brain redshift on what things mean to me is that my body’s response to these feelings is not feeling the need to push myself further, in fact, it is quite the opposite – I feel myself slowing to a crawl, but still trying my best to move forward.

    I think that is all I can really ask for given the year that I have had, that I can keep moving forward and do so with the acknowledgment that I am still here today, even when there was so much that could have brought me down for good, not only in this year, but in so many years prior.

    Considering Undertale’s tenth anniversary was over the weekend, I think the image is pretty thematic.

    Even though I was never really part of the fandom surrounding Undertale and everything that came with it, it is hard to believe such an impactful game is already ten years old. Ten years ago I was in sixth form (name for British education from 16-18 in some schools), possibly some of the worst years of my life due to academic stress, identity worries, and trying to navigate a much lonelier world than I had before.

    When one day, I reconnected with a friend on the bus home from school, talking about some of the stuff I had been up to and what he had been up to, with the conversation eventually turning to Undertale. I mentioned I had heard of it but had not really seen anything about it at all.

    It was given to me as a Steam gift later that evening from that same person… wherever you are right now Sam, whatever you have been getting up to… I hope you are living a fantastic life, and know that I still treasure the memories of our friendship.

    Undertale appeared at one of the lowest points of my life, and even if I only played through it once (neutral route into Pacifist, cause good god I did not have the mental fortitude to do Genocide back then and I certainly do not have the cojones to do it now), the experience still left an impact on me. 

    I still listen to the music, and those immortal words in that screenshot still stick with me today.

    Despite everything, I am still me. I am still keeping on, even if the last ten years have changed me drastically. And that is something that is worthy of celebration.

    Not really a review per se, more just a story that still holds significance in my mind and in a way is topically relevant to recent events. Fuck it, I will put the inverted commas on and post this up, cause I appreciate what I wrote today.

    And I appreciate you for reading today’s edition of the Redundancy Review. Wherever you are, I hope your Monday blues are not hitting too hard and that you are still able to get things done today.

  • Redundancy Review: Day 101-103, “It Feels Weird To Rest”

    (for context on what this series is, please see my Day 1 post here: Redundancy Review: Day 1, “A New Beginning” – Rosalia Rambles)

    Good morning slackers and underachievers, welcome to Days 101 to 103 of Rosalia Rambles Redundancy Review.

    Yeah, I have been resting.

    Crazy.

    A schedule slip that has come from deliberate, intentional, and honestly, needed rest.

    And it has felt weird honestly, to wake up on a weekend to find myself sleeping in on Saturday rather than rushing out the door to do errands or start working on something around the flat. Instead I chilled in bed for almost three hours past when I woke up, letting myself feel relaxed and trying not to worry about things.

    Even when I did head out with my partner when he was going to work, I only went to do minor things, such as having some lunch and buying a small amount of food to do dinner that night.

    Today has been no different… minus getting woken up by another false alarm fire alarm going off, that was not a fun start to today – though once my day had started I found myself taking things incredibly easy still. I hung out with a friend and all we really did was sit on the sofa for near three hours before heading out to a simple lunch combined with some shopping.

    It feels weird, to be willingly relaxing to this degree, for two main reasons:

    1. A good portion of my mind still feels I am not entitled to relax, that I still need to be pushing myself in every moment
    2. Outside of the usual paranoia issues that persist in my brain, I have not felt the resting anxiety that is present in my mind particularly hard

    Organising my time still feels difficult though, as there is a lot I want to do during my downtime but the most rewarding thing right is just doing not a whole lot of anything. 

    I think that might be the key to letting myself heal here, in that I can spend my future time to do various other activities, but right now my weekends need to be lowkey affairs where I do very little, so that when I enter my usual winter hibernation time around Christmas; my time can be used to enjoy what I want to do, and not solely on recovering my energy.

    The one downside to this is that I feel some social time will fall by the wayside because as much as I love all my friends, in-person socialisation can take a lot more of my energy than I often anticipate. Simultaneously though I can find energy by hanging out with people, so it depends on my mood on the day…

    …in short I am a fustercluck of mental contradictions, which makes it hard to figure out where I need to direct myself sometimes.

    That said, there is one constant in my life: good food. Oh yeah, we are back in action, a long-time coming next edition of:

    Rosa Eats Her Way Around Shrewsbury!

    God it has been a while I have got to type that title, and it makes me so happy to write it out again.

    As part of my hangout today, my friend and I went to a venue called Floro Lounge on Shrewsbury High Street. “Lounges” is actually a chain of casual dining venues across the UK, being a bit more upmarket/expensive than somewhere like Wetherspoons but offering more esoteric options in exchange.

    Specifically, I did not want something heavy from Floro today. Usually when I go in I get myself a bacon cheeseburger which I then add an egg on top of to make a sort-of breakfast burger – this normally fills me up for an entire day and was my traditional pre-D&D meal for the longest time.

    So instead of going for a burger, I instead went for a tapas board, where three small plates could be ordered as part of an offer, which netted me:

    • Louisiana Chicken with Chipotle Mayo
    • Korean King Prawns
    • Guacamole with tortilla chips

    The king prawns were the only thing I had ordered before, loving the flavour of the ssamjang-based marinade with a squeeze of the lime bringing a perfect savoury bite with a hit of acid.

    The guacamole was good as well, but at the same time it did not hit the spot I was looking for. It was perfectly creamy and not overly stiff like supermarket guacamole can be like, but I think part of my brain is craving a giant plate of nachos from somewhere right now. No complaints though, was a nice lighter bite compared to what I might have been craving.

    My main highlight though would be the Louisiana Chicken though, two thick chicken breast tenders in a lightly spiced batter served with an incredibly smooth chipotle mayo. It was absolutely fantastic, and I feel I could have devoured an entire board of the chicken with the other dips that were available (Maple BBQ and Sriracha with honey) easily.  

    For the price of £13.50 for the combined offer of the three plates, it makes for a perfectly passable lunch, especially if you are wanting to try new things.

    Anyway, that will cover it for today, I want to get back to relaxing. Thank you for reading today’s edition of the Redundancy Review, wherever you are I hope you are also able to relax and that the Monday blues are not approaching you too hard. I appreciate you being here.

  • Redundancy Review: Day 100, “Stories”

    (for context on what this series is, please see my Day 1 post here: Redundancy Review: Day 1, “A New Beginning” – Rosalia Rambles)

    Good morning playwrights and screenwriters, welcome to… Day 100, of Rosalia Rambles Redundancy Review.

    There have been a lot of milestones on this journey, from marking months past the inciting incident, and to celebrating Day 69 the only way I knew how (immaturity), but Day 100 feels incredibly significant to me.

    It is difficult to consider how much my life has changed in the hundred days since I was first made redundant, and honestly, I have the Redundancy Review to thank for giving me a timeline to work from because otherwise I would not have kept track of how much time had actually passed, as it feels recent and distant simultaneously.

    But for all the hardship, all the good times, and the self-doubt that continues to pervade my system every day… I am still here. The story has not yet ended.

    And I want to dedicate today’s Redundancy Review to that topic: stories. It is a word I consistently use on this blog, with “storyteller” being my preferred title to describe what I want to do in life.

    Even if the current form of my passion for writing came to me later in life, I have always had a fascination with stories. To my best memory (curse you depression and neurodivergence causing me to forget things), I was always a kid who liked immersing myself in stories, either real or made-up. I remember enjoying creative writing assignments more than most, and even if I was not the best at literature analysis; discovering the story within a piece of writing fascinated me.

    Stories are an essential part of human existence – millions are generated every day by people around the world, whether they realise it or not. A lived experience will one day become a story you tell to others, the hardship of today will eventually become something you laugh about in the future, and the missteps you make now form their way into a cautionary tale for the future.

    This is the core of the Redundancy Review, the story of one girl trying to navigate her way through an ever-changing world whilst she grapples with her own life being disrupted drastically. Even if the schedule slips and I end up missing out a couple days of a so-called daily series, it still forms a part of the overall story about what I am going through.

    There will always be more stories to tell, and be they fact or fiction, I aim to be around to tell them.

    In a way that is what the review segment really is as well, a story. I never claim to be and do not want to be seen as a critic, because ultimately whilst I will give my opinions on the topics I talk about, there are far more qualified people than me to give proper critique. 

    I still aim to provide information for people to make up their own minds, but ultimately what I am doing is telling the story of the experience whatever I am talking about gave to me – hence the esoteric range of topics from music, gaming, and whatever I had for lunch on a given day.

    Which, yes, does defeat the purpose of this being called the “Redundancy Review”, but “Jobless Journal” would make less sense considering I am in full-time work currently and “Severance Stories” makes even less sense when you take into account it was the entire company imploding and several other of my colleagues getting caught in the crossfire.

    Anyway, back on track.

    Initially I was struggling to come up with a review topic for today, but a sudden brainwave gave me the perfect topic for today, given that it is a cover of a very popular Vocaloid song that specifically changes the ending lyrics to be a bit more heartwarming than bleak compared to the original.

    The song in question is Rolling Girl, with this cover being by Lollia and RichaadEB specifically.

    Content warning ahead: I will be discussing both the cover and the original which cover very bleak themes of failure, depression, and suicide. Read ahead at your own discretion.

    This song has appeared on a previous Redundancy Review back on Day 28, but did not give it the level of coverage it deserves due to feeling a bit shit at the time. Time to make this right.

    For background information, Rolling Girl was released in 2010 and was composed by famed Vocaloid producer wowaka, who sadly passed away in 2019 from heart failure at the extremely young age of 31. Rest in peace dude, and know your art is still being appreciated a decade and a half later.

    When it comes to the main bits of lyrical analysis, I will be using Lollia’s cover since that is the version I want to focus on, however I will link a version of the original PV here and a link to the Vocaloid wiki with approved English lyrics here for people to get the full picture of what Rolling Girl is as a song, along with using those approved lyrics for comparison.

    There is a certain sense of hesitation I get talking about this song, due to the themes it contains and how I relate to them, so I will try my best to do it justice.

    At its core, Rolling Girl is a song about someone who is failing over & over again, with these repeated instances eating away at them until it becomes far too overwhelming:

    “All the noise

    Slicing layers in her heard

    Has her screaming away

    Has her screaming away”

    This is a feeling I can relate to a lot with the song, when my brain gets full of negativity it feels like a massive cloud of noise that just eats away at me inside, though it often gets to the point where I cannot say anything at all due loud everything is to me.

    Throughout the song there are instances, mostly during the chorus, where the protagonist (Miku/Lollia) is talking to a figure. It is during one of these instances where I want to highlight a difference in the approved English lyrics to Lollia’s lyrics and how her creative input makes the song far more devastating.

    In the original version, the first chorus ends with the lines:

    “‘How about now?’
    ‘Not yet, we still can’t see what’s ahead yet. Hold your breath now.’”

    I interpret this as Miku talking to an embodiment of her depression, though I cannot decide what exactly I think the topic at hand here is:

    • Is her depression asking her if she wants to end her life, and she wants to hold on because she does not yet know what is coming?
    • Is her depression asking her if she wants to carry on, but she is too far in her own mind to see what is ahead so cannot provide an answer?

    I personally lead towards the latter, as I feel the original Rolling Girl works better with its ending to look at the earlier parts in a more hopeful manner to give the finale even more impact, but we will get to that soon enough.

    Lollia’s version leaves very little to interpretation, but I love how brutal and raw these lyrics are:

    “‘Are you better now?’

    ‘No, I don’t know how!’

    What’s the point in living if pain’s never ending?

    Please just let me stop my breath right now.”

    Holy fuck the content warning was definitely needed. The first time I heard these lyrics with this cover I had to pause because they are so insanely hard-hitting for someone who has struggled with depression, but they show the creative power of interpreting Vocaloid songs into another language to give them even more impact. 

    There is very little room for interpretation here, and I absolutely love that.

    Going to skip ahead a bit, not only because I feel myself quivering a bit talking about these topics, but so I can get to the bit I truly want to talk about: the ending.

    This will start with me talking about the approved English lyrics version on the Vocaloid wiki:

    “’How about now?’

    ‘Just a little more, we should see something soon. Hold your breath, now.’

    One more time, one more time

    ‘I’ll roll along again today’

    The girl said, the girl said

    Breathing laughter into the words!

    ‘How about now? OK, you can look. You must be exhausted too, right?’

    Stop breathing, now.”

    When combined with the PV, the most common interpretation of these last lyrics are that Miku has finally decided to end it all, with her embodiment of her depression comforting her in her last moments, commenting that she must be exhausted from failing so often, and finally telling her to stop breathing. A tragic end to a song that has hope spots earlier on.

    But… Lollia’s cover takes a different approach, one that gives an initially tragic song a far more hopeful ending compared to the original, though starting off in a similar way:

    “‘Are you better now?’

    ‘No, I don’t know how!’

    Maybe one day you’ll see how well I’m improving

    Please just let me stop my breath”

    Before erupting into something beautiful:

    “Not now.

    Just once more, just once more

    I will roll again today, I know for sure

    Oh that girl said, what she said

    Playing every word and playing to pretend

    ‘Just once more?’

    ‘No, no more!’

    ‘Take my hand and come with me’

    ‘Tell me your story’

    ‘Please just let me hold your breath for now.’”

    Over four years later, the way this version of the song ends has stuck with me, and how it completely changes the interpretation of the figure the protagonist is talking to. In the original, it is an embodiment of depression, waiting for them to give up but also providing comfort to them in their final moments.

    In Lollia’s version, it very much seems to be a close friend, not wanting the protagonist to suffer any longer, but also refusing to let them go through with suicide. Letting them stop “rolling”/failing, and asking to be told their story, saying that they will hold their breath for now, a line that can be interpreted as this person wanting to keep their friend holding for as long as possible.

    Quick picture for the thumbnail, with the touching tribute to wowaka at the end of Lollia’s video serving nicely.

    And we come back round to how today’s edition started: stories.

    Everyone has a story, through highs and lows, through happiness and sadness, through joy and sorrow. Everyone’s story deserves to be heard, and I want to continue telling mine through the medium I have chosen, for as long as I can be allowed to.

    For anyone reading today’s edition, thank you.

    For anyone who has been a long time reader, thank you.

    For anyone who has only just discovered me, thank you.

    Thank you for being here.

    Thank you for continuing your story.

    And thank you for taking the time to read mine.

  • Redundancy Review: Day 99, “Day-by-Day”

    (for context on what this series is, please see my Day 1 post here: Redundancy Review: Day 1, “A New Beginning” – Rosalia Rambles)

    Good morning Gregorians and Julians, welcome to Day 99 of Rosalia Rambles Redundancy Review.

    No matter what I write today, this post is going out. There is no way in hell I am missing the day 100 milestone tomorrow by making a combined post, so whatever comes out of my head through my hands will be published today even if it is the most random tripe I can think of…

    …that felt oddly good to write.

    Main thing I want to talk about today is how it feels currently to try navigate each day at a time in an effort to treat my burnout. In short: it is tough.

    The reason I am adopting a day-by-day approach is because my energy reserves to navigate each day feel exceptionally low, and most of that reserve is used to trying to stay focused, nourished, and not like I want to put my head into a shredder – which inevitably leaves me with very little strength after work to do things I enjoy or do the things I want to.

    In that regard, plans need to stay flexible. Tonight I feel like I have enough energy to actually cook something, and try something new that I have been wanting to do, but yesterday I had no strength at all whilst desperately craving comfort, so pizza did the job nicely.

    And because I have no idea how I will be feeling tomorrow, I do not feel comfortable making a plan for food tomorrow without knowing how my body is going to hold up… and that is okay.

    If I can make it through each day relatively unscathed, then I will take that as a victory until I can get better.

    There is no shame in taking things day-by-day, especially when things feel tough right now. I am in a position that is sustainable so long as I keep things measured, and I do not need to go beyond my limits unless the situation truly calls for it.

    Plus after having to deal with prescription-related drama over the last two days, actually being able to take it easy some nights has really helped with my stress levels. I love what the NHS represents but goddamn if years of underfunding has not taken away a lot of its shine… come to think of it, it has been a while since I have had a left-wing rant on the review… should fix that soon…

    Anyway, back on track, and running right into the review segment.

    Several hours and one gashed knuckle later (damn knife sharpeners), I was finally able to try what I wanted to review: a low-alcohol cider from Marks & Spencer (M&S)

    For newer readers, I am not someone who can enjoy full alcoholic drinks due to a mixture of tasting the underlying alcohol in most things hard and being a lightweight, so my primary way of enjoying drinks like cider is through low/no alcohol variants.

    This particular variant is the one I have the easiest access to, with the M&S being fairly local to me – only a ten minute walk there and back at most compared to a near forty minute round trip to get to Asda.

    Even for being low alcohol, translating to 0.5% by volume rather than the usual 4-5% that cider normally is, it goes down pretty smoothly. I have an incredibly soft spot for apple cider in particular and this had the perfect blend of sweet & tart flavours for a wind down after the day I have had.

    A short review, but I want to get this out today so I can have Day 100 stand alone tomorrow. Thank you for reading this edition of the Redundancy Review, wherever you are I hope you can find the time to relax and enjoy the comforts of your favourite drink.

  • Redundancy Review: Days 94-98, “A Long Look In The Mirror”

    (for context on what this series is, please see my Day 1 post here: Redundancy Review: Day 1, “A New Beginning” – Rosalia Rambles)

    Good morning glassblowers and potterers, welcome to a catchup post covering days 94 to 98 of Rosalia Rambles Redundancy Review.

    It has been a while, and, I did initially have a post ready to go for Saturday talking about something I was doing over the weekend, which was doing some tidying around my flat, all it needed was a review subject that I was struggling to find so I left it there and instead spent time with some friends catching up & chatting.

    But, partway through the conversation, the subject of how I was doing came up, and words spoken ended up hitting me right to my core triggering what I can only really describe as a mental breakdown.

    Every barrier and bits of bravado I had shattered, resulting in me crying my eyes out, apologising to my friends before just shutting down mentally, struggling to speak and needing to use Discord to say what my mind was trying to say.

    That is one of the reasons I prefer writing as a medium, because I have always found it easier to write out what is on my mind than say it out loud, in both sound & unsound states of mind. My hands can do what my mouth often cannot, which is probably why I find it easy to be somewhat emotionally honest in these pieces.

    “Somewhat” being the operative word in that sentence, as that mental breakdown did give me clarity that I had apparently been sitting on a lot more emotions than I realised, and I have honestly been taking the time since to look in the mirror to try reflect on what I am actually feeling currently.

    In short… I think it is burnout.

    Not just on work.

    Not just on hobbies.

    But on… life as a whole I guess.

    I am someone who tries to push beyond my limits in all instances, and I was suffering greatly for it. It was making my inherent paranoia worse, pushing me to the point of thinking none of my friends actually like me for me, and more like me for what I can do for them, leading me to feeling depressed when I was not able to put on a show.

    Additionally, I have not been processing my initial redundancy in a healthy way. For all intents and purposes, it was a traumatic event for me, something that is likely going to be impacting me for a good long while into the future, but at the same time, I have got to try release the hold it has on my outlook on life.

    The redundancy was not my fault, and I have come out the other side of it with a few scrapes & bruises, but ultimately alive. Whatever work I do each day to build myself up again is enough, even if it is just showing up for a placeholder post.

    It is going to be a long road to recovery from this severe of a burnout, and along the way I feel I might have to completely re-evaluate what direction I am taking to see if changing my path in a way similar to how I did in 2020 might work for me again.

    For now:

    I am enough.

    The work I am doing is enough.

    I want to make peace with my past.

    I want to build a better future for myself.

    Both things should not come at the cost of my mental health.

    I have already done so much.

    And continuing on in a healthy way will continue to do more for me too.

    For anyone reading this, thank you for being along for this journey with me. The schedule has slipped a lot in recent weeks due to conventions and depression, but I still want to be here regardless, writing my story as best I can with the dream of being able to support myself with my writing work.

    It will take a long time, but I have faith in myself.

    …so anyway, Hololive Tuesday?

    In a way it is a happy coincidence I have returned to posting on a Tuesday, especially as yesterday there was a frankly massive lore drop in regards to the two most recent HoloEN groups, Advent and Justice, with a motion comic uploaded to the main Hololive English Youtube channel.

    Advent & Justice fans are eating good right now: the amount of collabs between members (including the hilarious recent chess collab), Advent’s five song project detailing their story, and now a fully voice-acted motion comic explaining the former’s time in the cell combined with how the latter interacted with them.

    It would have been easy enough for Cover to just upload this as a manga, but the fact all the girls put the effort in to provide voice acting for this shows how dedicated to their craft they all are.

    One of the main things I love about this motion comic is that whilst it deals with lore-heavy topics, it never seems too serious, even when resident theatre kid Elizabeth Rose Bloodflame is hamming it up with bombastic speeches about the nature of justice… only to instantly flip into being a complete dork in the next scene, getting flustered by Advent’s antics.

    And speaking of Advent’s antics, god do I continue to love their chaotic found family theming. From sharing a room in The Cell to Shiori deciding to orchestrate a grand escape mainly because Bijou wanted to see the outside world, their dynamic continues to feel natural together – a bunch of misfits trying to navigate their way in the world.

    One thing I hope definitely gets expanded on in later episodes or the lore in general is getting to see Justice use their weapons and abilities a bit more – especially Raora. 

    For those unaware, my favourite member of Justice is actually Raora Panthera, the “Artist with the God Eyes”, and I feel that aspect of her is slightly underutilised in the current story context. It is such an interesting idea for an ability and Raora herself has loredumped on Twitter that she is able to open portals for teleportation which sounds like one hell of an ability, so it would be nice to see that implemented in stories.

    Of course I love that Liz is still shown using Thorn as her main weapon of choice though, there is something so badass about seeing her wield a weapon that is so clearly designed to be two-handed swung around near effortlessly with one hand, though they did actually show her doing a two-handed slash in the comic.

    Plus the end reveal of Liz being the one to be providing Advent with all the comfort and amenities of The Cell is a very cute touch. Just monitoring, innit?

    Need a thumbnail now, and well, if you have been around long enough to know what happens when I talk about Advent on Hololive Tuesday, you know who is coming up, plus…

    SHE SAID THE THING SHE SAID THE SONG NAME AND THEN IT STARTED PLAYING AAAAAAAA!

    *ahem*

    I just really love Advent.

    Deep self-reflection followed by me gushing about VTubers, even with an inconsistent schedule, the Redundancy Review follows its theme of inconsistent themes consistently… that is a very silly sentence but I love how it reads.

    Thank you for reading today’s edition though. Wherever you are I hope you are able to relax and take it easy. If you are struggling yourself with something, do not be like me, reach out to friends and loved ones to find support – it is often closer to home than you think.

    For more information on Advent VS Justice, surprisingly, Hololive have a dedicated webpage for it that you can view here: Advent VS Justice | hololive official website

  • Redundancy Review: Day 92 & 93, “Still Processing The Con”

    (for context on what this series is, please see my Day 1 post here: Redundancy Review: Day 1, “A New Beginning” – Rosalia Rambles)

    Good morning scribes and ghostwriters, welcome to a double feature for Day 92 & 93 of Rosalia Rambles Redundancy Review.

    Feels weird to say but even after returning to normality today by getting back to work, my mind is still dwelling on VExpo and everything I got up to during that time. I find it funny, that even though there was a lot of organisational scuff and my energy did not sustain me as long as I wanted it to; I would still do it all again this weekend.

    In a way I am trying to ride the high while attempting to convert post-con depression into post-con motivation. I returned to playing Beat Saber yesterday as a form of exercise and, whilst I am most certainly out of practice, half an hour let me work up a good sweat which should hopefully build into doing more exercise like that in future weeks.

    I also find myself being a little bit more aware of my diet, committing to smaller scale lunches than what I would normally eat in the hopes of slowly but surely slimming down my waistline. Whilst I still feel I will not be able to fit into the majority of off-the-shelf cosplays, there will still be some benefit in feeling better in my body wearing whatever custom creations I end up getting, along with fitting into my current wardrobe better.

    The main two things I need to keep in mind are:

    1. Progress is slow
    2. Progress is not linear

    Or, to borrow a very impactful quote from Bojack Horseman (great series, do not think I can ever rewatch the whole thing):

    “It gets easier. Every day it gets a little easier. But you gotta do it every day, that’s the hard part. But it does get easier.”

    So long as I can try commit to doing some small amount of exercise each day, I can push myself to being in a better position a few months from now, which should hopefully put me in the best position possible by the time the next VExpo comes around.

    Do not think there is much to say beyond what I have said, my mind feels oddly foggy over the last two days and whilst I keep myself moving, I find it hard to write about the last couple of days emotionally – so I am going to jump into the review segment and do a… sort of song review, it is hard to sum up what exactly this classes as.

    When I did my initial Helldivers 2 review, I focused primarily on the gameplay loop rather than any of the narrative theming as I wanted to explain the core game succinctly.

    Reviewing the Super Earth National Anthem is my way of making up for not talking about the narrative, because the satire of militaristic fascism and how consistent Arrowhead are with making bombastic propaganda is one of the main draws of the game in my opinion.

    And “bombastic propaganda” is exactly how I would describe the National Anthem, right from the start it launches into justifying Super Earth’s campaign of liberation:

    “Freedom must reign over every last star.
    Through citizen’s blood spilled in our righteous wars.
    Honor their deaths, do your part for the cause.”

    It is a hilarious juxtaposition within the world, as it acknowledges that the “freedom” that Super Earth brings comes with an inordinate amount of civilian casualties, to the point that accidental civilian deaths in game only account to small fines to the basic currency acquired for completing objectives. 

    There have been several points in game where a minefield I have placed down has absolutely destroyed a group of civilians and all I get is some requisitions docked and a small reprimand from my Democracy Officer… yes, Democracy Officer, again, this game oozes political satire from every orifice.

    And it ramps up even further within the next verses after these ones, but I want to in particular highlight:

    “No questions or doubts shall be allowed
    Traitors will all be disavowed”

    Not even just doubts, merely questioning Super Earth is enough to make you a traitor. 

    Kill a bunch of civilians with a napalm barrage? Slap on the wrist.

    Ask why Super Earth’s elite have access to napalm barrages? Face the wall.

    I could honestly go through each verse of the anthem and explain the brilliance behind the satire, but I think I can sum up the entire song briefly: it works.

    As a piece of propaganda, the Super Earth National Anthem works because, despite the horror of the lyrics, it makes me feel patriotic to Super Earth and makes me want to dive on the fascist bugs, the socialist bots, and the xenophobic squids…

    …I initially did have a screengrab from the video itself prepared as the thumbnail, as I usually do, but I had a brainwave as I was writing that previous paragraph and, as the song says, anything less will not suffice.

    I am most certainly not immune to propaganda, but so long as it is only fictional nations that I am falling under the sway of, I think I should be fine.

    That will do it all for today, thank you for reading this, as usual, emotionally confusing edition of the Redundancy Review. Wherever you are I hope you can find some time to relax, the weekend is not that far away so I know you can make it.